WOW thanks for the reviews guys. I had a smile from ear to ear!
So when I first thought of this chapter and made it up in my wormy brain, I always saw it in EPOV. For some reason I decided to then make it BPOV, because of what's to happen after. But after thinking about it long and hard and after some requests by some of you (yeah I'm a push over), I've decided to make this EPOV again. It's a short chapter, which only means another quick update, but we'll finally see Bella's abuse through someone else's eyes and that's important.
Though I know you guys saw this coming, I do warn…this chapter contains child…well…B is 18 so physical abuse…not sexual. I don't know why I always think sexual, right away when someone says child or physical abuse…anyway, so be cautious and remember this is fiction and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks to lizde once again for beta'ing this.
Ch 9/Edward/Bullet Proof
"Shh! Just stay in here okay." Her hands trembled as they still held onto my chest.
"Don't move. Don't say anything. If you see anything happen…" she paused and took in a shaky breath. "If you see anything happen, don't try and be the hero. You can't be the hero here, Edward. Just let whatever happens happen," she said and closed the closet door in my face.
The man pounded on Bella's door again, some of her drawings to fall off the wall. I could still see through the closet door, but I was hidden… she wasn't.
"Open the fucking door!" The man yelled again and… Bella did what she was told…
I didn't know what to expect.
In my inebriated state I really didn't have complete control of myself, let alone the ability to think about someone else's well being. I had to hold on to the closet wall just to keep myself from falling over. But my eyes didn't lie. My mind was still well aware of what was going on. If I had known what I was about to see before seeing it, I would have wished to be passed out so I wouldn't witness it.
Nobody should see this. Then again… nobody should have to go through this.
Clearly what was at the other side of Bella's door wasn't good news. As she walked to the door, I kept seeing her face in my mind before she had closed the door on me. The way Bella's pale skin turned red and her brown eyes widened, and the way her small body shook; it wasn't the typical response to a knock on the door. It wasn't how a girl acts when her daddy comes home.
I tried to control my breathing. I was going to get caught, and fuck I was scared. Scared for what was going to happen, not to me, but to Bella.
With shaky hands Bella unlocked her door and I swear to god I almost wanted to run to her and stop her. What the fuck is on the other side? I didn't wanna know!
The asshole didn't even let Bella open the door. A tall man with brown hair and a built stature pushed the door open, causing Bella to jump back. The door hit the wall so hard that more drawings fell off the walls. The man, who now I recognized as Charles Swan, walked in. He had the fucking devil in his eyes and fire as breath.
He grabbed Bella by the arm and hurled her across the room. Bella grunted as she bumped into her metal bed frame. She held her arm as Charles walked into her room.
It looked like it hurt.
"Why the fuck didn't you open the door? I hate it when you lock the door. This is my fucking house! It's a fucking slap to my fucking face. Why do you fucking disrespect me like that Isabella? Why?" Charles spat. Bella didn't say anything. She stood on top of her drawings hunched down and holding her arm. She was shaking violently.
Because of the way she was hunched down I couldn't see her face. But I could hear her quick breathes and feel her fear in my skin.
"I asked you a fucking a question…" he whispered. His husky voice caused chills to run down my spine, and I could only imagine what it was doing to Bella.
Do something!
I couldn't. I would only make it worse. I was too fucking stoned and weak. He would kill us both.
Are you just going to hide here like a fucking pussy and watch this happen to her?
Maybe he won't hit her.
Fuck you, you piece of shit!
I wanted to do something. But…
"Hello? I'm talking to you Isabella…" Charles whispered. He was very calm, like the kind of calm you see serial killers use in movies, the kind that would make anybody shit their pants.
Do something Bella! Tell him to fuck off! Come on! I was in Bella's corner, but unfortunately for her I was useless at the moment.
"For fuck sakes Isabella, I knew you were a fucking retard and fucking blind, but I didn't think you were deaf. I…" he paused and took a deep breath. He suddenly and violently bent down, picked up Bella's big, thick sketch book and threw it at her. Sheets of used and blank sketch paper flew around her.
Bella let out a loud whimper as the spine of the sketch book hit her ribs. She covered her face with her arms in instinctive protection, but it was no use.
"I asked you a fucking question…" Charles whispered again. Calmly… evilly…
"I... I… uh…. um I was… I was… I was in the in the… shower sir," she finally managed to say in a broken voice. She kept her head down. Charles seemed to rejoice in Bella's fear.
Fucking bastard.
I had to bite down on my lower lip and dig my nails into the wall to keep from busting through the door and kicking the shit out of him. But I held it in. I knew I would probably do Bella more harm than good, as stoned and fucked up as I was.
