So…I might have been a bit distracted this week **cough**Eclipse***cough **Stew's new hair** ends coughing.
Thanks for hanging in there hehe I swear I don't know what happened to me this week, but I promise another chapter very soon after this one. I promise too much I know…
Ch 14/Edward/ Friends...I Guess
I headed straight to lunch after class was over. I just wanted to lay my head on a table and try to control this fucking headache. I didn't even bother to go to my locker to leave my journal.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
It was fucking hell.
I don't know why, but I couldn't get my fucking my mind to relax. I had this strange feeling all fucking night…more like a worry. I was worried and I didn't even know why. I didn't know if the feeling is common, but fuck, this can't be normal. I felt like I was going to explode and I was soaked in sweat the entire night. I opened my window to let some cool Washington air in, but that didn't help. It only made me nauseas. Besides being sore and mild pain, I felt sick to my stomach and anxious as fuck.
I kept pacing up and down my room all night trying to find a reason for my worry or my lack of desire to sleep. I should have gone straight to bed and sleep since my fucking body was still sore and I was emotionally drained from hearing my mother cry.
Esme had welcomed me back with a kiss on the cheek and tight hug, but after that she cried, asking me if I even knew how worried she was. I didn't say anything, because that is what I usually do, but I found myself wanting to apologize more than ever. I don't know why the fuck, but shit I wish she wouldn't cry the way she does. She let out a loud and heartbreaking sob and I just stood there with my hands in my pockets. She didn't even ask why I wasn't wearing shirt when I got home. I didn't want to piss her off so I didn't take the risk of sneaking out to go to Bella's house.
That was it!
I tossed and turned in my bed with guilt and worry. I didn't know why I was worried, her fucked up father was out of town and she was safe. I just felt weird and like an asshole that I wasn't there just in case. I needed to be near her just to make sure she was breathing and being her smart ass self. I needed to see her. I swore to god that if that asshole or if anybody else fucked with her, I would kick their ass. I will kill that motherfucker. I'm not sure how Bella would take me killing her father, but after seeing those pictures of her of when she was 13, I doubt she would hurt for him.
I dreamt those pictures and I dreamt of a 13 year old Bella. Somehow, I found a way to blame myself in my dreams. I felt guilty…so guilty. I should tell someone. What if he kills her next time? It was shit like this that didn't let me sleep. I blamed myself again. I should have known her then. I should've done something. Someone should've seen something. I wondered what bullshit story Charles gave the hospital when Bella was admitted. And what about her mom? Didn't she say anything? What kind of mother would let something like the beating of her daughter just pass and do nothing about it? A piece of shit mother she is…I know a thing or two about that.
I woke up with a headache from the lack if sleep, a knotted stomach and a bad mood.
I wanted to punch a wall until lunch time the next day.
Until I saw her.
Until I saw Bella.
She awkwardly waved at me in the middle of the lunch room and I couldn't help the smile that was creeping onto my face. I waved back instinctively like a damn moron and like the douche that I am, ignored the excited feeling I felt to see her and kept my cool, when I all wanted to do was run to her and ask her if her night was better than mine. Her shy smile did things to me.
It was like seeing a familiar place in a strange and unknown place. You feel disoriented and a bit scared when you are in a place you don't know. It pisses me off. But then you see a familiar face, a friend or just someone you've seen a dozen times and the feeling of familiar safety crawls in to wash that shit away.
I've never had that.
I've always felt disoriented and a bit afraid like a pussy, even in places and around people I knew. It was all foreign to me. I didn't have a familiar face to reassure me that it was safe. But as soon as I saw those deep chocolate brown eyes staring at me at lunch, I felt that "familiar safety" and I tried my best to hide it. I didn't want to look like a pussy. But shit…I felt it.
Bella blushed as I grinned at her and I chuckled. She was so shy. I wondered if she felt the "familiarity" that I felt. I hope she did.
Bella suddenly jolted forward. Rosalie fucking Hale bumped into her and said something that caused her and Tanya to giggle like fucking hyenas. Bella quickly widened her eyes and her breathing quickened. I wondered if fucking Rosalie ever knew anything about Bella's story, would she fucking feel any kind of remorse for the shit she does.
Probably not.
It took a lot in me not to jump up and threaten the shit out of Rosalie to leave Bella the fuck alone. I held my breath and fisted my hands trying to control my anger. Bella turned a bright red and took off and I knew where she wad heading, but I couldn't exactly go after her in front of everyone.
Alice and Jasper sat by me and Tanya and Rosalie sat together at the other end of the oval table.
"What the fuck was that shit for?" I yelled at Rosalie causing for the table to look at me. I couldn't help it, I had to say something.
"What are you talking about?" Rosalie asked rolling her eyes. The bitch had the fucking audacity. She fucking knew what the fuck I was talking about.
"That shit you just did! What the fuck did Bella do to you for you to bump into her like that? You're a fucking bitch Rosalie." I could feel the blood rushing to my head and I knew the vein in my forehead was popped out.
"What the fuck Edward? Since when are you Edward the angel, defender of all losers like Isabella?"
"Since you just fucking did that! Since blonde demons like you exist. I suggest you suck on someone else's blood for a fucking change." I felt Alice's hand cover mine, but I ignored her. Rosalie glared at me, but seemed confused by my words.
"Eddie, calm down. Rose was just playing around like we always do." Tanya said in high pitch voice that made me want to blow my fucking brains. She popped her gum while playing with a strand of her blonde hair. "We always play around with the Virgin Mary or like everyone else knows her by, Isabella ugly Swan. Don't you know that Eddie?" she started giggling.
"Don't call me Eddie or think you have certain bitch privileges over Bella…or I will fucking…" I took a deep breath as it wasn't like me to physically threaten opposite sex, but these bitches…
Tanya rolled her eyes and got up and left for the lunch line when she spotted Jessica and Lauren.
