-you know i hate the fact i do not own Degrassi. such an awesome show. but i own my story.

*so sorry i haven't updated since saturday i had to spend time with my daddy down his house.

**songs i was listening to were Whatya Want From Me by Adam Lambert and Shark in the Water by VV Brown.

-btw this chapter is mostly clare's dream. it would be italicized. the end of the Italic means end of the dream.

sorry if thats a uh spoiler? l0l. Enjoy. please review. & yes i love your reviews please kee it up. :) :)

Tonight, I Love You

Chapter 4

Reminisce: Brown Eyes

(Clare POV)

I opened the door, and I noticed it was oddly quiet in the house. Usually when Darcy's at home its loud because of all her music. I looked around the living room to see what's going on. Everything looked the same, everything smelled the same, but it was the sound that threw me off. Every since Darcy got back from the trip she's been rebellious, and loud I must say. I was looking forward to our normal arguments. It became a routine. But today, today something was not right.

"Hello…Darcy? Are you home?" I yelled but she didn't answer.

Then I heard something fall from Darcy's room. I ran upstairs to see what exactly was happening. I slowly opened her door to find Darcy looking out of the window.

"Hey Darce, I didn't think you were home. Are you okay?" She turned around and looked at me. Her brown eyes were filled with tire and pain. I never seen my sister look at me that way before, I knew something had to be wrong.

"DARCY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" I yelled hopefully getting through to her.

"Life, Clare." She simply answered and turned back to the window.

"What does that mean Darcy?" I walked up to where she was standing. She glanced down at me.

"Have you ever noticed how you can be surrounded by a sea full of people, and still feel lonely? That's me Clare-bear. I feel lonely everywhere I go. I'm lonely with Peter. I'm lonely here at my own home, Clare."

She looks up at the sky. "Do you still have faith in God?"

"Of course Darcy." I answered. How could she ask that?

"Why?" She looked at my confused.

"Because I know he is looking after me. I know he loves me and he will never forsake me. They teach us this at church."

"I know, I know." She glances at me. She looks back up in the sky. "But if God loves me so, why is he putting me through so much? If he is looking after me, why did I get raped? If he will never forsake me, why do I feel so alone?"

"I don't know Darce. Maybe it's part of his plan for your life." She snapped her head back my way.

"His PLAN? Really Clare, his plan?" she looked disgusted. "His plan sucks." She walked away from the window. Something was off about Darcy today. She looked as if she had things on her mind.

She looked back at me with the tired and pained expression again. "I'm not a child anymore Clare. So why do they feel the need to tell me fairytales?"

"I don't know Darcy." I couldn't answer my sister. After all, I was only a ninth grader. All I knew was that I would be in Degrassi tomorrow for the first time.

"I know you are too young Clare, and Mom and Dad are too old to understand me. You're all I have to tell these things to." Darcy looked at her phone and I noticed she had an incoming call from Peter. She ignored it and continued to talk to me. "Clare, sometimes I feel that living is over-rated."

"Why would you say that Darcy? You have everything; family, friends, a house, food. Everyone that looks at you adores you. I will always be The Ugly Clare, Gorgeous Darcy's little sister." Tears stared to fall from my eyes. I never admitted how I felt to Darcy before. But the way she was talking was scaring me. She looked down at me.

"See Clare, I caused you heartache."

"No Darcy, it's not your fault you got the looks and I got the brains." Darcy rubbed her hand over her face. I looked down; I usually walked around with my head high around my parents. I knew I didn't fit in, that was the reason for the uniform. My parents thought I felt confident about myself. Boy were they wrong. I had long greasy hair, and dorky glasses. The uniform I wore made me look more of a reject. Darcy put her hand on my shoulders.

"Clare, you are very beautiful." She looks at my uniform. "Look at how you dress and carry yourself. I'm not saying dress like me; but dress with confidence. . . .You need a make-over. Maybe a haircut, and I don't know, laser eye surgery. . . I heard Mom and Dad discussing it." I looked up. I know I had a smile as wide as Texas on my face.

"Really Darce?" She smiled back at me.

"Maybe. . .just talk to them about it; tonight at Dinner." I looked out the window and tried to picture myself with my hair and glasses. I couldn't see it.

The front door closed meaning one of our parents was home.

"Girls, get washed up for dinner. Your father will be home in 30 minutes." Our Mom yelled from the kitchen. I stood up not wanting to leave my conversation with Darcy. Mostly I was afraid to leave her alone. She read the expression on my face.

"Clare, it's okay. Go ahead and get ready for dinner. I love you little sister.

"Are you sure you are okay?" Darcy stood up and walked to the window and looked at the sky.

"Soon, I will be." She said barely above a whisper. She looked back at me. "Yes Clare-bear, I'm fine." I turned around and walked to my room.

