Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Trance-Faith
Rating: M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".
Author's Note 1: In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.
Author's Note 2: So the song lyrics … anyone been noticing what I've been doing?
Author's Note 3: I'm SORRY! I know this posting in bits is annoying some people, and believe me if I could do more in the small amount of time I could, I would. Please stick with this story!
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Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
"I would never pull the trigger, but I've cried wolf a thousand times" - It's all your fault by P!nk.
Arizona's POV
Chaos. Panic. Hell. The tiny human were going to be the death of her, she was sure of that. Interns and nurses were flying passed her in every direction, patients were wanting things, crying for parents, and wanting to know what was going on. There was only so much that the adults on the child's ward could do. Only a select number of the patients had their parents with them, which only made it slightly easier, because while they could calm their own child down, Arizona still had deal with frantic mothers and fathers. The staff were running left, right and centre just trying to keep up. Despite the clear communication avoidance on Callie's part, they kept ending up in the same patients' rooms and it genuinely was an accident. Much to her relieve Callie remain professional, until they were out of the room and off she would go.
Arizona was getting beyond annoyed and frustrated at the Latina, and slowly getting stressed and starting to freak out about the lock down. They hadn't heard anything yet, and she didn't like it. Silence, in this type of situation was not good. Everyone was depending on her to be in charge and responsible, and the one person who she could usual lean on for support was being a total and utter ass! One of the original Mercy Westers came rushing out of a patient's room rushing through a list of what patients needed medicating and what the tiny humans wanted, before he sat with his head in hands. This was getting way too much. Pretty much sure she was minutes away from a panic attack, decided to vent her frustrations at the situation, like under staffing, over crowding and that they hadn't heard anything!
Callie seamlessly appeared out of nowhere, looking like she was talking to thin air as she was unable to look Arizona in the eye, "Why don't you just put all the kids in the playroom? I mean, we don't have enough staff for a whole floor, so at least they'll all be in one place, one big room. We can keep an eye on all the kids at once." That wasn't a bad idea. In fact it was an excellent idea. The Mercy Wester spoke first, "You can't put a bunch of sick kids in a playroom with their beds and everything." Arizona couldn't help the glare she shot at the young man, as if he dared belittle a perfectly good suggestion made by Callie. "Sure we can. Stable ones can walk and we have wheelchairs. Those like Sam Wright are near enough to the playroom that we can keep an eye on them, and not move them. So let's do it. Move." Bless the new-ish guy, who literally ran off to do as he was told. Turning to Callie flashing her a big smile, dimples and all she said, "Thanks, it was a great idea". Taking hold of the charts she was holding more efficiently, she shrugged her shoulders before once again stalking off with a "whatever" under her breath. The file Arizona had been holding went crashing into the pots of pen on the station table, as she let out a noise, that could only be described as pure frustration, mixed with a large amount of pissed off.
Collecting patients from their rooms wasn't an easy experience, some wanted answers she couldn't give them about what was going on, one child didn't want to leave his room because he'd miss his TV show, while a little girl of four was worried if she moved her mummy wouldn't know where she was and get scared. While trying to console the little girl she continued pushing her to the playroom in a wheelchair, someone came out of nowhere in front of them. "Watch it", both the adults said the stress of the day clearly evident in both tones. Looking up she saw it was Callie at the same time it seemed the Latina realised it was the blonde she nearly crashed into, before rushing Christopher further ahead of the kid she was pushing. "What?" Arizona asked a little more shrilling that she'd intended. Callie purposefully ignored the woman talking to her, and sped up. "What you can't even talk to me now, is that it?" Arizona accused. She was seriously getting fed up of these childish games. She needed Callie to start acting like the grown up she was and actually help this crazy situation. The dark haired surgeon glanced over her shoulder quickly, though slow enough to glare at the blonde, and let out a drawn out tut, before returning clearly to pretending that Arizona was brick wall. If she herself wasn't trying to be a grown up, and wasn't in fear of hurting the little girl she was pushing she could have quite happily rammed the wheelchair into the back of Callie's legs. Taking a deep breath, she settled for simply glaring at the back of her head instead.