"Edward, now that you're playing guardian angel to the lovely Swan. Have you fucked her yet?" Rosalie asked and everyone else turned and looked at me. And it all came back to me.
Not once in the past few days, had I even remembered the stupid bet.
Not once did I even think about Rosalie and everyone else. I have been so soaked into Bella's world, that everything else didn't manage to matter.
Shit.
"I um...uh…not yet." I said nervously and I turned to look at Alice who gave me a confused look. She was studying me. When Alice studied people, it wasn't a good sign. The little pixie knew something.
"Well how close are you to doing so? I'm guessing close, I didn't think Isabella would ever have the courage to say hello to you, but she did." I gulped as Rosalie continued. "Valentines is coming up, you might want to do something special!" Rosalie said sarcastically and stopped talking when Tanya returned with Jessica and Lauren. Emmett finally got to the table and sat with Rosalie.
Nobody said anything about Bella anymore and started conversations about something else. They had moved on and ignored me just like old times.
Everyone except Alice.
She kept staring at me, studying my face and she was pissing me off.
"What?" I said and she jumped shaking her head.
"I don't know…you tell me." She whispered and I sighed loudly trying to show her I wasn't too pleased with her attention.
"Whatever!" I grumbled and stood up before Alice could use her pixie powers and see it all in my face. I had to get away from these people.
I headed to the back building thinking of things to say to Bella. I wanted to explain that Rosalie was just being her usual self and I didn't want her thinking I had to do with it. I didn't understand why I cared so much that she would blame me for Rosalie's bitch fest. Maybe I knew this would affect my plan to seduce Bella.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, you shit head. Keep pretending this is the reason you want to apologize to Bella and why you are looking for her.
I reached the back building and headed to Bella's tree. It had become Bella's tree since I saw it. I wouldn't see another way. I knew she would be there and as I got closer, my heart started pounding against my chest and my hands got sweaty. I swallowed my nervousness and took a deep breath as I reached the tree.
What am I? Twelve? Can't talk to a girl? I hoped she would be there.
I wasn't disappointed. Bella sat with her back against her tree and her sketchbook in her lap. She angrily sketched away and it seemed she would almost tear the paper with her pencil.
She was pissed and I understood this would make my apology a lot more difficult. But I wasn't going to run away. I was going to do this. I leaned on the tree, trying to look as confident and cool as possible.
"Now Bella, we both know that isn't your best work. I'm not impressed." I said as charming as I could. Bella whipped her head up and I smiled at her trying to show her that I meant no harm, but she didn't smile back.
Shit
She returned to her drawing and I slid down the tree so I could sit next to her, but immediately regretted as I was still fucking sore. I got as close as possible to her as I felt that I needed to do to talk to her. I needed to be as close to her as possible. Somehow this made my worry that anything would harm her go away.
I tried to make my apology, but Bella wasn't having it and she didn't seem to blame me, which only made me glad. She didn't look at me while she drew, but I didn't mind. She wouldn't think I was a freak for staring at her face. Her lower lip was in between her teeth and her eyebrows were furrowed as she concentrated on her art.
I found it amusing. In a good way.
I let her know that and she turned to face me and she was about to say something, probably something smart, but as her eyes caught mine…she said nothing as I.
There was something different about Bella today.
I could turn away from her face. The way her cheeks were a rosy color and her full lips were an extra pink today made me forget that I didn't want her thinking I was a freak. My greedy eyes stayed on her little face. The way her messy and wavy brown hair contrasted with her pale skin and the way her brown eyes fluttered while they looked at me trying to understand my fascination with her, only made me confused. She began shaking her knee and I knew I was making her nervous, but it was her fault.
What she do to her face?
"What?" she whispered and I finally came out of my trance, but couldn't find the words to explain myself. "What Edward?" I shook my head.
"Did you do something to your face?" I immediately hated how I sounded so antagonizing.
"No, is there something on my face?" she panicked, but I shook my head to let her know that there wasn't anything wrong with her face.
Nothing.
"Are you wearing make-up?" I knew she wasn't, but I had to understand what was so different. It wasn't make-up. Bella would waste money by buying herself that shit. It would only ruin her pretty skin.
Pretty?
Yes, pretty…fuck you!
After having a minor argument, Bella agreed to let me sit next to her so that I could write. I had never written while sitting next to someone. I always felt like they would be judging every word, even though nobody ever cared what I wrote.
"Are you going to let me read some day?" she suddenly asked and I smiled.
Nobody cared until Bella.
I warned her that my mind was fucked up, but she insisted she could take it and had to remind me of those fucking pictures. I let her know I hadn't stopped thinking about them and she apologized though she didn't need to because it wasn't her fault. She refused to tell me about them and I let her know that she had to trust me, because I trusted her.
I've never said the damn words out loud. I've always fought them back because I was too damn prideful to let anybody know that I trusted them, but with Bella, the fucking words just slipped out. She promised me she would try and trust me. Her trying was good enough…for now.
I snuck into Bella's room the rest of the week. I refused to have another night where I couldn't even breathe because of the worry. During school, I tried my best to stay away from her, but something would always lead back to Bella. We got on the English's teacher's nerves and I couldn't help but feel proud that Bella was annoying the teacher. She thought it was funny too.
We spent the nights talking and even though I would wake up tired as hell and even though I fell asleep during my first class, the warmth of her room and her body next to mine as we sat on her bed was becoming an addiction. I realized I was also writing less and that was probably because I would tell Bella any random shit I thought of and she would listen and make comments. She never made annoying or judgmental comments and never lectured some bullshit to me. I spent so much time with Bella, I was starting to smell like her and I didn't mind. Though, I did smell a little fruity.
