Summary: What if Max and the Flock had never gotten "the talk"? What is the outcome of an adolescence without an adult and knowledge of societal norms?
Chapter Twenty: Crust
He had stopped going back into town these days. He still did it frequently, but nowadays he didn't come back looking moody, sulky, angry, anymore. His face didn't suddenly appear, dark and threatening, as soon as the front door slammed.. he wasn't so unapproachable anymore. His eyes were alert, his face clear, these days. Fang went back to actually interacting with the flock, much like how it was before.
He'd pick Angel up and swing her around spontaneously, he'd humour Nudge during one of her rants, he'd get up early and help Igs with breakfast. They'd goof off and do as they usually did, and he took time out to throw a ball around with Gazzy. The kids were happy, they were so happy that he had gotten out of his mood, whatever it had been.
Silent, soft-spoken to the bare minimum, but with a reassuring, dependable presence.. that was what Fang was supposed to be. It was awful to have responsibilities thrust unto you, but the fact of the matter was that we needed him. I needed him.
But for some reason, he still wasn't there though, for me, at least. I'm pretty sure it wasn't just me who had noticed either. There was something off about how Iggy behaved with him as well. It was.. guarded, wary, nearly as if he wasn't sure if he could speak to him in the same way as he could have before.. there was something he wasn't telling us. The younger kids couldn't sense it, but it was still weird between us; it was still weird, no matter how normal it seemed, there was just something missing. Thats what happens when you know someone too well.. its hard to go back when you can judge them so distinctly and see them so clearly.. thats why it was just so hard.
It was lacking lustre, and I didn't know how to fix it. Fang wasn't even making an effort, not anymore, like he had done the other day. Of course, I had supposedly screwed that up.
I sighed, watching Fang and Iggy mess around in front of the kitchen counter, making blueberry waffles. It was some new recipe Iggy was trying out and he'd never made waffles from scratch before.
"Yo, yo man, thats way too much sugar!" Iggy exclaimed, as Fang poured some into the bowl.
"You can't even see," Fang countered indignantly. He wasn't the type that liked to have his cooking skills—much less any of his skills—questioned.
"Dude, that is WAY too much sugar," Iggy stressed. Fang stopped pouring, and set the bag of sugar down on the counter. He reached up to scratch his nose, idly assessing the mixture he had been adding sugar to. Yeah, it was way too much sugar.
"They like sugar," he stated blankly, blinking a few times. I felt my forehead touch the counter as my head slumped off of my palms.. they could be so stupid sometimes.. It was worth a smacking your head over.
But it was early morning, and I was too tired to make that much of an effort. Planting your head on top a desk-like surface would suffice.. it used less energy. I wasn't in the mood to do much moving around either, my abdomen was hurting and feeling very uncomfortable. Absentmindedly, I thought that I probably slept the wrong way last night. Remind me never to do that again. It felt like a bitch, that I was cursing inwardly. Thank god Angel hadn't come down yet to hear the profanities undulating around in my mind.
I was sitting on the counter watching them interact, having already set out the kitchen table, hesitantly clutching my stomach beneath the countertop so that they couldn't see it. I was feeling a bit useless and tired right now, but it was breakfast time, and I was courteously non-invited to join the cooking entrepreneurship anyway, as per usual. So I watched, just rolling my eyes at their antics. I could so do better, they just didn't let me try..
Gazzy was the first to come down the stairs; he reached the table that I'd set up and sat down neatly in a fresh set of clothes, looking quite energized. I got up off the stool hesitantly, letting go of my stomach, and went to go sit down with him at the kitchen table.
Like Nudge, Gazzy was hard to get up in the mornings, but after washing up, he was perfectly perfect and energetic, and ready for action—which I must admit, can get pretty irritating at times. Ah, who am I kidding? It got pretty irritating, pretty darn often.
"Hi Max, whats for breakfast?" he asked.
I turned and nevertheless, smiled at his endearing childlike demeanor. The cowlick on his forehead matched his eager light blond eyebrows, raised high on his forehead. His eyes were bright and his expression earnest, matching the perpetual boyish eagerness painted on his face.
"I dunno, ask them," I replied sardonically, rolling my eyes as I jerked my thumb over my shoulder at the two bickering teenaged guys behind the counter.
"Thats it Fang, just go sit down, man. This waffles thing is definitely not your gig," Iggy commended, shaking his head disappointedly at him, his sightless blue eyes closed dejectedly.
He slammed his arm straight into the air out over the other end of the counter, pointing over towards the kitchen table, urging him to sit down far, far away from the cooking.