Once the children that could be moved, were moved, Arizona went to make notes on which child was where and what room they had been in. Standing at the nurses station, she glanced across at the hall and realised in all the panic she hadn't been back to see Sam. Callie at this point had decided she was going to be the nice doctor and play with the kids, the only reason she knew this was the fact she could ever so often hear Callie's familiar laugh. Striding down the hall, she took a deep breath and adopted what she hoped was a good enough smile and entered Samantha's room. She couldn't lie to herself, but hoped she could lie well enough to the young girl. She didn't look good. She wished Teddy could have come up as soon as she'd paged. Sure it would have been risky, but Teddy would have the experience and the guts to do whatever was needed, if it was needed. Arizona didn't. "Hey", the blonde offered the injured girl. A weak smile was given back. "How you feeling?" Arizona asked fruitlessly, because at the moment it didn't matter how she felt, because there was very little they could do. "Not too bad. Just tired and bit cold", the girl croaked slightly, slightly pulling up the blanket on the bed as if she'd reminded herself that she was in fact cold. Arizona hoped the internal sigh and slightly gulp hasn't shown on her face. Being cold wasn't good. She really hoped whatever was going on would be over quick, this kid needed help, and she needed it quick.
"So no pain then?" she said with a smile. Sam shook her head in response. Arizona wished she knew what the lack of pain was a result of, but hoped it was the painkillers she'd been given earlier. "Have you heard anything about Rob?" Sam asked, her voice cracking even further. God it felt like this girl was breaking before her very eyes. "No, as he hasn't been admitted. Which I'm sure is a good thing. Means he wasn't hurt", Arizona reasoned, receiving a smile. She dreaded to think of the other possibility, which was he hadn't been admitted but had gone straight to the morgue. "I promise the second I hear anything, I'll let you know. Okay?" the blonde offered and got small weak nod back.
As she back out of the room, once again she collided into someone. Turning around she saw yet again it was Callie. It seemed someone up there, if you believed in such things, really did want them to talk. The Ortho surgeon looked momentarily relieved when she saw who she'd bumped into, before the stony mask returned. "I'm worried about Sam. She's getting weaker by the minute. I could do some of the procedure, but its not like I could just crack her chest open in her room, even if we had the equipment to do it!" Arizona whispered in a rush, running a shaky hand through her hair. To her relief she saw Callie's jaw slacken, and eyes softened, "She just needs to hang on a little longer. Lockdown has to stop soon, right". Arizona felt her heart tighten, at Callie's comforting words. They weren't much but, they were something. Taking a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves, the blonde gave a small smile before thanking the Latina. Callie in returned seemed to have realised she'd let her mask slip, and made to stalk off once again. The blonde grabbed Callie's left arm, and pulled her bodily into the on-call room a little further down the hall.
Callie's POV
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Callie half hissed at the blonde as the momentum of being caught off guard, carried her further into the room. What am I doing? What the hell are you doing?" Arizona shot back hardly the greatest come back of all time, but Callie could see she was angry. "What the hell happened?" she exclaimed. Callie managed to shoot a confused but contemptuous look in her direction accompanied by a vague hand gesture, as she sat on the bed, giving up hope the smaller woman was going to let her out anytime soon. The blonde was literally body blocking the door. "You!" Arizona pointed straight at her. "You were ready. This morning you ready to talk to me, and then you pulled some crap about an article, and then this. What the hell!" Arizona finished considerably higher and louder than when she'd begun. Callie felt a rush of panic flood her, she'd thought she'd been believable about the article, it seemed she hadn't been, but she wasn't about to admit. "What are you talking about? I got my article…" she shouted back, glad that the children from the surrounding rooms had been moved down the hall. "No. No you didn't, or have you got a young patient on pentobarbital with congenital heart disease that's recently had open-heart surgery?" the blonde asked with a glare as if daring Callie to follow through with the lie. Callie hadn't even looked at the article she'd grabbed; neither had she looked at it afterwards, to even know if Arizona was telling the truth. The look of panic and guilt must have shown on her face because Arizona's next words were, "If you going to lie, next time make sure you take your own article, and if you can't, don't leave half of it behind". Crap. That's how she knew.