We did tutoring after school and I would walk her to her truck as close as possible. I didn't know why I felt the world was out to get Bella, but just in case I would be ready to take anybody on. On Thursday, I spotted Alice outside while I walked Bella. She was watching us. Why the fuck was she still in school, I didn't know but she studied me and I swear I hated when she did that.
On Friday, as I walked to English, I spotted Angela and Alice walking with Bella. If that wasn't weird and out of this fucking world I didn't know what was. Bella looked nervous and awkward as if she didn't know why they were walking her and I didn't know either. As Bella and Angela walked into English, I waited for Alice to walk my way. I didn't appreciate her making Bella nervous. She was up to something. I knew Alice too well. As she walked by me I grabbed her arm and she yelped.
"What the hell Edward!" she was exaggerating, I didn't even grab her hard.
"Don't fuck with her!" I warned pointing at my English class and she furrowed her eyebrows.
"What are you talking about?" she asked playing stupid.
"You know what I'm talking about! What the fuck do you want with her?"
"I should ask you the same thing." She said and I had nothing to say back as she had me there.
What did I want? I didn't even remember the fucking bet until I would see my siblings or Rosalie right after hanging around Bella. My reasons for sneaking into her room had never involved the bet.
It had to be the bet. Why else would I sneak into her room?
"Look Edward," Alice huffed "I'm just trying to be nice to Bella."
"Why the fuck for? She doesn't need you to be nice to her…"
"Why not? I like her." She said sheepishly.
"You…like…her?" I knew Alice never lied, but why now?
"Yes, I think she's interesting."
"You're full of shit. Stay away from her." Alice tried hiding her smile, but she failed. "What's so fucking amusing?"
"Nothing." She answered simply. I started to panic. What if she told Bella about the bet? Bella would hate me. Bella would never forgive me. Alice promised she would never tell…
"Don't you dare tell her Alice!"
"Tell her what?" I was about to yell at her when she raised her tiny hand to my face. "I already said I wouldn't. I do like Bella. Why are you so against her having friends?"
"I'm not, she just doesn't need you."
"How would you know?"
"I just do…she has…" I couldn't believe what I was about to say so I didn't say it. "You're not her kind of friend." She giggled.
"Edward, I'm everybody's kind of friend."
"You like to shop."
"And?"
"She doesn't." she smiled again and I didn't understand it. I was pissed at myself. I sounded like a damn child.
"That's no problem. I'm sure I can convince Bella that shopping is awesome." I rolled my eyes. "Oh come on Edward! Just because you're lying to her doesn't mean I am." That one was below the belt and I glared at her, but she avoided my eyes. "Besides, I think she likes me too. I won't go away until she tells me to. I have a feeling that Bella and I are going to be great friends!" she squealed and skipped away. I sighed loudly making sure she would hear me.
That night I let Bella know I wouldn't be sneaking into her room Saturday night and she seemed as disappointed as I felt shitty. But I'm selfish and arrogant so I felt satisfaction that she was disappointed that I wouldn't be around. Of course I promised I would come on Sunday and she seemed to ease up.
The Cullen siblings spent the morning at the Port Angeles mall with Jasper and Rosalie. They walked in a group and I ignored them falling behind. I wondered if Bella would like to come to the mall one day. Maybe I could bring her. I wondered it Bella was bored on the weekends since she didn't go anywhere. It would be cool if I could ask her, but she didn't have a damn phone.
I realized I had lost the group, but ended up in a Verizon Wireless store. Yep, this was a sign. I walked in and picked the coolest phone in the shop and took Carlisle's plastic card and once the phone was "mine" to give to Bella, I bought her, her first ringtone and just for me. Yeah, I'm a douche. Bella having a phone would make everything so much easier. Maybe, knowing Bella had a means of communication, I could sleep better.
Maybe we could also text random shit to each other.
I hid the phone in Alice's car. We had decided to take her car to Port Angeles and to Ben's party.
Ben's party was the biggest shit fest of my life. Well, I had only been there for five minutes and I already wanted to leave so maybe I wasn't giving it a chance. Emmett gave me a beer and I sat with Jasper and Mike and him. The music was crap, the people were crap, the beer didn't taste like old times, and I was annoyed by everyone and everything. The guys started talking about sex, baseball, "hottest chicks in school" and then that led to sex again. I wondered what Bella was doing and if she missed me around. She was probably happy that she didn't have to deal with me anymore.
That shit started messing with my mind.
What if she really doesn't want me around?
What if she hates me and is just pretending to like me being around because she's scared?
You're such an insecure fuck!
What if Charles came back from Seattle?
I sat up and walked away from the boys ignoring Emmett's questioning of my destination. I walked over to Alice who was holding a fruity drink and talking to Angela and some other girls.
I walked behind her and gently tapped her back causing her to turn to face me.
"Ed? What's wrong?" Shit, was it noticeable in my face?
"Um, can you give me a ride back into town? I know its fucked up to ask you to leave the party, but I really gotta get out of here and town is far from here." I said and she smiled at me.
"Um…yeah sure let me go tell Jasper." She said and skipped off. Seriously, she skips like she's fucking nine.
The ride back into town was silent at first, until Alice started asking why I wasn't enjoying the party, which only led me to piss her off, because I didn't answer her. I told her to drop me off at some street.
She didn't know that street was Bella's street address.
As we made our way to Bella's street, a bright yellow neon light grabbed my attention.
"Turn left!" I yelled and Alice braked hard causing us to fly forward. We had to stop our bodies by slapping our hands on the dashboard.
"What the hell?" she asked angrily.
"I'm hungry." I said and she rolled her eyes and turned into the McDonald's drive-thru. I wasn't hungry, more like nauseated by Ben's shit party, but I couldn't help it. I had to do this. Besides everybody deserves a plastic and useless toy and nasty ass food.
