Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Trance-Faith
Rating: M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.
Pairing:Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".
Author'sNote1:In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.
Author'sNote2: So yeah I lied…one more chapter after this haha
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Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
CauseI'veseenlovedie,waytoomanytimes,whenitdeservedtobealive – Emergency by Paramore
Callie's POV
Exactly a month to the day after Arizona's birthday, found Callie Torres standing in the middle of Sea-Tac airport, dressed in a long black trench coat. To be frank, she had hoped to avoid this place for as long as possible, a little hard when your girlfriend has to take a flight from and to this airport every two months for the next three years. So here she was, standing waiting for Arizona's plane to land, her hands planted firmly in her pockets. If she was honest with herself she was nervous. Stupidly, ridiculously nervous, and it had only been a week since she'd last seen the blonde.
The last four weeks for them had been a whirlwind of emotions, both good and bad, but she wouldn't have changed it for the world. They were doing what they'd planned. Moving on, together. Sure it was hard and there had been tears, arguments and make ups. They'd agreed to live as roommates, potentially taking it slow. However Callie had realised a few days into their new regime, the notion that Arizona staying in their old room and her in Cristina's old room wasn't always possible. Callie had awoken with a light shinning beneath her door, and on investigation she realised the light was coming from the TV in the other room. She'd walked as quietly as she could into the living room to see the screen was full of Timothy Robbins. Just paused on his face, while Arizona was laid sleeping on the couch, Callie's blanket tucked beneath her chin.
That night she had guided the blonde to the Latina's bed, and she'd held the smaller woman as she cried over her nightmares, the nightmares of Callie's suicide and Robert Wrights' control over the hospital and their lives with just the power of small gun. During the rest of that first week, in the middle of the night, Callie would either feel small arms wrap themselves around her while she slept or the Latina heard the blonde crying in her sleep. Without fail when this happened, Callie made the small journey to the blonde's arms, and held her. Officially they were just roommates who were girlfriends, taking it slow, though until this last week they had spent almost every night in each others' beds. There had been one night, Arizona had returned home to find Callie asleep in her bed. Callie hadn't necessarily meant to fall asleep in the blonde's bed without her there, she just needed comfort.
After a week of Arizona's nightly outburst and bad dreams, Callie had suggested she get help. It was a testament to how bad things were, that Arizona accepted the suggestion, no questions asked and made an appointment the next day. It felt odd for Callie, until yesterday she would have suggested she no longer needed to see Rebecca Jones, the counsellor she'd been given by the hospital. Rebecca just made her talk, and while it was useful to have someone to talk to, she now had Arizona. They were talking, and opening up more than ever, okay it wasn't always to the best process, but the outcome was worth it. The two main arguments they had had were about Africa and Joanne.
At one point, one of them, Callie could no longer remember which, had mentioned long distant relationships. It soon had spiralled out of control with both of them shouting at the other for neglecting the possibility of them having a long distance relationship when Arizona had gone to Malawi. It was odd to think that word, "Malawi" no longer held the same power over her, the power to make her cringe, mainly because it was used so often in their conversations together, it didn't faze her as much anymore. The blonde hadn't understood why Callie hadn't suggested it when she'd been so set against moving, not even when Callie reminded her of their talk when it was possible that Callie could move to Portland and the fact the blonde had put her foot down, with her disbelief at that type of relationship. The Latina in turn couldn't understand how it was different, and Arizona had just stood open mouthed, staring at her, followed by a genuine discussion about how they'd fought for them, and how different things had been from a few months into their relationship, to now. Callie felt honestly stupid and disheartened at the knowledge and thought that Arizona would have, if she'd asked, considered a long distance relationship. The notion wasn't an ideal one, but it would have been better than what happened.
