Voodoo Child

Chapter 32 – We Fight For Love

By Genoscythe

Xan'Jin knew he was in trouble when the Vile Fin murlocs failed to realize that trolls couldn't breathe underwater.

He hadn't been dragged very far, as the Vile Fins' hideout sat on the edge of the continental shelf just by the shore. But the only thing that meant for him was that he would drown instead of being crushed by extreme pressure. The Vile Fins pulling him along swam into a tiny sunken temple and pushed him into a wooden cage they had tied to the floor.

As soon as they slammed the door, he began shaking his head and making choking gestures. The guard thought he was threatening him, so he jabbed the troll in the ribs. Just before Xan started to pass out, he could make out a murloc with a seashell tied to its head and a white coat swimming rapidly toward the cage.

It explained, with a series of burbles and gurgles, that the prisoner could not, in point of fact, breathe at the moment and was about to drown. Begrudgingly, the guard untied the bottom of the cage and it was positioned over a bubbling crack outside. After several gestures from the murloc in the coat, Xan deduced that he was somehow supposed to get air from the bubbles filling his cage.

This was suspiciously easier than it should have been. In no time, Xan stopped seeing spots and feeling faint.

"They have…to exist," the murloc explained. "Otherwise…nobody would be able to swim."

Oh, dat makes sense, Xan thought dryly.

"I…am Sharkeye. Vile Fin…field medic," the murloc doctor said. "They just…don't get it. Not everybody…has gills!" he muttered more to himself than Xan. "You just may be…the first prisoner we've kept alive this long."

I feel betta already.

"Don't ask me…how Kirmytte plans on interrogating you."

"Mmph," Xan replied, shrugging.

"Well…if you'll excuse me…there's some hot nurses whose eggs need fertilizing. If…you know what I mean."

Xan simply looked silently disgusted.

"Don't go…dying on me," Sharkeye said light-heartedly. Then, his face fell and the light disappeared from his eyes. "I've seen…too much of that already." The drama was somewhat ruined by his need to croak at the beginning of a sentence. Xan didn't know how to respond to the sudden change in tone, but he didn't have to as Sharkeye swam away glumly.

Wait a sec, what'd joo do wit my hat? Xan wanted to yell after him, but was stopped by the prospect of filling his lungs with sea water. Then, an even more horrifying idea came to him. What'd dey do wit Meridia?

The half-elf, half-troll in question was currently swimming in circles, scanning the ocean floor as best she could without any sort of goggles. Warm current enveloped her, gently prodded her blue-purple flesh. It would have been relaxing under different circumstances.

Like, perhaps, if she weren't in Stranglethorn Vale.

A dark shape flashed beneath her, and she readied the raptor claw she had pilfered. This creature, whatever it was, moved like it owned the ocean. Maybe it did, but not for long if it was stupid enough to attack an armed night elf.

Meridia continued to swim along lazily, holding the raptor claw upside-down and pretending not to watch the giant fish watching her. It mimicked her approach; cruising along in a tightening circle around her, occasionally darting forward only to pull back again.

If only the poor bastard knew.

Meridia hoped it would make a move soon, for she was starting to run out of air. Even though she was the only one who paid attention in aquatic combat training, it was only so long that advanced breathing techniques could keep you underwater – unless you wanted to take up residence permanently.

Finally, the creature darted forward, coming from behind. Meridia kicked off and arced backward, hooking the raptor claw on the roof of its gaping mouth as it sped past. She planted a foot on the back of its slender body and yanked with all her considerable might, nearly bending the fish in half and getting a satisfying snap out of the process.

Meridia didn't have time to savor her victory, and instead she pushed off of the giant limp fish in the direction of the surface. The sparkling water parted, and she sucked in such humid air that she might as well have taken a breath while still underwater.

Still no closer to finding Xan, she mused grimly. Tossing back her glistening red hair, she heard several faint gasps just outside her field of vision.

"Bur," someone murmured almost silently, and Meridia felt a chill run down her spine. She knew what that meant, and she knew why the human had said it. Without her clothes, she looked more troll than night elf (albeit a very fit and perky troll) and it came as no surprise that she was about to get a paladin's hammer across her skull.