When we got to the speaker, I thought I was being funny and cute by ordering a chicken nugget Happy Meal, but when the drive-thru person asked me if I wanted the Happy Meal Barbie or a Happy Meal Transformers, I got all nervous. I cleared my throat and over Alice shouted that I wanted a Happy Meal Barbie and Alice gave me a confused look and I glared at her, daring her to ask.
At the window, after Alice took the Happy Meal from the cashier and handed it to me, I was quick to let the cashier know that it was for Alice and her weird fascination for dolls. Alice slapped my arm.
"Okay," she sighed as we got back on the road and I rolled my eyes "I won't ask, but could you at least tell me what the hell have you been doing sneaking out of your room this week?" I stopped breathing and I felt like I was caught. Fuck! I panicked.
"How the hell do you know? You fucking stalker!" I yelled.
Why do I yell?
"Let's not forget your room is on top of mine. My window just happened to be opened one night and then every night after that. I saw you."
"You can't tell anybody. Esme is already upset with me and Carlisle is fucking pissed so…"
"I'm not telling anybody Edward, but you could at least tell me so I won't worry."
"Don't worry, seriously."
"Is it something bad?"
"I'm taking a Happy Meal to the place where I've been going. Do you think it's bad?" I asked annoyed.
"You're going to the same place?" shit I realized I had given myself away.
"You'll never know where." I muttered.
"Damn you Edward Anthony Cullen!" I smiled at her anger. I asked her to drop me off a few blocks away, so she wouldn't know where I was actually going. She left back to the party, not before asking me again where I was going. I flipped her off and after I grabbed Bella's phone from under the seat.
I power walked to Bella's house and with one hand climbed the tree that led into her balcony. She was lying down with her arms around a pillow and her face buried deep into it. I smiled at her and the weird familiarity took over again and I gently knocked on her balcony door. I hid her phone and her Happy Meal behind my back ready to surprise her and like a moron waved and grinned at her.
She must think I'm a loser.
You are, you pussy!
I gave her the phone first, which I was pretty excited about and she seemed excited too after I told her we could text during school and shit. But most of all, she seemed a little overwhelmed when I let her know she could call me if she was in any kind of trouble. It was as if it was the first time someone showed care for her.
I could do that. Right?
Bella's eyes watered when I gave her the Happy Meal. Who knew something so simple could make an 18 year old girl so happy. She quickly took the Barbie out of its bag and started fingering her hair. I couldn't help but smile at her adorable enthusiasm for the stupid doll. Her wide smile and blush made me excited and proud that I had done something to make someone happy.
It felt…good.
"How are the two minutes of glee Bella?" I asked and she looked at me again with her brown eyes that let me know the answer faster than her words. I could get lost in those chocolate orbs.
I want to.
"They're amazing." She said with a broken whisper and I saw it then.
I saw Bella's innocence. I saw Bella. I saw her…I swear. I saw her for the first time. I saw the girl so sheltered that she's never had such a simple childhood privilege. I saw in Bella's eyes, what I needed to see. She needed this.
She needed me to do something to save her innocence from the fucking monster. I needed to do something before he ruined her completely.
"I see it now." I said and I meant it. I did.
I sat with Bella on her bed while she munched on her chicken nuggets. I held her BBQ sauce cups so she could dip the nuggets. She fed me fries and a chicken nugget like a child and she giggled because I let her, it made me laugh. We talked about how lame Ben's party was and how she was bored all day and how she planned to paint her room. I listened to what she had to say, but was distracted by how her small mouth looked when it moved while she chewed and talked and how her little pink tongue licked the BBQ sauce off her lips. I had to look away as I knew that would have an affect on my body that I wouldn't be able to hide.
She drank her juice from the little box and crushed it in her hand when she was done. She burped lightly and almost feminine-like, if that was even possible. She turned and looked at me.
"I'm sorry, did you want any?" she asked playfully, raising one of her eye brows and I chuckled.
"You didn't give me a chance fatty." I said and grabbed her non existent side fat and she giggled. Her sweet giggle did things to me. I sighed. Her shirt was rolled up a little and I could see her pale skin from her belly and a little further down, a belly button. I covered my mouth to muffle my groan.
"What's wrong with you? You're aren't suppose to call a girl fat!" she said and playfully slapped my arm as she sat up. I was disappointed when she pulled her shirt down, covering her pretty skin.
"Bella, you're the farthest thing from fat. How much do you weigh? Like 80 pounds?" she slapped my arm again.
"For your information, its 109 pounds and 110 after tonight." She said and giggled.
"There was something in your juice I swear!" I said and she giggled more until a knock on the door froze us both. Bella slapped my mouth shut with her hand and I could smell the BBQ on her hand I wanted to laugh, but I was too damn worried about who was on the other side of her door.
"Bella, baby!" A woman's voice said and Bella looked at me in worry with her BBQ hand still over my mouth.
"The door is locked." She whispered and turned to look at her door again. "Yeah mom?" she said trying to sound as relaxed as possible.
"Are you okay in there? I heard laughter."
"Mom, I laugh and that worries you?" Bella had to be a smart ass in moments like these. "I'm fine. I was just watching some TV." She finished.
"Okay, baby. I'm going to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow. I'm going to Port Angeles again with Phil." Bella's mom said and Bella rolled her eyes as she sighed in frustration.
"Alright…good night mom."
"Good night baby." Bella's mom said and her shadow moved away from under the door and Bella turned towards me, but didn't look at me….or move her hand away from my mouth.
"God, I hate that Phil guy." She mumbled and looked down. I smiled in her hand and tapped her arm and she quickly looked up. "Oh my god, I'm sorry!" She said and removed her hand away from my mouth and I took an exaggerated deep breath and she slapped my arm again.
