Soo…it's been a while. I'm ashamed, but I hope you can forgive me. I went through college finals and a new computer and I ended up updating very late. :( I'm sorry my lovelies, but here is Bella.
Thanks you edwardrocksmysocks. We've already discussed how much I love thee.
Title of chapter is from Blue October's song Sound of Pulling Heaven Down, a song about the end of the world and love. Strangely enough it may have the most romantic lyrics of all time.
Ch26/Bella/Some Sort of Crazy
I kept glancing at the clock that hung on the Newton's wall while I swept the floors. I smiled to myself. I had really been glancing at that damn clock since I got to work. I couldn't help it. I just wanted to get out of here and see him again.
See Edward.
I would think about him every second possible. Sometimes, when my mind would wander off to help customers or to think about homework, something would always remind me of him and a strange wave of joy would take over me.
Since the moment I told Edward that I would be his girlfriend, I felt self conscious about everything about myself. I felt nervous the moment I woke up the next morning, but when Edward greeted me at my door, I mentally punished myself for worrying. I looked at the warm smiles he gave me and felt his light caresses on my arms and cheeks and questioned how something like this could ever harm me. It made me feel wonderful. I had never felt 'wonderful.' It used to be inexistent in my personal vocabulary. But now, as cheesy as it sounds, Edward was everything wonderful in my life.
The energy his hand gave mine while he held it and the way he stood and walked protectively beside me, assured me that this was a good thing. For the first time in a long time, I could say I was happy. I pushed away my negative thoughts and glared at my nerves. I deserved to be happy.
He made me happy.
The clock finally marked my freedom and I rushed to punch out. I waved goodbye to Mike and Mr. Newton who both smiled and waved back. They were both really nice. Mr. Newton was a strict man, but had a good heart. He loved Mike and I sort of envied him for having a dad that cared. Of course Mike whined and protested Mr. Newton's lectures, but he didn't know how fortunate he was. He didn't have someone who put him down. He had a father who loved him. I would never have that.
I grabbed my sweater and hoped Edward would be waiting outside. I didn't think I could handle it anymore. I was becoming a little needy and I didn't like it, but having something good when life has giving you nothing but bad, makes you desperate to protect the good found.
As the shop's sliding doors opened, the cold breeze of the night said its hello, but I couldn't care less. Edward smiled at me as he got out of his car and rushed to me with a jacket in his hands. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him, but to contradict, the warm feeling in my chest made me smile.
"Baby its cold," he stated and I sighed at the hint of worry in his voice. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips making my poor heart race and wrapped the jacket around me. It was obviously his as it smelled like him and was much too big for me, but I quickly pulled it tight. "Long night?" He asked and I nodded. "Poor booboo," he teased and I gave him a playful shove while he chuckled.
"I just really couldn't wait to see you again," I admitted while my stupid blush caused him to chuckle a little harder. He pulled me to his chest and I sighed in comfort, feeling his arms encircling my waist.
Being like this with Edward could never get old. It could never be wrong. It felt so right.
"I couldn't wait to see you again either, love." He kissed the top of my head as I snuggled into his chest. His arms held me close while I took in his warmth. It would be so easy to get lost with him. It would be so easy to give him my heart…to give him everything.
When I had moved forward with my decision and kissed Edward, I feared what that may bring. Yet in these few days, I've been so happy that I felt silly for having any fear. I knew this was what I wanted and even what I had needed.
I needed Edward.
I pulled my head back and found a sad Edward. I traced his jaw and his cheek bones with my finger tips and softly kissed his lips.
"What's wrong?" He smiled sadly at me and shook his head.
"I'm just tired," he lied while lovingly caressing my cheek with the back of his fingers. "I really missed you. Quit your job and live with us. I could take care of you. I'll assemble all the sand that covers wedding beaches so your mom will have a place to stay." I giggled as he purposely sang the last part.
"You're crazy and stop stealing Blue October's lyrics." He chuckled.
"But I love that song. It could be our song," he sighed. "And I am crazy and just a little clingy. I wanna have you by my side all the time."
"Creep."
"And a weirdo," he assured me and leaned in for a kiss.
"I like you creep," I said as I closed in the distance and pressed my lips to his. I can't pretend that I know what I'm doing, but when my lips meet Edward's, I let the feeling I get in my heart take over and find myself out of breath and light headed in a matter of seconds.
I love it.