{Dinner}

Darcy was awfully chatty tonight. She even said grace tonight. My parents weren't complaining, they were just happy that Darcy was finally talking again. Her eyes were still the same but she had a smile on face so her eyes were hard to read. My dad broke me out of my thought.

"Clare-Bear you're quiet tonight; are you okay?" I looked up at him.

"Yea Dad I'm fine, really." He shook his head, but you can tell he didn't buy it.

"Dad I think Clare should get a full make-over. A haircut and maybe that laser eye surgery you guys were talking about." Darcy looked at me with a sincere smile.

"You're right Darce, she should. Charles, we should she would have so much confidence." My mom said. How did she know I didn't have confidence in my appearance? My dad looked as if he was thinking about it.

"Well there goes my birthday surprise, Diane." My dad said with a smile. I jumped up and down.

"Really Dad?"

"Yes pumpkin, a supreme make-over for my little bear."

The rest of dinner went into conversations about my make-over. It was one of the best dinners we've had in a long time. Once dinner was over me, my sister, and my parents sat in the living room watching movies and making appointments for my surgery. Darcy and I still had school so we excused ourselves.

"Mom, Dad you guys are the best parents a girl could ask for, and I love you guys." Darcy said before getting up.

"We love you too sweetheart." My mother said. My dad looked up.

"Ditto kid." He said with a smile. She gave them a tight hug and a kiss. She walked up to me and that look I saw on her face earlier was on there again.

"I love you Clare-Bear." We stopped at Darcy's door. "And whatever that goes on in life is not your fault. You are the best sister a girl can have."

"I love you too, Darcy." She hugged me very tight. We broke up and I looked up at her confused. She smiled at my expression. She took off my glasses.

"See look at you, don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't beautiful. Just let them know 'I'm Darcy's little sister. I know I'm beautiful.'" She smiled and handed me back my glasses. I walked to my room door. "Good night Clare."

"Good night Darcy." As I was closing my door I can hear Darcy quietly say, 'I will surely miss that kid.' But I didn't pay it any attention.

{2:30 AM}

I jumped up in cold sweats. Something wasn't right. Something was wrong. I could feel it. I couldn't sleep, and it was getting irritating. I got up out of bed to get some water from the kitchen.

Once I came back from the kitchen I wanted to just look in at Darcy. Something was telling me to stop by her room. As I walked in I noticed she was lying on top of the covers with her dinner clothes still on. I walked over to wake her up. Once I touched her she was very cold. I tried to turn her over but she was too heavy. I tried to move her body to the middle of her bed. As I was pushing her over an empty Aspirin bottle rolled to my feet. I picked it up confused because I know Mom just brought that bottle for her head yesterday. I looked back up at Darcy and it clicked. I started shaking her hard.

"Wake up Darcy please." I ran over to the other side of her bed to try to see her face. And that's when a Darcy's big brown eyes were looking back at me.

"MOM, DAD!" I started walking back until I hit the wall and slid down. I started rocking back in forth. This couldn't have happened. How come I didn't see it? Why was I so stupid and blind? I could've stopped her; I could've told Mom and Dad, this is my fault. Mom and Dad came running into the room. They looked at me then Darcy. They were trying to wake her up, my dad started calling 9-11 and my mom came over to me and started crying.

"Charles how could we let this happened!" She screamed. My dad looked at my mom, his eyes filled with tears. He walked over to us.

"Diane it's nothing we could've done. We took Darcy to counseling; we did all we could do."

"No we didn't. It's no way we did. Our daughter is DEAD Charles!" I couldn't believe my mom and dad were about to have their first major argument in front of my dead sister's body.

"We couldn't watch Darcy like watch dogs Di, so I don't see how we could've stopped this."

"We could've been better parents and talked to her, something Charles."

"WELL IT'S TOO LATE NOW DIANE. SHE'S GONE NOW." My dad was now crying as hard as my mom. They started screaming even louder at each other and I couldn't take it any longer.

"STOP! STOP ALL THE ARGUING; STOP ALL THE FIGHTING IN FRONT OF MY SISTER! SHE'S DEAD FOR GOODNESS SAKE PLEASE LETS SHOW HER BODY SOME RESPECT!" I started crying hysterically at this point. How dare they argue in front of her the way they did. They walked over to me and put their arms around me and I cried harder into their shoulders.

I hopped up and looked around my room. I touched my face and noticed I've been crying. I haven't had this dream in over six months. Why was I having it now? I looked at my clock and noticed it was 2:30 in the morning. What was the date? I jumped up from my bed and to look at calendar. It couldn't be. I backed away from the calendar; it was August 9, 2010. How could I forget? I fell to the floor and cried myself back to sleep.

-Author's Note-

Hope you enjoyed this. My longest Chapter. I decided Clare needed one chapter to herself. Maybe i should Eli's own Chapter later on in the story? (just a thought)

Sorry for typos. tell me what cha think! love ya!