Chapter 3

Bmp…bmp…bmp

That steady rhythm…what was it? The beat never changed, yet it calmed me, soothed the frayed nerves and panicked thoughts.

I lay curled in a tight ball suspended in utter blackness, a prison of my own mind. It was here that I found myself each time the Juubi took control. I wondered sometimes if my mind had come up with this place as an escape from reality for me. I wondered if that meant I was insane.

This time felt a little bit different. I felt as if I could get out, should I choose too. Alas, I had no wish to, else I would see the terrible blood and massacre the demon had done, and I would see Itachi's mangled body torn to shreds by my own hands. No, I never wanted to see that even if it meant staying here forever. It felt like being suspended in water but without the pressure and being held up by threads as fleeting as a spider's.

A light fluttered in the distance like a confused firefly, not sure which way was home.

Like me…

The sound still calmed me, sounding distant at the same time. I don't know how long I stayed there, counting the beats and watching the light appear and disappear again. I tried to keep time by counting beats but after two hundred I gave up. I had just seen another firefly disappear when the soft beats suddenly ceased and I was left with nothing but the screaming silence and blackness.

"No…" I whispered. That sound kept me calm, kept the black fear at bay. Now I felt panic rising in my throat.

"Don't stop…" Only my own empty echo returned.

The light appeared again, not so much as a firefly now, but a beacon. Its brightness soon forced me to close my eyes. When again I opened them, light swallowed me.

Consciousness returned like a shock of ice water. It was a moment before I realized the shock was actually pain. I let out a low moan.

Oh…please please not again. I didn't want to see it, not again, not that hated color...red.

I tried to force myself back into the safety of that blackness and let out a low whimper when I found I couldn't.

"Keitara, are you okay? What hurts?" Itachi's voice asked.

What? He's still…how?

The pain was the last thing on my mind as I jumped up, needing to see him, needing to see that I hadn't hurt him.

There he was, sitting by the futon I'd been lying on, not a scratch on him.

"Did I startle you again? I'm sorry. Keitara."

All I could do was stare, searching for any sign that I'd hurt him, even a little bit…but nothing.

"You're not..." I couldn't finish. I threw my arms around him, crying and laughing at the same time. Pain had no place in my mind now, joy had replaced any trace.

"Unh? Keitara, what's wrong?"

"I didn't hurt you! You're okay! I was so afraid of what I would see if I opened my eyes…but you're okay!" I cried. I felt happier than a child who'd won a game and a prize.

His laughter matched my cry/laughter.

"Of course I am. You didn't really think I'd abandon you did you?"

I let go of him, sitting up. "But how? Did I attack you?"

He shook his head as he passed me a bottle of water. "I made a deal with the Juubi, ensuring your freedom."

My eyes widened. How the hell had he managed that?

I looked down. "But...you saw what I really am, what I become. Why are you still helping me?"

His onyx eyes danced in the firelight as they caught mine. "Because not helping you would be against moral. I want to help you fight it, especially since I know what you're up against."

"Oh."

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "Why, what did you want me to say?"

That you like me.

"It's nothing, it was stupid."

"You can tell me," he pressed.

I shook my head again and he let the matter drop.

"Besides," Itachi started. "That creature is not you, not one single part of you."

I looked down. "I wasn't always this way, you know. He did this to me…the snake man, Orochimaru."

I had his full attention now.

"How?"

"The true Juubi is gone as I'm sure you know, so I'm not really a Jinjuriki. I only carry the blood of all nine tailed demons. Orochimaru wanted a powerful weapon and anyone or anything would do. I don't remember much from the day he took me. At first he was kind to me, telling me lie after lie about trying to find my family for me, but then after a few months. He started giving me shots of the blood, telling me it was medicine. By the time I found out what it really was I had no will to find my family anymore. I'd already become his living weapon. For the last two years he treated me no better than an animal. He kept me locked and chained in a cellar with little bedding and food. I grew stronger despite his lack of care and he soon found out he couldn't control me so tried to dispose of me. I nearly killed him in my escape."

Itachi was the first to break the long silence that followed. "It may have been better if you had."

I shook my head. "I'm so sick of the blood and death you have no idea. Over four years all I knew was to kill…its still all I know. If I never see those blank staring eyes again, it'll be too soon. All I hear in my sleep are their screams, screams of people I killed. All those villas, the beast…it's me…my fault. I hate it, I hate it."

Suddenly my head rested against his chest, his heartbeat thumping against my ear, so calming…His arms wrapped around me like soft steel bands of protection.

"Shh, it'll be okay, Keitara. I'll teach you anything you want, cooking, games, reading, art, even cleaning if you want, I promise. You never have to kill again if you don't want to." He held me a little tighter. "You have nothing to be sorry for. The villas, the creature that killed all those people, it isn't you. You are not the monster that is imprisoned inside you."

He lay his palm over my heart, speeding now at his touch. "This is you, this is who you truly are and it's you that I like. Nothing and no one can take that from you. But you can let people in, people willing to help. There's more of us than you think."

Those onyx orbs shining like a starry night… His words had dispelled that which had kept me caged, kept my heart encased in stone. Now he shattered that stone with a single blow.

Itachi-san...

I had only now to find the strength to trust people again, and that was the tricky part.