Chapter 8: Christmas Eve, Part II
During the evening of Christmas Eve, Kevin walked out of the house to meet with Santa Claus, go to church, and make a redemption. In the middle of the walk, Kevin met with a volunteer dressed up like Santa, but that volunteer had a suit with a tie, instead of the usual red Christmas Santa suit.
"Excuse me, sir," said Kevin.
"What do you need, kid?" asked the volunteer, "I'm kinda busy, right now."
"My name is Kevin McCallister," said Kevin, "I know you're not Santa, and I am old enough to know what the Santa business is exactly like. However, I do know you work for Santa."
"So what would you like for me to tell Santa?" asked the volunteer.
"Can you please tell Santa that all I want is my family back home?" requested Kevin, "I'm talking about my brothers, my sisters, and my parents. I really didn't mean to cuss them out or make them disappear the other day, but I just want them home for Christmas."
"Alright," responded the volunteer, "I'll tell Santa you want you're family back in town."
"Thank you, sir," said Kevin, "If you excuse me, I have to go to church."
"Wait a minute," said the volunteer, "Before you go, I'd like to give you a few of my Tic-Tacs."
The volunteer dropped a few Tic-Tacs into Kevin's hand, and Kevin thanked him.
"Please don't spoil your supper," said the volunteer, "And Merry Christmas, Kevin."
"Merry Christmas to you, too, sir," responded Kevin.
The volunteer got back into his car, and started to drive. Suddenly, he crashed on the curb near a fire hydrant, and got out. Then, the fire hydrant blasted off like a rocket, and it fell down and severed the volunteer's head off. While that guy got killed, Kevin did not look back while walking straight to church.
As Kevin entered the church, he noticed a choir singing Christmas Carols in the sanctuary. Kevin thought he was the only one showing up, until he noticed Old Man Marley walking to him.
"Merry Christmas," Marley greeted to Kevin, "Would you mind if I sat next to you?"
"Not at all," answered Kevin."
Marley sat down next to Kevin. Kevin was explaining to Marley about the negative shit he pulled in front of the family in the past, and how he wished to have his family back. Marley suggested to Kevin that he should do a good deed. Marley also introduced his daughter in the choir to Kevin. Then, Marley admitted that he wants to see his whole family back in town, too.
"It has been great talking to you," said Kevin, "I better get going now."
"Merry Christmas, Kevin," said Marley.
"Merry Christmas, Mr. Marley," said Kevin while walking his way out of the sanctuary.
As the church bells rang at 8pm, Kevin started running his way back to his house to set up the burglar traps. When Kevin went inside the house, he said, "This is my house, I must defend it."
Meanwhile, Marv and Harry went to a Wendy's drive-thru to pick up burgers, fries, and shakes. As they left the drive-thru, two bounty hunters (played by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Vin Diesel), inside the dining area of Wendy's, noticed Marv and Harry's van driving away.
"That van looks familiar," said Harold (played by The Rock), "Do you have any idea who it belongs to, Ro?"
"I have no idea," said Ron (played by Vin Diesel).
Kevin spent an hour making all those traps in the house, like the blow torch attached to the back door, Micro Machines miniature toy cars on the floor in front of the stairs, Christmas ornaments as a tripping hazard in front of the Christmas tree, etc.
With a few minutes left for Marv and Harry to break into the house, they finished off their food and left the van. Meanwhile, Kevin heated up a couple pieces of leftover pizza from Domino's. He put the plate of pizza with a can of Pepsi on the dining room table. After Kevin said his prayers over the dinner, the clock rang at 9pm. Suddenly, Kevin ran to the back door with his BB gun, and watched Marv and Harry show up. Harry knocked on the door.
"Merry Christmas, little fella," said Harry, "We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone."
"Yeah, come on, kid, open up," said Marv, "It's Santy Claus... and his elf! And Jesus, too!"
"We're not gonna hurt you," lied Harry, "Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you."
Below the bad guys' heads, Kevin slowly pushed the barrel of the air rifle through the doggy door and took aim at Harry's groin.
"Be a good little fella now, and open the door," said Harry
Kevin shot Harry in the groin.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOO...SHIT!" shouted Harry.
Cursing fluently under his breath, Harry hopped around holding his crotch, and fell to his knees.
"What? What happened?" asked Marv
"GET THE FUCKING KID! GET THE FUCKING KID!" demanded Harry.
Marv went back, and stuck his head through the doggy door. Then, he saw Kevin laying on his belly on the floor, aiming the air rifle right between his eyes. Marv smiled lamely.
"Fuck you, asshole," said Kevin.
Then, Kevin shot Marv in the head.
"AH! AHHH...!" shouted Marv, as he fell out of the doggy door, clutching his face.
"Yes! Yes! Yes-yes-yes-yes!" shouted Kevin.
"That kid is armed like a motherfucker!" shouted Marv.
"That's it, that's it!" shouted Harry, "I'm getting the fuck to the front, you get the fuck down to the basement!"
Harry stormed off, while swearing under his breath.
Meanwhile at the airport hotel, the McCallisters were eating Chinese food while watching the news. On the news, they noticed the death that happened earlier to the Santa guy. They also noticed a report about two wanted fugitives named Marv and Harry.
"So it's two people, who have been killed so far," said Buzz, "A pizza man and a Santa Claus, but it ain't the real Santa."
"No shit, Buzz," said Jeff, "If Santa was dead, there would be no Christmas."
"So if two people have been killed, then that saves two of us from Death," said Buzz, "But that still doesn't tell us who will live or who will die before I'm the last one. Maybe those two fugitives would die, before I become the only victim."
"It's impossible, Buzz," said Peter, "I believe that they're gonna end up in prison really soon, rather than Death."
"I guess you're right, Dad," said Buzz.
Though two of the five remaining McCallisters have cheated death so far, there are only three McCallisters left in the line of death. In the meantime, Kevin is gonna battle against Marv and Harry in the next chapter. But will Kevin ever get those bad guys caught and arrested before they kill him? Will the McCallisters ever find out that Kevin is alive? Will they ever get back home on time to Kevin without getting themselves killed? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: The Final Destination."