"Bella, keep hitting my arm and I'll get cancer. Shit." I said while rubbing my arm and she giggled and quickly covered her mouth with her hand and I chuckled. "Who's Phil?" I asked and she rolled her eyes.
"Some jackass that's trying to steal my mother." I raised my eyebrows and she rolled her eyes again. "Not really, but she's always with him. He's the president of some book club she's part of."
"That's gay." I said and she giggled.
"No its not."
"Yeah it is. Who does that shit? Seriously?"
"People that like books."
"You mean gay men that fantasize about the perfect man in their dirty novels."
"They don't read dirty novels!" she laughed-talked.
"Whatever, I think this Phil guy has the hots for Fabio so don't worry. Your mom is safe." I said and she buried her face in my shoulder to muffle her giggles and I let her. She suddenly stopped giggling and looked up at me and her small mouth fell open a little. I guessed she was surprised at herself fro acting so carefree with me and that she was being to "touchy". I smiled at her and moved a strand from her hair behind her ear and she let out a low gasp while blood rushed to her cheeks. I chuckled. She shook her head out of embarrassment and laid it on my shoulder while wrapping her arms around my arm. My hand fell under her belly and her warmth surrounded me. I didn't know what she was doing…I didn't know what I was doing.
Hesitantly, I placed my chin on her head and held one of her hands in mine and sighed into her hair. I took a deep breath and let her strawberry scent enter my lungs. She moved her forehead into my neck and laid her face in my chest with her forehead leaned into my right cheek. My heart started racing like a twelve year old boy who just made contact with a girl for the first time…that way.
She let go of my arm and placed her hands by my side and I swear I wanted her to do it. I wanted her to wrap her arms around my waist in a hug. It wouldn't be our first hug, but I wouldn't be doing it just to console her while she broke down. It would be a nice…a nice hug.
As my right arm found its way around Bella's small back, I hit my head against her headboard and shut my eyes tight.
What happening to me?
We lay there, on her bed, for a long time. We stayed in silence. There was nothing that needed to be said and I didn't mind the silence with Bella. Though talking to her was easy as breathing, we said so much more in silence. She was too shy and I was too prideful to say anything more than random small talk. Silence was nice.
This was nice.
I could feel her heart beat on her back and hear her slow breathing mixed with my low breaths. My eyes stayed closed and I kept dozing off. I was about to ask her if she was asleep when she sat up and her warm body left mine.
"Where you goin?" I might have sounded a bit panicked and like a complete needy moron, but I didn't care at the moment. She smiled at me softly and pointed her small pale finger at the bathroom.
"I can still taste BBQ." She said and slowly walked into her bathroom after I smiled at her as if I was giving her permission.
I'm such a douche.
She took a few minutes and I became a little antsy, but as she made her way out of the bathroom and back to bed, I quickly sat up and fixed her side of the bed.
Her side? This is her bed you fuckwit!
She reluctantly sat at the edge and I felt the pressure of my chest.
Didn't she wanna sit with me anymore?
I nervously sat up and looked at her and tried my best to look inviting and made her aware that I was waiting for her. She slowly and gently climbed into the bed and sat by me again with her back against the headboard and looked down at her lap. I took a deep breath and like an idiot boy on his first date, nervously wrapped an arm around her shoulders and her eyes looked up as if asking what I was doing, but it didn't take her long to lean into me and I smiled at my small victory.
I was comfortable again, but she still didn't wrap her arms around me. I guess this was normal. I mean we haven't even decided if we are friends. We didn't even know what we were. But somehow that didn't matter with Bella.
You really wanna be the Swan's friend?
Friends? I…I guess I do.
Bella leaned her head on my chest again and I position myself, trying to make comfort for her.
"If you wanna sleep and want me to leave, just say the words. I don't want to bother…"
"No!" she said and grabbed my chest to stop me, but I chuckled because I wasn't even moving. She knotted my shirt in her hand and sighed.
"I'm sorry; I mean you don't have to. I don't mind." She whispered and my inner demons rolled their eyes at my stupid smile and joy that Bella didn't mind me sticking around. She let go of my shirt, but kept her hand on me. It was now on my shoulder, almost around my neck. I gulped not knowing why Bella's sudden physical "affection", if I could call this affection, was making me nervous. I squirmed, as if I was a fucking virgin, touched for the very first fucking time.
I leaned my head against the headboard again and closed my eyes and I felt at peace. I wanted to stay and sleep as I hadn't been able to sleep last night and being around Bella made it better to sleep. But it would be impossible. I would have to leave soon or Esme and Carlisle would surely kick me out this time.
"Do you mind?" she whispered and moved her face off my chest to look into my eyes and her lips were inches away from mine. I was distracted by them for a moment and I licked mine and swallowed nervously. She smelled so good.
I bet her lips taste good. I bet they are soft.
"Mind what?" I said breathlessly.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?
"Me like this. Do I make you uncomfortable?" she asked worried and I smiled at her which made her calm down. That was impossible. She could never make me feel uncomfortable.
"Nah, I don't mind." I said and she smiled back. "Do I make you feel uncomfortable?" I asked and she quickly shook her head.
"No, not at all." She ran her finger tips across my jaw, causing chills and I let out a shaky breath. I was embarrassed by my reaction, but she didn't seem to mind. She moved her face back into my chest and her hand returned to my neck. "Maybe I can sleep tonight. It was hell last night." She said and I didn't know if I should share my miserable sleepless story. Maybe she could see that it's the same for me when I', not near her, but decided against it.
"Well, I'm here Bella." I whispered into her hair and ran my index finger across the bruises she had on the arm that was wrapped across my chest and up to my neck. "I'm here to scare hell away. You can sleep and I promise even in your dreams, nobody will fuck with you." She let out a soft giggle. "I'm serious."
