Sleepless2: Not really a Edward and Bella fan, but i'll be sure to check it out! :)
Onto the next chapter! Enjoy! P.s: Sorry for all the back and forth POV switches in this chapter. There's just some parts that have to be said by Jacob and vice versa.
Chapter 9
Renesmee
After the enitial shock from reading the test passed, I felt like breaking down.
I couldn't have his... thing!
I wasn't even conviced it was a baby since it came from him.
It was a monster. A abomination. And I refused to give birth to it.
"Ness? Are you okay with this?" Jacob asked quietly.
When he asked me that, I did break down. He rushed over and cradled me to his chest.
"I c-can't be pregnant Jake! I just can't be!" I sobbed. "I don't want to have it, I don't want his monster inside of me..."
"Shh, honey its okay. I'll find you a good abortion clinic. I dont want you having that ba- thing either. It will be alright."
I cried in his arms for awhile longer, before I felt him lift me up, carry me down the hall to my bedroom and lay me on the bed.
"I'm gonna go make some calls, try to get some more sleep and I will come check on you in a few."
I nodded, and he kissed my cheek, dangerously close to my lips, making me flinch alittle. Not out of disgust, or because I didn't like it, I just wasn't expecting him to do that.
"Sorry." He said then left.
Leaving me to drift off into a restless sleep.
Jacob
"She's pregnant." I announced to Quil and Embry.
"Dude... We're so sorry. Are you gonna be okay?" Embry asked.
I sighed, "I don't know Em, I don't know. I mean i'm glad she doesn't want it, but it still bothers me. Just knowing she's knocked up by some other guy, kills me."
"Is she gonna get a demon extraction?" Quil asked, dead seriously.
Me and Em cracked up, while Quil sat there confused.
"What?"
"Man just shut up," I chuckled. " But yes she is getting rid of the thing. I've got to call a Charlisle to see if her pregnancy is anything like Bella's and if he can do her abortion."
"I completely for got how that pregnancy was with Bella! Didn't Renesmee have to bite her way out or something?"
I cringed. I couldn't picture stuff like that. I would go insane.
I picked up the phone and dialed Dr. Fangs number.
"Helllo Jacob." He greeted. "How is Renesmee?"
"We might have a problem..."
...
I told Charlisle about the pregnacy, and he told me to bring her home ASAP, before the thing could get any bigger.
So thats why we're pulling up to the house a day later. I parked my car and turned to give her some reassurance, but she interrupted me.
"You should go home Jacob."
My mouth snapped closed in surprise. That was the last thing I expected her to say.
"O-Oh." I studdered. "You don't want me to stay here and-"
"No. I'll probably be staying here for a week or two anyways. I'll call you when ever its over."
I couldn't help but notice the lack of emotion in her voice, and the distant look on her face.
"Okay... Well good luck. I'll be back over tommorrow to see you then. I love you?" I said, practically pleading with my voice for her to say it back.
But she didn't. She just gave me a small wave, got out the car and dragged herself to the front door.
I sighed forcing myself to drive off. She just needed some space, and I could understand that. Even if it drove me crazy.
Renesmee
Two hours.
Two hours since they remove the thing from my stomach and I felt like a murderer.
Charlisle said it was normal for everyone to feel depressed after and abortion, because it was a life changing moment for all women.
I wasn't depress about that. I was damn near excited having it out of my stomach, even if that sounds terrible. I was just depressed about everything.
Rowan still being around and untraceable. Little, constant reminders of what he did to me. My fear of every movement, or person within five feet of me. It was driving me insane and I just wanted to cut myself off from the world. Stay inside my own head and away from anyone or anything that could harm me.
I know that would kill Jacob though. He acted like I was his whole world or something, and to be honest it was annoying at times, when he worried so much.
But I guess that was just Jacob being Jacob. Speaking of, As much as I didn't want company right now I should call him. I dialed his number and he answered on the second ring.
"Renesmee..." He sighed in relief. "Did everything go okay? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I've been up for about two hours, and the baby's gone." I said in monotone.
"Oh...good."
"I'm gonna go Jake, i'll see you later." He was quiet for a minute.
"Okay. Bye."
With that we hung up.
...
