Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Trance-Faith
Rating: M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".
Author's Note 1: In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.
Author's Note 2: I know I am mean for leaving you on a cliff-hanger, and while no one guessed exactly what the DVD was, a lot guessed (and correctly) to a degree what it was so well done. *Though awesome shout out to calzonatopia, who suggested it was a sex tape haha*
Author's Note 3: I am also sorry for misleading you all with Nikki and Joanne, a lot of you like Callie assumed that Nikki was Joanne, and that was my intention because I was playing on Callie's insecurities! Though if you look over the past chapters with the knowledge you now have, you'd see I didn't mislead you much.
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Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
I hold my breath, because you were perfect, I'm running out of air it's not fair - It's all your fault by P!nk.
Callie's POV
"Daddy!" screamed by Josh or the bone crushing hold Arizona had her hand in, was not needed to tell Callie that the man standing looking out of the television was Timothy Robbins. He was simply the male version of his sister, maybe his short hair was a shade darker, maybe, but his eyes were same dazzling blue, and his mouth was framed by the same dimples. The only difference apart from his hair length to the woman who was attempting to break her hand and who certainly wasn't "remaining calm" as Bailey had suggest was his eye and mouth shape. Then it hit her, like Arizona had said earlier at the hospital, Josh was the perfect replica of his father.
Tim stepped back from the camera and Callie could see the young man was wearing a white shirt, black tie and black suit trousers. He also had a guitar strap across his chest, and she could see the guitar's neck sticking out from the man's hip. "Is it working?" the blonde man said, and the brunette felt her hand being crushed even harder. "The lights on, so I guess so" sounded the reply of a man Callie didn't recognise the voice of. The answer to the unknown man's identity was soon answered by Josh shouting "Airzona, its Uncle David". Callie saw out of the corner of her eye as Nikki scooped the little boy into her, holding him tight, while Joanne took a seat on the floor next to where the mother, son duo were sat.
"She's going to kill me" the Robbins brother laughed, and it could be heard that David too laughed at whatever they were about to do. The Latina felt her hand being released, and took advance of her free arm and wrapped it around the small blonde who was already leaning against her. The second her arm came to rest over the top of Arizona, both of the blonde's hands gripped at it, as if holding her in place, scared she'd move. Callie could feel her arm being crushed into the PEDs surgeon's chest, and was thankful her arm was on track for its recovery.
Bending down out of sight just few a second, Timothy reappeared holding a white box in one hand, which looked like the type of box you'd get in a deli to hold cakes. "Ready" David's voice said, and received a nod from the blonde man. The wooden door which was just behind Tim was opened and an older blonde woman came out, and grinned at the two boys and their camcorder. "I'm about to put the Turkey on", the blonde woman said, receiving a groan from Tim. "But mom I'm about to give Arizona her present. Should take five minutes tops", the blonde said, and Callie for a moment was shocked to see that it was in fact, Barbara. The brunette had only seen the older woman once on a video chat on their second thanksgiving together, and she certainly didn't look like this. She guessed the impact of losing her son had changed her considerable. "Oh alright then!" Barbara said sounding amused, and she went back in through the door, but held it open for the two men to follow her through.
The first thing that Callie's eyes fell upon was a slightly younger looking Arizona. Her hair was much shorter than it was these days, in fact the video Arizona's hair may have been even shorter than when they'd met. However she was very much blonde, the same dazzling blonde colour from when they'd first started dating. She looked simply beautiful. The blonde was also wearing blue, which was always a plus in the ortho surgeon's books. It was only then she realised that sat on either side of Arizona were Nikki and Joanne and they were in an animated discussion, unaware of the camera. Nikki's hair was in a long bob with a side fridge, while Joanne's blonde hair was curled and even then it cascaded down passed her shoulders.
"What are you two doing with that camera?" an older man's voice said, off screen. The man soon came into sight as David the camera man turned, and there sitting in an armchair was Arizona's father. Callie knew who he was as she'd seen several photographs, and even through the images and the TV screen, Colonel Daniel Robbins was intimidating. Women's squeals could be heard, and the camera was span back round to its original position to see the younger Arizona trying to shield herself behind the long haired Joanne.