"Why are you wearing that fucking sweater?"
"I… I um…" Bella struggled, and Charles sighed loudly, making her jump.
"Fucking retard, talk!" He finally yelled.
"I was cold!" Bella yelped.
"Then why is the balcony door open?"
Shit…
Guilt ran through my body and I shuddered.
"I…" Bella didn't know what to come up with and I fucking feared what was going to happen next. "I was… I was outside on the balcony…" she managed. It sounded plausible. Right?
He had to believe her!
"You're a fucking retard. Say it!" He ordered. Once again, his voice was calm and dark, but Bella didn't move or say anything. She finally looked up at him, shaking. He just looked down at her with his nostrils flaring, waiting for her to humiliate herself.
He was so fucking tall compared to Bella. She looked like a child standing next to him. He was a fucking scary-ass monster.
"Say it. Say you're a retard," he said again. He slapped her arm, causing her to move a little. I held in a growl. I dug my nails deeper into the wall. I could feel the anger boiling in my blood, the heat in my face. I fought back the nausea caused partly by the beer, but more by what I was witnessing. I swear I could taste the venom of hate and anger I felt towards Bella's father in my mouth.
What the fuck is wrong with him?
"Say it!" He barked, and Bella flinched. Then he slapped her arm again, a little harder this time. Bella whimpered. "Say you're a retard!" He slapped her arm yet again, even harder than before. So hard I could hear her skin through the cloth of her green sweater. "Say it!" He slapped her again, so hard the impact caused Bella to jump. She kept her balance and said nothing. I mentally begged her just to say it already so he would fuck off, but Charles had already lost his patience.
"Close the fucking door!" He yelled, and roughly grabbed Bella by the arm again. He pulled her towards the balcony door. Bella looked like a rag doll as she was being pulled. He threw her against the door and Bella let out a grunt as she stopped the impact with her hands.
With shaky hands, she closed the door. She was just about to turn and face Charles, who was standing behind her, when took her by the arm again. Always the same arm.
He roughly pulled her to the middle of the room again. He pulled her so hard and violently her feet seemed to come off the floor. He treated her like a damn toddler who had just done something bad.
I could finally see Bella's face. It was blank. There was no emotion, but her cheeks were wet and tear stained.
Bella's feet caught on some of the sheets of paper and she slipped, falling face first onto the carpet. As she fell, Charles lost his grip on her arm and he dropped it. She crawled a little and tried to pick herself up, but Charles knelt in front of her and put a hand over the back of her small neck. He wrapped his fingers around it, and held her down. He kept her head down like a damn dog. She ended up facing down, with her hair hanging like a curtain covering her face. Bella held herself up with her elbows and forearms and balled her hands into fists.
"Do you know why I'm upset Isabella?" Charles asked nonchalantly, as if making innocent conversation with his daughter. Bella didn't answer and Charles sighed.
"Tim, Port Angeles' Chief of Police, left. The pussy got offered a better position in Seattle. Do you know how long he's been Chief of Police in Port Angeles?" He asked, and sighed again. "He's been there six years. Do you know how long I've been Chief of Police in this shithole of a town? I've been here since I got your mother knocked-up during her senior year in high school. I became Chief when you were a toddler. That means I've been here for-fucking-ever and Tim 'the pussy' got the promotion!" Charles yelled, still holding unto Bella's neck.
"Now I have to work the night shift in Port Angeles until they find a replacement, leaving Sal in charge in Forks! Do you think that's fair?" Charles yelled. He pressed Bella's face further down into the carpet. She whimpered again. I grabbed onto a piece of her clothing with my free hand. My other hand was still holding onto the wall.
"And then I get home and your fucking piece-of-shit mother isn't here! Or maybe she is here but there's no food cooked and the house looks like shit. And then that bitch has the audacity to get sick, if you know what I mean by sick! She's still sick from this morning and she fucking puked on the bathroom floor! I thought I told you to take care of her and her mess!" He said. He pushed on her neck again and Bella began breathing heavily.
"You spend all fucking day in this room drawing your pathetic shit, and you do nothing around the house. Well, since I'll probably be gone all night and tomorrow morning, I want this house clean by the time I get home." He began poking her ribs with every word. "You. Isabella. Will. Promise. Me. To. Clean the house and take care of the shit mess your fucking mother made by the time I come back tomorrow evening." He poked her extra hard when he said the word "evening" and Bella finally let out a cry.
"Do you promise me Isabella? Huh Isabella? Isabella… I can't hear you. Isabella…"
He kept repeating "Isabella" over and over again. Now I understood why Bella hated the name. Her sorry excuse of a father wouldn't let it go. He had tainted the name. He made it repulsive.