Over the next few weeks, I kept true to my word.
I shut out the world, and stayed safe in the confinements of my room.
The family tried to coerce me to get out the house, have some fun, get some fresh air, but I ignored them. Day after day pasted and I would do nothing but eat, sleep, and listen to music.
And as everyday passed, I noticed Jacob get more and more sad, Which really made me try hard not to feel the way I felt, because he was always happy no matter what, but I couldn't... I just wasn't Renesmee anymore.
She got lost somewhere along the way. No matter how hard she tried to find her way back to me.
Then one day I had just finally had enough.
"Mom, Dad I'm going out for a few." I yelled, as I through on a hoodie, since it was a typical rainy day in Forks."
They appeared at the front door Immediatly.
"Really? Are you feeling better?" Mom asked.
I gave her a fake smile, and put thoughts of walking through the park in my head, so Dad wouldn't worry about where I was really going.
"Much, I'm just going to walk around the park alittle, you know get some fresh air."
Daddy smiled at me, "Good. Don't be back before late."
"Don't worry. Love you guys." I said, then ran out the house.
Jacob
(Insert "Rihanna- Russian Roulette here.")
Something about today felt off.
I woke this morning with a feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. But I just brushed it off, figuring I was just worrying about Renesmee too much again. So I just went about my day, eating, hanging out with the guys, and the feeling got stronger.
I finally just hopped in my truck and drove to the cullens to see Nessie.
When I got there though the house was livid. Everyone was pacing around, yelling or holding each other.
"Guys..." I drew out, "What the hell is going on?"
"Jacob! Where the hell have you been!" Pixie yelled at me, "I've been trying to reach you for an hour!"
"Why?" I felt the panic building up in my chest, as I looked at everyone's faces. "Alice whats going on? Where's Renesmee?"
"I don't know! My visions of her are always so blurry, and she's been planning something all day, using the loop holes in my visions to confuse us. I saw her sitting on some cliff, holding some thing metal in her hand but then-"
She paused and got that blank look in heer face.
"ALICE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!" I yelled, shaking in fear.
Jasper rushed over and sat her down, and when she came to again, she screamed in horror.
"Alice, darling what did you see?" Jasper asked calmly.
"Renesmee... I saw her... covered in blood... th-then her future disappeared. I...I think she's trying to commit suicide."
I was already out the door by 'covered in blood.'
Renesmee
I sat on the cliff in La push, where me and Jacob spent numerous days, laughing and playing when I was younger. I was enjoying the feeling of the rain as it beat down on my skin.
I touch the heavy piece of metal in my pocket and let out a shaky sigh, as a single tear rolled down my cheek.
I guess this is what its come to.
But this was the right thing to do right? I just wasn't happy anymore and didn't want to be haunted anymore with the constant memories of him anymore.
I stood up and pulled the gun out of my pocket, holding it in my hands thinking about all the people I would miss.
Mom and Dad. Alice and Jasper. Charlisle and Esme. Rosalie and Emmett, even his sick sense of humor. I would even miss the wolf pack. Especially the way Quil was so embarrasingly funny. Katie. And... Jacob.
More tears rolled down my face when I realized I would never see his sunny smile again, The love in his eye's whenever I was around, and just the way I felt around him. So safe, secure and alive.
But this was the only way to escape it all.
I placed the gun to my temple and took a deep breath.
"Jake... I love you..." I whispered as my finger squeezed the trigger.
"RENESMEE NO!" I heard Jacob scream.
Before I could even figure out where he was something collided into my side making me squeal, fall to the ground, and the gun slip out of my hand falling off the cliff.
"Renesmee, please... you can't do this... You can't!" Jacob yelled, gripping my shoulders, my face, my arms with his violently trembling hands, like he was checking to see if I was still here. I started crying after looking into his fear stricken eyes, tears coming in buckets out of them.
"Jacob... I can't live with in fear anymore. I can't live my life thinking he's going to come find me and hurt my family, you, or myself. I just can't... Im not happy any more... I'm not Renesmee..."
He let out a heart wrecking sob, squeezing the life out of me, but I didn't dare pull away.
"I c-can make you ha-happy... I'll...I'll do whatever it takes... Just please! Please nessie, I need you...I love you...You can't leave me..."