"Oh come on Ari. Or if you don't want your present…" Timmy said to the retreating blonde, while Nikki was trying to pull Joanne free. The sisters' attempt to get the younger PEDs surgeon from behind Joanne was unnecessary as the blonde's head shot up at the mention of getting a present. Callie couldn't help the slight smile that graced her lips, some things never do change.
The blonde boy handed over the small white box to sister who looked momentarily confused, but opened the box clearly as if some thing might be alive inside. Once the top of the box was opened, Callie could see that it was in fact a box from a deli, and Arizona's eyebrows were knotted in confusion. "Doughnuts? My thanksgiving present is doughnuts? Went all out this year didn't ya Tim", the film Arizona said laced in sarcasm, only the smile on her face gave the suggestion that she was kidding. "I am only on leave for three days Arizona", the blonde man scolded. "Yeah Arizona! But if you don't want them…" Joanne said, moving to take the small box from her. Arizona flipped the lid shut, with far too much skill, suggesting this was not the first time that her doughnuts had ever been under threatened. All woman in the living room chuckled slightly at the protective glare Arizona was giving the blonde Parker sister.
"Besides, there's more", the Robbins brother said with a grin. All the women on the television couch sat a little straighter as, Tim span this guitar the correct way up, and received a small scream from Nikki, which got a chuckle from Arizona and Joanne. "What? I am being his adoring fan…s" the brunette finished with a funny face. Tim just chuckled as he started to play. The tune sounded like most acoustic songs as Timmy plucked at the strings, but she felt Arizona's grip tighten as her brother started to sing.
"I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road leads you where you want to go, and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose, I hope you choose the one that means the most to you." The young man seemed to almost purr the words. He had talent. The television Arizona was already tearing up, as were the two sisters beside her. She felt some thing wet travel down her arm, and knew that the real life Arizona was crying along side her younger self. The Latina pulled the blonde even tighter to her, as she felt her own tears fall.
"And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on walking till you find the window, If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile," continued the man playing the guitar and his sister smiled through her tears at him, and Callie couldn't help the small sob that fell from lips, and felt Arizona's hand tighten even further. "But more than anything, more than anything", Tim literally purred smiling at his sister who was now wiping her own eyes, clearing the slight make up that had started to run. It was then Callie realised this was the song that Arizona and who she now realised was Nikki had danced to at Joe's the night before.
The real time Arizona get out a sob, in perfect timing to the young man on the television who sing more loudly the rest of the chorus. "My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah, this is my wish". As the blonde man pluck at his strings counting in the next verse, Callie could hear all the women in the room herself included sniffled breathing. It felt odd, because it felt as if he was there, singing to Arizona all over again, and it felt as if he was singing to them both. The Latina was thankful to David for filming, because without it, she'd never have gotten to share this with the woman in her arms.
"I hope you never look back, but ya never forget, all the ones who love you, in the place you left. I hope you always forgive, and you never regret, and you help somebody every chance you get. Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake, and you always give more than you take", the young man continued, seemingly immune to the three women who were crying on the sofa across from him. God even the last line seemed to describe Arizona and Callie's currently situation, they had both made mistakes and if it killed her, they were going to make them right.
"But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything, my wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to. I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah, this is my wish" Tim sung beautiful. Despite the fact he seemed unaffected by the crying trio; Callie could see the care and love in every inch of the young man's face. It was clear, he loved his sister. Arizona was now shaking in her arms as she cried openly. Chancing a glance over to Nikki, Joanne and Josh, she saw the two sisters much like Arizona and herself were crying, while Josh was sat open mouthed staring at the screen, completely unaware of the emotional carnage that was happening around him.
"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you're out there getting where you're getting to. I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah, this is my wish" Timothy sung, laughing slightly at the television Arizona who's just dropped the white box she had been shielding from the doughnut vulture as she wiped her tear stained face. "This is my wish; I hope you know somebody loves you. Arizona may all your dreams stay big" Tim finished plunking the few notes from his guitar with a grin.
Tim's audience clapped and cheered, and assumedly David the cameraman clapped too because the picture shook. The real time Arizona had been alternating her grasp on Callie's arm throughout the whole song, though her arm was gripped tighter than ever before, as her television twin wrapped her arms around her brother. The desperateness behind the hug felt as if the blonde was reliving that embrace, and in reality she probably was. The young man chuckled as his crying sister hugged him, and he said softly, "Happy Thanksgiving little sis".