She wasn't going to be out won. Glaring back at the blonde who was now leaning on the door what held her only escape she said, "Come on then. You want to talk, talk". Rather than speaking, Arizona's head tilted to the side, almost like a curious puppy. Callie let out a harsh humourless laugh, "Yeah thought as much. Three weeks, Arizona. THREE weeks, I've been ready to talk to you…and what…now it's clear I'm fed up waiting, you want to talk to me?" The blonde's tongue slipped out, and ran the length of her bottom lip in concentration, though it only served as fuel on the Latina anger. "I lay in that damn hospital bed, day after day, waiting. Waiting for you to come back! You said you weren't going anywhere, and yet it took over a week for me to even get a glimpse of you", Callie spat before letting out another faux laugh. "Even then it was as you ran away… into MY old apartment!" the furry practical dripped off every syllable. The blonde shuffled slightly, immediately looking awkward. "Yeah, that's how long I've known. I was just giving you time. God I'm so stupid for thinking you'd come and talk to me", Callie finished on a whisper.
Arizona made to say something, but Callie was on a roll and she wasn't going to be interrupted, "Three weeks. Two of which you were across the hall from me. You didn't even come over and see if I was okay, you just sent over your little spy". Callie felt sick to her stomach. She'd promised herself that morning, despite what was going to happen, what was going to be said, she wouldn't get this emotional, and yet here she was, inches away from a total emotional breakdown. "Did you just not care? I mean you flew eighteen hours, to tell me you love me and never want to be apart from me. You hear I slept with Mark, and you want nothing to do with me! Really? Was I not worth the time it would take to ask how I was? To have a conversation?" Callie said, as she felt her throat tightening. She knew the answer to that. No, she wasn't.
Arizona pushed herself forward from the floor, coming to stand in the middle of the room, "What actually did you want to talk about Callie? What did you want me to talk about first? How you had NO regard for my feelings and how I felt that I'd won the Carter Madison Grant…Or perhaps the pain I had to go through, as I tried to figure out how this was going to work. Or how excited and happy I was, when YOU, not me, suggested you come to Africa with me, that I could actually help these kids, and have my girlfriend there too!", Arizona was getting more and more frantic and louder by the second. The more she shouted, the closer she got to the Latina. "Or perhaps how you never said you were proud of me, not once, you just moaned and bitched about the move. I knew, of course I knew you weren't happy about going, but you'd suggested it. So god forbid my foolishness for thinking one day you'd like it. Or perhaps you want to talk about how you complained you hadn't had a good enough send off, when we both know everyone who could, even those on call gave us a fanatic send off the night before! Or perhaps we should talk about the thirty second if that window you gave me to make a decision, and yes considering the fact I'm standing here in front of you, I know I made the wrong one!", the blond took a breath. Arizona was standing about a foot away from her now, considerably redder than before, gleaming slightly with sweat and a crazed look in her eye. She was annoyed, thankful that the blonde was talking to her, well shouting at her, but she wasn't going to be blamed for everything. Opening her mouth to speak to defend herself, but was cut off by the furious PEDs surgeon.
"OR maybe we should talk about after weeks of fighting with myself, I make the decision. I came home, and to what!" for the first time her rant, Arizona's voice shook slightly. "Do you have any idea, any at all what that felt like?" the blonde offered with look of mixed anger and sadness. It was then Callie realised, the blonde was fighting back tears. The Latina felt the lump form in her throat and her attempts to swallow it away were useless. "And then there's Mark. So Callie tell me, what did you want me to talk about first?" the other woman finished, with considerably less gusto but no less passion than when she'd started.