When nothing happened except more stuttering gasps, she turned to see who had spoken. A small wooden boat floated next to her, and two human fishermen sat with jaws slack and fishing poles dangling limply.

"Okay, I know what this looks like," Meridia began to explain in Common. "I'm a night elf in disguise. You two, are you soldiers?"

"Just…just fishermen," the bolder of the two spoke. "We heard there was some kind of competition, so we thought we'd check it out."

"Bur?" she spat. "So you think this is funny?"

"That was my partner, he's just – "

"I don't give a damn. I only give a damn about two things right now: where the Vile Fins are hiding out, and if you have any underwater breathing potion."

"We're not, y'know…"

"I've never had to pull rank on a civilian before, human. You don't want to see me try."

"Okay, okay," the fisherman gave in. "Someone warned me about a little island north of here. Said there's really badass murlocs nearby."

"That would be the Vile Fins."

"Do you want some clothes? My lad here would probably be able to part with his jacket."

"I would?" the other human finally spoke up.

"No, that'll slow me down," Meridia answered, to their obvious delight.

"Well, we've got a few breathing potions, but you're gonna have to come up and get them," the first fisherman offered, a sudden glint in his eye. "We don't want to get ourselves wet, or anything…" Meridia didn't even hesitate. She simply paddled over to their boat, pulled herself up on the side, and grabbed a bag sitting between them.

The humans had plenty of time to get a good view of her while she searched for the breathing potion, and neither of them bothered to wonder why she was letting them. After finding the potion vials, Meridia popped one open and downed it in a single gulp. She grabbed another one out of the bag and tucked it behind her ear.

The fishermen were certain that they would die happy. Meridia was certain that they would die.

While leaning in to put back the bag, she made a show of slipping on the wet side boards and thrust out her hands to stop herself. One of them drove the raptor claw through the bottom of the boat, and retracted quickly as Meridia regained her composure. Neither human noticed the leak their vessel had sprung, so they both wondered why the night elf in disguise yelled "Enjoy!" as she dove back under the water.

"You…know about Green One," Commander Kirmytte accused Xan'Jin. Xan shook his head desperately.

"He can't…talk, Commander," Sharkeye insisted. "See? No gills."

"If it breathes…we can interrogate it," Kirmytte retorted bluntly. "Get Crazy Eel…to fetch the blades."

"You'll just…end up killing him!"

"Fetch…the blades!"

Sharkeye floated listlessly for a moment, then seemed to come to a decision. "No. Not…this time."

Kirmytte sighed, a difficult thing to do underwater if you're not a murloc. "In that case...I'm decommissioning the MURK. You have…two and a half hours to pack up and leave."

"What?" Sharkeye burbled. "Then…what are you going to do if you need a medic?"

"We are Vile Fins! We'll…figure something out. I'm…sick of your pessimism."

Xan's hopes hit rock bottom. Sharkeye seemed to be the only murloc with any understanding of his need to breathe and the difficulties involved in talking underwater. As the white-coated Vile Fin swam off dejectedly, another one approached from the right. It wore a helmet that had 'Hatched to Kill' scratched on the front, and a peace sign dangling from its vest.

"Private Jester…sir. Crazy Eel…accidentally stabbed himself," the Vile Fin informed Kirmytte. The commander growled, producing a wave of bubbles from his wide mouth.

"Send him…to medical," he ordered Jester.

"Uh…" Jester turned around to see Sharkeye glumly arranging rocks in the formation of the words 'SCREW YOU.'

"Right," Kirmytte realized. "Tell him…to tough it out. Oh, and…fetch the blades."

What frustrated Xan more than anything else was that, by this point, he was willing to tell them everything he knew about Granik. If only he could talk…

Private Jester cruised by a pair of perimeter guards on his way to the armory, and noted dully that they weren't paying much attention to the surrounding waters. However, it was Jester's nature to be apathetic, so he continued on.