"I believe you." She sighed.
I don't know why that made me smile and make me want to get up and chant in victory, but I managed to calm myself down and stay with Bella on my chest.
"Thank you." She said lowly and I didn't answer and instead, closed my eyes.
Time passed and I suddenly woke up. The sudden return to reality made my heart race. I looked down as my body was now asleep and I could still feel a warm body on me.
Bella was still laying on me, but by the light rise and falls of her chest, I could tell she was asleep. The arm that was wrapped around my neck had managed to fall around my waist and I gently pulled away and helped her lay on her pillow. I sat at the edge of the bed and looked at my cell phone to see that I had napped for an hour.
I shoved my phone back into my jeans and turned to look at Bella. Her curled brown hair was all over her face and I chuckled. I moved it away from her face to discover her sleeping form. Her cheeks were blushed and her nose was a little shiny. I guessed my body warmth had made her sweaty, but she looked beautiful.
Yeah, I fucking said it.
There was nothing wrong with Bella's face when I asked her during lunch.
I just denied the thought that I believed Bella was beautiful.
But she was.
Her flawless creamy skin and the light sprinkled freckles on her cheeks and nose and the way I drowned in her deep chocolate brown eyes convinced my asshole self that Bella was beauty.
She was a secret and dangerous beauty.
Its takes you a while to realize she is beautiful because she doesn't put herself in display or skip around in expensive and revealing clothes, but once you see it, once you see her beauty you can't look away. It holds you and you can't dare yourself to look away. Her beauty can be described as simple, but that's what makes her beautiful. She doesn't have one strong feature, like big lips or a big ass, but all of her is just right. All of Bella is beauty. She doesn't need make-up or a nice hair due. Her smell and face and body hold natural beauty women would kill for and a man would want in a woman. Her beauty isn't offsetting and instead is captivating.
With my finger tips, I caressed her blushed cheeks. I ran my thumb across her lower full lip and she let out a soft whimper and my dick twitched and I knew I had to leave before I poked Bella's eye. I chuckled at the idea and kissed her forehead.
I did it before I even thought about it, but I kept at it. I gave her forehead a second kiss and smiled my way out of her house.
I thought spending time with Bella last night might help me lose some of this worry, but I woke up drenched in sweat from a fucking nightmare.
I couldn't eat breakfast and I couldn't play video games with Emmett. I was so fucking distracted and worried. I was anxious as I didn't know when Charles returned. I didn't know what would be the difference if Bella has lived with him all her life. But I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that Bella would be in danger again. I kept running my hands through my hair as I sat with Emmett as he played video games.
"You're gonna go fucking bald dude." He muttered.
"Fuck you."
"What's wrong? You seem tense." He said not taking his fucking eyes off the TV.
"What are you gay? Fuck off." I said and he sighed and shook his head. Alice gracefully walked into the living room with a gossip magazine and an Anne Bradstreet poem collection book. That made no sense and I looked at her incredulously.
"What?" she smiled. "I have to get educated in both lit and gossip." I chuckled.
"Something is wrong with our brother Alice." Emmett said and I sighed in annoyance.
"There is nothing wrong, other than the usual, with Edward." Alice said and I glared at her.
"He left the party last night after one beer. That ain't fucking normal." Emmett said and Alice rolled her eyes.
"Maybe he was tired." She mumbled and opened her gossip magazine.
"Can you guys stop talking about me as if I wasn't here?" they both chuckled.
"How are things going with Bella? Are you close to…you know?" Emmett asked wiggling his eyebrows and I didn't know why, but I quickly looked at Alice who was no longer looking at her gossip magazine and instead, looked at me. She waited for my answer.
"It's going awesome." I said dryly without looking away from Alice.
"That's fucking great, bro." Emmett said and patted my back. Alice didn't blink.
What the fuck does want from me?
I violently got up and left and as I did, I heard Emmett mumble something about something being really wrong with me.
I walked outside my house and found Carlisle working on his classic car. I walked to him and he didn't stop working, but did acknowledge my presence my nodding at me.
"I thought Emmett was supposed to help you? Like a little father and son bullshit." I said and Carlisle sighed, probably annoyed with me.
"I'm working on the engine. It's a bit more complicated and he is working on the paint job." He said and I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever."
"Maybe you could help us."
"Pshh"
"It might teach you a thing or two about work and structure. We all need structure in life."
"I didn't come here to get lectured by you Carlisle." I muttered and he kept working, not looking at me.
"Okay. Why did you come for?" he asked and I suddenly felt the pressure in my head and the coward feeling of running away.
Just ask him! You don't have to use names. He's a doctor. He deals with this crap all the time. He probably knows what to do.
"Um…" I stopped myself as I sounded like a damn broken pussy. "I uh…look you have to promise you won't tell anybody and you won't question me about who or when. Just promise me you'll give me the answers with no bullshit!" I said and he shook his head.
"Okay. Just don't expect me to know everything Edward. But I'll help you with whatever son."
"I know."
"It's good that you know." I sighed. "Okay, so what is the question?" My throat was dry and I couldn't find the words. I took a deep breath and walked a little closer to him so that I wouldn't have to yell.
"Um…I know someone…that uh…shit!" I said rubbing my neck and Carlisle kept working. "What can I do if I know someone that gets…that gets…you know…abused?" I whispered and Carlisle dropped his metal tool and I jumped. He grabbed a rag and wiped his hands and gave me all his attention.
"Sexual?" His face was serious now.
"No! Well…I don't know. All I know now is that it's physical. But it's fucking brutal."
"By who?"
"A family member. Don't ask what kind." He sighed.
"Is it daily abuse?"