The Joanne on the television laughed loudly before saying, "So Timothy do we have presents too?" Tim laughed just as heartily back before saying in a deadpan tone, "No". The look of annoyance and disappointment on the younger Joanne made Callie smile, as it had been the same expression when Josh, Tim's mini me had given the same response to his aunt. "Awww what about my present Timmy", the younger Nikki whined, though it did sound in good humour. With his arms still wrapped around his sister, though their embrace had slackened considerable the solider said, "You'll get your present later". A low groan resounded from the trio's direction in the apartment living room, as TV Joanne made an "oooooooh" noise, before elbowing her sister repeated. "What? … Oh not like that! David control your wife" said the annoyed sounding man.
"The night he proposed" said the Nikki who was sitting on the floor across from the Latina. "That was his present. My Ring", the brunette said barely whispering. There were some muffling noises before the scene on the screen went black. Several moments passed before anyone said anything, but the first to break the silence was Joanne, "Cheap ass, using a present twice". There was a slight, nervous mummer of chuckle in the apartment, before the muffled noise sounded again from the television screen.
When a picture appeared on the screen it was a shorter haired Timothy Robbins, in his uniform. The young man didn't look any older than the last video, but he did look more worn in the face. It seemed as if he was the only in the room and there was what looked like maps on the wall behind him. The worn look on his face subsided somewhat, as he broken into a grin, completed by a pair of dimples. "Hi Arizona! Happy Birthday", Callie felt rather than heard the blonde in arms, sobbed breath.
"In theory you are getting this on your birthday, if Joanne has done everything I asked. I just know Nikki is going to kill me if Jo has given this to you sooner, because of what I'm about to say. As of last week as long as she had done as I asked, Nicole Ruth Parker, my beautiful fiancée is three months pregnant with our first child", the uniformed man said beaming with pride, his smile was breathtaking. It was then, that both Arizona and Nikki verbalised their sobs. Callie managed to move slightly, pulling Arizona bodily to her, wrapping both arms around her so tightly she was amazed the blonde could still breathe.
By the look on Joanne's face, she hadn't known what was on the DVD when she'd received it. Little Joshua, seeing his mom's distress wrapped his little arms around the woman's neck and placed a big kiss on her cheek. "Nikki wanted to wait until she was three months to tell people, but I wanted to be the first to tell you! I'm going to be a dad. How awesome is that! Even better my tour finishes around the time she's due, so I am leaving you in charge, make sure Nikki and my kid are save until I get home. I don't want to miss mini Robbins being born", Tim said his smile getting bigger by the minute, almost threatening to take over his whole face, as he just beamed.
"God…" was all Arizona could say, or perhaps all she'd said that the Ortho surgeon could hear. It had hit Callie, right in the chest as if a herd of elephants had trampled over her. Josh had told her that morning his father had gone away before he was born, meaning the young man beaming with such pride, the one that was making plans for his little unborn child never got to carry them out or even meet the little boy clinging to his mother. This message had been made for Arizona to get, the day before her brother died. The day before the love of her life's, whole existence had been shattered and altered forever.
"This is going to be my last tour for while, I want to see as my kid grows up. Man! I'm going to be a dad, Nikki told me about two weeks ago, that's three for you now, and I've wanted to tell you. You're going to be an aunt! Auntie Arizona got a nice ring doesn't it", the solider continued laughing, and Callie felt her heart drop. Tim never got to see his son being born, and had already missed three years of his life. He never would get to see his "kid" grow up.
"Oh no! She's going to kill me! I asked her not to tell anyone before I got to tell you, and I bet Jo gave you this in front of everyone, didn't she", his head came to rest on his hands. After about thirty seconds he moved his hands from in front of his face, but they stopped to rest under his chin. "I've just told everyone haven't I. Crap. Nikki I'm sorry, I love you", the man half begged, before sighing.
