Never.

There were a lot of things Tris knew she would never be. There were almost as many as the things she knew she would never see or hear or touch or smell or taste or feel again.

One of the things she knew she would never be was the same. Whether it be in the sense of being like everyone else or simply being as she had been before, she would never be the same again.

It had been hard to comprehend that, or at least it had for a little while, but then it got easier.

It got easier with every look a Dauntless member slipped her that spoke of their trust in her and her decisions. It got easier every time she felt the sting of a needle biting into her flesh. It got easier every morning when she laced up her black combats and stuck her black-streaked blonde hair up into a high ponytail.

But, that didn't mean it ever truly got easily.

Especially on those rare mornings when she caught a glance of Beatrice Prior in the mirror hiding behind the black mascara and hair dye. Or when she caught her brother looking at her like he barely recognized her when she was speaking to the new initiates. Or when she realized that she could no longer look at grey fabric without puking a little in her mouth.

But those times were getting fewer and fewer and longer apart, so much so they could almost add them to her list of things she'd never feel again.

Tris didn't know how she really felt about that.

On one hand it would be nice to forget about everything in Abnegation, forget the Slaughter and everything that had had a hand in changing her. But on the other something inside clung to it.

Something inside her hated the idea of loosing her old self, of loosing Beatrice and letting Mrs. Six Fears take over. It scared her, the idea never being just Beatrice again.

Hell, she hated the whole damn thing. How everything was so black and white, so one or the other. She couldn't function like that.

That was what never was, right? A "one or the other" thing. Never being something meant you lost everything that came with it just to gain something else. Just like by never being weak she could never be Beatrice but she could be Tris.

But what if that wasn't enough? What if, in order to be the Tris she needed to be, she had to keep the pieces of Beatrice as well?

All in all, Tris figured that she rather despised the word never. She figured that's why she was Divergent. Because never didn't work for her and it never would.

*Blinks owlishly up at the drabble above* Would Any of you believe me if I said I had no idea where this came from? Because I really have know idea what happened here. One moment I had been happily typing along, praying for something akin to inspiration when wham this thing slams into me and I only realize what I've typed half way through proof reading.

Sigh, but enough of my semi-ranting, it's time for thank-yous!

Thanks to: purplepeace, HyDrOmAtlc (whose screen name I'm not ever sure if I'll be able to type with out checking three or four times for spelling), TheyCantSeeMe4WhoIam and awesomet88!

Thanks also to anyone planning on Reviewing/Alerting/Favouriting and to everyone who reads!

Bye,

BlackRoseGirl666

(Ps. did anyone notice that this is number fourteen? That means we're officially over half through! Isn't that amazing?)