Summary: What if Max and the Flock had never gotten "the talk"? What is the outcome of an adolescence without an adult and knowledge of societal norms?
Chapter Five: Perfectly Fine
I walked into Gazzy's room and ruffled his hair.
"If you want breakfast, then UP," I said to him threateningly.
"I'm up, I'm up, I'm up," he whined, rubbing his eyes and thrashing about on his bed beneath my hand.
"Hey hey, you want a noogie?" I asked him, grinning. He jumped out of his bed in almost less than a second.
"Eheh.. No thanks, Max.." he said to me slowly, with a fearful look on his face. I smiled pleasantly, hearing the bathroom door slam shut somewhere behind my back. I lifted his covers and smoothed them out, folding his blanket, I made his bed, leaving his room satisfied.
I walked out of his room, and found myself facing Fang's bedroom door. I raised my fist, ready to give him the usual morning knock with just a turn of my wrist, but stopped. I frowned, suddenly remembering yesterday. Fang could sleep in today.
I wondered if he was actually okay, as I walked the small distance to the room next to his, which belonged to Angel and Nudge.
I walked into the pale pink and lavender room, my mind scattered, and found Angel already awake, combing her doll's hair with a thick-toothed doll comb.
"Good morning Max," she said.. angelically. There really was no other way to describe it. It's like the mornings beckon out the best of her angelic nature. She smiled widely at me, closing her eyes as she tilted her head to one side.
"Good morning Angel, did you sleep well honey?" I asked her, as I walked over to sit on the edge of Nudge's bed. I rubbed Nudge's back, receiving an irritated moan from her. Angel nodded cutely.
"Fangs feeling better, by the way," she conveniently informed me. I frowned at her.
"What did I tell you about privacy, honey? You shouldn't read other people's minds if you don't have their permission." I said to her sternly, for about the six hundredth time this week.
"Oops.. I'm sorry, Max," Angel said with such an intensely sad look on her face, you'd feel as guilty as I did. I shook my head to get those thoughts out of my head. She needed to learn. Babying her wasn't going to help. She couldn't get away with everything.
"No excuses Angel." She looked down at her lap, folding her hands tightly.
"Okay, Max. I won't anymore. Promise," she swore. She got out of her bed slowly, looking down, and padded down to the hallway to the girl's bathroom with her shoulders sagging.
I turned to Nudge. She was awake by now, I knew it, but hadn't opened her eyes yet. I stared at her. She could feel me staring at her, I knew that too. She slowly opened one eye, and closed it again.
I was debating whether or not to blow a raspberry into her tummy or hang her upside down from her ankles. I tapped my chin thoughtfully, humming. Nudge knew what that meant too.
"I'm up, I'm up!!" She gasped, sitting up, eyes wide open, looking wary of me. I grinned at her.
"Well, thats convenient, cause now I won't have to go all the way down to the basement to get the floodlights," I said to her sweetly. She rolled her eyes. She was totally learning from me. Nudge yawned loudly, stretching. She gasped, suddenly remembering something.
"Oh my god Max, is Fang okay now?" she asked, worry etched onto the contours of her face. Nudge was an early sleeper, she was always the first one out in the flock nowadays; now that the Gasman has gotten a bit older, he wants to stay up with Iggy more, since he can. When I found them, Nudge was sleeping soundly on the couch, tucked into Iggy's ribcage as he played a game of scrabble with Angel (which he was losing miserably at, mind you, but still fairing well, which is an astonishing feat in itself when playing against Angel sans the fact that he's blind), and Gazzy watched Ghostbusters on tv.
I'd come down to check on them after Fang had quietly and smoothly fell asleep during the middle of my obsessive rant on his health. I came down livid at the sight that I saw—the flock hadn't gone to bed yet and it was already 1:10, but they'd said they were staying up for Fang. I'd told them that he was okay now, so that they shouldn't worry and get their little arses brushed and pajama'ed. Gazzy had already been nodding his head up and down, half leaning on Nudge's side by that time anyhow. Iggy had carried them up and changed them both.
