Gilmore Girls

Wu Feng Qi Lang

A/N: As the summary says the title means 'creating waves without wind.' It's Chinese. I know I said you'd find out about Lorelai and Chris this chapter but you'll have to wait till next chapter. Hope you like. Gen. xx

Summary: Rory doesn't want to do this anymore. (Creating Waves Without Wind.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls nor am I affiliated with it in anyway. I have taken the title from 'Falling Leaves' by Adeline Yen Mah.

Chapter Four: Someone Like Her (Or Her)

"Was it for this I uttered prayers,
And sobbed and cursed and kicked the stairs,
That now, domestic as a plate,
I should retire at half-past eight?"

Edna St. Vincent Millay

She hadn't meant to say yes. She knew what was coming when he'd asked her to meet him at the scene of their first meeting. She had known and she hadn't meant to say yes but when he had dropped down on one knee and when she saw the look on his face and when she realised how big a crowd had gathered around them and when she realised how much she wanted it, how much she would love to be his wife, all she could do was open her mouth wide and nod her head and eventually whisper a small 'yes.' He had sprung up and his grin had magnified (if that was even possible) and he had pulled her into his arms so hard so fast, she had almost lost her breath.

(She hadn't meant to say yes but not a day went by when she didn't thank God she had).

But he had promised he wouldn't try to change her. He had made her promises he couldn't keep. He promised her the world, rather, he promised he would not change her world. He promised she could keep her job, could keep her life, could keep herself. And she couldn't blame it on him. Because he had kept his promise but she hadn't kept up her end of the bargain. She had promised never to leave him, never to become who he didn't want her to be (he didn't want, didn't need a trophy wife when had Ace), never to become who she didn't want to be.

She wanted to blame him because she needed to blame someone and it didn't seem fair to blame it on someone intangible, on someone untouchable. She needed to put a face to a name (a face to possibly slap to the name she hated) and he was here, he was close, he was tangible, she could reach out and touch him. She could reach out and touch him right now but something held her back.

If she was honest with herself, she didn't blame Logan and it wasn't fair to let him think she did. It was a hell of a lot less fair to blame him then to blame someone she loved more than anyone, more than even him. Someone with who she thought she had an unbreakable bond, someone with who she thought she would have for the rest of her life. (Not that she didn't have that with her husband, but it just wasn't the same as the other bond in her life). It should have been easier to blame the person who had deserted her and it was just simply not right, simply not right at all to blame Logan whom she loved so dearly and so tenderly and who she thanked God for every night.

(But she did it anyway).

It was easier than blaming it on... her mum.

-

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore," her grandmother said abruptly. "What on earth are you thinking? Leaving your husband and going off to Paris like this."

"It's for work, Grandma," she tried futilely. Richard shook his head and looked disappointed and angry. Rory almost swore she could see steam coming from his nose and ears.

"What do you really think you are going to find over there?" Emily asked. "Lorelai and Christopher don't want to be found. If they wanted to be found, we would have found them by now. People who go missing like that want to stay missing. And believe me, the amount of private eyes I have sent over to Europe searching for them, I would know. Instead of coming back with my daughter and my son in-law, those men have just come back having rested and stayed in some of Europe's finest hotels and eaten in the best restaurants on my dollar. Rory, you are not going to find your parents. If I can't then you can't because believe me, I have tried. I have tried everything and nothing is bringing them back."

"And yet you still think there's a chance you might find them, Emily," Richard butted in. She glared at him but he was right. "You keep sending them over and over again. You should listen to your own words."

"Grandma, Grandpa," Rory interrupted. She yelled their names again over their loud bickering until they stopped and looked at her. "This isn't about Mum and Dad at all. This is about me. Look at me. I am living the kind of life you didn't want me to live. I didn't go to Yale for four years and work my butt off to be the general manager of L'Oreal's publicity only to lose my job and organize DAR functions and look through catalogues at bedroom sets for the rest of my life. And Grandma, don't be offended. It's your lifestyle and it suits you. It's what you wanted and you love it but this isn't what I want."

"I am interested to know how you got yourself into this position," Richard admitted.

"And I'm not offended. I understand. I often wonder myself how you ended up more like me than like you," Emily agreed.

"I'll tell you how I ended up like this," she said softly. "I woke up one morning and I didn't have a job and instead of actively looking for more work or staying home on the couch watching bad movies so I could get sick of that lifestyle, I frocked up and went to a DAR meeting then to Sotheby's with Grandma. Logan seemed so happy with me not working because it meant I would be home every night to greet him and I would be able to see him off every morning. That is how I became this. I let it happen to myself and I'm sorry for that but now its time to change my fate. I am going back to work and please don't ask 'why Paris?' or 'what's wrong with working in America?' because I can't answer that. All I know is I wanted a job and a place opened up in Paris and I decided to take it. It has nothing to do with my mum and it has nothing to do with my dad."

"So why can't Logan go with you?" Emily asked, not at all convinced that Rory was going for work and for work only.

"Because I don't want him to give up his career to advance mine," she admitted.