The thing that broke Callie's heart more than anything was that the elder Robbins sibling's anguish was for nothing. Nikki had had to tell everyone anyway. Perhaps she'd done it after they'd gotten the news of Timothy's death. "I suppose you got to tell Jo. You won't be seeing me for about six months, so hopefully you'll just be happy to see me", the solider laughed, though did still sound slightly scared. A slightly shaking sigh came from the blonde in her arms, and Callie couldn't help but place a kiss on the top of the other woman's head. She felt the squeeze on her arm in return.
Sighing Tim said, "Because Nikki said Jo knew, I knew I could trust her with this. Along side this DVD, which I'm sorry I left the Thanksgiving video on my computer, which is why you've just watched it. Yes I am that cheap! Not a lot of DVDs out here. Anyway, as well as this DVD, I managed to get something which I think you'll like, and no it's not for you, so hands off". Callie couldn't help but chuckle as the man's attitude tone, and also felt a small shake of a ghost chuckle from the PEDs surgeon. Tim's hand went out of sight, before presenting the camera with what had come with Arizona's DVD. It was a much less loved looking, clean and very fluffy, Danny the giraffe, and Timmy wiggled it at them from inside the television.
"Danny!" shouted little Josh, as he had one of his arms wrapped around his mother's neck, and waving the now much grubbier looking toy at the screen, as if his father could see it. Josh was drinking in every word his father was saying, with a whole toothed smile on his face, the perfect mirror image of his dad's. Arizona's turned her head at her nephew's shout, before saying in a slightly shaking breathe, "Yeah its Danny". The boy beamed in their direction, and felt Arizona shrink slightly away from the look from the mini Timmy Robbins. Callie knew it wasn't the boy's fault he looked so much like his father, and she knew Arizona wouldn't dare hurt the little boy. Thankfully Josh didn't seem to notice his aunt's recoil, and turned back to his father.
"Jo in theory gave Nikki this last Tuesday, when she was exactly three months. Sorry Jo, that sounds like I don't have faith in you, I do whole heartedly", Tim said with a smile, still wiggling the toy in his hand. He looked so un-macho in his army uniform as he played with a stuffed giraffe toy. "I won't tell you how I managed to get it, but I have named him Danny after father. It reminds me of him, not because dad has a big neck", Tim explained, causing a slight rumble of laugher in the apartment. "Giraffes don't say anything to other giraffes unless it's important, and they are highly intelligent", the Robbins brother said, with a slight air of pride and obedience. "Just like father. Though this giraffe is also soft…" Tim let the sentence hang, implying knowingly that his father had a soft spot.
"Oh damn it. You're watching this with everyone, so he's there. Hi Sir!" the young blonde man said, clearly embarrassed. This time, Arizona included laughed at the soldier's embarrassment. The young man sighed, before dropping the giraffe out of sight. "Right I'm just going to get this over with, before any of you complain … Hi Arizona, mom, dad, Nikki, Joanne and Baby Robbins", Tim said, waving out of their TV screen.
"Hi Timmy", Arizona croaked, breaking Callie's heart into a million pieces. "He's talking to you little man", Joanne said to the boy who was staring at his father's face. "Really?" the boy asked his eyes as wide as plates. His mother nodded, and the boy grinned, waving back Josh shouted "Hi Daddy!" The Ortho surgeon had to bite down on her bottom lip, so hard to stop the sob within her from breaking free. Arizona's resolve was weaker than her own, as the tears that fell from the blonde's eyes, dripped onto Callie's skin. Timmy never got to say hello to his son.
"Right. I got your last letter Ari, and with this…news, I wanted to tell you in person, this is the next best thing. I couldn't tell you in a letter, so I will reply this way", the man grinned the Robbins' signature smile. "If you want to move away from Canada to Seattle you should. Maybe you should secure a job there before you go, but either way they'd be lucky to have you!" Tim said his words dripping in pride for this little sister. "You finished first in top of your class, just throw those kinder things at them, they'll accept you instantly", Tim chuckled. "Seriously though, if you want to go you should. You never know you might meet some hot chick out there", Tim said with a full blown laugh, which echoed by the women watching the DVD. Callie held Arizona little tighter. Josh looked confused at the grown ups, which ended with his mom placing a kiss on his cheek before he returned this attention back at the TV.