"Hey…the other day, I went up to my girlfriend, I said, 'Y'know, I'd like a little egg sac.' She said…'Me too, mine's as big as a house!'" One of the guards said. The other burst into laughter.

"Yeah…If I'm gonna die for a word, my word is GLAARGLAGLARGLE – "

The first guard stared wistfully into the abyss as his partner squirmed on a massive raptor claw jutting out of his chest.

"Not a…bad choice," he conceded, before he was quietly stabbed in the eye. Several minutes later, Private Jester was swimming back to the prisoner's cage when he saw a pair of dead perimeter guards floating slowly to the surface. It was in Jester's nature to be apathetic, so he continued on.

While Xan floated in his cage, Kirmytte did nothing but stare at him. It was unnerving, especially since each of his eyes were almost as big as Xan's entire head. Shortly, Private Jester returned with a handful of knives. Kirmytte finally looked away from the troll rogue and now glared at Jester.

"You've got…"Hatched to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button. Explain…to me why you've been doing that."

"I was…trying to suggest something about the duality of murlocs, sir."

Kirmytte tried to formulate a response, but the glint of the knives caught his attention and he forgot about Jester. Pushing the private aside and grabbing two blades as they began to float away, Kirmytte swam back to Xan's cage.

Don' even tink about stabbin' me wit dem…Xan began to telepathically threaten him, but he stopped as a bluish-purple form darted past. Moments later, blood plumed from Private Jester's neck, and the murloc started rising to the surface. Kirmytte spun around in time to bring up one of his knives to block the incoming blow. It was, as Xan hoped, Meridia, and she was wielding a raptor claw in one hand and one of Jester's knives in the other.

Kirmytte kicked off and stopped several feet back, his blades at the ready.

"You scared?" Meridia taunted, the underwater breathing potion creating a small pocket of air around her mouth. "Well, you should be, because this night elf is going to kick your bug-eyed ass."

"I…eat night elves for breakfast," Kirmytte returned. "And…right now, I'm very hungry."

As confidant as Meridia wanted to seem, she was a little unsure of herself in an underwater duel. It was easy enough sneaking around and stabbing the unwary guards, but now she was actually fighting one of them. This thing wielded its first blade underwater, probably had its first knife fight underwater. Despite all the training seminars and classes, Meridia had never really put any of her knowledge to the test until now.

Kirmytte lunged, stabbing at Meridia's face. She instinctively tried to parry it like she would on dry land, only to realize that she was moving in slow motion. She still managed to twist out of the way, but his knife scraped across her collarbone in the process.

As she pushed away, she jabbed backward with the raptor claw. Kirmytte's momentum had carried him past her, and the blow sunk into his back.

"Mmh mm mmph!" Xan cheered. It was at this time that the cage guard returned from warming the nearby waters and saw his commanding officer engaged in a knife fight.

Realizing that she must have fought through several of his comrades to get to the prisoner, the guard smartly concluded that she would kill him in a single blow if he got anywhere near. The obvious course of action was to sound the alarm and bring the full fury of the Vile Fins crashing down on her like a tidal wave, but that had its own set of complications.

For starters, the troll in the cage was choking him.

He had untied the rope keeping him lashed to the bubbling cracks, and squeezed it around the guard's neck while he was distracted by Meridia. Xan pulled the murloc up against the side of the cage, which was no longer full of wonderful life-giving bubbles as he had drifted away too far. Holding the rope tight with one hand, he reached for the Vile Fin's key ring on his crocolisk hide belt. The murloc began jabbing him with the butt end of his spear, and all the activity started to turn the cage sideways.

Meridia's strike with the raptor claw had been less effective than she had hoped for. Kirmytte fought with increased ferocity, despite the curved bone stuck in his back, and she only had one knife to defend herself with. It seemed the best course of action would be to search for some kind of glaring environmental hazard and then lure him into it. A wall made of spikes would have been perfect, but as it stood there were only the ruins rising up around them.

She would have to make do. Kicking off, she swam for the nearest stone effigy. It was a massive tablet, and Meridia actually recognized it from her studies on troll history. It was the tale of Gri'Lek, surviving only in drawings and stories after it sank with an ancient troll city into the Savage Coast.

