Hello my peepz! Well I hope everybody has an amazing 2011. I know mine will more of the same lol.

Here is Ed and oh…I can't wait to see what you think of this chap….Thanks to my beta edwardrocksmysocks. Really girly, I don't know how you put up with my unwillingness to organize myself lol

Someone recommended this song for this story while I was writing this chapter and it freaked me out. I have awesome stalker readers lol

It's The Reason by Hoobastank. Yeah, kinda obvious for an Edward song choice.

Ch 27/Edward/The Reason

It had been a shit week.

It had also been an amazing one.

My thoughts don't make any sense anymore, but I'm starting to think they never did.

Being around Bella is easy. It's comforting. When I'm with her, everything else doesn't matter and it's just easier to breathe. Maybe that's why I forget about shit like a fucking bet I made consisting of me taking her virginity because at the time I was a fucking asshole.

Maybe I'm just chicken shit.

Every attempt to come forth with the truth made the fear of losing her become heavier and I found myself buried under its force, suffocating with no hope of survival. Dramatic much? I guess, but I know what it feels to be without Bella and it's not something I wanna rush into.

Thursday night didn't help matters. Jasper and Emmett had finally managed to get Rosalie to come over to my house to talk. She knew what I was going to ask her, so she avoided me like a fucking disease all week. It wasn't like it was going to change anything. I was still not going through with her fucked up bet. I had known that since I first spoke to Bella with honesty in my questions and with all bullshit aside. I had known for weeks. It was evident, but to Rosalie, it was still some fucked up responsibility I had.

"So you're basically a pussy?" She asked as we sat in my living room.

"Rosalie, I might be a pussy and everything else you want me to be, but I'm not going through with the bet."

"You just can't fuck her and wanna quit. Really? Isabella isn't that ugly. I thought you would've fucked her by now." I stood up and before I could storm to her, Emmett grabbed me by the shoulder and sat back down.

"Calm down bro," he said quietly and turned to look at the witch he called a girlfriend. "Babe, its not just Ed who wants out. We all support him. Besides the bet was kinda fucked up to begin with."

"Yeah," Jasper pointed out. "We all just agreed because we were really pissed, but thinking more about it, Bella doesn't deserve any more bad shit. Just let it be sis."

"How can you guys say this now?" Rosalie spat and stood up. She was outnumbered and being countered by her own brother and boyfriend. Alice had never been on her corner so she was on 'Team let's not fuck with Bella anymore, because she doesn't deserve it and dickhead Edward loves her' since day one so Rosalie had no back up.

She had lost.

"She fucking told on us!"

"No, she fucking didn't!" I huffed. I had lost count of how many times I had repeated the fucking story this night. "Emmett and I already told you how we found out about her innocence. Why can't you let it go?"

"Because I fucking hate her." Rosalie couldn't be blunter if she tried. She sighed and ran her hands through her blonde hair hoping for some reasonable explanation to land in her mouth to convince us.

"She deserves this and if you can't get your dick up, I'll find someone else to do it." The evilness in her voice caused me to gasp like a fucking pussy, but the anger I felt towards her was more than I could handle.

"You fucking bitch!" Before I knew it, Emmett was holding me back with his huge arms. "If you touch her, hurt or get anybody else to harm her I will fucking…"

"Hit me? Cullen, you're a fucking loser. But now I'm convinced you're a fucking pig. You would hit me over that bitch? You're pussy whipped too. I'm sorry it had to be her. You know what is going to get her? Knowing why you're really with her." She laughed darkly as she grabbed her purse. "I think I did find the way of destroying of her."

"Rosalie, please don't tell her." I panicked but she didn't give a shit.

She laughed again and suddenly Emmett let go of me.

"What the hell babe? Why are you acting like this?" I felt bad for Emmett. He was slowly realizing what evil lived inside his girlfriend's heart. "Bella didn't do anything. She's only helped out. You know Ed's been acting better and it's thanks to her. Edward wants you to leave her alone, but you act like you enjoy making her life hell. This shit ain't right and you know it."

"Oh calm down Em and take me home. I don't think I can put up with Edward anymore and I don't feel like riding with my back stabbing brother." She headed for the door while Emmett turned and looked at me.

"I'm sorry bro," he said lowly. His pained face hit a nerve in me. He was never the type to be sad or pissed. Emmett was a happy guy. He was a fucking optimistic. He was always seeing the good things in life and the good in bad people. That's why he was with Rosalie, but her good was buried somewhere deep in her black heart and he was just now realizing this.

The next morning Em refused to come out of his room. I didn't know what had happened, but it must have been nasty since Rosalie looked like fucking shit at school. I didn't know if they had broken up, but I could tell whatever it was she was blaming it on Bella and me. I needed to get Bella away from her before she heard anything from Rosalie's rotten mouth.