"Sorry sis I've got to go", Tim said apologetically, causing Arizona to seat up ruler straight, effectively pulling the Latina up with her. "You coming Robbins? Oh what you filming", an unknown male's voice sounded. "Just a birthday message to my sister", the blonde solider explained.A dark haired man, who was in a full uniform, popped his head around the corner. "Karl!" Tim shouted. Karl backed up and waved out of the screen before saying, "Happy Birthday Robbins' sister!" Tim rolled his eyes behind the other man's back before saying a tone which clearly indicated his annoyance, "Her name is Arizona, and stop flirting, believe me you aren't her type". There was a small rumble of amusement in the apartment's living room. The man looked momentarily annoyed, but held his hands up in mock surrender before disappearing off screen. "Karl. Could you get me, like five minutes tops to finish...Thank you", Tim said talking over the top of the camera, it seemed Karl had agreed to it. "Sorry Arizona, I don't know how to edit that. Look I just want to say one last time is Happy Birthday, and stuff your face of all those doughnuts you like. Move or don't move to Seattle, just be happy! That was, is, and always will be my wish for you. See you in six months", Tim finished with a smile, a wave before the screen went black.
There was a moment, just a moment in which the five people, young and old were completely silent. For the moment all of them were waiting to see if another message from beyond the cave would present itself to them. But none came. She felt it. She felt the sob rake through the blonde's chest before the noise hit the air. Then the blonde was almost clawing at Callie's arms to get herself free and to stop herself or Arizona being hurt she let her go. Arizona was now panicking and her breathing was heavy. Exactly what Bailey had said should not to happen. She didn't blame Joanne, she didn't know, but she did want to hit the other blonde for this, and yet it was an amazing gift, hopefully one Arizona would appreciate once she calmed down.
The blonde just walked away from her, and started to bend towards the bedroom as her tears started over taking her. "Arizona…" Callie said jumping up and rushing after the blonde. The bedroom door collided with the Latina as Arizona made to shut it. The blonde did look momentarily worried when the door hit the other woman, it was clear she hadn't noticed she had been followed. "Arizona, please don't shut me out", Callie begged, ignoring the trio who were sat in the same position they had been throughout the DVD, though now they looked concerned. "Callie please. I need to please, just let me for now. I can't… I just can't, please" Arizona begged, practically breathing her last plea. The desperate look in the blonde's face broke her heart, and all she wanted to do was take away all her pain, but she'd always known this day would come in one form or another. Arizona had been running for far too long. "Okay sweetheart. We'll wait out here okay. Just come out when you're ready", Callie soothed and got a small, almost timid nod in return. Stepping away from the door she'd propped open, she allowed the woman on the other side to slide it shut.
Arizona's POV
She was going to pass out. The blonde slid down the wooden door to end up on a pile on the floor, as the tears fell. She had thought she'd never see his face or hear his voice again, she'd come to terms with it, and now this. He had been full of dreams and hopes. He had plans. He'd made plans, and hadn't carried out a single one. He had a little boy who looked and acted just like he'd done, and yet he would never see him. Would never get to see him grow up, teach him to read, throw a ball or shave. He would never see the day his little boy for married or get to hold his own grandchild. He had missed out on his whole future. In frustration she slapped the ground next to her, and felt pain shoot up her left arm, the same kind of pain she'd felt when she collided with the wall when Callie pushed her out of the way. Bailey had said it was just tendon bruising and would mend on its own.
Somehow Arizona had ended up laid on her back, edge in between the dresser and the wall. Her breathing was still much faster than it was meant to be, but it had lessened in its severity. Tim would have been a great dad. He had the principles and discipline to be a firm father, but the humour and silliness to be a fun dad. He could have taught Josh how to make the best snowmen, and how to get the best wishes when star gazing. He could have taught the little boy, everything he'd taught her when they were growing up.
Arizona felt so mean, and guilty. She had so many memories of her brother as a child and then as an adult, and his own little boy had none. He only had what he was told, both the good and bad. Nikki had been doing a good job with him, and she knew children didn't need a mother and father to turn out okay, but she did wish Timmy had seen his little boy. His little mini-me. His tiny human, who despite the fact he'd never met his father was so like him, he had the same mannerisms, same smile and little chuckle. How Nikki had managed these last three years with a constant reminder of the man she loved, she didn't know. Arizona tried so much not to let her discomfort towards the smallest Robbins show, and most of the time she didn't even feel it. She couldn't help herself when the boy had smiled the exact smile his father was, she couldn't look at him, and it killed her.