"I like that you like me," he whispered against my lips. He smirked and I was about to say how much I did 'like' him, when he kissed me again. He ran his tongue across my lower lip and I tensed up. It was always a shock as it seemed like we were going too far, but I opened my mouth to let him in and I remembered why I really liked it the first time Edward kissed me this way.
It was amazing.
The way our tongues slowly danced and the sounds coming from him and myself drove me crazy and hungry for more. It was as if I couldn't get enough of him. I buried my fingers in his hair and pulled him deeper into our kiss. He groaned and his hands pulled me closer to his body. "Shit Bella, it's like I can't get enough. I never thought it could be like this," he exhaled heavily after another few seconds of our kiss.
"Don't say tacky things and kiss me again," I teased causing him to chuckle, but I quickly silenced him with my lips. I parted my lips already knowing what I wanted and our tongues began to dance again. His hands wandered down to my waist as he deepened the kiss causing an unfamiliar feeling in my tummy and a wave of heat in my face that spread through the rest of my body. It burned…in a good way. He suddenly pulled away just as the feeling had reached an odd, odd place.
"I'm sorry, love," Edward panted as I tried to catch my breath. I rested my forehead against his chest while holding on to his sweater for dear life. I could not seem to calm down. It felt like I was on a sort of high and the feelings running through my body shocked the hell out of me.
What the hell was that?
Was I…turned on?
Holy crap…
I panicked and pulled completely away from Edward, but he took my hand ignoring my attempt to get away from him before it was too late.
"Baby, it's okay. It's my fault," he muttered.
"No, you didn't exactly force yourself on me." He chuckled while he was still trying to normalize his breathing. He gave me one last chaste kiss on the lips and led me to the passenger door.
"I think it'll be safer if I take you home," he sighed.
The ride home was filled with Van Morrison's singing about a brown eyed girl and Edward's silence. I was beginning to worry.
"Is it something I've done?" I blurted out and Edward quickly looked at me with confusion.
"I don't get it."
"You look worried, Edward. We've promised to be honest with each other and something is clearly bothering you." He sighed and looked at the road ahead of us.
"Don't worry about me, love. Nothing is wrong. Nothing can be wrong with you by my side," he confessed with a deep sigh and took my hand in his kissing it. "You could never do something to bring me down. It's impossible when you've taken me so high up." I giggled and leaned over to kiss his cheek.
"We have a poet in the car," I teased and he rolled his eyes.
"I'm being honest. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Bella. I just hope you can say the same about me some day." He was putting himself down again and I hated it. Edward didn't see himself clearly. He didn't see what I saw and what I saw was beautiful. I wanted to say something back, but nothing came out of my mouth. My damn nerves were acting up again. I was afraid to confess too much.
To confess what I was really feeling for him. I was afraid it was too early for that.
"You wanna come in?" I asked as he walked me to my door.
"But Renee-"
"She's at work and won't be home for hours."
"It's late and we have school tomorrow."
"How old are you Edward? 109?"
"Shut up and open the door, geez." I giggled as he huffed and wrapped his arms around my waist. He placed soft a kiss on the back of my neck making me tremble.
"Stop or we'll never get through the door," I gasped as I finally managed to turn my key to lead us in the house. He was about to sit on my couch when he caught me going up the stairs.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm gonna take a quick shower. You can wait here," I said with an assuring smile, trying my best to make it obvious that I wanted him to stay. He smiled and sat on my couch.
I jumped into the shower and scrubbed and washed faster than I ever had. I didn't want to waste the little time I had with Edward. I got dressed and when I opened the door that lead into my room, a cold chill ran through. I gasped and jumped as I caught a dark figure sitting on my bed in my dark room. I didn't expect him. My heart started to race and my shaking returned. Edward stood up and rushed to me, but it was too late. My body and mind were too damn scared. I took deep breaths to calm myself down, but it wasn't working. The right side of my body shook and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to make it go away and bit on my bottom lip. I whimpered as the shaking was becoming too painful to control.
"Shit baby, I'm so sorry. It's just me." I heard him but my mind wouldn't pull me back to him. I knew it was just him, but my body's natural reaction took over. I grabbed on to him for support and slowly managed to rest my face against his chest. Another violent wave of shaking ran through me and Edward held me tight against his chest.
"Bella, I'm so sorry." I could hear the hurt in his voice and I hated myself for not being normal. Why did I have to freak out? "Please, I just…please…God I'm such an idiot. Baby, don't go. Stay with me. Don't go to that place. It's just me and you in our world, I promise. I'll keep you safe." He placed a few chaste kisses on my face, but I didn't feel anything.