The second, it seemed Callie's new ability to now open up, needed to be monitored, because the topic of "newborns" and Joanne had arisen, and yet again it had gotten out of hand. It just was lost on the Latina how Arizona could have made the decision at sixteen to never be in a relationship with someone who'd been with men or who's just discovered their "gayness", and as such the blonde had nearly cast a side the chance at their relationship. Thankfully this argument hadn't gone on long; it hadn't even gotten very heated. Callie knew it was more about her self-esteem and her own issues than anything to do with Arizona; however the blonde in her amazing own way had spoken in a soft calming tone and had explained. She'd made the decision as everyone does at the end of a relationship, not to date someone who was similar to her last partner. It hadn't been a rule she'd enforced really, until after their brief affair after her brother had died, because days before she had ended whatever was going on between them, Joanne had taken David back, once again. It had been as if history was repeating itself, so she had made, and kept (if only for a few months) the newborn rule.
They had issues, issues they were working through and together. They were if anything stronger than ever, that didn't mean they didn't still need to work through things. Callie had been fine, until yesterday. Six days away from the blonde had been upsetting, but manageable, even if she would have to admit she'd slept every night in the older woman's bed. She hadn't given it much thought, until she'd had her appointment with Rebecca yesterday. Half way through the session, the Latina had, what she could only describe as a panic attack at the notion that the blonde might not return from Malawi. Up until that point she had been so certain, so completely and utterly certain of the blonde's promise to return late on Valentine's Day, she had forgotten to be worried. So here she was standing, teeth gritted together, trying to fight the upcoming storm. Stop the thoughts of what she'd do if the blonde didn't come back.
The duo had only had sex twice, or over two nights since that day in the park. The first had been that night once they'd returned from the restaurant, from which Callie had taken one of balloons usually given to children, and crossing out the restaurant's logo had written "Happy Birthday" in a black sharpie, and given it to Arizona. The said balloon was now deflated on the blonde's bedroom floor, waiting to know its fate. Callie didn't want to throw it out while she was away. That night had been about connection and slowness, love and affection. If Callie could be honest, she knew it was the best night of her life so far.
On the pretence of taking things slowly however they hadn't slept together again until the night before Arizona's return to Malawi. That night had been about desperation, she'd known that. Neither acknowledged that out loud, but she was sure Arizona had felt it too. Both had been much needier than ever before. Kisses were more lingering, more frantic than anything other time they'd been together. It reminded her of the night before they'd broken up, though neither had known it then. They had clung on a little tighter and little longer than was needed. It was that, that had Callie awake unable to sleep the night before, and she wished she could say it was imagining the blonde writhing beneath her, but it had been the look on the blonde's face as they'd made love, which in her panicked state, she had managed to convince herself it was Arizona's way of telling her, she wasn't coming back.
Arizona's appointment had been a few days before she'd left on her trip. It was just a formality, an assessment just to see who on the counselling team would be able to help the blonde with her problems and which form of therapy would help her best. The only possibility that had been mentioned to the blonde had been something called "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing", also known as EMDR. According to Arizona, it produced similar eye moments to REM sleep in which you dream. The idea was the eye movements (as the name would suggest) desensitized an event or trauma which had occurred so you could feel as if you were dreaming or watching a film of the event, instead of feeling all those emotions. Also if things got to heated or distressing in a session the patient could go to their "happy place" which would be discussed and set into motion, during the blonde's first session. On principle it sounded great, and if it worked for Arizona she'd be pleased, though she was a little sceptical about the therapy, even though this part of information she'd kept to herself.
The two women had only spoken a handful of times over the last week, mainly just before one of them was going to bed – being six hours behind Arizona sucked. Though the phone call she hadn't been expecting had come on the third day after Arizona had left. Seeing the blonde's name flash on her cell as she was walking to the hospital that morning had been a nice surprise which soon turned bad, as she heard the woman crying down the phone. From what she'd understood Arizona had had to do an operation on a four year old boy, who had he been in the United States he may not have even needed a surgery, and if he had, it would have survived it. That night she'd rang the PEDs surgeon about six o'clock as she'd promised, and they'd talked. Nothing major or important, just little things which had changed randomly from Callie describing the old woman climbing in and out of a bath in a bathing suit on a shopping channel to them discussing needing a trail of Pringles to run a marathon. It had been fun, and Callie had listened as Arizona's breathing had become heavier before evening out, as she'd fallen asleep.