The door she was laid beside shook as there was a knock placed upon it. Wiping her eyes forceful she managed to get to her feet and opened the door slightly to see Callie holding Josh in her arms. Callie gave her a small apologetic smile. "Airzona, Callipee said I could give you Timmy, because I have to sleep with Danny", the little blonde boy said, thrusting the small giraffe they had bought for the Latina into her hand. "I'm going to bed and Callipee going to read to me", Josh said with a smile. "Can I have a kiss goodnight, Auntie Airzona?" the boy asked apprehensively, instantly melting away any negative thoughts she had towards her nephew.
The blonde opened the door more fully, taking the small infant from Callie and gave him a big cuddle and kiss, to which the boy giggled. "Remember to cuddle Timmy when you're sad. He will keep all your secrats" Josh whispered clearly thinking that the inches between them and Callie was enough that shouldn't hear him speak. The smile that graced the Latina's lips made Arizona smile back. "I promise I will", Arizona reassured the little boy, who gave her one last cuddle, before wiggling downwards.
Once the door was closed again, and Callie and her nephew were out of sight, Arizona allowed herself to sigh. Looking down she smiled slightly at the stuffed giraffe. Callie had held her so tightly as they had watched Tim's video, and Arizona couldn't help herself, she had held on just as tightly. Callie had once again, held her together. She was glad she'd gotten over her reserves about asking the other surgeon to come over; because there was no way she would have been able to sit and watch that without her. Tim had been right, she had found a "hot chick" in Seattle after all and she had been an idiot to let her go. If nothing else came from that video it was, life was short. You shouldn't make plans that you will eventually complete, because that time might not come. If you keep waiting for life to happen, you'll lose all those moments, not realising your life is already happening. Arizona lifted the small toy to her face, and whispered, "I'm getting her back".
Placing the giraffe on the bedside table, she walked into the bathroom and couldn't help but laugh at the towel that was just left on the floor. Callie never learnt to put the wet towels on the rail, leaving it on the floor for Arizona to do it. With a flick, she did just that. Running the cold water, she waited for it to go really cold before submerging her hands and lifting the cold liquid to her face. As her head rose, she caught a look at herself in the mirror, as the water dripped down her face, and for the first time in three months knew, she had to do something to change her life, because this wasn't living. This wasn't what she had wanted out of her life, and rather than chasing her dream, she was going to seize it, and never let it go.
Callie's POV
Josh had gone to bed without a problem. His mother had been slightly embarrassed when he had requested it had to be the Latina that tucked him and not her or Joanne. Callie on the other hand didn't mind one bit. It made her smile so hard, and heart skip so many times it should have hurt, to see Arizona and Josh saying tonight to each other. She could see that Arizona had in fact been crying, but was thankful to see the tears had subsided. The little boy had asked Callie to read a book he'd brought with him about Gerald the giraffe, called "Giraffes can't dance", man did this kid like giraffes!However by about six pages in the little boy was asleep in the double bed, which looked far too big for him.
As she closed Cristina's old door to, she saw the Parker sisters were going through a box, which had Arizona's handwriting on the side saying "Photos". She wasn't massively sure they should be going through it, but at Joanne words, "Oh year book", she had to sit down and at least give it a chance. There she was, Arizona Robbins, about fourteen years old with big hair. She still looked beautiful, of course she did, but the laughter that bubbled just beneath the surface had to come out. Next were brought out some photo albums of a very little Arizona and Tim. Arizona looked about four or five, and as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She was adorable, and once again the children she'd dreamed about, came back into focus.
About half an hour after Josh had gone to bed, Callie heard the other bedroom door being opened, and saw as Nikki and Joanne looked up and followed the blonde's journey back to the couch. Without speaking Callie leant forward and picked up the glass of white wine she'd poured once Arizona had taken refuge in their old bedroom, and placed it in the blonde's hand, who was now sitting beside her. Wordlessly the blonde took the glass, and settled down at her side. After a few awkward moments, Joanne carried on her story about Arizona and Tim getting locked in their neighbour's garden, and Arizona getting stuck in the blackberry bush.
