Voodoo Child

Chapter 9 – Freebooted

By Genoscythe

AN: Oh yeah, Marek's gonna be coming back again, and again, and again, and again. Just like a real paladin!

Amazingly, the Southsea Freebooters were still incapacitated. This made the weary trip back to Ratchet deliciously easy, and the two beaten Horde soldiers felt they deserved it. They also felt they deserved a huge, wild party once they returned to the goblin town. They got their party, but huge came to mean one additional person (Captain Brightsun), and wild came to mean an unhealthy amount of alcohol.

They awoke to find Thalo'thas Brightsun dead from alcohol poisoning. To Xan's extreme horror, the innkeeper had picked the man's pockets before he had gotten a chance to.

"Our reward..." Xan muttered listlessly, staring at the limp elf sprawled half-naked on a table. A crude smiley-face was drawn on his belly in lipstick, and Xan got to wondering how Brightsun had found lipstick. Besides all the imaginary ones, there weren't any women at the tavern all night.

"All dis fightin', and we got noting to show fo' it..." He murmured, trying to sound as hopeless as possibly. Behind him, he could hear grunting and occasionally a loud thump. "We gonna be broke pretty soon, mon. Wha'chu wanna do?" Another thump, and a growl from Argam. "You listenin', mon? We're in trouble, here."

He could hear Argam muttering to himself inaudibly, which usually meant the tauren was trying to figure out a simple problem that required a bit of common sense. The solution was another thunderous impact.

"...what da hell you doin' mon?" Xan asked, craning his head around. Argam Stonehoof was leaning against a mountain of gigantic beer kegs, puffing and gasping for air.

"Liquor..." Argam spoke between huffs. "...for the trip."

Xan was almost speechless. "Wha...why...?"

"We need it," Argam said, and his tone was meant to silence the matter. However, Xan'Jin cannot be silenced.

"No, we don'!" He practically cried, trying not to yell too loud in respect to his splitting headache.

"Yes!" Argam nearly bellowed; he too was nursing a hangover. "We do!"

Xan raised an eyebrow. "That much?"

"I'll carry it myself if I have to!" Argam had the glint in his eyes, but he looked too worn to continue into a fit of rage as per usual. Now Xan was starting to understand.

"You neva had booze before, have ya?"

As if to prove him wrong, Argam grabbed a nearby mug and took a swig. Then, his eyes focused strangely on the mug and his voice deepened into the confident, commanding voice Xan had heard in Northwatch Hold.

"You don't have to answer that," he said, causing Xan to blink in surprise. Argam flung his shaggy head back toward his troll companion.

"The mug says I don't have to answer that,"

"So I heard."

Argam gasped. He turned to the mug. "You liar!"

"Just take another drink, fool." With an indifferent shrug, Argam took another long swig, draining the already half-empty mug. As soon as it emptied, he tossed the mug aside and turned back to the pile of kegs he had amassed in the center of the inn.

"I'll need your help with this, Xan," Argam's commanding alter-ego said coldly, staring hard at the alcohol barrels.

"How? We ain' takin' dat much wit' us, no matter what ya do." Xan decided he might as well cooperate, and ask his partner about the sudden change later.

Argam scratched his shaggy beard. "...perhaps not. The fool bought more than we could possibly carry. Give me a moment." With this, Argam clomped off to find the innkeeper. However, at this notion came the realization that Argam had taken their money bag to buy his liquor. Xan didn't want to think about how much the booze had cost them, much less how many silver pieces he dropped or lost on the way.

We gotta get some money... Xan thought for the hundredth time that morning. This is only a slight exaggeration.

"You buy it, now you want to sell it back. I'm never gonna understand the Tauren."

"Then we can at least agree to disagree." Voices were now trailing back to Xan'Jin's seat at a table, and already he was impressed with the change Argam had undergone. "You understand that we can't possibly carry more than two barrels though, am I right?"

"You can carry more if you buy one of my wagons," the goblin's voice had suddenly perked up at the whiff of a profit. Xan snorted. If there was one race on Azeroth that fit a stereotype, it was the goblins.

"That would be too expensive. We're on a tight budget, and-"

"Look, don't worry about it. I've got the best deals anywhere! Name your price, and I promise we can negotiate!"

"That's...not very reassuring."

"Come on. You know you want the booze."

"You have a point, unfortunately...the more ethanol I have, the longer I can keep control."

Xan didn't even bother with being confused anymore.

"How much would one of these wagons sell for?"

"Fifty silver, and that's a steal."

"Twenty-five."

"Thirty!"

"Twenty-six."

"Twenty-eight!"

"Fifty."

"...what?"

"Ten."

The goblin was already in the process of celebrating as Argam said 'ten', and as soon as he did so the goblin cried "Deal!"