I have never heard Jacob this scared in my life, and the last time he cried like this was when... He thought he was never going to see me again... I couldn't hurt him like this... He would probably kill himself If I died. I gripped him tighter thinking about him dead.
"I'm not going anywhere Jacob.I promise this won't happen again... I'm so so sorry."
He just kept on sobbing violently into my hair, his whole body trembling, in fear and sadness. And I hoped I'd never have to see him like this again. I can't believe I was the one who caused Jacob Black to break down.
...
The family was on the cliff to watching as me and Jacob cried into each others arms, then once Jacob had calmed down considerablely, I got up and hugged everyone else, listening as they 'dry cried' and scolded me for what I did, telling me that they were so scared.
I felt so horrible for making everyone feel that way, but I honestly thought it was the only way out.
The whole car ride home, I kept glancing at Jacob, who stayed quiet the entire time, looking out the window. I saw his face screw up a couple times, or noticed a hitch in his breathing. I reached over and gripped his hand which made him squeeze mine for dear life.
"Jacob we're going to let her stay with you. We know your hurting just as much as us." Mom sniffled. "We'd like to stay too, if you don't mind. Just me and Edward."
"I-I'll call Sam." Jacob muttered. He took out his phone and filled him in on what happened, and from what I heard he was more than willing to let my parents stay the night.
So when we pulled up to the house, I was immediatly pulled out the car and into a pair of warm arms.
"Don't you ever scare me like that loch ness." Quil whispered. "I will shove my foot so far up your ass, if you pull that shit on my again."
I giggled. Of course Quil would make light in such a dark situation.
"I won't Quil. I promise." I pulled away from him and realized even though there was a small smile on his face, tears were pooling in his eyes.
"Come on Renesmee, I-I don't want you to get sick." Jacob whispered next to me. I grabbed his hand and Quil gave him a sympathetic look. Jacob just pulled me into the house, upstairs and gave me a pair of his sweats. He stood outside the door of my room while I changed, and I could hear him and Quil talking quietly.
"Jacob..." Quil started.
"Quil," Jacob interrupted, his vioce breaking. "Please don't. I don't want to even think about it right now. Seeing her with that gun pointed at her head... Oh god..."
Jacob broke down again and I could hear Quil slapping him on the back so I knew they were hugging.
"Come on man, don't cry." Quil comforted, getting choked up himself.
I heard Jacob take a deep breath. "I'm gonna see if she's dressed. I'll talk to you tommorrow."
As if on cue, he knocked on the door.
"You can come in, Jacob." I said softly.
He opened my door, flashed me a watery smile then sat on the bed next to me.
''Is it okay if I sleep in here with you tonight? I really need to be close to you."
"Of course its okay Jacob, get comfortable."
I laid down, while he took off his shirt and shoes, then he laid behind me. I leaned to shut the light off, then he wrapped his arms around my waist.
Everything was quiet for awhile, and I thought he'd fallen asleep until I heard his soft cries in my ear. I turned in his arms and wiped his cheeks
"Jacob..." I whispered.
"You don't know how much it killed me inside to see you today." He sobbed. "It felt like someone had ripped my lungs from my chest..."
"I'm so sorry I hurt you like this. I'm just not happy Jake. I can't change that." He cupped my cheek, leaned forward and placed his trembling lips on my head.
"You'll never understand how in love I am with you. How much I care about you. I wouldn't be able to live with out you. I love you so much."
"I can't love you the right way Jacob... Don't get me wrong, I've always had feelings for you, but right now I have to focus on myself. I want to be happy again, I want to love you the way you want... But I need to learn how to love myself again first."
He smiled alittle, which made me estatic to see.
"Okay then. I don't care if you ever fall in love with me, I just want to see that light back in your eyes. I don't want you to ever feel like killing yourself is the only way out. I've always been there for you to talk to. All you had to do was talk to me."
"I know that, and I regret not doing it now. But I promise, in the future when I feel like there's no other way, I will talk to you."
"Good." He whispered and pulled me closer to his body. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Wow... That was emotional for me to write. Just writing Jacob in any type of pain makes me sad :'(
Please review!