It took time for Arizona to come out of herself, and the mindset she'd allowed herself to get into, and Callie knew by the look on the two sisters' faces they knew not to push, just as well as she did. When Arizona finally did get involved in the stories, they all ended up looking through the box of photos finding old year books, Christmas cards, Valentine's day cards and photographs from pretty much Arizona's life before Seattle. It didn't take long to learn that being a child of someone in the military, meant that Arizona, Nikki and Joanne, had gone to a lot of school for short periods of time. She already knew this, but just sitting with the trio watching them trying to remember names of children they had know for maybe a year, months even, made her realise why Arizona was so close to these women, and her older brother.
It had taken Nikki no time at all in revealing a photograph of Arizona and her first and only male date after they had gotten ready for a Sadie Hawkins dance when she was about fifteen. The two sisters had then supplied the story that Adam, the young man in the photograph, had asked Arizona if she wanted to ask him to the dance, and as the school rule was for people to go they had to go in a boy, girl couple she'd said yes. Once they got to the dance however both had gone their separate ways, Arizona with her friends, and Adam with his. It turned out that Adam came out about four years after high school anyway. From the unspoken part of the story, at the time of the dance Arizona and Joanne had been seeing each other, but hadn't gone public.
More and more stories were told, and Callie was learning more and more about the woman tucked at her side. Every so often Arizona would lean more into her, or would hold her hand or stroke arm as she spoke, and it almost seemed out of habit, as if the last three months had never happened. Every so often she would catch the eye of one of the other women as Arizona touched in her in some way, and saw as whoever it was kept talking with a slight smile at Arizona absent mindedness. It was almost if Arizona needed to touch her. It made the Latina very happy.
About midnight Joanne had fallen asleep on the couch next to Nikki, and Callie had managed to persuade Nikki and Arizona, not to draw a moustache on her in black marker. Shortly after this Callie learnt that while Joanne was the PEDs surgeon's first girlfriend, she wasn't her first kiss, this was an honour had been allowed to a Kiera Blackwell, when the blonde was fourteen. Callie couldn't help the chuckle that occurred at the thought of Arizona's big hair. Many stories both ones she'd heard before but with more detail or ones she never had, were told, surprisingly by both Nikki and Arizona. All women seemingly forgetting the alcohol on the table at some point had made their way over to the island in the middle of the kitchen, nursing glasses of water.
At about two o'clock Nikki said she was off to bed, as they had a midday flight home the next morning. The hug that occurred between Nikki and Arizona, said so much more than goodnight. Neither had spoken about what they had seen on the DVD, but the hug they shared expressed the loss that they had in common. Callie was pleasantly surprised when Nikki wrapped her arms around her as well, but also returned the hug in kind. There was a moment when it was clear Nikki was contemplating waking her sleeping sister, but with a wave of her hand, and blown kiss the brunette disappeared into the other bedroom.
There was an awkward moment when she realised they were alone, but it melted away slightly when Arizona smiled at her. "I probably should be getting back", Callie said pointing vaguely over her shoulder. The blonde's face dropped, as did the Latina's heart. Arizona stood down from her stool next to Callie's, and came to rest standing in the space between the ortho surgeon's legs, with her hands on Callie's hips. "Stay" the blonde whispered, pretty much begging her with her eyes. The ice blue eyes burnt into her, making her heart skip, and breathing falter. Of course she wanted to stay; she'd wanted to come home from the moment she'd talked to Bailey the day after Arizona had come back. She wanted them back. She wanted them. She needed Arizona, but didn't want to push, and that was what had gotten them where they were now. She hadn't pushed, and neither had Arizona. Here the blonde was pushing, and she had to yield.