There she was. Callie couldn't help the rush of relief or her heart pounding, and then the slither of guilt for her moment of weakness and doubt. Arizona's darkened blonde hair was scraped back into a perfect ponytail, her deep ice blue searching the crowd for the Latina. Callie couldn't help but smile at the slight panicked expression on the blonde's face, if only she look straight ahead, Arizona would realise her eyes had already scanned across her several times in her haste to find her. And there it was. The moment the blonde's eyes had met her own, and it was marked by a grin from Arizona so big and bright, it might have blocked out the sun.
She watched in slight surprised as the blonde literally jogged the distance between them, her poor case being dragged, haphazardly along behind her. In the seconds before it happened, Callie realised what she was about to do. With a whip of the blonde's ponytail, Arizona's body had slammed into the Latina's; and the blonde's lips crushed themselves against Callie's with an almost bruising force. The brunette was vaguely aware of the blonde's case falling with a clatter, as the owner of said case, wrapped her fingers in her dark mane of hair, pulling Callie in, painfully close. Her warm lips tasted of freshly applied strawberry lip balm, and that distinctive kick that was only Arizona. Drinking the woman in, all she could hear was their kisses and both women's slight moans. Remembering briefly where they were now standing, before things got any higher that a PG rating, Callie pulled away slightly, hearing a definite popping noise from their lips separating, this was then followed by a groan from the blonde.
"Hey" Callie said in slightly flirtiest manner, and couldn't help but smile at the bright grin on the blonde's face. "Hey" the PEDs surgeon replied back with ease, her arms wrapped around the Latina's enabling her to tilt into her larger frame. The brunette felt the slight increase of her own heart beat. "Missed me, huh?" Callie asked with a slight joking undertone and lift of an eyebrow. There was flick of seriousness in the blonde's face, before she replied, "Oh yes". The Latina swallowed slightly, before whispering slightly, "me too". There was a beat in which the two women shared a significant look before a gentle smile took hold on Arizona's face, "Happy Valentine's Day Calliope". Callie couldn't help return the smile, before mirroring the blonde with a soft "Happy Valentine's Day".
Arizona dropped her arms down from the taller woman's shoulder, allowing her hand to lay to rest in Callie's. With a slight, but faux eye roll, the brunette bent down to collect the fallen suitcase, before they turned and left the one place it seemed for almost the next three years would be bringing them back together. The place which had at one time, ripped them apart, so forcefully, there were moments when both women believed they would never be walking hand in hand, about to celebrate Valentine's Day.
The dark journey back to their apartment was filled of mainly Arizona talking about her time away, and while Callie tried her hardest to listen. She was just basing in happy glow she felt at having the blonde in the same car as her, breathing the same air as her, and at the hand which was gently placed on her knee as they drove. It seemed as usual Arizona was unaware of the hand resting on her knee, but needed and took comfort in their easy connection. Occasionally Arizona would look across at her, it seemed she had expected a response, to which Callie gave depending on the tone of voice or look on the PEDs surgeon face. The Latina would hear all these stories again over the following week, probably multiple times so she would, for now at least enjoy the blonde's return.
Upon reaching their door, the hand which wasn't pulling Arizona's case, quickly felt in her pockets for the small key would allow them, into their home. Coming up short and giving an apologetic smile to the other woman, she watched as Arizona took out her own key and putting in the lock. She watched in slow motion as Arizona opened the door and her whole body was bathed in a golden, slightly flickering light. Callie couldn't help the grin which took over her whole face, at the look of shock on the blonde's face, which moments later mirrored her smile. Giving a small nod to the older woman, she followed her in.
The room was softly flickering in a non-existent breeze, as the flames on top of exactly 55 candles danced. She knew that number because she'd bought the nine stands which held six tea light candles each and the single much larger candle on the middle on the dinning table. She had lit them before leaving, though had asked Mark to keep an eye on the naked flames to ensure she didn't burn down the entire apartment block. Callie watched as Arizona did a small twirl in the middle of the living room, and couldn't help but smile as she clicked the door closed.