Argam smiled wryly and dumped ten silver into the innkeeper's hands, who gawked at him for only a moment. "Hey, hey, pal. It doesn't work like that."

"Why not? I believe you closed the deal."

"Yeah, right. That only works in cheap stories, buddy. I'll settle at thirty, and you should be glad after trying to pull a stunt like that."

Argam shook his head, now standing next to the mountain of alcohol. "I understand." He jabbed his meaty hand into the money bag again, fishing around and counting the coins he found. Suddenly, his face slackened. He cast a glance at Xan'Jin, before looking back at the innkeeper. "We only have ten silver left."

"Figures..." Xan muttered, not surprised at all.

The goblin merely looked on complacently. "Alright, you really want all that booze?" Xan shook his head. Argam nodded. "I got somethin' that might interest ya." With that, he disappeared behind the counter, reappearing with a weathered piece of parchment. On it was printed a photo of a strikingly familiar human, with the words WANTED hanging over him like a guillotine.

The memories clicked, and Xan got to his feet. The man was one of the pirates that he had pick pocketed on the way to Northwatch. Xan cursed, realizing the bounty had been at his mercy only a day ago.

"The reward's a full gold. If you have any hope of both paying me and keeping your dignity in this town, then this is it."

Xan looked Argam in the eyes, silently trying to tell him to forget the booze. The tauren merely nodded and took the wanted poster from the goblin's greed-encrusted fingers.

Xan was gaping, his jaw unhinged and lifeless. Not only were the Freebooters awake, but there seemed to be twice as many of them as before. At first, he thought it was simply because they were all asleep or dead the night before. Then, the truth smacked him like a burning tuna fish. A sleek black boat sat against the rocks of the Merchant Coast, where there definitely hadn't been one before. Standing imposingly at its stern, or what Xan thought was called the stern, was Baron Longshore, complete with a beautiful pirate hat and shoulder-mounted parrot.

Xan was in love. He stared at Baron Longshore's hat without shame, at the elegant curves on the brim and soft velvet skin. It was needlessly huge, but even so Xan feared it wouldn't fit on him thanks to his hair. It was still worth a try. He wanted that hat and no pirate, demon, or god could stop him from getting it.

Argam surveyed the rocky beach at their feet, probably planning the best point of attack. At Xan's behest, the tauren had packed a flask of beer to keep his alter-ego in control. However, as Xan looked at his companion, he realized the alternate Argam wasn't nearly as smart as he seemed.

"You forgot your axe, mon."

Argam cast him a disdainful look. "An axe is only an unnecessary distraction. I need concentration."

Xan blinked. His entire battle plan revolved around sitting back and watching the tauren fly into a destructive rage. Now, without the axe and without the rage, how were they supposed to win?

The answer came in the form of a condensed ball of lightning. Argam flung out his palms, as if pushing at an invisible barrier, and electricity leapt from his fingers. The individual bolts wound together like a ball of yarn, and they soon launched themselves at the nearest pirate. He cried out, jerking and falling backward with sparks shooting from the metal pieces of his armor.

Naturally, other pirates noticed this. Three of them charged, and Argam turned his palms toward the foremost one. He flew back, as if hit with a massive invisible hammer, and left a trail of green magic residue in his wake. Argam now turned his palms to the ground, whereupon a small totem seemed to mold itself out of the rock.

Xan felt an odd feeling washing over him, and he saw a greenish glow envelope his partner. The other pirates reached him, and swung with their swords. The blades scraped off his skin as if it were made of stone, and Argam punched one in the face. He backhanded the other, just as he was attempting to flee. With all five pirates dead or unconscious, Argam dusted off his hands and let the totem crumble into dust.

"Feel free to step in at any time," Argam scolded dryly, looking at Xan. The troll, humbled by the display of power, pulled forth his dagger. "I'll draw their attention. You sneak ahead and eliminate Baron Longshore." Xan gave an affirmative nod, then melted into the scenery. He might as well have stayed visible, for none of the pirates would have noticed him anyway.

Argam charged into the middle of the clearing, and began summoning fiery red totems all around him. Besides attracting the attention of all the pirates in the area, Xan recognized the totems. However, if they were what he thought they were, then it would be impossible for Argam to summon so many.

They were what he thought they were. When all the pirates were within range, every one of the five totems Argam had created exploded in a wave of fire. Conveniently, the flames shied away from their maker, and the tauren stood calmly amid a storm of fire. The pirates that hadn't been incinerated on impact were running about madly, not noticing the big, cool ocean sitting right next to them.

However, this display of power came with a price. Argam soon collapsed face-first into the dust, as limp as a rag doll. Xan winced, realizing that he would have to go in without backup.

