I tried to avoid Potter for weeks. It was useless, he was everywhere I turned. It was frustrating. I eventually found refuge in the library. Potter in the library? I laughed at the thought. I enjoyed the silence at first. I welcomed it even. I just filled my head with even more knowledgeable facts about everything and anything. I ended up reading Hogwarts: A History about seven times in the weeks I avoided him. After a while, I got a little bit lonely. I spent 5 years of my school life, being Sev's best friend and he threw it all away. Everything his friends and house stood for was what I clearly was not. I was hurt, I couldn't talk to anyone, and I had friends, but not any with the friendship like I had with Sev. He was my best friend and now he was gone, just like my relationship with Petunia. I pushed away my transfiguration homework and buried my face in my hands, tear slowing falling down my cheeks.
"Uhmm, hi." Whispered a familiar voice. I peered through the red flames of my hair that covered my face and saw Remus, standing opposite the table looking sheepish. "Do you mind if I sit here and study with you Lily, it's just the other area is taken up with Ravenclaw students and I hate studying with them?" I looked up at his face, he looked tired and stressed. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.
"Of course, Remus." He smiled a gentle smile and sat opposite me. He pulled out his potions book and began making notes furiously. We both sat in a comfortable silence for seemed like hours or studying. I relished the company, even though I would never admit it. It was just nice knowing someone was there.
"He's sorry you know." Said Remus calming. I looked up from my book, to look at him. He hadn't looked up from taking his notes. I tried to study his face, but I couldn't. How did he keep calm all of the time? I immediately thought of my argument with James. I felt regret as soon as I left the common room. I wasn't a mean, angry or vengeful person. I didn't want to be a person who blamed everything on everyone else and that's what I did. I didn't however have the courage to apologize to James and most probably never will. I felt a spasm of sadness cloud my mind as I thought that I might never talk to him again.
"He's a complete idiot and does feel sorry for what he did, but you know the quidditch extraordinaire. He will never admit it." I shook my head, trying to pull myself out of the deep thought. I didn't know what to say.
"Did I hurt his feelings?" I spoke without realising it. The first words I could think of, related to his feelings. From the corner of my eye, I saw Remus eying me, trying to study my face, I guess. He let a gentle laugh before he spoke.
"I think he misses you actually." As Remus spoke, he stopped writing, again I'm guessing, to note my reaction. I tried to play it cool, but as I spoke I felt my cheeks grow as red as my hair.
"Misses me?" I tried to blurt out.
"Yes, I think he rather enjoyed your bickering sessions. Although, and please, I'm trusting you not to disclose this to my good friend, but I think he grew rather fond of them." A small smile appeared at the corners of Lupin's mouth. Suddenly, as if choreographed, we both burst into laughter. I looked into his eyes and saw that he would keep this conversation to himself. Upon first meeting the Marauder's I never thought that I would be placing my trust into one of them, but this study session changed everything.
We sat in silence for what felt like minutes but could have been hours, until I spoke. I prided myself on being an observant person. Understanding people's emotion and behaviors, and trying to predict their next mood was a gift of mine, I thought. Lupin likes my friend, Emilia. Both being in Gryffindor, they shared a few lessons together and often took to studying together. I don't think that my constant bickering with Potter helped matters, but I knew that she would give anything to go out with him. They both were very similar and in my opinion, would be perfect together.
"I know you like her." I spoke just above a whisper, my eyes not moving from my book. "I think that you guys would make a wonderful couple." I looked up from my book to see Remus mouth hanging open.
"I... I… I don't know who you are talking about." He eventually stuttered. This must have been the first time that I'd seen Lupin not know what to say.
"Who do you think silly?"
"Emilia." He was really talking to me anymore.
"Did she say something about me?"
"No, Emilia tends to keep her emotions, especially when boys are involved under wraps."
"Oh…" He smiled to himself, and then continued with his homework. It felt nice reaching out to him and even better to help with, especially where Emilia is concerned. I smiled to myself, then just like Remus, continued with my homework.