"If I stay, I'm not leaving. I'm here for good. I'm not going anywhere", Callie whispered back, hoping and praying Arizona wouldn't take back her plea. That she would be allowed back home. She knew they weren't fixed, she knew they still had so much to work through, but as long as they did it together, she didn't care. A grin graced the blonde's lips, one Callie wouldn't help but mirror. "Callie I'm asking you to stay here", Arizona said, sounding soft, vulnerable but determined all the same. Arizona wanted her to stay, but what did she expect? Was it a one night thing, or a forever thing? There was a gentle kiss left on Callie's lips, as Arizona said, "I'm not letting you go again, Callie. So please I'm asking you to stay". Callie couldn't help but grin, as her eyes traced the blonde's face, searching for any flicker of doubt or fear, but found none. "Okay", Callie whispered, and allowed herself to be lead into their bedroom.
As they entered the bedroom, Callie went to brush her teeth, while Arizona finished getting read for bed. There was only Arizona's toothbrush standing in the cup on the sink, and considering they had shared more than a toothbrush, she used it quickly. Once she'd finished in the bathroom, she clicked off the light before opening the door, just in case the blonde was trying to sleep. As expected the light was off, and Callie could see Arizona was facing away from the bathroom door. There was something about her posture that said she wasn't asleep, but it was almost as if a wall had gone up in the five minutes she'd been using the bathroom. She slipped under the sheet, instantly craving the warm the blonde had managed to radiate beneath the blanket. She was nervous. It felt almost like the first time they'd shared a bed, and she felt as if she was almost hanging off the bed.
After about a minute or two, Arizona shuffled backwards towards her, grabbed one of Callie's arms and draped it over her own stomach, pinning it in place. The blonde wiggled a little bit more to get comfortable, before sighing slightly, but no words were said. It felt as if nothing had changed, but if that was true why did Callie feel on edge. "Arizona…I'm not going to make you talk. But I'm not going to let you run away either. You need to talk, not just about us or today, but everything. Not talking got us on different sides of the globe amongst other things, so please when you're ready, talk to me okay?" Callie said feeling her heart beat a million to a dozen.
A deadly silence fell on the room. It seemed to almost push down on them, and in that moment, Callie thought she wasn't going to get an answer. So when the blonde spoke she was most surprised, "For years I battled with myself about signing up like father and Timothy. God even until 2.30 this afternoon, I still wondered. What they did was honourable, and to be respected. I have always been a good leader, and a good follower, I had to ask myself if I could do what would be needed of me. I would be a surgeon, not a fighter, but I could help people. For years I wondered, and today I learnt what it felt like to be my father and Timmy. I learnt what it was like to have a gun held on me, as I fought to save someone's life. And I realised I couldn't do it. Any of armed forces were not for me". Callie listened with bated breathe, clinging to every word she was saying.
Arizona turned to lie on her back, and stared at the ceiling, while Callie lifted her head up, so she could look down on the blonde. "I did what I had to do to save people. I know that's what people in wars do, but I couldn't… I wouldn't do it again" Arizona's voice shook dangerously near breaking point. "Callie we could have died. The only thing that kept me going in the OR was the fact you'd said you loved me. It wasn't the arguments or nasty things that we'd said, it was that you loved me", Arizona explained, to Callie's amazement. "We could have died, and what's worse is if we had, I couldn't have seen you as it happened. I want to look into her eyes as I die, okay? I want the last thing I hear is you telling me you love me, got it" the blonde warned, finally looking at the brunette. It was all Callie could do is nod, as she saw a lone tear fall side ways from Arizona's eye to fall into her mane of hair. "I love you", Callie said and saw a slight smile appear on Arizona face. "I love you too", the blonde returned as if it was so natural, it was like breathing.
The Latina bent her head the short distance between them and kissed the lightly smiling lips. It started soft, gently and loving, but somewhere as the kisses grew stronger and more powerful, the scale was tipped. The hand wrapped around the blonde's middle tightened on her hip, and drew her in, before she'd even thought of the motion. The kiss was growing hotter, needier and more powerful by the second, and if she didn't stop it soon all rational thought would go out of the window. Pulling back both women's breathing was laboured; she went to ask something, anything which would make what they were doing okay. Even to just reassure herself that this was what Arizona wanted, that she was ready, and saw the deep sapphire eyes looking back at her. All traces of tears seemed to be forgotten, as Arizona's breathe tickled the Latina's face. Callie gave up the battle, when the woman inches away from her face, breathed that one word. That one word which made her heart skip and all thought of anything grown up went out of the window. And that word was "Calliope".