Fang chuckled in response, and playfully punched Iggy's shoulder before ducking underneath his arm. He walked around the edge of the counter to the fridge to pour himself a glass of orange juice before making his way to the Gazzers and I.
"Hey Fang," the Gasman greeted.
"Hey kiddo, whatsup?" Fang replied, rubbing the Gasman's head playfully, before taking the seat on the other side of him. There was still an empty seat between the Gasman and myself. He still hadn't said a word to me.
A bit agitated, I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. My jeans felt sticky and uncomfortable on the crotch, like it had been frequently these days. Often these days, I'd find sticky white mucous-like secretions on the insides of my jeans afterwards, like that day when I had wiped myself with the leaf in the forest. I'd say it was rather similar to what had come out of Fang's penis, but this stuff wasn't as fluid-like, but rather thicker, in less quantity, and more pungent.
Nudge climbed down the stairs, her sweet bubbly personality greeting us on impact, as she walked over and took the seat between Gazzy and I. She looked around the table with wide bright eyes and began to chat animatedly. I watched her figure move, almost nearly as if in slow motion.
How jealous I felt, I wouldn't be able to describe to you. So light, so carefree, so innocent.. no worries on their minds.. I couldn't explain how jealous I felt of the kids.
In the middle of the chatter that I had been feigning attention to, I turned my head to capture Fang's glance within my own orbs. He was looking at me from across the table, as if he was gazing at something far, far away. My eyebrows slowly furrowed in the intensity. The noise in the background was easily reduced to radio filter noise and it felt like it was just he and I engaged in a fierce battle, in a still scene. It was apathetic and blank to anyone else, but I could see a hint of sadness in there. His cheekbones were lowered the slightest bit, his cleanly shaven face masking the regret and longing in his eyes. The regret.. he regretted too.
Its been a whole month of stillness.
He blinked once, twice, his expression unwavering and not changing, before he turned his head away to respond to something Angel had said as she reached the table. He dragged his eyes and pupils off of my face longingly, as if stripping them away and tearing them out harshly and painfully.
Thats what I was.. a pain to his eyes, just a whisper intruding into his ears. We were something neither of us wanted to see all too well. There was too much unspoken longing between the two of us, and its been a month. It wasn't me who was hiding all of it away, but I was involved so heavily, so deeply, that I felt like the current was dragging me away, on the tides of an open beach shore. I didn't even know where this predicament had arose; it couldn't be me. And I was so confused.
My eyebrows having furrowed deeply as we parted during the exchange, I slowly turned my head as well, to drag my eyes from the sight of him perusing a playful discussion with Angel, in order to ask Iggy how far along breakfast was coming. The flock had already gathered and clustered down, done with their morning rituals.
"Uh.. I think its gonna take a while. Say, twenty? Sorry, Max, but I blame Fang," he said apologetically, his head jerked up over his shoulder to face me.
"Yeah, its okay, we can wait. Take your time, I'm sure it'll be worth it," I replied easily in response.
I sighed as another odd bubbling feeling hit my gut uncomfortably.. Eating didn't feel like an admirable prospect, but it did, at the same time. My stomach felt so indecisive right now, and the aches sure weren't helping. I decided to go change my pants, the wetness feeling underneath was growing by the second, and it was feeling way too uncomfortable.
"Hey, I'm going upstairs to check up on something, I'll be right back," I absentmindedly told the flock. I made sure to get up from my seat with solid, fluid movements and walk up to the staircase whilst making sure not to hold my waist in front of them lest they overreact. When I had reached the stop of the staircase, I clutched my waist again, bending down a little bit, halfway to fetal position because it felt soothing to be in at that particular moment.
But no, man, Maximum Ride, I was Maximum Ride. There was nothing wrong with me.. I needed to man up.
I straightened up, but mentally groaned as I did this and went into the closest bathroom, which was the guy's. The cramping in my abs were hurting so much, I didn't think I could make it halfway down the hallway to the girl's bathroom.
Frick. I hadn't gotten a set of pants to change into. Frick.
But I was feeling too tired to go to the end of the hallway to my room to rummage through my drawers right now.. I decided to wait out the cramp and then go, cause it was really feeling like it was debilitating me right now.
I wearily sat down on the edge of the tub, holding my scalp in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning all the way forward. My pants still felt uncomfortable and wet and icky, and I prolongingly waited for the cramp to go away, but it seemed like just when it'd be over, another one would just replace it's looming presence all over again. It felt bad, it felt really bad, and I didn't know what.
I don't know how long I stayed, sitting there, bent over into myself, my head in my hands, and aching all over my middle, but I heard a knock on the door coupled with Gazzy's voice.
