Chapter 17: An uncomfortable Conversation

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight.

We were all seated around the table. Bella had made a baked chicken with stuffing, potatoes with sour cream and chives, and green beans with bacon and onions. Blondies were sitting on the counter for dessert.

Charlie's eyes sparkled with glee, and his mustache twitched as he smiled. "So, Jacob, you and Bells are home free now, huh?"

"What?" I gazed at Bella, confused. What the hell was he talking about?

Uh-oh. Charlie looked as if he accidentally spilled the beans about something. I guess he didn't know it was supposed to be a secret, whatever it was. But if it was, why didn't his own daughter tell him to keep his mouth shut?

"Bella didn't tell you?" He watched for Bella's reaction before continuing.

"Tell me what?"

She looked at the napkin in her hand. "It's okay, dad. I just didn't have the chance to talk to him about it."

I actually put the fork down onto my plate. "Talk to me about what?" Jeez, if this was good news, I wanted to hear it.

Charlie swallowed a bite of food, and gesturing with his steak knife, said, "Why don't you just show it to him?"

"Show me what?" I was beginning to sound like a broken record. Not to mention my head was swiveling back and forth between the two of them like I was at a tennis match.

Bella stood up from her chair, heading toward the stairs. "I'll just be a minute."

"I can't believe she didn't tell you." He cut into another piece of chicken, and stabbing it, brought it to his mouth.

I kept my remarks to myself that time, but my brain was still screaming, Tell me Whaaat?

I stared at the food on my plate. It had suddenly lost all its appeal. I couldn't eat another mouthful 'til I found out what the hell was going on.

Bella finally came skipping down the stairs. I was on instant alert in case she tripped. Luck was on her side apparently, 'cuz she made it back to her seat safely.

She handed me an envelope. The writing on it was so perfect, it was puke inducing. It could only have been written by that OCD vamp—aka the filthy leech—Cullen.

I really didn't want to read the damn thing, but since Charlie and Bella seemed to have developed a case of constipation of the mouth, I had no choice. The paper inside reeked. I was tempted to hold my nose; out of respect for Charlie, I held my breath instead. Thank god, it was short. The note itself was enough to stop both my breath and my heart though. The freakin' bloodsucker left? He actually and permanently left? Man, this was a day of celebration. I put the letter down and dug into my food—with gusto.

Charlie laughed at my take on the whole matter. "I'm willing to bet that this is your lucky day, eh, kid?"

"Luck's got nothing to do with it, Charlie. I worked my nu— butt off to win your daughter, like Jacob of old. I can't understand how he could slave away for fourteen years for Rachel though—two years is long enough. I would have gotten on my camel and run off with her."

Leaning on her elbow, and with a shy smile on her lips, Bella stated, "If that Jacob was anything like you, she would have gotten on the camel and went with him. I know I would."

"Yeah?" I could feel my face lighting up.

"Good thing there are no camels out back," Charlie joked.

Enter the Dragon was playing. Charlie and I were hypnotized by the screen. Bella wasn't exactly a fan of Bruce Lee, however she was a fan of mine, so she was a good sport about watching it with me. She was snuggled up to me on the couch, in full view of Charlie's lazy boy. We didn't get to sneak much lovin' in while he was in the room, but then my chance came. The phone rang and Charlie went to get it. In the next instant, he was grabbing his holster and donning his jacket.

"Sorry, kids, there was a robbery at the Quick Mart. I've gotta go."

Sorry? Phht! I wasn't the least bit sorry. It was awkward having him in the same room with us. He was definitely cramping my style. Besides, there was a important something I needed to discuss with Bella.

He walked to the front door and looked back over his shoulder. "You kids behave yourselves now."

I pulled my arm down from Bella's shoulder and in mock seriousness said, "Jeez, Charlie, I'm hurt. Don't you trust me?"

"Oh, I trust you all right. It's your hormones I don't trust." He flashed me a knowing look.

"Well, ya got me there . . . Hey!" Bella had jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow.

"He's your dad, I'm not gonna lie to him. Anyway, he's not stupid."

Charlie eyed his daughter. "You know, Jacob, you're not the only one who needs to behave." With that being said, he was out the door. Thank God, 'cuz I had a lot on my mind and I couldn't talk to Bella with her dad hanging around.