I gasped for air and I prayed for it to go away. I didn't even feel when Edward pulled me to my bed and held me into his lap.
"It's okay, love. You're safe." He kissed my temple as he rocked me in his arms while rubbing my back. I took one more deep breath and whimpered as it hurt my lungs.
"Wha-wha-what's wro-wrong wi-with me Edward?" I managed to cry into his chest. "I thought it had gone away. I thought I was normal again. I thought I was okay. But I'm crazy," I sobbed into his chest and he kissed my temple again trying to comfort me.
"You are okay, baby and you're not crazy. You're just a little scared and defensive. It's normal after all the shit you've been through. There's nothing wrong with you," he sighed in pain and I pulled my head back to look at him.
"I'm so sorry," I choked on my stupid tears. He furrowed his eyebrows and gently wiped tears away from my cheeks with his long fingers.
"What are you sorry for?" He asked confused.
"I'm sorry I can't be a normal girlfriend." He sighed and pulled me into his chest again.
"Love, don't do that. Don't make it seem like it's your fault. I've already told you. You're everything to me. What just happened was just a misunderstanding. I'm an idiot, but I thought we have already agreed on that."
"I'm still a total fail at this girlfriend thing. I don't know what you were thinking," I cried again, sniffing away.
"Bella, nobody is perfect at this relationship stuff, but all that matters is that you want me and I want you. You let me stick around. You're already the best girlfriend."
"How would you know? I thought you said you've never had a girlfriend."
"Smartass," he muttered causing me to smile through my tears. "Seriously love, don't feel bad. I should've said something to let you know I was here. I'm the one who should feel like shit. I do actually."
"But you've sneaked into my room many times. I don't know why I got so bad this time." I was being honest. It was probably one of the worst panic attacks I've gotten. It hadn't lasted as long as other times, but I truly feared the pain that overwhelmed me.
"Have you ever…you know…please don't hate me. I'm not calling you crazy or anything, but sometimes talking to someone can help," he said nervously. I sat up and moved to sit next to him on the bed. I wrapped an arm around his and rested my head on his shoulder.
"You mean like a shrink?"
"Um, I mean it could be anybody that is mentally capable of giving you advice. You've been through some tough things and maybe that person could tell you how you can handle it. Someone mature enough could help. Not your asshole boyfriend. God knows how much my shrink hated me."
"You've talked to one?" I couldn't believe I didn't know this.
"Yeah, but that was years ago. I wish I would have talked to him. I might have avoided all the shit I've done." I didn't respond. It kinda' hurt that I didn't know this. "Maybe you just need to tell someone. It could make you feel better."
"Well, I could never afford that kind of stuff."
"I could get Carlisle to find someone."
"Edward, I don't want your dad to know I have issues. Besides, I don't think I would feel comfortable telling someone my stuff. Not yet," I confessed and felt his arms wrap around me.
"Whenever you're ready, love," he whispered against my forehead before kissing me gently there.
"What else is there about you?" I asked and he didn't answer. "I mean, you don't have to tell me. I just wanna know you more. I've told you that I want to know everything about you. Tell me about your past. I want to know how you were as a kid and I want to know the silly and even the bad." I heard him take a deep breath.
"I'm not ready either," he whispered.
"Okay," I simply agreed.
"Bella?"
"Yeah?" He slightly pulled me back so I could look at him.
"If I told you some stuff about me that was fucked up and that made you cringe or gasp, would you still want me around?" He asked and even in my dark room I could see his pained eyes. "I would understand if you didn't, but I swear that asshole I used to be, died. That wasn't who I really am. That asshole that made fun of you or laughed when Tanya and her stupid friends made fun of you is gone and he'll never come back. I swear," he breathed out and took my hand and placed it against his heart. "Please forgive me, love." The raw honesty in his voice made me soft and I couldn't even remember what had happened in the past. Without hesitation, I quickly pressed my lips against his. It wasn't as passionate as our last few kisses, but I wanted to show him that I didn't care about his past. I couldn't even remember what I had to forgive him for.
"I told you that the past is the past and I don't care about it. I just wanna know more about you. I know some of it isn't pretty, but like you said, it wasn't you. This is you and I don't want you to leave. I promise to place the real you first when you finally tell me. I just wanna know."