"Yeah. How about bruises every day to prove it? What does that tell you?" he shook his head and looked down as he thought. "She might have also been to the hospital once because of it."
"The hospital should have done something about it."
"I know, but they didn't and I think it's because the fucked up motherfucker that did that shit to her has connections or made some bullshit up." I didn't know why, but I felt better by telling Carlisle. Maybe he could help me.
"Well, we could…"
"No we! She doesn't trust anybody." He didn't question it and continued.
"Well the child protective services should be alerted."
"No, that wouldn't work, she's 18."
"Is she being abused by her husband?"
"Not married." I said annoyed.
"Does she have a disability?"
"No"
"Is she sick, mentally or…"
"No dammit! She's normal and healthy."
"Does she live with the individual."
"Yes." I sighed, still not understanding why Bella still lived in that hell hole.
"Well…" he said and took a deep breath. "She could move out and alert the authorities." I wanted to yell at Carlisle, but he didn't know that he was the authorities.
"She can't move out, she doesn't have money." That was probably why. It was plausible.
"Well there are shelters for battered women or..."
"No! Hell no. Why should she live in a fucking shelter when she isn't the one that's fucked up?"
"Well in the meantime. While the authorities do their investigation she can live there and in a safeguard where nobody can hurt her."
"Would they arrest the fucker?"
"Not right away. That's what the investigation is for."
"Then what will happen to her? How can she make sure that fucker doesn't go after her for retaliation?"
"She can get a restraining order against the perpetrator." He said and I could feel the anger boiling in my blood and I knew it wasn't Carlisle's fault and he didn't make up the laws and he was only trying to help me, but he was near and I needed to let it out.
"That's fucking bullshit! What is she supposed to do with that little piece of paper? Fucking make him shove it up his ass and then he'll go away? That's fucking bullshit!" I said and Carlisle tried to calm me down but as pulled away. "That's…that's just not right." I said and walked away.
"Son, you have to tell your friend that help is available. Do it before it's too late!" he said but I just kept walking.
I kept walking until I made it to the meadow.
I sat my ass down, still mad as hell. The sun hit me and it was a hot day, but I could care less.
It stared at the meadow ahead of me when I spotted someone walking through the trees. I didn't even have time to think about her and now there she was. I quickly stood up and ran to her.
"Bella!" I shouted and she turned to face me. A wide grin spread across her face and it was fucking contagious. I smiled myself.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. She was holding her sketchbook and had her orange backpack hanging around her shoulder. She was wearing a thin blue long sleeved shirt, probably trying to hide her bruises in the heat.
"I'm just…trying to cool down." I said, meaning I was pissed as hell and I didn't wanna take it out on my family, but Bella took it the other way.
"Me to! It's so weird when it gets hot here. But I know just the place to cool down!" she said excitedly and I couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. It was cute. In the few weeks I've known Bella, I've hardly seen her so alive, but lately she almost seemed too happy.
"Come on!" she said and grabbed my hand and led me through the woods. We sprinted for a few minutes when she finally stopped. She was clumsy, but definitely more athletic than me. I was breathing hard, but she was still smiling and calm as she led me deeper into the woods. She slipped and I rushed to her side just in time.
"Oh Bella, they are just leafs and twigs." I said taking her hand in mine and she slapped my arm with her free hand while she held her sketchbook under her arm.
"I'm unbalanced…mentally." She said playfully and I laughed loudly causing some birds to come out of their trees and she giggled hard. It wasn't until I intertwined our fingers that she stopped. She looked down at our hands and became silent. She looked forward as we walked and her face was serious.
I wondered if it bothered her or if she liked it.
I hoped she liked it.
I liked it.
Having physical contact with her just assured me she was safe. I wanted her safe. I was starting to obsess about it.
As we walked, she would glance at our hands and bite her lower lip. Our shoulders rubbed against each other and she would stop to make sure it was okay with me. I would smile at her and she would nod.
She finally led me to a lake, which I knew existed, but I didn't remember. She let go of my hand which drowned me in disappointment and ran to the edge of the lake. She took her sneakers off and sat down, placing her sketchbook on her side. She dipped her small feet into the water and patted the spot next to her.
"Come on Edward!" she said and I shook my head.
"That's gay. Who does that?"
"It is not gay. Besides, I do it and it feels good."
"Something might bite us."
"Nothing is going to bite us Edward. Don't be such a wussy."
"Did you just call me a pussy?" she giggled.
"No!"
"Why can't we just take a swim?"
"I can't swim remember?"
"Oh yeah! I can teach you! I promise I would."
"We aren't wearing the appropriate clothing. Just sit with me dammit!" she shouted and I finally gave in. I sat next to her and took my sneakers off, rolled my jeans up a little and placed my bare feet in the water. I moaned from the cold and when I finally relaxed, I turned to look at her. She was smiling at me.
"Alright, fine. It feels good." I mumbled and she clapped.
"About time you admit I'm right." She said and I playfully shoved her and she giggled. I was surprised she didn't jump or think I was trying to do something to her.
She trusted me.
"You wanna hear a story?"
"What am I five?"
"No, but a good story is a good story." She said and I rolled my eyes.
"Alright, what's the story."
"You know this lake used to be a river?"
"That's impossible."
"No, it's true. According to the legends of the Quileute."
"They're full of it." She sighed in annoyance and I chuckled.
"I forgot you like to piss me off!" she said and crossed her arms on her chest.
"I'm sorry. Finish the story."
"No."
"Finish the damn story!"
"No, go to hell."
"Bella!"
"What?"
"What's the story?" I whispered taking her hand in mine and she sighed. I intertwined our finger again.