We watched the movie for the next fifteen minutes. Correction—I pretended to watch the movie. My thoughts swirled around in my head. Bella and I could always talk to each other about anything. But tonight I was broaching a subject that we hadn't discussed before, at least not in so many words. I had been thinking about this the whole week long, and now after reading Edward's letter, it seemed like the timing was perfect. Oh, man, I was getting really nervous. My mouth was dry and my heart was literally pounding in my chest.

I guess I was being a little too quiet . . . you know, just thinking about how to approach this BIG subject.

Bella noticed, and lightly stroking my bicep with her fingers, commented. "Gosh, you're being awfully quiet. Something wrong?"

Okay, here goes . . . I gazed into those gorgeous chocolate eyes, put my hands on either side of her face and kissed her sweetly as a start. She got up on her knees, a smile beginning to break out on her face. Jeez, she was just so beautiful.

Her smile disappeared when she sensed how serious I had become. She leaned over, and grabbing the remote, put the movie on mute.

I pulled her closer, touching her cheek and running my hand over her hair. I could barely get the words out. "I need to get something off my chest. It's been festering for a long time now." I let a sigh escape. "You know I wouldn't ever push you to do something you weren't ready for. But I was wondering . . . now that we're together, if we would ever . . . you know."

The light bulb in her head went off instantly, and she straightened up in the seat. "You mean . . ."

"Yeah. You've gotta know that I dream of you night after night. You're naked in my arms, and I'm making love to every inch of you. Then I wake up in the morning, and I'm by myself in bed, feeling so empty and alone. I can't live on dreams anymore, Bells. I know that this would be against any rules your parents or the church has, but I don't care if I burn in hell for it. It's better than burning right now. I need you. I want you so much, it's killing me. Please . . . tell me that you want me too."

She stammered, drawing away from me. "I . . . I can't. I just . . . I don't know."

I felt my heart falter. "You don't know?"

"What I mean is, I don't know if I'm ready to take that step yet. You know I want you."

I could deal with that answer at least. "Well, what is it that's holding you back?"

Bella interlaced her fingers and tucked them under her chin. She broke our eye contact, staring at nothing it seemed. Why wouldn't she look at me?

"I'm scared," she wimpered.

"Scared that I'll leave you?" I wanted to be sure I understood everything she was saying.

"That's part of it. Someday you'll imprint, and you'll be gone."

I hesitated, choosing my words carefully. I wet my lips and swallowed hard. My throat was still so dry. "Tell me something, Bells. When Charlie married Renee, did he worry that she might leave him someday? Did Sue think that one day she would be a widow? How do I know that you won't be the one to leave me? Why can't we forget about all of this imprinting nonsense and just think about and enjoy today? I know in my heart that I could never imprint on anyone as long as I have you with me.

"Have you ever thought about where our relationship is headed? Yeah . . . well, I have—a lot. Maybe we're too young right now, but eventually, I want you to be my wife. Don't you see that?"

She looked straight at me. "I do, and I want it all too."

"So, what's the rest of it? You know I'd never let you get pregnant, not until after we were married."

She began biting her bottom lip. That was the sign I was waiting for. Here it comes, the real reason. Bella lowered her eyes again. "I've never been with a man before. I've never even seen one naked."

Trying to lighten up this heavy mood, I said, "I can fix that right now." I jokingly started to undo the top snap of my jeans.

She put her hand over mine. "Jake, Stop. This isn't something to joke about."

I ran one hand through my hair nervously. "I don't get it. Are you saying you're afraid of me then? Tell me the truth."

Bella was fidgeting with her fingers, lacing and unlacing them in her lap. Her voice was just above a whisper as she replied, "I need to feel that I can trust you completely.

"We've only been a couple for a few weeks, for Pete's sake."

"That is so not true. We've been best friends for two years before that. I can't believe this! Do you honestly think that I would ever physically hurt you?"

"Maybe not intentionally . . ."

How could she say that to me, after all we've been through together? Did she think I was some sex-crazed beast, only after one thing? I would die for this woman. Her words stung me like no others. My heart was crushed, and I could barely breathe. Tears welled up in my eyes; I was so hurt.

My voice sounded strained as I found my tongue again to speak. "I'm through here. Turn off the damn movie. I'm going home to my empty bed."

Bella reached for me, as I stood to go. "Don't touch me," I groaned. I turned and without looking back, walked out to the Rabbit and keyed the ignition.