Chapter 4

A few days later, when I healed better, I was able to start practicing without Itachi's help. He also decided to teach me cooking and medicinal skills. He figured since I spent four years knowing nothing but how to kill, I should learn something else. With Itachi's help I somewhat learned how to push back the demon's power, or at least hold it off. Itachi planned to learn a sealing jutsu to seal the Juubi's power. When Orochimaru put the creature's blood in me, he didn't bother to seal it. He wanted the demon to have full ability.

When we weren't working or training, he talked a lot about his family, in particular, his little brother, Sasuke. Though my heart would have liked no better than to meet them all and stay with Itachi, my mind knew it couldn't be…a love struck fool's fantasy, nothing more. As much as he had helped me beyond hope of thanks, even Itachi couldn't change the monster I was…nothing could. The very fact that I loved him put him and everyone around him in peril all the time, and I wouldn't do that to him. This curse would stay with me until I breathed my last and until then love was a luxury I could not afford. As much as my heart screamed otherwise, I could not stay with Itachi.

Itachi

He looked so peaceful Itachi hesitated to wake the child, but if they wanted to make sunrise he must wake him.

"Time to wake up, Sasuke. You gotta get up if you want to train with me." He gently shook his brother's shoulders.

The small black haired boy stirred a little. "Nii-chan, this early? Can't we go later? It's still dark."

It brought a smile to Itachi. Sasuke seemed so cherubic when he first woke. "Not if we want to make dawn. Besides I have a special mission you can come on today."

The child leapt up like a spring. "A mission? I'm going on a mission?"he chattered excitedly.

"Yes, shh but you can't tell Mom or Dad, okay? They'd skin me if found out."

He nodded hurriedly. "Where are we going? What kind?"

Itachi shook his head. "I can't tell you yet. You'll find out. Get ready though, okay, and meet me downstairs."

Now he sprung from the bed as Itachi closed the door and headed back downstairs to the kitchen. He still had to pack the food he'd made last night. Tasty Miso white wine soup, egg rice omelet and eggroll dumpling…yes Keitara would like it. Maybe later he could teach her how to make it. He smiled at the thought of his arms around her as he showed her how to break an egg and her delicate laugh floating through the kitchen.

Immediately he shook his head. He didn't know what would turn out. He must be patient, find out if she even like him, and with his luck, not likely. Hearing Sasuke coming down the stairs he quickly shoved the three bottles of Ramune in the pack.

"Now will you tell me where we're going?" he pleaded. They walked an overgrown forest path, Sasuke riding piggy back on Itachi.

"No, not just yet, I'll tell you when we're close."

He fell silent, but only for about ten minutes. "We close yet?"

Itachi laughed. "No Sasuke, it's a good few miles yet. Why don't you get some more sleep?"

"But Nii-chan, won't you get tired of carrying me?"

"No, don't worry about me, you just sleep a bit."

Sighing, the boy locked his arms around Itachi's neck, but so he could breathe and nestled into his shoulder. Sleep had wrapped him in its delicate tendrils seven minutes later when his breathing deepened. Itachi wondered sometimes what Sasuke dreamt about. Try as he might he couldn't remember many dreams from that age. About the only one he did was a nightmare. A young black haired girl burning in unending fires. He tried to help her, but the flames flared to singe his hand when he tried. He remembered her violet eyes most.

It only just occurred to him now that that very girl may well have been Keitara. Her angel face filled his dreams now…every single one. He had fallen head over heels for her enough that he thought she might be "the one" and his moments realization only reinforced that. He knew she was scared and in all she went through she had every right, but today would be a step. He would take Sasuke to meet her in the hope she was ready. He had to make sure someone could be there for her if he had to go away on a mission. He'd already missed three to stay with her instead. His dad had yet to find out…with any luck he wouldn't.

"Wake up, Sasuke. We're close now." He nudged his little brother gently.

Sasuke's voice sounded muffled against Itachi's shoulder. "Already? That went fast."

Itachi couldn't keep the smile out of his voice. "You've been asleep for awhile, Sasuke."

The sun was just coming up on the horizon in a splash of brilliant pastel colors. Dawn, Itachi's favorite time of day. The scent of morning dew on autumn grass soothed him and the mourning doves and nightingales still sang their "good morning" to the world. It was unusually warm for this late in autumn this morning, which made it all the better.