"I just don't want to lose you," he whispered. "I couldn't fucking stand it."
"You aren't going to lose me. I'm already yours," I whispered against his lips and, with both of his hands, he brought my face to his making our lips meet yet again. We kissed until it was impossible to go on without a breath and my face ended up on his chest while I tried to control my breathing. This running out of breath deal had to cause some brain damage. Somehow I don't think I cared at this point.
"Do you want me to go?" He asked and my hold around him tightened.
"No, can you stay?"
"I can send a few messages to Alice and I'm covered."
"Well, I hope my pillows are comfortable enough for you."
"Hell yes," he chuckled. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me a little tighter. "Bella?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Hmm."
"You asleep?"
"Yes, I'm just talking in my sleep."
"God, I love smartass Bella." I giggled into his chest.
"What?"
"Somewhere, far away from here I saw stars, stars that I could reach.
It was a midnight; a silent twilight fell down, beyond the ocean beach," he said seriously but it took me a few seconds before I realized it was the same Blue October song from earlier and I couldn't help but giggle.
"I'm going to send Justin a strongly worded letter and let him know that you are stealing his lyrics to impress me." He chuckled loudly, the vibrations in his chest ticking my ear.
"I'm just saying we should make that our song."
"What are we? In 1980's romantic comedy? Cheese anyone?"
"Bella, don't hate my cheese. It hurts. Besides we need a song! I want a song Bella!"
"Fine you cry baby, Sound of Pulling Heaven Down is our song!" I sighed loudly with fake annoyance.
"Hell yes! My girl and I have a song," he cheered and I laughed at his enthusiasm.
"You're silly," I yawned.
"Uh huh. Bella?"
"Yes Edward?"
"I'm reaching farther than I ever have before. Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy. We may be some sort of crazy. But I swear on everything I have and more," he lowly sang and I could hear the smile in his voice.
I hummed the rest of the song with him until I fell asleep.
Though Edward spent the night in my room the rest of the week, the rest of the school days were…strange.
On Tuesday, Edward and I got away from the stares and comments and sat outside for lunch. But the rest of the week was rain and more rain in Forks so we had to endure hell in the cafeteria. It wasn't like lunch was the only time we were glared at or talked about. On Wednesday, Tanya, with tears in her eyes, went to me and threatened me if I didn't let Edward go. Luckily I didn't freak as just after she had went up to me, Alice and Angela stepped in front of her and threatened to kick her ass. It was overwhelming to have people stand up for you. I made it a goal to let Alice and Angela in a little more.
On Thursday, I received an angry-well not that angry-call from Jacob. He protested that I never hung out with him anymore. I gave him a lame excuse about homework and work, and quickly felt guilty about not telling him about Edward. I promised to hang out with Jake on Friday and when I told Edward, all I got was a "shit" and a heavy sigh. He didn't look too happy, but I could tell he was holding his irritation back. He failed horribly, but I thanked him for trying.
On Friday, I spotted Rosalie in the hall in the arms of Tanya while she uncontrollably sobbed. She looked like a mess with mascara running down her cheeks and shadows under her eyes. I could feel bad for her, but I didn't. I wondered what had her so upset, but before I could think anything else, she caught me staring. She violently pulled away from Tanya and started walking towards me. The determined anger overpowering her stare made me jump. Before she could do or say anything, Edward appeared, wrapped an arm around me and walked me to my next class. I heard Rosalie spit some profanities at Edward and me, but I didn't really understand why.
At lunch Rosalie sat with Tanya and the rest of the whore gang, but no Emmett. When I asked Edward where he was, he just sighed and said something about him being sick.
Clearly something was up. But I didn't push it.
"I can't believe you're going to spend Friday night in La Push," Edward sighed as he drove me home.
"Edward, don't give me this. You know how much Jacob and I love each other as siblings. Besides I haven't seen him in ages and we are just gonna have dinner with his dad. You could hang around with Jasper and Emmett. Just the other day you were telling me how you guys haven't had any guy time."
"I guess," he mumbled as he parked in my driveway.
"He should be here any second."
"I know," he sighed and turned his car off. "Bella, I need to talk to you." I took a deep breath.
"Don't talk like that." He chuckled.
"I was just gonna ask you out on another date. Let me take you out tomorrow."
"Hmm okay?"
"Okay? That's it?"
"Oh god, yes my lovely boyfriend."