"Yes…" Bella whimpered, her voice muffled by the position she was in. She took in a shaky breath and coughed, choking on her saliva and tears.
"Yes what Isabella?" Charles asked. What more does this fucked-up bastard need?
"I… I promise to… to cle… to clean the house and take care of mom," Bella said, and I felt her pain. I could hear the tears in her voice. I held back my own tears, and bit down on my tongue. My hands were trembling now and I had forgotten how to breathe.
In that moment I realized why Bella hadn't gone to school today. I almost completely fell apart thinking how pissed I was at her for missing school. I'm such an idiot. I'm such a fucking idiot.
"That's my girl!" Charles yelled, and finally let go of Bella's neck.
She fell on her side, facing down. Charles stood up and dusted his knees off. Bella slowly sat up, still looking down. Her shaking had stopped, but I couldn't really see her face, so it was hard to tell what was going through her mind.
"Well, I have to go. I've got to make it to Port Angeles and start my new fucking job," Charles said. He knelt in front of Bella and balanced himself on the back of his heels. He placed a finger under Bella's chin and gently, slowly, even lovingly placed a kiss on Bella's forehead. Bella didn't flinch or move while his fucking lips brushed her forehead. He stood up again and made his way out of the room, stepping on Bella's drawings on his way out. He turned the lights off in her room and slammed her door shut.
I waited.
I waited to feel his heavy foot steps to disappear.
I waited for Bella to react and decide to open the closet door.
Eventually I couldn't hear or feel Charles' footsteps anymore, but Bella never reacted. She stayed on the floor, staring down. I waited a minute more, now knowing how to move or how to react.
Shit.
I decided to quit being a pussy, and with a shaky hand I opened the closet door. Bella didn't flinch or look towards me. I slowly made my way over to her and stood in front of her, but she still didn't look up. Her face was blank and she was not blinking. Her mouth was sealed shut and her eyes were partially closed. I took a deep breath, still feeling nauseated and shaken by what had happened.
Through it all, I could feel my true self coming back. Now the fucking weed and alcohol decide to wear off!
I got on my knees in front of Bella. She wasn't blinking and she only took light breaths. She looked dead, and if it wasn't for the gentle rise and fall of her chest and her rocking back and forth, I would've believed she was.
Maybe I was right in a way. Bella was dead… inside.
"Bella?" I whispered. She didn't react to her name.
"Hey Bella, come on." I gently placed my hand on her knee, shaking it a little.
"You have to snap out of this," I said, but it was no use. One of her lamps was still on and between that and the moonlight coming through the window I could still see her. She had a rug burn on her forehead. It was red. Her face was tear stained, yet there were no more tears coming out of her eyes. She was holding them in, but I could tell she wanted to cry. Her nostrils flared and her eyes and nose were red.
"Just let it out Bella. I won't say anything. I won't tell anybody. I swear. Just let it out. It'll hurt less… I swear," I whispered. Just as the words left my mouth, Bella let go of the tears.
They came down her cheeks like water from a stream and she let out a shaky sigh as if she was relieved that she could cry. She sat with her back leaning against her bed and her hands in her lap, and I slowly moved to her side, leaning against the bed as well.
I don't know how long I sat there with her. My back was starting to hurt and my ass cheeks fell asleep. But for the first time in a long time I didn't pay attention to my own pain. I just sat there with someone else's.
At first all I heard were Bella's whimpers, sniffles and shaky breaths. What do I say? What do you say to people with fucked-up parents? What do you say?
I couldn't leave. I didn't even have to think about that. It was late, and my parents would be going psycho, but I couldn't make myself move. Bella looked down the whole time. She didn't even look at me, but I couldn't just leave.
I can't.
I won't.
My phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I almost sighed in annoyance, but I held it in. It was a text from Alice.
Where are you?
I texted her back.
Don't worry. I'm okay. Let Mom and Dad know.
A few seconds later she texted back: K.
I took a look at the time on my phone. It was 2:45 in the morning. We'd probably been sitting here for two hours. I put my phone in my pocket and returned to what I was doing before. Nothing.
I wished there was more I could do or say. Bella didn't look too good, but I didn't know her and she didn't know me. Though now I felt like I knew her better than I ever thought I would. There was something in Bella that she hadn't told anybody about. There was someone inside that nobody at school had bothered to notice. Nobody ever noticed, especially not me.
I've never wanted to comfort anybody in my life, not even Esme who is practically my mother. Every time Esme cries about anything, or when she cries because of me, I just walk away without apologizing. I know I'm a complete asshole, but I can't bring myself to be that soft and comforting person. It's not me. It's out of my comfort zone. Somehow I feel like I'll lose. I'll feel weak.