"Hey, Max, you in there?" I heard him call out worriedly. No. That shouldn't be right. I didn't like to hear his voice like that, cause he should never have to be worried. Everything I did, I did for them, and to make sure they didn't ever sound like that.
Taking deep breaths I lifted my head off of my hands and still clutching my stomach I got a hold of myself.
"Yeah Gaz, I'll be down in a second," I called out to him through the door in a strong voice.
"Okay Max, but Angel said that you were hurting, so I'm gonna wait for ya," Gaz called out in an unconvinced voice. I was mad, mad at myself. He shouldn't have to wait or worry. Who the heck sent him up here?
The anger resolved energy flowing back into me. I needed to just clean myself up, the stomach pain I could deal with, but my pants were getting really uncomfortable by now.
Getting up from the edge of the tube, I unbuttoned my jeans. I'd just wipe myself down and clean the bottoms of my jeans up and hope to god it'd stop being so sticky soon.
Slipping off my shoes and socks and kicking them off to the front of me, and I squirmed a bit as I pulled the jeans down to my knees, spreading my legs a little to keep them at my knees as I grabbed a bunch of toilet paper to wipe down the inside of the jeans with. Looking down though, I gasped in sudden fear and surprise.
There was blood. Everywhere.
It was all down my thighs and the inside crotch of my jeans were soaked dark red and wet. I lifted my necked up disbelievingly as I continued to look down. Suddenly I grabbed my waist again as I felt another cramp come over me, and groaned lightly.
Unfortunately, the bathroom was tiled, and sounds just echoed off the walls, and Gazzy had heard it.
"Max? Max?!" he started pounding on the door that he had been waiting patiently against for the past few minutes. His voice reminded me of his presence behind the door, and staring at the inside of my jeans in horror, I gulped. All the blood.. I felt my stomach lurch.. I felt like upchucking everything that was the nothing in my stomach.
"MAX!" he started pounding harder with the lack of response from me. He was completely freaking out. What were they thinking asking him to come up here?
"Gazzy, gaz," I tried to reassure him through the door with my voice, but I didn't know what to say. I was freaking out here too, staring horrifically at my jeans and grossedly assessing the completely bloodied insides of my thighs. I took another gulp, swallowing the bile in the back of my throat, and got to work.
I was Max, I don't freak out. I don't freak out. Taking my trembling hand that was holding the toilet paper, I steadied it and leaned down to try and clean up some of the mess. Some of it was fresh and wet, but some was dried up and crusted thinly against the insides of my thighs, so I couldn't do it properly. And sooner or later, I realized that it wasn't working, cause more kept coming out of me. I gave up, throwing the messed up clump of stained toilet paper away.
I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, but the trembling didn't rid me.
It wasn't working, there was too much blood, and it just kept coming. Resignedly, and sort of scared, I slid down the edge of the tub that I had been sitting on previously, leaning against the side of the tube now. There was small red spottings on the white tub on the area I had been sitting against previously, and I shuddered once I noticed. It had definitely leaked through my jeans, why was I surprised?
Feeling cold as the cool white tiles of the bathroom floor hit the bottom of my buttocks, I shivered again. My thighs were closed tightly, no longer spread open wide in trying to clean up the mess. My stained jeans were pooled around my ankles, sitting on top of my bare feet, my socks and shoes having haphazardly been kicked away to the side a while ago. I clutched my knees around the insides of my elbows, closed my eyes and lay the side of my head on top. I was curled up into a ball, and my stomach was feeling better that way. I felt something wet trickle down beneath me and felt my stomach lurch again, but the cramp was worse and overpowered any other feeling.
I heard steps stampede the stairs right next to our bathroom, in our little house with thin walls. I shuddered out a sigh, feeling very, very cold, still sitting against the tiles of the bathroom floor leaning against the side of the tub.
"Max, are you okay?" I heard Iggy's deeper voice say through the door. He was banging on the door lightly, but urgently, "What're you doing in there? Max?" he continued, sounding sort of pissed off. I wondered why.
"Max.. Max.. why are you hurting?" I heard Angels small voice ask through the door.
She sounded like she was on the verge of tears, and she probably was. I heard Nudge whimper quietly, sounding like she had slid down the edge of the wall to sit down against it too. I heard deep mutters and Gazzy told Iggy how he had been waiting and what I had said.
Everyone was there, crowding outside of the door.
Except for Fang. I didn't hear Fang.
Lifting my head up off of my knees, I realized I had to stop making them worry. The cramps had receded, and my abdomen was feeling a lot better now. It was just the sticky feeling below that was giving my shudders. I didn't even want to look at the wet dark red mess below me.