"That's better," he teased. He kissed my hand and leaned forward to kiss my lips which I gladly let him. "I'll miss you," he whispered and kissed me again. The sound of an engine broke us apart. He sighed loudly, jumped out of the car and quickly walked over to open my door.
He took my hand and led me to Jacob's car with a smug look on his face. I knew Jake had to know, but I didn't think it had to be this way. Edward walked with a little attitude in his step and as Jacob got out of his car, Edward pulled me in to kiss me, but I pulled away.
"Don't do this, Edward!" I angrily whispered.
"Do what?"
"Try and show me off and prove a point to Jake. You're acting like an ass-"
"I'm sorry, love." He quickly let go of my hand. "I guess I can be a little…um uh…"
"You don't have to be jealous."
"I'm not!"
"Right…" I sighed as he chuckled. He gave me a quick kiss just as Jake walked up to us.
"Um, hey Bells…" Jake said confused and I nervously smiled at him.
"Jake, you remember Edward?"
"Sure, sure how could I forget?" Jake just glared at Edward who was glaring back at him. I gave Edward a goodbye kiss on the cheek, but he was too busy silently warning Jake off. I sighed loudly and walked over to the passenger side.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Edward," I said and he just nodded while Jake walked over to driver's side.
"Yes Ed, have a great night!" Jake shouted as he shoved himself into his tiny car. "What?" I rolled my eyes and didn't say anything as he put the car in drive. "Sooo making out with Edward now?"
"Jake, you always know how to start a conversation," I groaned.
"Hey, you brought this on yourself. You didn't tell your best friend about being that emo's girlfriend-"
"Edward is not emo," I cut him off. "And yes Jake, I'm his girlfriend. There, best friend can now shut up." I didn't think Jake would take it seriously, but he didn't say another word for the rest of the drive to La Push and instead let the radio fill the silence.
"You're really his girlfriend?" I had almost forgotten I had told him, but Jake sounded so serious when we got to his house.
"Yes, does that bother you?"
"Uh…I um we'll talk about this later," he said as he stared at his house. I noticed a pickup truck I had not seen before. "I sorta' invited a girl for dinner. I know it was supposed to be you and me, but um uh she uh…um uh…"
"Jake just spit it out!"
"She's become sort of important to me and wants to well…officially meet my best friend."
"Wow Jake, I can't say that I expected this. I'm happy that you now have someone 'sorta important.' So how did it happen?" I was all smiles. I was truly happy for Jacob. He finally had a girl and it seemed to make him happy.
"It's really all your fault," he said and with that jumped out of the car.
"What?"
"You'll see," he sighed as he led me to his house.
As he opened the door to his house, I was assaulted by the smell of tomato sauce and boiling pasta.
Billy's spaghetti.
I smiled as the old memories of the few good times of my childhood rushed into my mind. Jake took my hand and stopped me before I could reach the kitchen.
"Just don't question anything in front of her or ask questions about her personal life, 'kay?"
"Sure Jake, you know I'm not like that." He was really starting to freak me out. Who was the mystery girl?
Jake finally led me into the kitchen where my eyes fell on the girl I definitely didn't expect.
Leah Clearwater.
"Bella!" Billy cheered as he rolled his wheelchair toward me. I gave him a hug while I stared at Leah, who nervously fiddled with the hem of her shirt.
"Hey Leah," I said. She shyly smiled at me and just nodded. Jacob quickly asked us to sit down, I guess trying to avoid the awkwardness.
We ate our bowls of spaghetti while Jake and Billy told us stories of their trips around the country and how the reservations in New Mexico and Arizona are so different. I laughed as usual at Jake's humor while Leah smiled at most. She wasn't the same girl I used to hang out when I was younger. She was no longer a jokester like Jake and a little spark was missing from her black irises. She didn't say anything and avoided looking up. She only looked at Jake.
Well so much for bonding with Jacob's girlfriend.
Leah said goodnight to everyone while she grabbed her coat. She hugged Billy and surprised me when she did the same with me.
"It was nice seeing you again Bella. Jake and I missed you all these years. I'm sorry if I seem like a different chick, but I'm still that girl that kicked Paul's ass when he pushed you into the puddle of mud when we were eight," she said and I couldn't help but giggle.
"Thank you for that by the way," I could hear the honest smile in my voice while she just nodded.
"Anytime."
Jake drove me back home with a soft smile on his face.
"So it's my fault?" I asked and he just nodded. "Leah is sweet, but why may I ask. The last time I saw you, it was nothing but dislike for her." He took a deep breath.
