December 24, 1977.
On the afternoon that the special was set to air, Dragon Kid showed up on set first, her transport moving slowly through the gathered throng that, by now, contained thousands of eager onlookers. It was overcast, windy, and bitterly cold. The girl was wearing a flesh-toned bodysuit beneath her outfit and a heavy parka over it. She was shivering and clearly miserable.
Cain went over to her, grinning from ear to ear. "This is your first Christmas Eve special! How do you feel about that?" he asked eagerly.
Pao-Lin bent her head and vomited on his shoes.
Well shit, that's not good, Cain thought, looking down.
Ivan wasn't in much better shape and he seemed to have adopted an odd glitch to his power that made him lose his form every time he sneezed. It was kind of entertaining, really. One sneeze transformed him from his Asian disguise into a woman, and another into an elderly man, before a third changed him to some other default. He didn't seem to notice it was happening and Cain decided not to tell him. Neither did anyone else.
Blue Rose arrived in even bitchier form than normal and it wasn't until Annette took the frustrated Director aside that he understood what was wrong. Karina's period had started a few days early and she had really bad cramps. It was at about this point that Cain seriously considered taking up drinking.
Sky High arrived with John in tow. The dog was wearing an adorable bandana and didn't seem to mind the antlers his owner had super-glued on him. He was permitted to run around loose on the set, to the chagrin of the interns assigned to clean up after him. At any given time there was always at least one of the young staffers chasing after the dog with a black baggy in hand.
Rock Bison arrived with a groupie beneath either huge arm and a broad grin plastered on his face. Ever since he was allowed to take off his helmet in public, he had been relishing in the upswing of adoring fans to the point that he hadn't needed to go to his apartment in days. He hadn't slept much either, and the wear and tear from all the partying and screwing around was finally starting to show.
Cain went over to him after his little friends had all been herded back behind the barricade. "How you doing, Tony?" He was staring at the swaying giant with concern.
"Man, I'm freakin fantastic!" Tony hollered, and belched in the Director's face. His breath reeked of Tequila.
"Can I have a carafe of coffee over here?" Cain shouted desperately, leading the Hero over to a chair that could actually support his weight.
When Barnaby showed up, he immediately went to the ice and began his practise laps. He did this while carefully rehearsing his lines, ever the consummate professional. He had his helmet on, indicating that he didn't want to be disturbed and it was clear that he was taking this whole thing way too seriously. Cain was alarmed when he couldn't spot Kotetsu until he heard the Hero's voice over where the crowd was situated. "Okay! Someone fire off a request. Remember, let's keep this a holiday theme, folks." Tiger was seated on a stool with his guitar plugged into the amplifier. Unlike his partner, his helmet was off and he was wearing his familiar mask as he looked expectantly at the thrilled onlookers.
"'Burn it to the Ground' by Nickelback!" some wiseass called from the back.
-and damned if Kotetsu didn't immediately launch into the tight, strong rhythm of that particular drinking song, to the delight of all of the headbangers in the audience. He aggressively played the lick and, just as it looked like he was going to sing, he downscaled the tempo and began to pluck out 'Jungle Bells'. The crowd groaned, laughed, and applauded.
Both Cain and Annette breathed a sigh of relief. "He's back to normal. At least that's one thing I don't have to worry about tonight," the director said and focused on the things he did have to worry about.
Actually, Kotetsu was far from fine. If the truth be known, he was still feeling damned lousy, but he was a seasoned professional who understood the saying 'the show must go on' far better than any of his younger counterparts. Despite what Lloyds and the others might have thought, he was a damned fine actor when it came to faking his own personal wellbeing and this occasion was no different. He knew Cain was counting on him so he simply downed a couple of extra cups of coffee with some Pepto-Bismol and Gravol, forced a smile on his face and got to work. He entertained the crowd for over half an hour before being called over for the final rehearsal.
The group did a flawless albeit apathetic dry run that finally left Cain with the impression he might still have a job the next morning. He let the Heroes have a final break to loosen up and get ready for the eight o'clock broadcast. There was a buffet table nearby with beverages and snacks for the cast and crew and Kotetsu eyed the selection with unusual reluctance. He spotted a tin container half-full of brownies and took one, hoping desperately he could keep it down. As he was walking away, he took a small bite -
-and immediately froze in mid-step, his eyes widening in shock.