"Guys, its okay. I want Iggy," I said authoritatively, and this time, with real energy, "to come in here. The rest of you guys stay outside. Iggy, make sure you close the door as you come in, tight behind you, okay?" I heard Angel protest and could imagine Gazzy frowning, but I had to make sure none of them could see this. Iggy confirmed the request, and I bent over to stand on my knees and lean forward to reach the doorknob.
"I'm gonna unclick the door now, but wait two seconds before you come in, and make sure the kids don't see anything," I said to him. He nodded an affirmative by knocking on the door.
I turned the knob with a click and quickly twisted myself to sit against the wall behind the door instead of against the tub, which was in clear view of the opening in the door. Turning around, I blanched as I saw the small pool of red fluid slid around on the cool white tiles ontop of the area I had been sitting on. I looked away, the sight churning my stomach intestines around in my tummy.
Iggy stepped in through the tight crack he had made, sure to keep steady on the door hinge. I saw his worn and dirtied sneakers take a few steps in, but didn't bring my head up to look at his face. I was still kneeled on the floor behind the door, curled up in a ball, feeling grosser than ever although the cramps had gone away. He closed the door quietly with a shut behind him and turned around to face me.
He kneeled down to my level and slowly brought his fingers forward to run over my face, brushing lightly. I hated that. I hated it. He could feel the small tears on the edge of my tear ducts threatening to fall over.
"Oh, Max.." he said, his face contorting into pity suddenly. He leaned forward awkwardly, as his knees were bent up and down, and mine were in front of me, to embrace my shoulders as two quiet tears slid down my cheeks.
"Max, what's wrong?" He said gently, letting go of me and his face turning serious.
"Ig, it hurts so much.." I murmered out, looking away from him.
"What does, Max?" he asked gently.
"My stomach.. and I'm bleeding," I got out. His face changed into shock, but I slid my eyes to look away again.
"How? Show me. Where?" he weakly demanded of me.
"D-down there," I said pointing down weakly. He couldn't see it, but he knew what I meant from the movement of my hands.
My knees were still together, my thighs closed, but he gently slipped his hands through the empty space between my ankles and delicately slipped my bunched up jeans through the legs of my ankles. Putting the bundle of jeans to the side, he gently brought his soft, experienced fingers through to the middle of my bare knees. He coaxed out some empty space between my shins in order to assess the area inside, between my thighs. His face changed, contorting into serious worry once he was met with the wetness and the residue there and all over. He called out to through the door, "Guys, go back down and eat some breakfast," he said authoritatively to them.
I gasped as he touched me there, somewhere no one else had ever before. He rubbed up and down the bloody mound once or twice and then brought his fingers back, moistened with red fluid. I watched him quietly. He brought his hands back up to face and rubbed the wetness around between his thumb and index and middle fingers.
"But Ig, whats wrong with Max?" I heard Gazzy interject in response. He banged on the door once to emphasize his frustration. I swallowed my gasp as I replied.
"Nothing, I'm fine," I lied, hoping they'd listen to the sound of my voice and go back down.
"Okay.." I heard Gazzy sigh dejectedly, and heard three sets of footsteps go back down the stairs. They were probably pretty hungry by now.
I watched Iggy quietly rub around his fingers a bit more and then bring it up to his face to smell it.
"Max, this is like, dead blood," he said, his eyebrow cocked up in confusion. I was feeling much better now, also in relief that the kids had gone away, but I could still feel fluid trickle out from beneath me.
"Huh? What?" I asked him in confusion. He looked up at me, putting his hand to his side and switching his alternatively kneeled knees before he continued to elaborate.
"Its not like, you know, fresh blood. Its old blood. You're not actually, exactly bleeding, I think." he said, confused. He didn't get it. Neither did I.
"But it keeps coming out, doesn't it?" he asked himself absentmindedly and I saw his face scrunch up in concentration as he thought carefully. He slowly got up and walked over to the sink to wash his fingers off before he came back to me kneeling. I looked up to his face, and there was something serious on there that could only portrayed in maturity. His eyebrows were furrowed in tense concentration.
He didn't seem so childish anymore: his face was changing too. Fang had shown him how to shave weeks ago, but itd been a few days since he'd last done it. Since then, small whispy scruffs had just grown back along his jawline. Smiling, he had said that unlike Fang, he was too lazy to do it everyday.
Calming down at last, I got my gatherings together. I looked up at Iggy with a look that said So what do we do now? He couldn't see it, but had noticed that my breathing had gone back to normal. He knew me well enough to know what I was going to say.
"I dunno Max," he said, running one hand through his hair, mussing the greasy red up crazily.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I opened them with the resolve to be calm and relaxed. Whatever was happening.. whatever was happening, it was weird.. but it didn't seem like I was going to die any second.