"Are you gonna tell me where were going now?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes," he paused. How should he put it.

"And…" prompted Sasuke.

"Ok, here goes. You see, there's this girl I like a lot but I don't know if she likes me and I need to find out."

"You got me up at five in the morning and brought me all the way up here to talk to a girl for you? Do you have any idea how lame that is?"

Itachi frowned, definitely the wrong way to put it. "I suppose you could put it that way."

Sasuke fell silent for a minute, then surprised Itachi.

"It's that girl isn't it? The one you talk about, the one you saved."

Itachi, caught completely off guard, could only say the truth. "Yes…Keitara."

He hadn't expected Sasuke to catch on so quickly. But even Sasuke at his young age, could tell the difference in his brother since he had first heard of the girl. He seemed happier and laughed easily, even before their father.

"Keitara, huh? I'll bet she's pretty," Sasuke ventured.

"What makes you assume that?"

"Because I know you."

"Keitara, you here? I brought something special for breakfast today," Itachi called out, coming through the door.

Something felt off, something didn't seem right. The hut was clean, the fur blanketed futon on the floor sat made and the ashes cleaned from the fireplace. Anything moved had been put back. It looked as though no one had lived here at all. He noticed it then, a note on the small counter. Dropping his bag, he picked it up.

Dear Itachi

I can never thank you enough for all you've done. Truly you have changed my path, but the issue is, no matter what my path is, I will still carry that beast within me. That will never go away. I know you wouldn't approve, but it means I'm still dangerous, and I can't put you or anyone else I care about in that situation. Please understand and don't be upset. If the situation were better, I would gladly stay with you, more than gladly, actually. I'm sorry.

Keitara

Keitara…why did she make things this difficult? He couldn't let her leave, there was no way she was ready. The tear stains on the paper proved that.

"Sasuke, it just turned into a real mission. We gotta find her."

Keitara

Cold wind blew my black hair about my face and made dead leaves dance around my covered feet. Once vibrant colored trees now stood bare and naked in the cold air. Not a creature stirred this morning. Winter's icy tendrils had gripped the land and would hold for a long three months before the light of spring would touch the land.

I pulled my jacket tighter around my shoulders, trying to shut out the morning frost. I'd packed what I could, and that would have to do. I really didn't want to leave, but knew it was for the better. I wanted to hear his voice, telling me it would be okay, that I didn't have to worry. A fool's hope. He was better off without me.

Still the thought of leaving brought a surprising amount of distress, enough to make me shake from something other than the cold. I sunk to my knees as the first tears fell. I knelt there a long time imagining his voice by me, his warmth keeping away the cold. I remember sitting by the fire, talking and laughing. He'd taught me how to stoke and make a fire and a little cooking, enough for me to get by anyway.

Then, like a miracle, his voice appeared behind me.

"You're going to get sick if you stay out here without something warm on."

He placed a fur around my shoulders. He sat beside me on the cold ground.

"Where will you go?" He asked this without looking at me.

"I don't know, probably just wander again."

He stayed silent for a moment. "Winter's a bad time to travel. You could wait till spring at least."

"Itachi –"

"If you really want to leave then I can't stop you, but I at least want you to be safe," he said quietly.

He tried hard to hide it but the sorrow in his voice screamed at me as loud as dead silence.

"If you can't stop me, why did you come?"

"To see you one last time, if you're really leaving."

Once again that hated silence hung between us, the silence that screamed at me.

"Would it sound weird if I told you I love you?" he said out of the blue.

This time I fought to keep my composure. "No." My voice still shook.

"This is you, who you really are and it's you that I like." His words ran through my head. Only now did I understand what he'd been trying to say then.

I don't know what made me say it, I just did.

"I-I don't want to leave, Itachi…I just can't…risk hurting you…" I was crying now, letting warm tears freeze on my cheeks.

"I…I –"

Suddenly he knelt in front of me, his hand on my face wiping away the cold tears.

"You love me…Keitara?"

His voice…the way he said my name…I melted right there and nodded, burying my face in his shoulder.

"Then there's nothing to fear. I'm tougher than I look. We'll find a way, I promise, Keitara."

Here…with the fur he'd brought warming us both and his arms holding me to him…nothing could harm me…nothing. There was no way I could force myself to leave…to leave Itachi.

"Swear to me something, Itachi," I started. "If I ever loose control like that again, if I put someone's life in danger…kill me."