I spent the afternoon trying to get Em to come out of his room, but he just wanted to be alone.

So I left him alone.

The next day I hurried to Bella's job. I hadn't seen her in a fucking forever. Yes it was only a few hours, but goddamn did I miss her. She didn't look too happy and I knew it had something to do with her stupid friend Jacob. She insisted on telling me what was bugging her later.

"Where do you wanna go?" I asked as I kissed her knuckles.

"How about the meadow?" I smiled at her request and pulled her in for another kiss.

"Sounds like a fucking great idea." The whole purpose of this date was to get spend time with my girl away from school and her house where we spent most of our hours, so the meadow sounded like paradise.

"What are you thinking about, love?" I asked while I stared at the sky. We laid in the meadow taking in the light sun rays Washington rarely had to offer. Bella rested her head on my chest while one of her arms was wrapped around my abdomen.

"Stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"You mostly." I chuckled and rubbed her back with my hand.

"I'm flattered." She kissed my chest and snuggled into it again.

"I was just wondering what I would be doing if I didn't have you."

"Funny, I sometimes wonder the same thing. I don't like what I come up with, so I'm glad we have each other."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What made you wanna talk to me in the first place?" I didn't say anything. I didn't expect that question. I didn't know how to answer it. "Edward, why don't you tell me about your past? What are you afraid of?" I pulled away and sat up.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" I asked irritated as fuck but I knew this was still my fault. "Do you want to find a reason to get rid of me?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"I've told you that my past is bullshit. It's not important for you to know it."

"It's not important for me to know that my boyfriend used to sell drugs?" She asked lowly. I stood up. I needed to walk a little and breathe.

"Who the fuck told you that? Wait, it was that asshole Jacob Black! I knew that I recognized that fucker!" I punched the air like a pathetic moron. Why did that fucker feel he had to say that to my girl? She probably thought I was some loser drug addict and wanted out. I was going to lose her because of that asshole.

"So it's true?" She asked incredulously and I gulped. It was time to face the fucking music.

"Yes," I simply said and rubbed my face in frustration.

"Why?" She whispered.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, I want to know."

"You said my past wouldn't change how you feel for me."

"And it won't," she assured me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "I swear it won't." I kissed her head and hugged her back. I remembered Rosalie's threat again.

I could lose this.

I could lose her in a sudden moment.

I could lose Bella.

"Then why do you want to know about the stupid shit I did before I had you? That stuff means nothing now."

"It doesn't. But I just feel like you're hiding from me. I don't feel complete honesty from you. I guess it hurts a little."

"I sold, did, stole and bought that shit because I wasn't thinking. I got arrested for it twice and I've ran away from home many times. I've gotten into some deep shit with the cops over the years and I've managed to piss off my mother, Esme, like nobody else has." I sighed and pulled her away so I could look into her face as I finished. "I was homeless for a few months until Carlisle found me again. But even after that I didn't change. I guess you could say I was doing it for attention, but I really didn't know. I just did one stupid thing after the other. I just existed and nothing more. I didn't know what else to do with the pain and anger I had in myself. I hurt a lot of people. That isn't something to be proud of." Bella's face didn't flinch at my words and her eyes didn't look at me differently.

She took my face in her hands and kissed me tenderly.

"I'm proud of you. You managed to change that and you are now the most beautiful person I know," she whispered against my lips, before pressing hers against mine again. The word "proud" and "me" didn't make sense in my head. They made me feel guilty and angry with myself.

I couldn't even tell her the truth. What kind of person am I?

"Don't say that," I gasped with guilt. It was starting to come back and choke me to death. I needed to tell her.

"It's the truth. You've managed to piss me off a few times, but you've never ever hurt me. The total opposite of that happened. You've saved me. You've saved me from being a lonely girl. You saved me from the hell I lived in because I was too scared to fight back." She kissed me again, but I couldn't help but hold my lips back.

"You see, you're wrong. If you only knew why I started talking to you in the first place, you would change your mind." I stepped back.

"What are you talking about Edward?" I took a few steps back.

"Do you remember when we got caught smoking pot?" She just nodded. "Remember when I told you that I wasn't mad at you for telling on us?"

"Yeah, you said you didn't mind the week off school," she said innocently.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you defend yourself and tell me it wasn't you who got us caught?"

"I didn't think you were worth the time to fight. I thought you would have just believed what you wanted to believe anyway. Besides, it wasn't like you liked me anyway." I looked at my feet. I couldn't even look at her in the face.

"Well I did blame you."

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you said you didn't care."

"I lied."

