It's me again! First, thank you so much for everybody who put this story on their favourites' list or put it on alert, it means a lot that you liked it. Leave me a review to tell what you liked or didn't like about it!

Here's the second part. I can't promise a date for the third part but I'll post it soon. No plan to go further than 3 parts since I don't really know where I'm going with that and I don't want to leave this story incomplete because I couldn't think of anything. I don't exclude continuing if inspiration strikes but I have a tendency of not completing my stories.

Disclaimer: I still own nothing but I can't think of a creative and/or amusing way of saying it.

XXX

It had been a difficult year between the dirty bomb, Lockwood, Montgomery, her shooting and the bank robbery. Castle didn't know how long there would be able to go on like this. It had been so much fun in the beginning, but the rollercoaster they were on seemed to be never-ending. Kate had been on a downward spiral for a long time. He had thought he could keep her head above water but only she could do that.

Going home with him was a step forward though: she admitted she wasn't fine and was allowing him to help her. He wasn't going to keep her on her feet alone, she had to be the one to do that, she had to keep herself up. That didn't mean he couldn't help her when her legs were a little wobbly.

He would set her up in the guest room so she could have some independence: he knew how much Kate valued that. She was now sitting on the couch while he was in the kitchen preparing hot chocolate. She looked exhausted and so small and quiet. She wasn't a big talker, he knew that, but she wasn't quiet. Everybody noticed her in a room even if she hated that. So to see her trying to disappear among the cushions was disarming at best.

He made his way to the living room and put the mugs on the coffee table. She looked terrified, taking everything in as if the most insignificant item in the room could be used as a weapon against her. He sat down next to her and gave her the mug filled with hot chocolate. She took it with both hands let it warm her. Her curls were hiding her pale face. That made for a change. For the last months she had always had her hair in a ponytail or a bun or anything really that left her forehead and her eyes bare. Now it seemed she was curling up on herself. He didn't really know what to do to help her. He wanted so badly to gather her in his arms but he was terrified of frightening her so much she wouldn't ever get out of her shell again.

She took a sip from her mug and closed her eyes when the comforting liquid slid down her throat. His breathing got easier when he saw her get more comfortable, settling further in the couch until her back rested against it. Once she finished her chocolate, she put the mug back on the coffee table and looked up at Castle. She had a small smile that warmed his heart and the knot in his throat lessened as he smiled back.

When they had got back from her apartment and while he had been preparing their drinks, everything had been silent. The quiet had been uncomfortable. Now it was restful. So it was reluctantly that he broke it. "Do you want to get some rest? I can set you up in the guest room if you want to sleep." His voice was low so as not to disturb the calm surrounding them. "No, it's okay, Castle, I'll stay here for a bit if you don't mind. I don't really feel like being alone right now." She chuckled deprecatingly. He made a move to take her hand but stopped just shy of touching it. She saw his movement and took his hand.

Kate realized it was very uncharacteristic for her to look for that kind of contact with him. But she was scared, unsettled and she knew he would give her anything she needed. At that moment, that meant just holding hands to reassure themselves that she was safe. She squeezed his hand and looked up. Castle seemed so relieved, as if he never thought she would be there. The last time she had seen that look had been at the hospital just after her shooting when he had come to visit her. Just before she shot him down by pretending she remembered nothing that had happened that day. She guessed that had been the way she had looked when she had found him in the vault at the bank.

The whole time, he had been sitting sideways so he could face her, looking as if he was absorbing every movement she made. She pulled a bit on his hand and on his arm to get him to move closer. He came willingly to sit right beside her. He put their hands on his thigh and she rested her head on his shoulder. They both breathed a soft sigh when he put his cheek on the top of her head. They were safe.

XXX

They stayed in that position for quite a while, both resting and drinking each other's presence in. They made a bit of small talk to distract themselves. Castle tried to broach subtly the subject of what had happened only a couple of hours earlier. Except that it was the kind of thing that was difficult to talk about delicately. He wanted her to be comfortable but he really needed to know what had happened, how often she got these panic attacks, if he could do something, anything, to help her. He couldn't stand there watching her suffer through this without doing anything.

"Kate… Don't answer this if you don't want to but what did you see earlier at your apartment? Were you back at the cemetery?" He heard her catch her breath. "Forget it, don't answer that, I just…" She squeezed his hand. "It's okay, Castle, I just need a second." She took a deep, steadying breath and began. "I remember bits of that day. I remember leaving my apartment. I remember talking about the Captain. I remember you being there, next to me. The rest is a bit… fuzzy." Somehow he doubted that, but it wasn't really the moment to accuse her of lying to him.

"You know I see the police therapist," - he nodded - "I was diagnosed with PTSD." They were still in the same position, her head on his shoulder and his cheek on her head. She felt him nod but it was easier to get this out without having to face him. "It usually manifests itself in nightmares but panic attacks happen sometimes, depending on the case and the amount of stress." She knew she sounded clinical in the way she was talking about what she was going through but it was easier for her to distance herself from it to avoid breaking down completely in front of him. She trusted him, no doubt about that. She didn't trust herself.

"Earlier… Earlier, the Captain's funeral got mixed up with the sniper case. I knew I was at my apartment but everything I remember from after I got shot replayed in my head. This time I knew I was going to die. There would be nobody to beg me to stay alive…" At that, he lifted his head and turned to her. He didn't want to confront her so soon after her panic attack but that was too big of a deal. "So you admit it, you remember what happened then. When you were lying on the grass." He was trying to stay calm but the pretending had to stop. He needed to hear the truth. "Castle, I…"

She wanted so badly to lie and go on like they had for the last few months. But she also knew she needed to tell the truth. They needed to deal with this so they could move forward. "You're right, I remember. When you came to visit me at the hospital, I was still with Josh. You looked so hopeful. I thought it would be better for everyone if you believed I didn't remember anything. I needed to end things with Josh but I wasn't ready for a relationship with you. But you know I want it right? This relationship with you? I just needed to get my life in order so we could make it work…"

Now she was scared. Would he forgive her for keeping such a big secret from him? But even if she felt weak at that moment, she could deal with his anger. It was too important.

XXX

To be continued…

Okay, so this is a bit longer than the first chapter. Rick wanted to talk at first but Kate kind of took over in the middle. She needed to get this out, I guess!

It's hard for me to write angst because I'm more of a romance kinda girl, so I desperately miss fluffy bunnies, rainbows and sunshine… Leave a review to brighten my day? Especially if you put it on your favourites' list or on alert!