"Yeah, he's fine now," I said to her, rubbing her shoulder reassuringly. But honestly, I was still worried about him. Even if he wasn't fine, he wouldn't tell me. And he's the best at blocking out Angel too. I frowned a tiny bit, ushering Nudge into the bathroom as Angel returned.
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After getting the kids up, I got dressed myself, going downstairs to help Ig with breakfast—preferably in a way that didn't require getting near any of the actual cookingness, just to keep the flock from screeching their heads off at the sight of me near their food..
These kids and their food, I repeat, a relationship you'll never understand.
I reached the kitchen only to be greeted with two teenage bird boys trying to make pancakes high-five midair on the stove.
I stood there growling for a moment, arms crossed, tapping a foot on the floor. Iggy turned his head around (did I ever mention that Iggy, the blind guy, is creepily accurate in confronting people?), and grinned at me mischievously, flashing his pearly whites.
I shook my head... rolling my eyes. (Seriously, do they have like an award for that? Biggest eye-roller?) Besides, its their fault if they drop a pancake.. less food for them.. they so wouldn't risk their food.. Eh, no harm, no foul, I thought to myself. Boys will be boys.
Last night came rushing back to me for the second time that morning. I jerked my head up from the counter to the backs that were facing me, pinpointing the one donning a plain black shirt. Fang was up. And he seemed.. beyond normal.. goofing off with Iggy. I was slightly unnerved.. he'd gotten up earlier than me today.
His posture told me that he was aware of the fact that I was staring at his back. I was waiting for something, anything. I wanted to interrogate him so bad. Just turn him around and start bombarding him with questions, check his temperature and.. uh well, pull down his pants to check too.
After 5 minutes of a staring contest between the back of his neck and I, he began to turn around excruciatingly slowly...
...to put a stack of pancakes onto the counter and swiftly turn back. My left eye twitched murderously at him. He knew very well I had something to say. He knew very well he was irritating me. Sadistic bastard..
I turned away from the back of his neck momentarily to break up the fight between Nudge and Gazzy. He was flinging bread crumbs at her using a plastic spoon, and she was screeching shrilly at him, making death threats. You'd think that she'd know by now, that all that that does is provoke him to bug her even more. I offhandedly wondered when they got down here.. I hadn't even noticed. Bad Max. Bad. I swung into leader-mode, grabbing Gazzy's wrist, and putting a hand over Nudge's mouth at the same time. I waited for five long seconds, turning my head left and right, giving them hard stares. I slowly let go. After two seconds of blissful quiet, the noise broke out.
"But she was--"
"HE WAS TOTA--"
"uh-uh-uh" I warned them condescendingly, raising an eyebrow. They zipped their mouths shut, settling for sending eachother glares from across the table. I slapped my hands onto the table top loudly as Iggy sat down.
I smiled pleasantly. "WHAT a beautiful day it is today!" I exclaimed, looking around the table and smiling widely. Somewhere in the distance, thunder resonated. A sudden harsh downpour followed 2 seconds later, signified by the loud spattering sounds on our kitchen windows. I continued smiling at everyone, hard. They all looked at me wearily.
Fang turned around from the sink where he'd been washing his hands and came to join the rest of us at the table. He stood in front of the chair facing me. I could see his slated eyes through his dark bangs, and I swore I saw a raised eyebrow above his left eye. He effortlessly assessed me.
"Yo," he said casually, looking at me, his palms leaning on the chair back. I paused, taken by surprise.
"yo..." I said back quietly, staring up at him with wide eyes, armed with a fork.
He took the seat, without moving his gaze away from my eyes. He really knew how to irritate me. Ignore me for 40 minutes and then freak me out with excessive eye contact. Sure.