"You told me she might need someone. Well, I decided to be that someone and I kinda' really do like her. I think I always did. I just realized it now. I'm glad I did. She really needed someone to be there for her."
"What happened to her?"
"Not my story to tell. I'm sorry Bella."
"That's fine. Just be nice to her or I'll push you into a puddle of mud." He chuckled.
"I'll be on my best behavior."
We finally got to my house and we sat in his car for a few minutes, just hanging out while music played lightly in his car.
"So Edward Cullen huh?"
"Yes, Edward Cullen." He huffed and shifted in his seat. I could tell he was uncomfortable. "Is there something wrong Jake? You're really starting to get on my nerves."
"Bells, you know I love you like a sister! I feel like a protective older brother with you and I can't help it."
"Jake I'm older than you."
"That's not the point and you know it."
"Fine," I sighed.
"Ever since we've known each other I've tried my best to protect you and I might have failed once, but I won't let it happen again."
"What are you talking about?" Jacob was really starting to worry me. I could tell he wanted to tell me something, but he wasn't sure if he should. "Just tell me, Jake."
"Promise me you won't hate me."
"What? I could never. Just tell me." He took a deep breath and turned his body to face me.
"You remember when I said I thought I recognized Edward from somewhere, but couldn't put a finger on it?"
"Yes," I whispered almost too afraid to hear the rest.
"Well I told Leah that I didn't like a guy who was clearly after you. She asked me why and I told her about how he gives me a bad vibe. Then I told her that I've seen him before but couldn't remember from where. But she knew right after I said his name and it all came back to me. I remember now," he said worriedly.
"Just say it. Please Jake…" He gulped and cleared his throat.
"Remember when I came to visit for a week when I was thirteen?"
"Yeah."
"You remember how I said I couldn't hang out with Paul anymore?"
"Yeah."
"Well my dad didn't want me hanging around him anymore, because he got caught with weed and cocaine. Paul was just being stupid and has been clean since then. His dad kicked his ass for it, but that's not what my concern is."
"Then what is it?"
"I know where he got that stuff from. We went to this party. It was an ugly sight. People were getting shit faced. Paul and Seth, Leah's younger brother, knew this guy from Forks who could get them cheap weed and coke. I went with them to meet this guy and I thought it was going to be some middle aged loser who failed at life so wanted to ruin kids, but hell no. It was some teenager, just like us selling the stuff and making out with a girl while looking pretty doped up himself. He looked like fucking hell."
"Jake?" I asked nervously. I really didn't want to hear who this guy was. Call me stupid, but I didn't wanna hear it.
"It was Edward, Bells. It was him. That's where I remember him from." I didn't say anything. I had expected an ugly story from Edward, but obviously I wasn't prepared to hear it from Jake or for it to be this bad. "Bells, I'm sorry to tell you. I mean I didn't want to 'cus I didn't think it was any of my business what that asshole did or does, but when it has to do with you, I'm going to let you know everything so you can watch your back."
I don't know if I was breathing. I could feel my heart beating in my throat. I don't know why it affected me so much. Maybe knowing the boy I devote my heart to has done some nasty and bad things worries me. But I truly felt lied to. It was as if I didn't really know him.
Suddenly Edward's voice played in my head. His words, his pleas, all promising that the real Edward was the one I knew and not the one before he and I…not the one that teased me, not the one that made out with Tanya and not the one that sold drugs to Paul. That wasn't him. I felt horrible. My thoughts were betraying him. I had promised I would understand and not judge his past, but here I was angry because…
"Bella? You okay?" Jacob asked worried and I just shook my head.
"It doesn't matter," I whispered.
"What?"
"It doesn't matter what he did." Jacob looked at me as if he didn't know me. He shook his head and slapped his steering wheel.
"What the hell, Bells? That asshole is a criminal!"
"He was just a stupid kid."
"Bella, I was a stupid kid," he spat angrily. "I've stolen silly shit, lied and gotten into a fight or two, because I was a stupid kid. Edward…" he huffed. "Edward is another story. He's an evil asshole and a piece of trash who doesn't deserve you."
"You don't even know him!" I spat. I couldn't believe I was actually shouting at my best friend.
"And you fucking do? Don't bullshit me Bella. He's a loser…"
"Don't talk about him like that!" I could feel my beating heart pounding against my chest. I didn't understand why Jacob's assumptions about Edward, angered me so much. "I already told you that you don't know him. You don't know him like I do. He isn't that guy anymore. So stop this Jake."
