I somehow managed to remember to post this chapter, even through I felt terrible on Tuesday and Wednesday, and feel too tired to do anything today. My half term has been wreaked by a stupid cold that I got, it's so unfair...
Pein had hired two cars and everyone was currently in them. Sasori, Kisame, Deidara, Itachi and Pein were in one car and Sasori was providing the travel entertainment by making a clone of himself. The clone, who wasn't in Hiroko, was singing at a higher pitch then the real Sasori, who was in Hiroko, and therefore had a much deeper voice. The song they were singing was the same one Team 7 had sung, with a few added words. In other words, 100 beer bottles. After they had reached 80 beer bottles, Itachi had joined in along with Deidara. When Kisame had questioned this they had both said they had wanted a beer.
In the other car Zetsu was providing entertainment by singing the exact same song in harmony with himself.
"Does this obey any laws?" Hidan asked, a look of amazement on his face.
"We do have some very talented people in this organization," Konan said.
"You mean freaks," Hidan said.
"You're one to talk Hidan," Kakuzu said, stirring from his sleep. Hidan gave him the finger just as Tobi pointed out the window and cried out.
"I can see the sea!"
This statement caused everyone to crowd around the small window including Hidan, who for some completely insane reason was driving the car. Don't ask why, he just ended up behind the wheel instead of Konan. With a frantic shout of, "Hidan!" the car swerved and ended up in a ditch. With a loud crash the car flipped on to its side and everyone crashed into what was now the floor of the car. The luggage ended up on top of them and darkness fell over the group.
Meanwhile, the other group had arrived at the cottage and were unpacking.
"I don't see the other car," Deidara said, sounding worried.
"Hidan is probably performing some ritual and they had to stop for it. He better not get blood on that car, I'm only renting," Pein said, the second part much quieter then the first.
"Yeah. If we just wait for half an hour I'm sure they should turn up," Kisame said, from behind the large amount of luggage he was carrying. "God damnit how much did you put in these bags Itachi?" he asked.
"Only one of those bags is mine," Itachi said. "The others belong to Pein and Deidara. You can tell by the large clay bird drawn on to one of them and the studs on the other."
"Pein why did you put studs on the bag? It hurts..."
"It was on sale and Kakuzu was a hundred meters behind me," Pein explained. "What happened to your bag Kisame?"
"I've got it," Sasori said, holding out a bag with a dolphin drawn on it.
"The same excuse as Pein," Kisame said, when everyone stared at him. "It was only two quid."
"I can see why," Sasori said, looking at the hideous thing that could barely be called a dolphin. "It looks like a five year old drew it. With their mouth. Whist spinning round and round."
"You're one to talk," Kisame said. "You have a bright pink princess puppet on yours!"
"Alright, alright, break it up," Pein said, getting between the two men, who both looked ready to kill each other.
Back with the others….
"Is everyone alright?" Tobi yelled. His voice was muffled heavily by the luggage but everyone heard him.
"I'm as good as a plant man being squashed by luggage can be!" Zetsu said.
"Same but without the plant bit," muttered Kakuzu.
"My fucking head hurts like hell but I'm alright!" Hidan yelled. Then they all waited for Konan. When she didn't yell everyone got worried.
"Konan!" Hidan yelled.
"Konan!" Zetsu yelled.
"Konan!" Tobi yelled.
"Konan!" Kakuzu yelled. When she didn't answer action was taken.
"Right everyone needs to find their way out of this car! Go up!" Kakuzu yelled.
"Yeah slight problem with that. I think I'm upside down," Hidan said. Kakuzu sighed and outlined Plan B.
"Right scrap that. Try and find someone to work with and then work with them to get out," he said.
Chaos insured half a minute later of course.
"Tobi found someone!"
"Tobi! Don't fucking grab me like that! Take your hand away from there! Grab me anywhere but there! Hey I found someone! That's odd the person feels...spiky."
CHOMP!
"Oh fuck! Zetsu! Gimme my hand!" Hidan yelled.
"Sorry! Old habit!"
"It feels like we're sinking," Kakuzu said slowly. "I can feel us sinking."
"The light! I can see light!" Zetsu suddenly yelled. Luggage was quickly pulled off of them and they were faced with...
"Konan? What the fuck?" Hidan exclaimed.
"How the hell did you get out?" Kakuzu asked.
"I only had two small bags on top of me. It was easy to get out," Konan said.
"But how come you didn't answer when we yelled?" Hidan asked.
"I couldn't hear you because of all the luggage," Konan said.