Meeting Remus in the library during week has sort of become routine. I thoroughly enjoyed studying with him, as he actually studied. We spoke a few times, over first week, and the chatter eventually grew into more friendly conversations over the following weeks. He would constantly ask me about James, I tried to shake off the questions, he was determined for the Marauders and my friend, to become one group of friend. My guesses is that he likes Emilia a lot more that I first thought, but I couldn't bring myself to apologize. After Lupin departed one of our study sessions, he had to leave for quidditch match earlier that day; I noticed that he left his charms homework and textbook on his chair. I quickly grabbed my textbook, stuffing them into my book bag and headed up to the common room. As I burst into the portrait hole I tripped over the step and as I did, I feel straight onto something solid. We went crashing to the floor. When I looked up I, noticed a broomstick, to my left. Jumping to my feet, I saw James on the floor, looking bewildered and as red as I felt. Remus was standing above us looking shocked. I tried to compose myself, but it was useless. I was rather embraced. James still laid there on the floor looking dazed.
"Here, you left these…" I gently smiled at Remus as I got up and handed him his textbooks, while James picked himself up.
"Oh Lily, your so kind, thank you" Lupin spoke with mock sincerity, now making it apparent that he had planned the whole thing. He then looked to James, who was clearly confused by the conversation that was unknown to him. I smiled back, whilst tilting my head as I passed a dazed looking James, to take my regular seat in the large red armchair, with gold detailing, whilst the whole school watches the quidditch. I opened my charms textbook, peering over the top of it at James. I suddenly thought of an inspector or secret agent, in a dark hat and beige trench coat; who would peer through eye holes cut out in a newspaper. I suddenly broke into a fit of giggles. As I looked up I saw that I had interrupted their conversation and had rendered them speechless with my outbreak of laughter. I knew I had to intervene and the perfect way to do it. I stood up and headed for the girl dorm. I heard Lupin whisper something to James, and I turned around. James looked angry at him, but looked to me when I turned around.
"Good luck today Potter, don't suck too much, the house is counting on you." I smiled slyly after I said those words. The first words to James since I practically blew his head off with my words. I didn't have to apologize; it was James Potter after all. I just had to make contact. I smiled at Lupin and went to turn around.
"Hey Evans, that's impossible. " I turned to see him smiling his coy smile. "Why don't you join us, you know, team spirit and all that?" After he said those words, for a spilt second I actually thought he looked nervous.
"No thanks, James…" I couldn't help but smile like a star struck idiot. He kept up the tradition. Their tradition. Her mind wondered to the multiple times, he had asked her to come watch him play quidditch. He always asked and she always refused. I shook my head, to pull me out of my thoughts. Thoughts I should not be having over James Potter. Why would I care about him asking me to watch him play quidditch every year?
"Next time, Evans." He spun around and practically run out through the portrait hole with Lupin hot on his heels. I smiled as they left the common room, and went to my dorm to depart with my things and started my potions work. It was almost 3 hours until the common room below erupted with laughter and cheers of congratulations. I made my way down the stairs to the common room, to join in the celebrations. The common room was filled with nearly every Gryffindor student, which from afar I'm guessing looked like a beautiful sea of red and gold. I perched myself on the window sill and pulled my knees up to my chest, I opened my book and carried on reading. The sea of red and gold grew louder and louder, and merrier as the night wore on. I guessed from the slurred words of those next to me that, Black had, snuck some fire whiskey and butter beers in. I placed my book, upside down on the window sill, as so not lose my page and tried to work my way through the crowd to the drinks. I noticed Sirius on the far left of the common next to the house notice board, where Sirius was, the drink was sure to follow. It seemed to take forever to get to the other side of the small common room. When I looked up, I saw Sirius holding a fire whisky whilst nodding towards me.
"Evans." Once he said my name, Amelia Wood turned on the spot and launched herself at me. It had to be the most uncomfortable hug; I had ever been a part of. Amelia, who I am sure, is another one of Sirius's conquests, had barely spoken to me, within the five years we both attend Hogwarts. She was well known for being the Gryffindor flirt and had failed for five years straight in trying to get James to date her. Since James had taken an unwanted interest in me, she had shown me her despise for me on multiple occasions.
"Hi Sirius, Amelia." I smiled." You don't know if there are any spare butter beers around do you?"
Amelia lent down and opened the cupboard door below the notice board. She pulled me out a butter beer and winked at me. "Here you go Lil."
"It's Lily, actually Amelia, but thanks." I half smiled towards Amelia and Sirius and then went to walk away.