"Whats the difference?" I asked quietly.
"Hmm.. what?" Iggy snapped out of his thoughts.
"Whats the difference.. between old blood and new blood?" I repeated again, quietly.
"Oh. Well, I'm not really sure. But regular blood isn't odorous, and its not so thick. I think you're excreting some blood clots too, actually," he replied absentmindedly, obviously still thinking something through in his head.
We stayed there, on the floor for a while longer. I was against the wall, with him kneeling in front of me on the balls of his feet. I was just waiting for him to finish.. whatever it was that he was trying to figuring out.
"Max, I'm going to go down and check on the kids. You stay here," he said dangerously, "so I can get something so that you clean yourself up, and then I'll get you to bed or something. Oh, and you need to have eaten something too," he said, getting up. It was funny how he had avoided mentioning Fang at all.
He absentmindedly muttered something about soaked lemon water and how that may help in cleaning the crust on my thighs. He said that, judging from the looks of things, it'd probably been happening all of last night too.
It was obvious these days, that Iggy didn't trust Fang much anymore. After that stunt he'd pulled for an entire month, moody, distant, cold, to all of us, I couldn't exactly blame him. Iggy definitely was fine with Fang, its just that he didn't want to.. bug him. Its like he was afraid that he'd snap at any second, so was wary of him; if Fang hadn't come up the stairs, he couldn't ask him to.
I sighed, putting my head back onto my knees, my thighs still closed tight against one another. Fang hadn't come up the stairs. I was angry that the younger kids had come up here for the obvious reasons, but if anyone at all, it would've been Fang who would check up on me.
I felt a lot better now, and I couldn't feel trickling excreting from my thighs anymore, but I still felt.. gross.. messy.. sick..
Whats been happening these days? I wondered. We don't get sick. That was like, fact. Yet.. Fang, and now me. I couldn't help but feel the slightest bit worried. Maybe they had messed up in making us.. some sort of malfunction. I played around with the prospect of contemplating our lifespan, but decided that I'd rather not. We fought to live, and that was the fact of the matter.. there was no use in contemplating something we knew nothing about, anyway. My thoughts slowly escaped me as I waited for Iggy to get back so that I could try and clean myself up, although I wasn't sure how well that would work.
A/N:
So as most of you know, this is my first story. I've never even described a kiss in words before, much less ever written anything lime or a lemon before this. So, this story has alot of firsts for me. In fact, its the first story I've ever tried to write.
I don't write stories in general--I've never even done a single one. I write Personal Essays, and I've won 9 Scholastic Gold Key awards in that writing category. (yay!) Additionally, I'm complete crap at Formal Literary Essays. No, Seriously. I'm awful.
In any case, I'm new and I can't help but feel like I messed up by mentioning my birthday in the last A/N. I didn't know my age was that big of a deal, really. I've taken it off. And I hope people don't stop reading because of something like that, but I feel like I've already lost a bunch of readers because of it. And I think I've already mentioned that I'm pretty mature; I go to a special college-preparatory school thats got me accelerated by like four grade levels (and its also got me failing, but whatever). I really don't think that my age should interfere with the discretion of my readers. I really hope that you guys haven't stopped reading. =(
Sorry if updates take a little longer these days, but like I said before, I don't have any chapters written in advance anymore. Your reviews would really encourage me, especially at the point where I am right now.
Oh, oh, but I'VE GOT ONE THING TO SAY!!
FAX FAX FAX FAX FAX FAX FAX!! COMING!!!! *party*
oh, and dear god, do you know how much I hate writing angst? seriously, I think Ch. 19 was probably the worst piece of writing so far on this entire story (for the exception of chapters 1-4, cause those are just like.. really bad, and amateur). Not only do I hate writing angst, I've figured out that I'm pretty darn awful at it too. Lol. So, anywho, the angst should be completely done with, cause I really hate writing it. I am NOT liking this part of the story. The excessive emotions... (although I'm writing it), its making me blanch. That will definitely come to an end. -.-
I've got an incredible urge to name the next chapter, "The Angst Comes to an End. About Time." :P
FAX FAX FAX COMING SOON!!! =DDDDD I'm excited. =)
and I never thought this story would reach 20 chapters. w00t. See, I never thought I'd write a story this long.
But the thing is, I'd never tried to write a story.
And once I started writing, I realized how slow I tended to write.. and how slow my timespan seemed to travel.
So now, I'm not really surprised I'm up to chapter 20. This story is long, not because of the story, but because of the way I write, I suppose.
Sorry =(
bb.