Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)
Title: I Want To Kiss You All Over 6/?
Pairing: Rizzoli/Isles
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.
Notes/Summary: ... hell hath no fury. References Seasons One & Two.
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If Jane had been thinking clearly, she might have been disturbed by the fact that she was practically careening down the streets of Boston on automatic pilot. Her mind was somehow guiding her to make the right turns and stops, but it wasn't due to actual conscious thought.
She was consumed by a mass of emotions, chief among them pure rage. Directed primarily at herself.
"FUCK!"
She'd shouted it numerous times since she'd flung herself into the car, even before she'd started the engine. Each exclamation had been punctuated with a sharp slam of the heel of her left hand to the top of the steering wheel.
If the goal of her somewhat violent outbursts was to lower the level of hostility she felt, it wasn't working. Not yet.
"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"
Her sock-covered foot pressed the accelerator harder. The main impulse propelling her now was to flee. Run. Get far, far away from her humiliation and hurt.
The screech of her tires as she slid to a stop at a red light brought her back toward sanity. Not all the way there, but in the right direction. She couldn't get away from this.
"FUCK!" Her hand was starting to really smart from the repeated impact it was sustaining but she didn't care.
The tears she had warned herself to hold back threatened to spill over as she let her composure crack just enough to remember that same hand reverently touching Maura's skin …
She shook herself hard as the light changed, banishing any further reminders, holding on tight to the slim thread of control she still had. She had to get home.
"FUCK!"
She should have stayed home. She should have never gone back. … She'd known from the moment she left to go to Maura's that she was hurtling down a one way street to total disaster. But she had ignored every single shred of sense she thought she'd had.
Just like she was ignoring the incessant ring of her phone. It had started almost immediately after she'd peeled away from the curb. She had no intention of answering. No intention of listening to any "explanation" of what had just happened.
Even the ring itself was insulting. She angrily stabbed the power off and hurled the cell into the passenger side floorboard. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear any of it.
She'd heard enough already.
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For all the trepidation she'd felt on the way to Maura's, when she'd actually stepped out of her car it had almost been like Superman emerging from an old phone booth. She was totally committed to the character Maura had requested and - somewhat irrationally because of her "disguise" - she felt nearly invincible.
With a swagger she'd approached the door, smiling as she mused, "One sexy lesbian plumber at your service, ma'am." She was going to enjoy this for as long as she could. Damn the consequences.
Maura looked stunning, as usual. But this time, Jane let herself look, lingering wherever she wanted. And then she said what she was thinking – without making a joke or a backhanded compliment. It felt wonderful.
She couldn't divine secrets by reading a person's orbital muscular what-ever-the-hell, but she made a career out of picking up on clues and subtle reactions. The incredibly poised and composed Dr. Isles had been flustered by her direct appraisal and manner. Jane found it adorable.
She was even more emboldened when she felt Maura tremble as she brushed by her and kissed her cheek. It was totally empowering to be the one who wasn't uneasy or on edge. As ridiculous as this whole set-up might have been, it was working for her. For the moment at least.
And Maura loved the wine! It didn't matter if Jane was pretending to be someone else, she'd gotten that right. As badly as she may have wanted another beer, she was going to join Maura. Hopefully find out what was so special about this particular brand and vintage. Because it would make Maura smile.
Any worries she might have had about her clothing choices were erased as she realized how easily distracted Maura was by the ensemble. Jane wanted to grin at the obvious glances and the lapses in concentration, but she was afraid to break the spell. There would be plenty of time to tease Maura about it in the future.
Since it was much later than they'd planned to eat dinner, Jane was hungry. The restaurant take out Maura had so elegantly presented smelled heavenly. She didn't care about any of the fancy names or whether they were signature dishes. She spied pasta and she was all in. And then Maura was holding a glistening baby tomato right in front of her …
Jesus it was erotic to eat it right from her fingers! She loved the flash she saw in Maura's eyes as her lips made contact. She had to force herself not to suck the fingers completely into her mouth … use her tongue to foreshadow further intimacies … As it was, Maura's tiny staggered exhalation made her close her eyes and draw away before she derailed everything.
When she heard the barest hint of a whimper, she couldn't resist prolonging the moment. Ever so slowly, she'd turned Maura's palm toward her and kissed it, delighting in the knowledge that even that small gesture was having such an affect on her companion. She was just getting started.
As she helped Maura move her chair up to the table, she was nearly intoxicated by the smell of her hair, her perfume … her. She leaned to place a kiss against the crown of her head, not caring if it seemed a bit patronizing or maternal. She just wanted to.
The fact was that Jane couldn't help herself. No, that wasn't right … the fact that she knew she'd been basically given permission to help herself – to whatever she wanted – was astonishing and hard to wrap her mind around. She had the impulse to do so, and quickly, but …
She couldn't escape the feeling that she had to be careful or the whole thing would fall apart. Dissipate like a dream with any sudden movement. Part of her was waiting for her time to be up, the clock to run out, the whistle to blow. For Maura to call "cut" and the scene to be wrapped up. Maybe if she just moved slowly enough, with deliberation and care, she could make this last.
Jesus Christ did she want it to last.
It was fun flirting openly with Maura, hell – it was amazing. Never mind that she was making things up right and left to keep the charade going. The interaction was electric. Their banter throughout dinner kept her on her toes, but she didn't need any incentive to keep her eyes on Maura's face. She was so damn gorgeous.
Jane wanted to keep telling her as much. Wanted to see the blush that crept over her features when she heard it, as if it were coming from someone who mattered. Wanted to see her skin flushed with heat all over … everywhere.
She couldn't get Maura to the couch fast enough. Pausing to remove her work shirt gave her time to remember to pace herself … to not push too hard. It also gave her another rush of pure liberation.
She was more and more exposed and she didn't care. Tonight she wasn't going to be inhibited by any of her doubts or hang ups. She was going to be the person she always wished she could be. She was going to follow her heart.
Besides, she was in the best of hands.
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As she pulled into her customary parking space and killed the engine, Jane's temper had finally cooled. She was grateful that she'd made it home in one piece and without collateral damage. Dammit, now there was something else to chastise herself about.
Slumping forward against the wheel, she let the weight of her distress overwhelm her. She couldn't even muster the energy it took to hold her head up, much less get herself together enough to get into her apartment.
Her eyes were squeezed together but she could feel the tears making their way through. She had been so stupid to believe … to think …. Of course, no one would ever mistake her for the smart one. And no one would ever accuse Maura of being the devious one.
No. This was on her. She had rejected any and all evidence that didn't point toward her preferred outcome. Maura had been clear from the beginning that the whole thing was fantasy. It was Jane's own fault that her fantasy involved both of them accepting that everything between them had been real.
What a crushing wake up call reality had turned out to be.
Roughly swiping her eyes, she looked toward her building. Even though it was dark, she didn't want anyone to see her in her current state. With a deep sigh she struggled into the plumber's shirt and haphazardly buttoned it up.
Opening the car door, she turned in the seat so that her stocking feet were hanging just above the pavement. Wearily she tugged her boots on, trying with all her might not to see Maura's face as she'd removed the first one earlier. It was impossible.
"Fuck."
This time it was said almost under her breath, all the fire gone. Blinking furiously she stood and swung the door shut. Dammit, you can wait a few more yards before you totally lose it.
Get inside and then you can break down. Break. Everything was broken now.
Son of a bitch. Everything was shattered.
Blindly climbing the front steps, she was filled with dread.
Fuck all the King's horses and all the King's men …
Nothing was ever going to be the same again.
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end part 6
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