Sensing that Kirmytte was closing fast, she juked sideways and the overzealous murloc flew into the tablet. Cringing as cracks shot up the legendary tablet, rearranging a few of the hieroglyphics into some new and amusing phrases, Meridia wasted no time in stabbing her remaining dagger through the back of Kirmytte's head and into the stone.

"Stick around," she murmured defiantly. The murloc flailed, pinned to the tablet, and died with a gurgle of air. Quickly, she looked back to see if Xan had heard her clever one-liner, only to find that his cage was slowly careening off the continental shelf. She made a note to come back and retrieve as much of the tablet as she could whilst she sped to Xan's rescue.

He couldn't believe that the murloc guard was still alive, nor that he had the strength to continue poking him with the spear. His ribs were starting to bruise, and the rope was fraying on the Vile Fin's hard scales. Not to mention Xan was running out of breath, and he began to wonder who would asphyxiate first.

Then came Meridia, who snapped the guard's neck with incredible ease and ripped the key ring from his belt. Xan's face was turning purple as she unlocked the door, pulled out a vial from behind her ear, and nearly shoved it down his throat.

"Drink," she ordered, but the vial was already halfway empty. When it was completely empty and Xan had finished gulping for air, she grabbed his hand and led him back to the ruins.

"How'd joo know where ta find me?" he asked.

"I knew you'd been captured by something, because that's what always happens, and from there it was just a matter of following the footprints."

"Undawater?"

"I had to ask for directions."

"Neva woulda tought o' dat."

Then it's a good thing they didn't capture me, she thought. They had arrived back at the tablet, and Meridia felt around the cracks caused by Kirmytte's headbutt for the weakest point. When she had found a sizeable chunk, she ripped it out of the stone and tucked it under her arm.

"Why joo stoppin' for a souvenir?" Xan prodded worriedly. It wouldn't take the Vile Fins long to notice all the dead bodies floating to the surface, and from then it would take even less time for them to trace it back to Meridia.

"It's a very important souvenir," she explained. "You mean you don't recognize it? This is part of troll history."

"Ja. History. I got too much ta worry 'bout in da present."

"Well, this is the best I can do. It'd take too long to carve out a bigger piece." She felt Xan's exasperation. "Okay, if it makes you feel any better, we're gonna sell this for a ton of money."

"Dat's what I was waitin' for."

Not wanting to waste any more time, she pushed off of the ocean floor and dragged Xan toward the glimmering waves above. When they broke the surface, Meridia tossed her hair back – a bit more glamorously this time. She and Xan paddled in the water for a brief moment, staring at each other in rapture.

They say (and by 'they' it's of course meant the kind of people that are trying to sell you something, like a vacation package) that Stranglethorn Vale is the most romantic place on Azeroth. They never add "If you can survive for more than five minutes," and for good reason. They would never sell any vacation packages that way.

Still, they're right on the mark as far as romance goes. Xan and Meridia, both naked and glistening in the setting sun, were almost yanked together as if by a magnet. Their lips locked, and their tusks stopped just short of seriously brutalizing each other. It was a move so complicated, it would take an entire Kama Sutra volume to describe, and it was an absolute miracle that they managed it at all.

Both of them understood this, and the kiss lingered as long as they could hold it. When it was finally over, they tried to pull away, but found themselves stuck on each other's tusks.

"What da hell…?" Xan murmured, jerking back to no avail.

"How did we manage that?" Meridia mused. After another moment of silence, they decided to make the best of their predicament and returned to kissing. Being the more coherent of the two, Meridia started slowly paddling toward the shore in the middle of their embrace. If they remained above deep water, they would surely be eaten or captured by murlocs.

The only thing that occupied Xan's mind besides Meridia was the thought of Argam, all alone in the jungle. It was getting dark, too…

End

AN: I promise there'll be more of Marek and the triumphant return of Argam Stonehoof in the next chapter. There were quite a few references in this one, from MASH, to Commando, to Predator, to Full Metal Jacket. See if you can spot them all!