"Anyway, this lake used to be a river. A wide and mighty river that nobody could cross. There was a Native woman with a child who one day decided to cross the river to see what was on the other side. You see, everyone would always say there were riches on the other side of the river. She wanted to see if it was true. So she crossed the river with her child in her arms. She didn't make it and drowned, but the baby boy floated to the other side."
"She wasn't a good mother." I mumbled, but Bella continued.
"The small boy was then found by some wolves and they raised him." I chuckled and she glared at me, but continued. "Anyway, one day he, now a young man, reached the river for a drink when he spotted a pretty girl. They fell in love right away, but had no ways of getting to each other. The girl and the boy cried every night to the gods to let them be together, but they weren't getting their wishes. The boy was desperate so he called on all the animals in the woods and they created a mass uproar. He was angry, so angry that the gods decided to punish him and the animals by destroying the river leaving a hole in the ground. The girl and the animals died of thirst and the boy stayed behind to suffer. After her death, the gods made it rain and the small hole left from the river was filled with water." She finished and shook her head and I chuckled.
"That was the most depressing thing I've ever heard." She smiled and shook her head.
"It's just a story to show that we shouldn't be selfish and wreck everything, even for love. You gotta learn when to give up for the one you love."
"I don't believe that."
"You don't have to."
"Who told you that story anyway?"
"Oh…some old friends, Jacob and Leah. They were Native American, from the Quileute tribe."
"Were?"
"I mean they are. I just don't talk to them anymore. They stopped talking to me." She said and seemed saddened by this. She looked down at our hands again.
"Well you don't need friends like that. Bullshit, that they just stopped talking to you like that."
"It was my fault."
"So? Friends aren't supposed to fuck off when we make mistakes." I said squeezing her hand and she smiled at me. We stayed in silence for a while she splashed her feet in the water.
"Are…we…um…uh…can I ask you something?" she said, finally breaking the silence and I nodded. "Uh…are we…are we friends?" she asked and seemed like she almost regretted asking.
I didn't know what to say. I mean I knew, I just couldn't find the words. I paused.
"Nevermind, I'm so stupid and childish." She said shaking her head and blushing a bright red. She took her hand out of mine and I quickly grabbed it back.
"We are friends." I strongly said and she looked at me again.
"Really?" she asked and her little mouth fell open and I smiled at her.
"Yeah. You've helped me and I will help you. Just like friends do. We even have fucking sleepovers." I said and she giggled.
"You probably don't wanna tell anybody. I swear I won't." she said and I sighed in annoyance.
"Bella, I thought you were the only one that didn't think shit like that about me…anymore."
"No, it's just that you once said…"
"Fuck what I said."
"But your friends?" she said and I remembered those assholes.
"The only reason we should keep this in the down-low, is because my friends are assholes, Bella. If they know they will probably torture you and I doubt you want that. I already told you that I have your back. Its no longer a deal, it's a fucking duty. A friendship duty. Alright!"
"Okay" she simply said and I squeezed her hand.
"I expect for you to use that phone I gave you, friend." I said and she smiled.
"I've tried, but I've never had a cell phone before."
"What?" I shouted and she rolled her eyes. "Oh…yeah."
We spent an hour by the lake while I taught her how to use and play with her phone which she was carrying in her pocket. I don't know why that made me feel so proud.
I walked her back to her house. I was seriously going to lose some weight with all this walking I was doing to her house.
"Um, I'll see you later." She said and started walking towards her house, when I grabbed her hand.
"Wait." I said and she stopped.
"What?"
"Now…" I took a deep breath. "Now that we are friends, aren't we supposed to hug goodbye or something." I said and I couldn't look at her in the face while I said it.
What the fuck are you doing pussy?
I want a fucking hug!
"Um…"
"I mean you have to remember that I'm an asshole and you aren't so this friendship thing is new to me. You have to help me." I said and she smiled.
"Yeah…I guess we can hug if…" before she could finish I pulled her into my chest and wrapped my arms her small and warm body. She smelled of woods and strawberries.
Fucking strawberries.
I felt her small arms wrap around my waist and she gently ran her hands up my back and up to my shoulders and I shivered. It felt good. I pulled away and smiled at her, trying to dazzle her and it worked as she blushed. I pulled her back in for another hug. This time I held her even tighter and placed my lips to her ear.
"Just promise me you'll keep yourself safe Bella. And if anything happens, text or call me. Please. Please promise me. Please." I didn't understand the urgency and desperation in my voice.
"I promise." She whispered into my chest and I gave her one last squeeze, as if that would assure me that she would be safe.
She had to be safe.
After dinner with my family, I headed to my room and grabbed my cell phone and selected Bella from my contacts and sent her a text.
Hey new friend.
I pressed the button and I felt so stupid. I should've sent her something deep or funny. Instead I sounded like a douche. I waited to get her answer, but I just found myself staring at the screen like a moron. She was probably asleep or away from her phone. She didn't really know all that well how to text, maybe its taking her some time to answer.
After a few minutes, I gave up and placed my phone on my night stand and turned my TV on when suddenly the phone vibrated loudly scaring the shit out of me. I grabbed it excitedly as I saw Bella on the screen and pressed the Read button.
My breathing stopped and my joy left the room and died as I read the words in the text message.
He's back…please help.
I know I know, a damn cliffy after such a long wait for this chapter. I should be slapped, but with angry comments! Haha
Don't be too mad. I have already started on the next chapter and it's a shorter one so that means a faster update.
Thanks for the lovely comments and to those who have just found my story and commented on every freaking chapter, you're freaking amazing. I would buy you a Happy Meal, but I'm a broke college student and naturally cheap, but I do send you imaginary hugs.
Again, thank you so much crazyj9girl for the cool banner.
If you haven't seen it, go to my profile and click on the first banner link. There are two and both are awesome.
P.S I loved Eclipse (even Stew's wig), but it's over so I'm back to writing!