I was about to fall asleep when I heard mike yell so my reaction of corse was to go see what was wrong ,
I saw matt going to see what was up to we walk to josh's room
'Mike what happened we heard-' matt stopped
I could not fully see what was going on cuz I was standing in the door frame but I stepped around matt to see what they were looking at and I couldn't believe it ..
It was Josh .. Sitting on the end of his bed with cuts on his wrist , with blood dripping from each of them .
It was silent for a while but I decided to break the silence
'Josh...'
No answer
'Josh..'
No answer
'JOSH!'
He just turned his face and looked up at us ... God it was terrible I heard a slight gasp come from Matts mouth .
He was so pale . He relapsed it was so obvious now looking at him and seeing the cuts , the marks from him doing heroine up his right arm, his bones sticking out of his body .. It was absolutely so disturbing to look at but none of us could take out eyes off of him.
'J-Josh .. W-why?' matt stuttered
'I dunno'
'don't tell me you don't know why you did all this shit again!'
No answer
'Fuck man! You were doing so good ! Why the fuck ruin it! Oh my god I can't believe this! FUCK! and none of us saw it either ! '
Matt punched the wall obviously making us all jump
'Josh answer us please' mike pleaded 'just tell us why'
'because ... I hate my self .. I've always have .. Like I don't even know why I'm here man , there's nothing to live for , and those songs fuck , those songs' Josh paused for a bit leaving it silent for a few minutes .
then he started speaking again
"I was doing so good wasn't I? but those fucking songs , each time I performed one of them , the memory's man I don't even know why I did it ... I-I just missed the rush and the control , the pain ... Being numb but still feeling something FUCK Mike why the hell didn't you just let me do it ! I just wanna end it ! Give me the razor back! Please !That's all I want ! And I'll be happy "
He started to cry , he fell to his knees and started balling his eyes out to be honest I use to think Josh was the strongest ,
he Use to look invincible , he use to be a hero to thousands of people , who were dealing with stuff like him , but I guess while he was helping them he fell into the path again ..
Matts P.O.V
After what Josh said I was in shock but more in shock of what I saw , I can't believe he went down this path again but I can believe that none of us noticed this .
'How long?' mike asked
No answer
'how long?' mike yelled
'3 years' Josh answered
When I heard that answer I looked at Ian and mike who also looked at me , just in shock once again ,
' 3 years ... I can't believe we never noticed' I spoke
'i can .. ' Josh said
'what do you mean ''you can?''
'I mean it's always been this way , the signs have always been so obvious but yet you guys are so blinded that you never saw any of them '
* Silence *
Was all that was there .
'Now mike I'm gonna ask nicely , Can I have my razor back?' Josh said
'what the fuck Josh!' I said
'what?'
'this is bull shit ! You know what there's absolutely no point in lecturing Josh about this , you wanna know why ?
I'll tell you why cuz he's fucked up! And even if we did help him he wouldn't care he wouldn't try to change it , this , I mean he is fucking worthless !' with that I walked out , I was pissed I mean wouldn't you be pissed if you were in my situation , yah I may have been harsh but that's the truth "
I walked off to the kitchen , grabbed a glass of water , I turned away from the sink and saw Mike and Ian standing there
'really matt ? Really? Ian said
'yea really , he needed to hear the truth '
*Silence*
'Uhhh this band is falling apart' Mike spoke finally trying to run his hands through his hair but failed cuz of his mike-hawk (;
'And it's all HIS falut' I said pointing towards Joshs room
'matt.. ' mike said
'what?'
'nothing'
*Silence*
'So did you just leave Josh there ?' i said
'yah' they said at the same time
'with the razor ?' I asked
'Fuck! ' mike said and started running towards josh's room
Ian and I followed , both running as well ,
When we got to josh's room he was laying on the floor with another slit in his wrist , white as a ghost , but still breathing .
'Call 9-1-1!' Ian told me .