Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)
Title: I Want To Kiss You All Over 8/?
Pairing: Rizzoli/Isles
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.
Notes/Summary: ... References Seasons One & Two.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane felt like she was watching everything occur in slow motion, from an alternate vantage point. As if she wasn't physically there. Her sore, exhausted eyes registered Maura's entrance, but her brain couldn't seem to process what was happening.

Maura wasn't supposed to be here.

Not while she was still so devastated and devoid of any defensive measures. Not while so much of her anguish was on display. Not while she was nursing her wounds and sorting out her options. And definitely not while her sense of self was completely dismantled.

This was her home. She had every right to retreat to it. To expect that she would be protected from further pain here. Yet, Maura's presence was suddenly testing that assumption.

It totally pissed her off.

The anger she had been pining for was back in a flash. Surging through her, casting off much of the sensitivity she'd exposed with her emotional excavation.

"What the HELL, Maura?" She squared her shoulders, her voice infused with indignation. "You can't just waltz in here without warning! Son of a bitch!"

Maura's expression indicated that she had been prepared for such a protest. Her response was calm. "You weren't answering your phone."

"You're a damn genius - that should have been your first clue! No … check that … your first clue should have been that I got the hell out of your place as fast as I could."

"Before I could explain …"

"Before you could make it worse! I gave you that key to use only in emergencies. Not so you could stride in here and ease your conscience. "

"This IS an emergency!"

"Why? Because YOU have something to say? Let me spare you the trouble. I know exactly what was going on back there."

Jane was glad she had put down the beer bottle because if she hadn't, she'd be picking up glass all night. She had the urge to smash something. Instead she got louder.

"You didn't get to have your steamy hotsex marathon with the idiot Italian Adonis, and you still had an itch to scratch. So you saw an opportunity and settled for another idiot Italian …"

She could see that Maura was aghast at the accusation, but she didn't give her a chance to interrupt.

"As long as it was just my hands on your body or my tongue in your mouth, you could imagine I was anyone …"

"NO!"

"But you couldn't quite make yourself stick your hand down my pants, could you? That would have screwed up the whole fantasy, right? Good thing your little orgasmic outburst saved us both the disappointment …" She hated, HATED, that her voice broke.

"You're wrong …"

"Everything is wrong, God dammit!" She was furiously blinking back tears.

Maura took a few steps forward and noticed for the first time what Jane was holding. "You're hurt!"

With a sharp, sarcastic laugh that came frighteningly close to a sob, Jane shot back, "No shit, Sherlock!"

When it became obvious that Maura still intended to examine her, reaching for her hand despite Jane's attitude, Jane could feel herself losing it. She yanked her hand up, Freezer Monkey and all, making the universal gesture for "stop right there."

"NO! No … no … no …" She was shaking her head. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to … be that … anymore."

This time, Maura faltered. With a small, perverse measure of satisfaction, Jane noted the way her face fell. Then she watched in disbelief as Maura's eyes filled with tears.

"Dammit Maura! You don't get to do that either! You can't start crying when I'm already crying." Jane threw both hands up in exasperation.

Sputtering and tilting her head, Maura countered. "That doesn't make any sense."

Jane felt all of the fight drain out of her. She flopped down on the couch, her head leaning all the way back, and draped her forearm over her eyes. When she was little, she had believed for a while that if she couldn't see someone, they couldn't see her either. Oh how she wished that were true.

"So sue me." She just wanted to get some rest. She was done. "You can let yourself out."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here. And you're going to listen to me."

Composed and steady Maura was back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The seconds ticked by without either of them making a sound. Jane honestly didn't know what to do. So she hid. And waited. Wondering if Maura would give in or give up. She was disgusted with herself for hoping that she wouldn't.

Even with all that had happened, even though she had been splintered, eviscerated … she silently willed Maura to make it better. To heal this somehow.

Until Maura spoke, Jane wasn't even sure where she was. Her words were quiet, clear and off to the right. Jane found herself hanging on each one.

"There is no one on the face of this earth who knows me as well as you do. No one else who has ever seen all of who I am and still continued to care. I'm a different person because of what you see in me. You mean more to me than I've ever let you know, than I've ever really accepted. More to me than my family. And more to me than any career…"

Jane struggled to hold back a fresh round of tears, pressing her arm tighter against her eyelids.

"It is beyond heartbreaking that I have hurt you. That I've given you any reason to doubt yourself or the connection between us. I'm horrified by that. I can only beg for forgiveness and try to make you believe that what you reacted to, however understandable under the circumstances, was not at all what I was trying to express."

As much as Jane wanted to stand her ground, she could feel it shifting under her feet. She was wavering. She wanted to believe.

"Jane … please look at me." Maura's voice was rife with emotion.

It was a simple request, but Jane knew it would mean her surrender. Yet, she was helpless to resist. Her arm slid slowly down to her lap, but she didn't raise her head, instead rolling it toward where she'd heard Maura speak.

When her eyes fluttered open, glistening with unshed tears, she found Maura a few yards away – full of tenderness and compassion - obviously willing herself not to move onto the sofa next to Jane.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

It was almost physically impossible for Maura to lie. Jane knew that. The thought of presenting false information practically made her faint. With the barest hint of a smile, Jane started to respond … and then it hit her. Her eyes narrowed.

"Ian. You lied about Dr. Ian."

And I was so damn jealous. You called him the love of your life. You, Miss Freakin' Goodie Two Shoes, even broke the law for him!

Of course, she didn't say any of that out loud. It was bad enough that the mood was broken. She felt like she was on the world's most discombobulating roller coaster.

Maybe the good doctor could only lie about men.

Maura blinked slowly and sighed. "That was more of an omission than a lie."

"To-may-toe, to-mah-toe."

Jane could have kicked herself for using that particular cliché. The last thing she needed to think about right now was how she had sensuously nibbled the tips of Maura's fingers …

This time Maura exhaled and directed her eyes toward the ceiling. She stared at it as if she were counting to ten.

"Okay …I admit, I was hiding things from you and … for all intents and purposes … on occasion … some of my statements could technically be classified a lies."

She ignored Jane's snort and continued. "But the important thing to remember, in all of that … is that you KNEW. You could tell. I couldn't get anything past you."

"Yeah, well …" Jane couldn't decide if she was agreeing or still trying to argue.

Maura placed both hands on her hips and leveled her gaze at Jane. "Stand up."

"What? No." She barely stopped herself from adding the childish comeback "can't make me." Because in this case, Maura was probably going to.

"I mean it. Come here. We need to be face to face … I want you to look me in the eye when I tell you what happened … why I said what I said. That's the only way you can be sure I'm telling the truth."

When Jane still didn't budge, Maura snapped her fingers.

That did it. Jane rose, incredulous. "You did NOT just snap your fingers at me!"

"Get over it … I needed to get you up." She motioned for Jane to move toward her.

Glaring and fuming, she did. But with a slight show of defiance, she stopped at least two feet away. "Happy now?"

"No." Maura's expression softened and she absently chewed her bottom lip.

"I won't be happy until you stop suffering over this. Until you understand how incredibly mistaken you are about what you heard and what you assumed."

Maura was beginning to choke up, but she continued.

"I won't be happy until I can touch you again without you drawing away. Until you know that you can trust me …"

Jane felt compelled to fill in the blanks. "Until things are back to the way they were before?"

She was surprised and thrown by Maura's emphatic reply.

"No. That's not what I want at all."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

end part 8
thanks for reading!