Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Trance-Faith
Rating: M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".
Author's Note 1: In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.
Author's Note 2: Thank you – I dedicate this whole story to: y0ungalaska, janice2010, funkyshaz57, neolithicdream, Shamelmuts, hollywoods_back, majincammy, Rashelle, xenaville, Gabs2010, CalzonaLovin, Chrispy22, shortiepurk and mrsdalloway7189 - your support and kind words have kept me writing!
Author's Note 3: I wonder if any of you have re-read "It's enough now" in light of this story?
Author's Note 4: I am posting this chapter in at least two parts. Not sure when part 2 will be posted as we have house guests, and we are waiting for the UK (where I live) to be hit by Hurricane Katia.
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Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
"I would never pull the trigger, but I've cried wolf a thousand times" - It's all your fault by P!nk.
Callie's POV
She had managed to half walk and crawl over to the couch that had become her bed over the last fortnight, and had lain for at least half an hour. Her brain had caused her thoughts to tenfold, repeating flashes of information and things she'd seen over the last two days, just trying to make sense of it all. She couldn't blame Arizona for sleeping with Joanne, and yet that was all she could do, and white hot anger and disappointment burned its way through her veins. She knew they weren't together; that Arizona was a free agent, and yet she still wanted to use her bone breaking hands and break something of Joanne's that was vital. Callie knew that even considering the notion that Josh was Arizona's was ludicrous, however her brain had yet to supply an alternative solution.
It was about half ten before Callie had made her way out of Mark's, glancing over at what she assumed by now would be her old empty apartment, before she powered herself to work. She was only two hours early by the time she got there, though no one questioned her earliness due to the busyness of the hospital. It seemed that a boy of seventeen had lost his temper at failing his SAT, and had tried to "convince" his teachers to pass him, as if they had anything to do with it. In his rage several children and three teachers had been shot, and a few more of the children had been hurt trying to flee. When the pit was full they had had to send the remaining few up to the PEDs ward, which one of the young men was not happy about, as he kept shouting that he was sixteen and didn't want to be treated with babies.
It was a surprise to Callie that Arizona hadn't been paged. It wasn't that she was needed, and certainly not now that Stark was head of department, it just surprised her. The Latina had been rushed off her feet from the moment she had walked through the door, she felt horrible for thinking it, but it was a welcome distraction. She had already fixed several dislocated bones, and informed a few more that more exploration maybe needed, once the swelling went down. Thankfully no one it seemed had been badly injured, except for the original target, the teacher James Miller, who had come out of surgery about thirty minutes before Callie's first glimpse of Arizona.
When she saw the blonde woman and the little boy walking hand in hand, she'd been signing off a chart of a thirteen year old boy who had managed to break his fingers, trying to get his cell phone out of his locker before leaving the school. It had been a simple splint and bind, and once again Callie felt dreadful for wishing worse injuries on the boy, just so she could operate. Josh was once again clutching his small fingers could Danny's neck, though had seemingly levitated onto Arizona's knee when she'd sat down. Arizona's foot was going mile a minute as she tapped it on the floor beneath her feet in a way that told Callie even at this distance she was bored. Despite Arizona's movements and apparent boredom, Josh's eyes were wide and taking in his surroundings, every so often his point saying something, which Arizona gave a response to. After several minutes of Callie's unabashed staring, the blonde must have felt eyes on her, because she lifted her head and looked straight at her.
That spark, their spark seemed to shoot invisible through the air hitting Callie square in the chest. The Latina felt the wind being knocked out of her, and felt giddy. Despite the last three months, these last three weeks even, the beautiful blonde still had this effect on her. She still had the power to knock the logic out of the raven, make her heart skip and her soul sing, with only a look. Noticing he did not have Arizona full attention, Josh hit the blonde in the face with the plush giraffe. In her shock she glared down at the small boy, who did look momentarily guilty before squealing and pointing. Before Callie had chance to laugh at the disgruntled look on the blonde's face as she was hit, she saw what the little boy had squealed about, which was making Arizona stand. Joanne and Nikki were walking towards the Robbins duo, regardless of anything else; she couldn't look, so sprinted in the opposite direction. She couldn't stop the onslaught of the same images flashing across her mind. What saddened her most however was the easy relationship Arizona seemed to have with that little boy. The Latina knew Josh wasn't hers, deep down she knew, but even then, she had this instant connection with him. They had broken up for several months a year ago, without hope of reuniting, because Arizona didn't want kids, and yet here she had one very much in her life. A child of her ex-girlfriend, and Arizona was amazing with him, just like Callie knew she would be. Arizona would make the best mom in the world, and Callie couldn't then, and still couldn't now, see why the blonde had ever doubted her ability in being a parent.