"But that Snape used to call you Lil, in potions until he moved tables." I turned to look at her, shocked etched on every inch of my face. She wasn't asking or stating, she was challenging me.
"Well, that's Severus, not you." I lowered my eyes as I spoke and turn quickly on hurried away. When I got back to my window sill and held my head in my hands. That hurt. I was never going to get away from it. I drew in a deep breath and let a sigh. I couldn't handle being around all of these people. It was getting too much. I headed up stairs to the girls dormitory, grabbed my coat and my favorite winter hat, and departed from the tower, as soon as possible. I practically leaped from the portrait entrance as put my hat, a small creamy colored woolen hat with a navy snowflake on it, on, and then started walking to the astronomy tower. It was the most beautiful place in the whole school, and hardly anybody went there. When I got there, it was even more beautiful than I remembered. It was a wonderful clear night, and you could almost see every single star. I took a deep breath and started to walk to the edge. As I began to move, I saw something move, from the opposite side of the tower. I froze and held my breath. I had unconsciously moved my hand towards my wand. I tried to listen as hard as I could, but heard nothing. As quietly as possible, I put on foot in front of the other, and then stopped after a few steps, never taking my eyes off the darkness in front of me. There was a faint glimmer of light from the moon, but nothing else. It's only your imagination Lils, stop it! You will not be scared. I shook my head, realizing how silly I sounded and let out a sigh. The shadow in front of me moved again, and I was certain there was something. I felt my heart speed up and my breathing slow. This is ridiculous. You're a witch, use your wand.
"Lumos." However it was not only me who said those words. I stood face to face with James Potter. His wand drawn at me, mine at him. We were mirroring each other. We stood there, still, frozen, for what felt like hours. I slowly felt myself regain control, the shock was wearing off.
"Uhmm, congratulations. I'm sorry I disturbed you. "I turned away, but something was holding me back. James's hand was around my wrist.
"Why are you here?" he asked, barely above a whisper.
"Am I not allowed to be here, Potter?"
"I'm a little insulted Evans."
"You're insulted?" I was practically lost for words.
"Well, I go and win the quidditch match for OUR house, your aware of team spirit and house pride I assume, and you're up here, not celebrating. You're a disappointment to me Evans." He smiled his coy smile and laughed a little.
"Well, I didn't have much of a good time without the hottest quidditch extraordinaire Gryffindor there with me." I said it so sarcastically, it actually hurt. I let a little giggle and went to my favorite spot. James soon followed.
"I'm sorry..." we both blurted out at the same time.
"Look Lily, I am truly sorry for acting that way towards Snivellous, I didn't mean to hurt you, I mean, yeah I did want you to go out with me and all that, but I never thought that I would make you two stop being friends….
"BEST friends." I interrupted him. "I know he was in Slytherin and you hate him James, but what if you lost Sirius and didn't have Peter or Remus. Losing him has been really hard and I did blame you for it and for that I am sorry, but I'm in so much pain right now…" I trailed off, truly lost for words. James seemed to be processing what I was saying.
"I guessed I never looked at it like that before." He nodded and looked as if he was thinking.
"Well, I guess this good, us being civil right. We will need it more now than ever." I looked over at him and he seemed genuinely confused.
"Huh… I… What?"
I suppressed a giggle. "Remus and Emilia, I think we are a part of the reason, it hasn't happened yet."
"What? Lily your talking rubbish?"
"Oh Merlin." I shook my head in disbelief on how little boys perceived. "They like each other, and our hatred of each other, isn't helping much. I think we my girlfriends and you and the remaining Marauders were to hang out, it would help."
"They like each other." James said still in disbelief. I shook my head at his response. "Very well then Evans, game on, I shall be the nicest person, you will have ever encountered." He laughed and so did I. After a few minutes of a surprising comfortable silence, I yawned. I hadn't realized how late it was.
"Come on Evans; let's go back to the tower." I simply nodded in agreement, I felt too tired to speak. "Oh and Lily, I don't hate you, don't think I ever could." He turned to smile a quick, awkward smile in my direction and walked stiffly back to the common room. I was following behind, with my feet dragging, pondering the possibilities of romance with my old friends and new possible friendships especially my one with Mr. Potter over the next few summer months.