Grabbing hold of a loose plank, Xan began scaling the side of the black ship. It wasn't especially tall, but Xan had never been the best climber, thus lengthening the maneuver by a good five minutes. When he finally managed to swing himself over onto the deck, he was staring at the exposed back of Baron Longshore. Xan grinned; finally he had a lucky shot.

Xan crept toward the pirate leader on silent feet, but somehow his parrot became alert of his presence. Its head swiveled unnervingly on its neck, staring at him with surprising depth. However, Xan didn't have long to admire the unique bird. It squawked in alarm, and Baron Longshore whipped about. Xan stabbed, but the pirate deflected his attack easily.

Longshore returned the attack, and Xan was forced to duck. As effective as this was for dodging a sword, it did nothing to stop the pirate's foot from smashing into his face. Xan skidded across the deck, until he came to rest at the railing. Seeing the baron charge out of the corner of his eye, Xan did the only thing he could think of. He flipped backward, clearing the railing and landing in the shallow water below.

A splash next to him confirmed his fears: Baron Longshore was not afraid of heights. The scruffy human got to his feet, and surprisingly the parrot remained on his shoulder. Xan could swear the bird scowled at him, but it was only for a moment. Then, Longshore was stabbing at him again, and Xan had far more realistic things to worry about.

Their fight carried them onto dry land, and Baron Longshore showed no signs of tiring. In fact, he didn't show signs of...anything. His eyes were vacant and unfocused, his attacks held no emotion. Finally, Xan accidentally stabbed Longshore's wrist during a botched parry. The human dropped his sword, and Xan wasted no time in putting his dagger into the man's gut.

Longshore was dead, and Xan was quick to claim his prize. He grabbed the brim of the pirate's red hat and nestled it on his own head, surprised at how comfortably it fit. The inside was spacious enough to house his arrowhead-shaped hair, and it was tall enough to look natural on a troll's skull.

However, Xan's victory was soon turned to shock and horror, emotions that Xan was getting sick of using.

"Now you've done it, you fool!" The parrot said, in nearly flawless orcish. Xan had heard of a parrot speaking common, but orcish was considered to be too complex.

"You...can talk orcish?" Xan said in disbelief.

"I should. I've lived on Draenor for ages," the parrot replied, still sitting on Longshore's shoulder even as the man lay dead on the ground. "At least, until that damn Legion started opening up rifts in space. Now I need to use inbred meatbags like Baron Longshore just to stay alive."

"...you do who to the what now?"

"Watch, blue man." At this, a previously hidden cable protruding from the back of the parrot's neck reared out of its feathers. Xan traced this cable all the way back to the base of Baron Longshore's skull. The parrot gave a yank, and the organic cable came free with a sickening squelch.

The strange, very un-parrot-like appendage slithered back into the parrot's feathers, and the bird detached itself from Longshore's shoulder. On his shirt, there were large imprints of the bird's talons. "Now, thanks to you, I need a new host. I think you can figure out where this is going..."

Longshore's parrot flew at him, faster than Xan thought possible. He slapped it away, drawing his dagger and jabbing threateningly at the vicious bird. "Chill, mon. You can get betta den me. I know a paladin you could..."

"Quiet!" The parrot shrieked, darting forward and circling above his head. "We will rise on this planet, just as we did on Draenor! So far, I am the only one...but there will be more! More, I tell you!" Occasionally, the demonic parrot would dive and attempt to land on Xan's shoulder, but the troll made sure to keep moving. "The seas will run red with the blood of-" the beast's words ended abruptly in a gargle as it impaled itself on Xan's knife, too absorbed in its own speech to watch where it was flying.

Xan grimaced as he pushed it off his blade, and as soon as it hit the ground it exploded in a blast of dark magic. Xan stared at the spot, where not even a magical burn was left in the ground. No evidence. Of course.

Xan looked to his unconscious partner, and shook his head. It would be best to leave that part of the battle out of his explanation.

Xan'Jin and Argam returned that night with the baron's head and several pocketfuls of stolen silver. Without a word, they passed the head on to the innkeeper and tumbled to the floor in exhaustion. More accurately, Xan tumbled to the floor in exhaustion. Argam simply tumbled to the floor because he liked sleeping.

In the morning, they awoke to find a wagon sitting outside the inn piled high with beer kegs. To Argam, it was like waking up on Christmas. To Xan, it was like waking up with a hangover.

"You are gonna pull dat, righ' mon?" Xan asked dubiously, worried that he would somehow get roped into helping with the load.

"Yeah, sure," Argam replied absent-mindedly, sitting on his tail in the center of the tavern and gazing at the beer kegs hungrily.

"Okay, now can we leave? Tirisfal be soundin' better an' better da longer we stay here."

Argam simply nodded.

"See ya around, mon!" Xan called to the innkeeper.

"About damn time!" Was the disembodied reply.

End of Chapter 9