CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Marissa laid in bed...perfectly at peace, yet unable to sleep…no matter what she tried. She was almost giddy with energy and happiness and calm. She was so completely content with the feel of Bianca's head resting on her shoulder, and the feel of her lover's body so very close to her own. She softly traced and mapped Bianca's curves. Intently, she analyzed each dip of a joint, each freckle, each strand of muscle as if she was trying to commit it to memory. How very perfect this is. She thought. I never would have imagined myself here 5 years ago, even a year ago. I have never felt so sure of being with another and the fact that it is a woman is both incredible, and yet inconsequential, all at once. I mean it is not even that she is a woman. She is just Bianca…MY Bianca. This overwhelming connection to her blows my mind. I don't know if I could ever be with another woman like this, and at the same time I have never shared such intense emotion with a man, either. Lesbian is what they will call me. Marissa shuddered a little at the weight of what that would bring to her life, to her son's life. Am I? I guess in a society obsessed with labels, so it shall be. All I know is that I am her's as long as she will have me… With a sigh, Marissa kissed Bianca's temple softly and thought …and maybe long after.
Bianca stirred a little in her sleep. Marissa stroked her cheek softly and thought, She must be dreaming. She laid her head down next to Bianca and closed her eyes. She smiled at the feel of the brunette's breath against her neck. She moved a little closer and settled into sleep. Bianca's eyes fluttered as she drifted into a dream state. She was walking on a beach, except the colors and the surroundings filled her with a very surreal feeling. I know this place….Oh, I was here with Frankie so long ago. Why am I here now? Her mind conjured an image of Frankie sitting on a rock nearby. Just as I remember…Oh Frankie…you were gone far too soon. Bianca continued walking through this dreamland, slightly confused by the sudden presence of Frankie in her mind. Frankie turned suddenly, hopped off the rock and walked over to a stunned Bianca.
"Biancala!" Frankie said with a smile. "I was wondering when you would get here. Shame on you, for keeping me waiting!" Bianca was stunned. "Frankie?" Wow, I clearly had too much to drink tonight. "You met somebody…another 'straight' girl." Frankie started to explain. "So I have been waiting here in the back of your mind until you came to find me." Bianca blinked and decided to take a seat on the rock. "So you are saying that I've lost my mind? Why you?" Bianca asked and Frankie feigned shock. "Why not me? I am back to the beginning, your first 'straight' girl who ended up not so straight."
Bianca began to object. "No, Sar…"
"Nope…Sarah was a gay girl that pretended to be straight." Frankie interrupted " I was more on the confused side and not as straight as we all thought…much like my sister, and much like…Marissa, is it?"
Bianca's mind replayed the events of the evening and with a grin creeping across her face she said, "Yes, Marissa is her name. "
"And you love her?" Frankie questioned.
"Well, yeah…I mean what is not to love?" Bianca pondered. "She is so very beautiful, she is funny and makes me laugh…and she is a wonderful mother…and, well, she is my very best friend."
"Aha…Which leads us to why I am here now!" Frankie exclaimed. "You are terrified! She is another special friend, turned into something more, and now that things have gone much further, you are scared to death."
Bianca's shoulders dropped a little as she confirmed, "Yes…yes, I am. But I have every reason to be don't you think? With my track record…I should be running the other way. And I was going to, but she is stubborn" Bianca smiled. "Stubborn… and beautiful…and she loves me."
"Eureka!" Frankie shouted. "She loves you back and has stated that clearly to you, I suppose?"
Bianca nodded in agreement
"And she I assume she has been honest about her feelings in the past towards men, or not having been with a woman before?"
Bianca nodded again.
"How about theft?" Frankie inquired with a slight smile. "Any corporate espionage, or baby snatching in her background? How about a homicidal Aunt?"
Bianca cracked a smile and laughingly said, "No, but she is a Hayward. Although, maybe not being raised by a Hayward, Bennett or Carey is a mark in her favor? "Frankie made an exaggerated grimace and replied, "Eh, you are probably right." Both women laughed briefly and Frankie continued. "See Bianca? My death, my sister's mistakes…they are things that have happened. Albeit, they never should have happened, they did…and there is no changing the past. I mean, would you even want to?" Bianca nodded in the negative as Frankie continued." You wouldn't have wanted to miss out on knowing me, or even re-considered the life you shared with my sister, because they made you who you are. They are as much a part of you as the air in your lungs and the flesh & bone that shape you. You never let them stop you from living, so why on Earth would you let them keep you from loving?"
Bianca smiled and Frankie came over to embrace her. "It will be okay, Biancala! You deserve to love…and be loved, and do so without fear! Love is always worth the risks!" Bianca wrapped her arms around Frankie and closed her eyes. She was surprised, a little, by how real it all felt. She really felt Frankie's presence and as she started coming back to consciousness…she realized the arms around her were Marissa's.
A grin slowly crept across her face as she opened her eyes and saw Marissa looking back at her.