"Oh my god Fang, like, are you okay? Last night, Angel told us that you were like, in pain, and then like Max told us to watch tv and then we fell asleep and like we were all wondering why you asked for..." Nudge really needs to learn when to shut up sometimes, I thought. So much for subtlety..
Fang cleared his throat. He put his fork down onto the table.
"Yeah, I just wasn't in the mood yesterday. Down day. No biggie. I'm fine now," Fang said conversationally. He stuck another bite into his mouth. Fang was a strange eater. It never failed to astonished me. He ate slowly... but so god damned quickly. His movements were slow and deliberate, but before you knew it, he'd cleared twelve dishes. It wasn't like Gazzy or Iggy, stuffing as much food into their large chipmunk cheeks as could be made possible, or like Nudge whose trained hands always had a ready supply to refill her awaiting dainty mouth, nor Angel who tended to just consistently snack throughout. In the end though, it was still the same amount of food sitting in each of our state-of-the-art genetically pioneered tummies.
I looked up at him. He knew he had lied. But he's not the type to care about what I thought about his moral integrity. And regardless, I obviously couldn't blame him for lying. I guess I expected to exchange a spark of knowledge with him when I lifted my head up, but his eyes weren't knowing or suspicious. He just stared right back at me, the same way he'd stare at the t.v., or at pancake batter, apathetic and unfeeling.
My face wrinkled up.. theres absolutely no way he'd forgotten... I think... Naw, I was sure. If he'd forgotten, he wouldn't have been being making me have a staring contest with the back of his neck. I subconsciously scratched the back of neck, mulling that thought over a tiny bit. Naw, nevermind. He's Fang.. close to impossible to figure out. For all I know, he could've just been being irritating for the sheer sake of irritating me. Duh.
"Then what was wrong with you?" Gazzy asked him.
"...Well, I—," Fang started to say.
"Don't suffocate him with questions, guys. He said it was just a down day," I casually interrupted. Trust me, it so was not just me helping him out in order to figure out whether or not he actually remembers last night. Totally not. I was just teaching the kids a lesson in manners. Ahem. (I'd appreciate it if you guys refrain from commenting on our current mannerisms....).
Fang looked at me, his eyes shining the slightest bit in the morning light. The morning showers had stopped, and the sun was shining in through the kitchen windows brighter than ever.
"Yeah. It was. But Max helped me," he finally said. He had turned to look directly at me at the end of that last statement. We exchanged glances—he did remember last night.
The Gasman shrugged, the fork clattering onto his plate as he got up from his seat energetically.
"ANGEL, LET'S RACE!!" Gaz said excitedly.
"No! You always win, its not fair.." she replied, pouting. It was true. Nudge is miles faster than Gazzy, so the only person he feels success in racing is Angel.
I stared at them bickering for a moment. Mentally smacked my head. I put my hand on her shoulder and faced the Gasman.
"Angel can't race with you anyway, she can't get too tired out. Fang needs to teach her the side swerve today," I glanced at Fang, and then changed my mind, "well actually, we've got a bunch of chores today. Fang might be too busy to train you today, but you're going to have to learn it eventually." I said to Angel. "Oh, and Gazzy, don't make Angel race you.. Go wrestle Iggy or something. Competing against inferior peers isn't going to help you improve," I said to him seriously, fighter to fighter. That tone of voice always makes me feel special.
"Okay!!" he replied, pumped up to go find Iggy. He was halfway out the side porch when I called after him, "WAIT GAZZY! Its your turn.. to do the dishes," I finished dejectedly. Those kids were way too good at this whole avoiding-chores shindig they got going on. I rolled my eyes. Alls well that ends well. Kids will be kids.
"'S'al' good. I'll do them," Fang said, rolling up his sleeves. He donned the rubber gloves on his hands and began soaping with Angel next to him, waiting to dry. I stared at the backs of the two fondly.
I sighed a tired breath I had been holding in all through breakfast. A wave of relief washed over me. Fang seemed perfectly fine.