"Right that's all very nice to hear but can you help me and Tobi get the luggage? Kakuzu was right, we're sinking fast," Zetsu said, helping Tobi pick up bags. It was true, the car had managed to successfully land in a bog. So everyone picked up a bag or two and flung them on the dry safe land. Once the car was clean of bags, the five considered what to do next. There was a long branch that reached out across the bog and that they could climb along to save themselves.
"Is it just me or does this resemble a scene from "Starstruck"? Tobi asked.
"I think it's me as well. Even the car's the same, except it isn't pink. Kakuzu named it Petunia though," Hidan muttered. "Wait, does this mean we fall in the bog?"
"If we don't get on to that branch we will all end up in the bog whatever happens," Konan yelled. "Someone get on it now!"
"You know what you just said isn't true. If, for some strange reason the bog suddenly disappeared, we wouldn't end up in the bog," Hidan said. Kakuzu stared at him like he was mad.
"Hidan there's a time and place to say something vaguely intelligent!" he yelled.
"Someone just get on the stupid branch!" Konan yelled. After a brief moment of silence all eyes turned to Konan, who sighed as she climbed on to the branch. The car suddenly sank about a foot and frantically Zetsu turned to Hidan.
"Get on the branch! We need to get off this car!" he yelled. Hidan only had time to mutter a "wha...?" before Zetsu and Tobi picked him up and quite literally threw him on to branch. He grabbed the branch and survived half a minute of trying to cling on to the branch like a drunken cat and nearly falling off. He didn't fall of in the end, but his actions made the branch shake uncontrollably. So Konan, who was half way along at this point, fell quite spectacularly into the bog. She coughed, sputtered and thrashed around, before sinking beneath the surface.
"Oh my God!" Tobi yelled. "Hidan, you have to save Konan!" Hidan nodded and half crawled, half walked, but mostly crawled, along the branch. He reached the spot where Konan had fallen in and looked at the bog with a pleading look, as if he was trying to say, "Please turn into crystal clean water". When the bog didn't turn into crystal clean water, Hidan rolled up his sleeve and took a dramatic deep breath, and plunged his arm into the bog. He rummaged around then brought his arm up. He was holding a boot. He tossed it to the side, and then put his hand in again. Over the time of half a minute, he had brought up:
A laptop
A fishing rod
Half a lamppost
A sign for Suna ("isn't Suna a thousand miles away or something?" Kakuzu said)
A copse (which Hidan threw back)
And loads of fridge doors.
After finding fridge door number 21 Kakuzu stopped Hidan.
"This is ridicules! Throw me that fishing rod!" he yelled. Hidan did so and Kakuzu caught it. He flung the line around his partner.
"Jump in!"
"Are you out of your fucking mind?"
"Jump in now!"
"Hell no!"
Kakuzu growled and yanked on the fishing rod and Hidan disappeared underneath the surface of the bog. The line moved around from side to side, rather like a fish that is caught but refuses to be reeled in, but eventually stopped. Kakuzu felt Hidan tug on the line and he reeled him in. An arm broke the surface of the bog like a zombie. It grabbed the branch and heaved, Hidan and Konan breaking free of the bog's grasp. Hidan wrapped one arm around the branch and took a deep breath. Then the bog tugged on them, and both of them were pulled under, taken by surprise. This turn of events took Kakuzu completely by surprise. He was pulled forward and crashed into the bog and started to sink. Zetsu yanked him up, but Tobi had run over to him, and had fallen and been sent flying towards Zetsu. His feet crashed into Zetsu's legs. Zetsu promptly fell into the bog. He grabbed on to Tobi's feet in an attempt to stay on the car, but only managed to pull Tobi into the bog. Kakuzu at this point managed to climb out and he pulled Zetsu and Tobi out of the bog. Hidan reappeared with Konan then, who seemed to be awake, and he pulled both of them out. They managed to crawl to dry land and the others followed. Just as Zetsu, the last one to get one to get off of the car, got to dry land, the bog swallowed the car.
"Hidan! You killed Petunia (1)!" Konan yelled at her saviour, after she had got her breath back. To answer, Hidan turned away and proceeded to throw up half of the bog. Once he was done puking up whatever you find in a bog and (which much to everyone's disgust included a dead fish with leeches living in it) and whatever a bog is made up of, Kakuzu asked a very sensible question.
"What the hell are we going to do now?"
Konan answered. "We're going to walk there. It's only a few miles..." her voice got weaker as she thought about the walk. Sighing, everyone picked up a bag or two and started to walk.
I've been writing a draft for this for ages, when I wrote this chapter Starstruck had aired the night before and I had seen it. The only scene that stuck in my mind was when the car got stuck in the bog, hence this.
(1) You killed Petunia!-my favorite line in the movie (that's so weird)