Yet now, as I sit in a somewhat stranger's room, and all I wanna do is find a way to comfort her. I want to comfort a stranger. I wanna make Bella feel better. I drowned in the questions I had and the ideas that formed in my head while I listened to her quiet breathing.
How long has this been going on?
Does that bastard do this often?
Has he done… anything else to her? Anything worse…
Is that why Bella is so paranoid?
Shit!
What do I do?
Do I tell anybody?
Has she told anybody?
No, of course she hasn't. Why would she still be here under his roof? But why is she still here? She's eighteen already, why doesn't she just run away? Or move out, or whatever. Why doesn't she just get away? That asshole is probably the one who gave her all those bruises.
I turned to look at Bella and I realized her whimpers and crying had stopped. Bella's head was leaning forward and she wasn't moving.
Shit.
I scooted my ass in front of her so I could see her face better. She was asleep. She had fallen asleep on the floor with her face still wet and with her lower lip between her teeth.
"Oh Bella," I whispered and tucked the tangled strands of her hair behind her ears.
I took a deep breath and stood up. My back griped at me and my ass cheeks were numb, but again I ignored it. I bent down and placed one arm under her knees and threaded the other under her arm to get it around her back. Then I gently lifted her up. I wrapped my arms under her knees and back and held her close to me. I didn't know if I was still partially drunk or stoned and though I felt fine, I still had to make sure I wouldn't drop her.
It still startled me how small and light Bella was. Her hand grabbed my shirt as if holding on for dear life. It didn't bother me this time that she was clinging to me.
"My Edward," she whispered lovingly.
It confused and scared the hell out of me, but I decided to ignore it. She must be having a nightmare or something. That didn't explain why she said my name so lovingly, but me being in someone else's dream could only be frightening. I slowly made my way to her bed and gently placed her on her on top of it. I was going to move away, but she held on to my shirt. Bella's grasp was strong and she seemed to need to hold on to me. I was afraid if I pulled her hand away it would only startle her.
I guess I'm spending the night in Bella's bed. I'm sure Rosalie would be proud… that bitch.
I gently pushed Bella so she was facing me. I hovered over her, trying to make my way to the other side of the bed. Her grasp on my shirt only tightened so I jumped to the other side. This was complicated, but I made it work. I lay down on the other side of Bella with her hand still gripping my now wrinkled shirt. I pulled the covers over us, hoping her sadistic father or her mother wouldn't walk into her room.
I felt something under my back and I grabbed it.
It was an old mp3 player, not an iPod, but the kind that first came out when it was suddenly cool to have mp3 players. I would be surprised if her jackass father bought her one… I wonder how she got it.
I lay there on Bella's bed with her mp3 player in my hand. I looked at the song she was listening to when I had barged in. It was Bullet Proof… I wish I was by Radiohead.
The irony…
Bella wasn't bullet proof, and how I wished she was. I bet she wished she was too.
Maybe she is, in a way. Bella has had to put up with this shit and then go to school and put up with that shit for years… and she's still alive. Any weak person would have ended their own misery or run away. But Bella, for some unknown reason… was still here. She still went to school and put up with shit, and she still lived with her dad.
She is bullet proof, because she has not died.
I stared at her sleeping form. It was strange the comfort that it gave me. Bella in her dreams was safe. Nobody could harm her there. The soft expression on her face was contagious. Her lip was still between her teeth. I gently took her chin with my fingers and pulled it out, and she sighed.
I reached over and put her mp3 player on top the night stand and turned back to Bella. Just as I turned to face her, she pulled me closer and snuggled into my chest. I lay on my back as she snuggled herself in so that her head was now on my chest, still holding on tightly to my shirt.
I let her.
I hoped my heart wouldn't wake her, as it was pounding against my chest and probably against her ear. I was nervous and confused. If felt like she needed me… its weird to feel needed. I've never felt that.
How did I get here?
One moment I was excited because I was going to get high and shit-faced, the next I was witnessing something horrendous that still haunts me, and now… I'm lying on Bella's bed with her sleeping on my chest.
Bella, the Swan… the girl I pick on… the girl. Everyone picks on her.
She's the girl I'm supposed to destroy.
As my eyes began to close for some very needed sleep… I couldn't help but think…
Bella is already destroyed.
Broken.
Now I have this heavy weight on my shoulders. I know something Bella probably wouldn't ever share with anybody. I need to know more about her. It's a strange need I have. I can never go back now. I'm stuck and somehow it doesn't bother me. It only makes me curious. I want to know what's been going on.
This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to feel bad for Bella, or be curious about her life. Everyone expects something of me… my friends expect something… since when do I care?
Since you just saw what you saw!
What am I going to do?