"I can't when you're being so stubborn!"
"I'm being real. You're insulting me by insulting him."
"How's that?"
"You're assuming I'm stupid enough to fall for a bad guy! You're also insulting the person I love." It left my mouth before I had even decided it.
I loved Edward.
I love him. I'm in love with him! It hit me in that moment. Why else would I ignore all his faults and his past mistakes? If he was willing to accept me with my own defects, I accepted him. I accepted who he had been in the past and who he was now, because I loved him. The reason I needed him so much finally came to me.
I fell in love with the boy that gave me my first Happy Meal, bought me a cell phone in case of emergencies, iced my bruises, wiped away my tears, stayed with me because he was afraid of leaving me alone, reported my father to the authorities and most importantly, the boy who became my comfort.
"I love him," I whispered, really to myself. I fought the tears, but it was no use. "I love him Jake and if you can't accept that, then you're hurting me." He sighed loudly and shook his head.
"You're some sort of crazy! Well congratulations. Don't let me get in the way. Just know that I'll still be your friend even after he's proves me right by doing something stupid." I didn't answer him and instead exited his car slamming the door behind me.
I didn't sleep.
Well I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep, but usually I didn't sleep due to fear or my stupid paranoia. But this time, I didn't sleep because of love?
Fucking love?
I found myself rolling around in bed, trying to understand what the hell this really implicated. Then I realized I ended up thinking about him and missing him and I felt like slapping myself. I couldn't believe this had happened to me. Love? Then I spent the rest of the night smiling and squealing into my pillow like a little girl. Every now and then, I worried about Jake and hoped he didn't hate me, but he would get over it.
But then the things he said to me…
Did Edward really do those things? What does that even mean to the Edward I know now? I felt that I should've known these things. I loved someone I didn't fully know who had a fucked up past life. I couldn't just let it be. Though, I knew those things didn't change my feelings for him, they still unsettled me. I knew I wasn't making any sense, but I couldn't control my stupid thoughts.
I woke up after about three hours of sleep and groaned at the pain in my neck. Mom made breakfast before work and promised me dinner. Mom was acting a little happier and I couldn't help but wonder if she was seeing Phil later.
Work was long. Mike was in a bad mood and didn't talk to anybody, which made it even longer and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Edward had agreed to pick me up the day before, but my epiphany of love made me feel too nervous to even look at him in the face.
"Hey," he greeted me as I walked to him; more like ran to into his arms. Suddenly my nerves disappeared and the only thing that mattered was that he was here. One smile from him and one word from his soulful voice, made me lose all fear. He chuckled as I grabbed onto his shirt for dear life and buried my face into his neck. He sounded and smelled so heavenly. Jake had to be wrong. Edward is the farthest thing from evil. He is heavenly. He is my heaven. "I fucking missed you love. You missed me? Did that dog treat you well?" I groaned and pulled away. "He pissed you off, didn't he? I'm gonna…"
"Edward, just get me out of here. Take me anywhere with you." He kissed me tenderly and smiled against my lips. The green of his eyes making me sigh as they stared into mine. I smiled, finally recognizing the feeling in my chest.
"The world is ending there's a party by the bay. I'll wear my suit and tie, we're eye to eye,
toasting to the way you put that smile upon my face...yeah. Fill up the air balloon and ride with me," he softly sung to me and placed a few more kisses on lips as he caressed my cheeks with his thumbs.
"You should take me on an air balloon ride over Forks when the world ends." He chuckled and nodded in agreement. "I love our song," I whispered while I deepened our last kiss before finally leaving Newton's.
Yes I loved that our song was about going on a romantic air balloon ride and talking about how we'll spend every last moment in love while the world ends and not caring that it's ending. It doesn't matter that the world is ending when you're so content, blissful, at peace and in love. Who cares what happened? We had each other until the end.
Call me crazy, but…
I love that so much.
And I loved him.
So…..
I promise things aren't as bad as they seem. These two have already been through a lot of shiz…
The song in chapter once again (in case you skipped first A/N) is Sound of Pulling Heaven Down by Blue October, who rocks my world. I just realized SM used this song in a playlist for the books. Smart woman that one…
Anyway, check that out and also chapters 6 and 7 have been revised by the awesome lizde, so if you're interested.
Until next time my loves….
P.S School is over for a few weeks so expect more updates. Yey…