After the big blow up I had in the living room , I came straight to my room lit up a smoke to relax , God I'm so worthless I can not believe I said that FUCK now there Definatly gonna know somethings up I can't believe that I'm this stupid. FUCK I'm so pissed , I'm so worthless I just wanna die ...
'Hey maybe ... I wonder where my razors at ...' I spoke to myself I searched for a bit ,
"AHA I found you!" i said twirling my razor around in my hand,
I know most people probably think im physco or crazy for doing this, And should be in like a mental home, But they don't know what its like to be like me, Or well to think the way i think amd see the way i see, if you we're me you'd hate you self to, always distapointing the ones you love and lost of other things i mean i cut my self to realise the pain i have on the inside and make it physical so i can really feel it so i can punish my self for what i have done thats why i do it , to feel something , Something i wouldnt feel with out it.
I moved away from the dresser where i found my razor and sat on the end of the bed and rolled up my light blue button up shirt sleve on my left hand, felt my arm up and down , and then i took and point the razor right near the top of my wrist and pushed down and watched as a long line of blood drew then rolled down my arm , then i did it again this one of deeper and stung more but i loved it just as i was about to do by last line , Someone came throught the door shouting at me, my worst fear was one of them seeing me like this , or doing this and that fear came true...
Mikes P.O.V
I burst right through the door after what I just saw
'JOSH ! Man what the fuck are you doing !' I shouted
I must of scared him cuz the razor flew out of his hand and he was white as a ghost well worst then he usually is , I ran for the razor as fast as I could so he couldn't get it
Next thing i knew ian , And matt came rushing to the room
'Mike what happened we heard-'
Matt stopped speaking after what he saw in front of him was Joshua Ramsay the lead singer of our band with blobs of blood rolling down his left wrist the man we all thought was geting better actually got worse and we werre all to blind to see it , but now we had him right in front of our eyes clear as day , and we fianally saw,
what we missed and that was a pained man, but not just any pained man but our best friend/band mate/lead singer..
Ian , Matt, Josh and I all not speaking or saying anything at all but instead we all just watched Josh , Who sat on the end of his bed not staring at any of us but watching the blood fall from the cuts, off in la la land obviously not wanting to look at us after what we all just saw happen but it didnt look like josh didnt want us to see it it actually looked like he was happy for us to see it ..
'Josh ... ' Ian said
No answer
'josh .. '
No answer
'JOSH!'
The only reaction we got was him moving his head slowly towards us , His pale, Pale face looking at us with his dull , Soulless blue eyes , with dark circles around them , he just sat there letting us exam him , as we could all see , what we feared is he ... He ... Relapsed .