As bad as it made her feel, she wished she could see that the blonde was as broken without her, as she was without the blonde. Even just a glinting eye, as she tried to stop herself from crying, or a lingering look, something to tell Callie, that she was missed. It took every part of Callie's willpower sometimes not to just launch herself at the smaller woman and wrap herself around her, never let her go again. However apart from the hiccup that was the locker room the day before, Callie hadn't seen the blonde display any negative emotion or need to have the raven back. No heartache at what they'd lost or what they could have. Despite everything, seeing Arizona hold Josh, had made her heart soar, as she imagined her hold their child. That dream, their dream, of being a family, and their happily ever after had never looked further away.
Arizona's POV
The time with Josh in the park had been just what she needed. The nippy cold January air had danced across their faces, making both of them red nosed and rosy cheeked, but she'd loved it. She had taken the crusts plus a few extra slices of bread from her loaf to feed the ducks. The little boy's face had lit up at the prospect of feeding the ducks, though it seemed he was more interested in eating the bread than allowing the ducks to have it. Though his face had shone and smile had dazzled, flashing his little dimples as the boy giggled at the ducks. Josh's laugh was like music to her ears, as she had pushed him higher and higher on the swing, and couldn't help but chuckle with him as he got more and more excited. The ice cream was a nice way to wind down, both Robbins and had lain by the side of the river with their little pots of ice cream. As promised Josh had gotten lots of chocolate sauce and sprinkles, which his face seemed to like more then his mouth, while Arizona had gotten a few scoops of coffee ice cream. Before going to the hospital to meet Nikki and Joanne, Arizona had been finally persuaded by the small boy to go into the toy store they'd walked passed on the way to the park, under the condition they were to look, not buy.
Josh skipped along beside her, his tiny hand grasped in her own, unaware of Arizona's inner turmoil. As her legs carried them blindly forward to where she knew held Callie, and she couldn't keep running. Looking down at her watch she saw it was one in the afternoon, signalling they were late. Pulling the little boy along with her, both blondes walked into the waiting room, to see that the two women weren't waiting for them. Sitting down on a chair that enabled her to see the doors in which the duo would emerge, but could also keep an eye out for the Latina, just in case she was in the pit. The curious little boy climbed upon her knee, still clinging on to his toy's neck, looking around the small waiting room. Every so often he'd ask questions, some of the questions put to Arizona were "Why do some doctors wear blue clothes, and some wear different ones?" and "Do poorly people come here?" The blonde tried to remain pleasant in her responses and gives ones the little boy would understand. Her leg wouldn't stop bouncing; she was getting aggregated because the two sisters were late.
The fine hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as shiver ran the length of her spine. She knew the sensation. Looking around all she saw were the small number of people, which if she thought about it, were more than the usual amount. When the small crowd parted, she saw her. Callie. Her breath hitched in her chest, and her heart skipped a beat in the cheesiest of fashions. The Latina was breath taking, her raven black hair resting just above her shoulders, while her chocolate eyes glittered in her direction. Arizona knew she was fighting Callie's natural gravitational pull, that trying to draw the smaller woman in. She also knew it was a fruitless battle. There was no fighting when all she wanted to do, was walk straight into her arms, apologise for all her mistakes, and kiss away the memories of these last months. She was ready, as soon as Nikki and Joanne came to get Josh, they would talk.
She was pulled out of her staring completion with Callie, when something collided with her face. When she regained her senses she realised the something was Josh's giraffe toy. She looked down, ready to tell the little boy off when he shouted out, calling for his mommy. Turning she saw Josh's mother and aunt coming towards them, looking considerable worse then herself, it seemed the fresh air had cleared her head. The youngest Robbins wrapped his arms around his mother's shoulders, and got lifted off Arizona's knee. "Was he good?" raven haired woman asked. With a swift nod she replied, "He was brilliant. He hasn't had any lunch, but ate most of the duck's bread and an ice cream. Not together". Arizona pulled a disgusted face, which Josh mirrored with a "gross!" All three women laughed. The blonde fished her key out of her pocket, "Here. Just so you can go and leave as you wish". She placed the small key in the younger woman's hand, "I'm only on till six today".
Both women turned to leave, so Arizona gave Josh a little wave, an in return he waved back a little too vigorously, nearly hitting his mother on the head. The bit back the chuckle, then remembered what she had been doing before the two sisters had interrupted her. Callie was no longer there. The PEDs surgeon's heart sunk, as she felt the floor vanish from beneath her. She had to talk to her. Arizona had no idea what she was going to say. What do you say to someone who you'd left in an airport with no job or home, only to return months later and save their life when they had so clearly not wanted to live? What do you say to someone who after you saved their life, told you they'd slept with their best friend? What do you say to someone after you've been avoiding them for so long? She had to stop thinking of what she was going to say, and just say it. Not communicating was their curse. Today however, Arizona was going to bite the bullet, and break that silence.