"I don't quite believe you but if it's what you have to do," Richard said finally. Rory nodded and offered a small smile. "It's not as if we can stop you anyway. You are a grown woman and you can make your own decisions, be they for the right reasons or not. Just don't be disappointed if you don't get everything you expect."

"Oh, Rory, we will miss you so much," Emily gushed.

"It's not the end of the world, guys. It's only two years," she said. She saw Emily recoil slightly at the use of 'guys' and it amused her. "Hey, I promise I will come back. I am not my mother."

"You certainly are not," Emily agreed.

(But she saw it in both their eyes. Rory and Lorelai were one and the same).

-

"Lorelai, Lorelai, Lorelai," Logan muttered under his breath. He remembered the day, no, the exact minute that they had discovered Christopher and Lorelai had disappeared. He cursed not the day nor the hour nor the minute because it wasn't the time that had changed Rory. He cursed the mother because the mother was what had changed Rory. She had been delighted when her parents had married in a small, private ceremony two and a half years ago (needless to say, Luke had not been invited nor had his huppah been used). She had been thrilled to change her last name to Hayden when they had asked and she had been thrilled when they had gone to Europe the year before on a delayed honeymoon. She had just been thrilled. Work was well, Logan was well, life was great but then came the postcard. They didn't even have the decency to do it in person or on the phone. (Couldn't do it face to face or voice to voice). He wish he could turn back time, could stop the postcard from coming, could stop his wife from reading the postcard, could make things go back.

But the postcard had come and his wife had read it and been crushed. And then she had started withdrawing from him, into herself. Had stopped going into work enough that serious doubts were raised about her commitment to the job. It was Logan who had stepped in and taken over, telling the company that Rory was having some serious work issues and would not be returning. Not indefinitely, just not yet. He had thought she would heal but she hadn't and not yet had become indefinitely and board meetings had become DAR meetings and he had become less like her mother and a whole lot less like Rory.

Someone a bit like Emily.

-

"Logan, I have a postcard from Paris," Rory said.

"Paris the city or Paris the girl?" he asked from his position on the bed. He lay across the very middle, spread out, reading the paper. She walked over and tickled his bare back and kissed it before settling in near him. She sat with her back against the headboard and her legs across her husband's back.

"Paris the city," she answered. "Paris the girl lives two streets away."

"There's a city writing you postcards now?" he asked.

"You better believe it," she replied. She turned it over and read it, drinking in every word. She paused when she got to the end and read it again. Over and over again, she read it, trying to make sense of the scribbled letters. (Rory couldn't read Latin. She knew she should've taken the course when it was offered. Surely that was why she couldn't make sense of it. Surely that was why. It was in Latin. It had to be. Surely).

"What does it say?" Logan asked, having waited impatiently for ten whole minutes.

"I don't know exactly. Do you read Latin? I think it's in Latin," she answered.

"What?" he asked, rolling over and sitting up. He joined her sitting against the headboard and read it over her shoulder. "Oh, Ace. Oh, Ace."

"It's in Latin, right?" she asked. "Or Sanskrit or ancient Greek? Cyrillic even? It has to be because I'm not quite sure I understand one bit of it. Logan, please tell me that this doesn't say what I think it says."

"Oh, Ace," he repeated. He looked away, unable to see his wife in so much pain. She turned to him and pulled his head around so he had no choice but to look at her.

"It isn't in another language, is it?" she asked. Logan shook his head softly and waited to see how his wife would react. She simply looked at him, dropped the postcard and shrugged. "I guess she is a grown-up now. I guess he is one too and I guess they can make their own decisions."

"Rory, are you alright?" Logan asked, barely able to trust his face. (Trust his voice? What about her? Listen to her go).

"Of course I am," she replied. "I'm fine. This is fine. After all, we're all grown-ups and it's their decision to make. It's fine."

He took the postcard from her hands and read it again, double, triple and quadruple checking, making sure it hadn't changed, that the words were just put together.

(But they weren't and that was the day she changed).

-

And the postcard remains, to this day, picture side tacked up, on the corkboard in the study. Logan knew the words off by heart but still he took it down and read it, trying to make sense of it again. Did it even make sense? What clues were there to tell the world why Lorelai and Christopher Hayden really didn't want to come back? What were they running from and where were they going and if they loved their daughter so much, why couldn't they take her along? They had taken G.G. with them. He wasn't even Lorelai's own. Rory was the only thing they both owned together and she wasn't privy to their life anymore. It seemed incredibly wrong and incredibly unlike Lorelai. She had never left Rory out of any part of her life before and now… this.

"Rory. We are not coming back. Paris is the place for us it seems and we cannot bear to leave. We'll be in touch, ok? Please don't think that we don't love you because we do. Oh, how much we do. And how sorry we are for leaving you and how much we will miss you. You will never know it, kid. But this isn't about you. Its about us. We want this to work and we have a snowballs chance in hell of making this marriage work at home. We'll be in touch but we will never be back. We love you, kiddo. Love, your parents. xx. PS. Please don't look for us. You wont find us. And don't think its you we're leaving because Heaven knows its not. We know one day you'll understand it."

No wonder she wasn't who she wanted to be anymore. She had created that person with Lorleai.

(And little by little, the blocks fall into place and it makes just a little more sense).

But barely.