"Why does this matter?" I didn't answer. She neared and took my hands in hers. "Edward? Why does that matter now?" I took in a deep breath and looked at her in those brown eyes that would surely hate me.

"I blamed you. My friends blamed you. We all did and wanted to get back at you." She didn't let go of my hands and kept staring at me. "So Rosalie thought of a prank which later turned into a fucking bet that makes me sick every time I think about it." I gulped. My heart pounded against my chest.

"The prank was going to be on me?" She asked nervously and I just nodded holding back the weird need to sob like a fucking pussy. "What was the prank about Edward?" I didn't answer. "What was the fucking prank?" She whispered angrily.

"Bella," I choked. "Just know that I thank God I said yes to the prank." She looked at me confused. "It brought me to you. It gave me the balls to get to know you. Yes, I did it for bad reasons, but as time passed it opened my eyes and my heart to you. I realized how amazing you are and how much I lov-"

"What was the prank Edward?" She cut me off. "Please," I could hear the hurt in her voice and I swear my chest ached. I wanted to kick myself for it. I caused this. "Please just tell me."

"I was supposed to sleep with you by prom." I don't know how I managed to get the words out, but there they were. I could see them in her eyes. I could it feel it in my aching chest. I could taste their bitterness in my mouth.

"That's the reason why I started being friendly to you." She let go of my hands and stepped back. Oh how my heart ached at that moment. She looked away and to then to the ground.

"The tutoring?"

"Part of the plan."

"The ride home because my truck broke down?"

"Emmett knows a lot of about cars. He messed with it on purpose."

"Defending me from Rosalie and her fucking friends?" I gulped at her angry voice and with a shaky breath answered.

"Part of the plan." Tears escaped her eyes and I fell to my knees.

"Then what was real?"

"Everything else! You and me. It's so fucking real, love." I looked up at her. I would beg for forgiveness until the end of time.

"Don't call me that! How am I supposed to know what's real when everything started off as damn lie!" She shouted and pulled away from my hands as I tried to take hers. "How am I supposed to know when it started to be real? Everything, from the first time you actually took the time to talk to me, everything was real. To know all of this has been part of some twisted plan of yours and your damn friends, hurts like…I feel so stupid. I should've known."

"Please, Bella listen to me. I swear that everything that you ever felt with me was and is real. I thank the fucking bet because I got to know you. I got to know the real you and not that girl everyone saw at school. I saw the girl whose father and mother failed to see." I tried making my case but something in Bella's broken eyes told me she wasn't convinced.

"And what? You felt bad for me? You felt bad for the pathetic girl that got her ass kicked by her father and all of the sudden you're a fucking saint who wants to help her? What kind of person are you? I feel like I don't even know you anymore. You're not who I thought you were. You lied to me."

"I'm still me. It wasn't fake."

"What wasn't fake? Your pity for me or your ability to lie so well."

"My love for you." It didn't get the reaction I had expected. She furrowed her eyebrows and sadly looked away.

"I love you Bella. I love you with all my heart. Those words seem too small and fragile compared to what I feel, but I don't know how else to express my feelings for you. You're everything to me. The reason for my fucking life." I took her hand and kissed it. "I love you," I whispered once more, but she quickly pulled her hand away.

"Stop saying that," her broken voice said.

"Why? It's the truth."

"Somehow I can't bring myself to believe that now." She started to walk away, breaking my heart.

"Please Bella…"

"Just give me some time, Edward."

"For what?"

"I don't know yet," she said lowly and walked a few feet in front of me and sat down. "Don't come near me. Let me be alone."

And I did.

I didn't approach her.

I sat a few feet behind her. She with her back to me, started off into the woods.

We sat there for so long, maybe hours. The wind would occasionally blow her scent toward me as a cruel reminder of what I had lost. Maybe she could forgive me if she thought about how much I do love her.

I would punish myself for thinking so positively.

It was getting dark and the moon wasn't showing its cowardly face.

I took in deep breaths, hoping she would turn around and forgive me. Take me back into her arms that I ached for so badly.

She finally stood up, walking toward me with her head low and looking everywhere else but my eyes.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I quickly stood up.

"Take me home," was all she said and headed for my car without waiting for me.

I don't know what this means.

Awww! Cliffy! I know!

Hopefully next chapter will be up soon.

It isn't as bad as it looks. Give Bella time. She didn't see everything Ed did. Besides, would you take the news lightly?

So there are only about 5 chapters left in this one. I know! But everything that needs to happen will happen pretty fast. And it's not because this story has been going on forever and needs to end, but because that just the way the story goes. So hang around for the end and fav me as a fav author. Why? Well I have another story in the works that I will post after ATTY is over and I would like for you to check it out lol This time no high school and no tweens…but it's still awesome.

Until next time.

PS. Please review!