A crewmember was reaching for one of the tempting treats and Kotetsu ran over, knocked it out of his hand, and snatched the tin container from the table. He trotted over to the caterer. "Where did these brownies come from?" he asked urgently.
"The King of Heroes baked them," the woman said, pointing over to where Sky High was signing autographs. "Wasn't that sweet?"
Keith looked up when he saw Kotetsu marching towards him and raised his arm cheerfully. "Hello Mr. Tiger, and again, hel-" The Hero grabbed the 'redhead' by that arm and pulled him a short distance away.
"What'd you put in these brownies?" Kotetsu whispered to him.
"Eggs, cocoa, and lots of love!" Keith said with a broad smile.
"What else? Some special herbs and spices maybe?"
"I only used what was in the mix I bought."
Kotetsu faltered, wondering if maybe his cold was affecting his taste buds. He could have sworn . . .
Keith finally remembered something. "Oh! I was out of butter and had to go over to my neighbor to borrow some. You'd really like him, Mr. Tiger. He's always smoking those medicinal cigarettes you like so much. He gave me some butter, but he called it by an odd name-"
". . . Cannabutter? Butterjuana?"
"That's it!" the Hero exclaimed and Damn-oh damn, Tiger could see how red-rimmed and glassy the man's piercing blue eyes really were this close up. Keith must have been snacking on his love brownies all day long. It gave a whole new meaning to the name 'Sky High'.
"Was this tin full when you brought it?"
"Yes."
Kotetsu looked around, his eyes scanning the sea of faces of people on the set; Heroes and crew alike. While he was looking for zombies Blue Rose stomped over to them. "Tiger! Why are you hogging the brownies that Sky High baked for us? You're supposed to share them!"
"Seriously, Rose, you don't want these-"
"You don't know what I want, Mr. Greedy. Gimme one."
"No! I'm trying to explain-"
"Who are you to tell me I can't do something?" She shouted in his face: "You. Are not. My father! Even if you are old enough to be him."
Tiger's eyes narrowed a fraction. If he had been feeling a hundred percent he probably would have weathered her abuse better. Instead, he simply held out the tin and said, "Help yourself."
By now, Barnaby was confident that he had everything memorized to perfection and freely walked among the set, offering a dazzling smile to the crowd who were cheering at him. He didn't know why he was feeling so nervous. He'd been on television before, after all. He was handsome, charismatic, and the acting lessons he'd taken in his teenage years were finally paying off. In fact, there was only one thing that could possibly jeopardize his night of stardom and he spotted that person standing off to one side, waiting for Cain to get off the phone from his conversation with Agnes Joubert. "Old man!"
Kotetsu turned and smiled nervously at him. "Oh, hi Bunny. All ready for the show?"
"That's what I want to talk to you about," the blond said. "I want to make things perfectly clear that whatever antics you get up to tonight, you'll leave me out of them. Understand?"
"Uh, no. Not really, I-"
"Don't play dumb. You're going to pull something stupid the second this goes live and I'm warning you that you'd better leave me out of it. I won't be embarrassed on national television. Working with you is bad enough. Got it?" Barnaby made the mistake of poking his partner in the chest as he said this.
Kotetsu looked down at that finger, back up to his partner's unfriendly face, and marginally turned his head and saw that Cain was now off the phone. Rather than rush over to the director with his discovery, he offered the container of brownies to Barnaby instead. "Want one? Sky High made 'em." When the blond hesitated, he added the two magic words: "They're vegan."
Forty-five minutes later, Cain called from his director's chair: "Alright everybody, listen up. We go live in two minutes. Barnaby, please go to your mark. Get ready, Mario." He rubbed his hands together and grinned over at the Hero standing quietly beside him. "I've directed dozens of these things in the booth but this is my first time on an actual set. It's really exciting."
Kotetsu had his guitar slung over his right shoulder like a war axe. There was an unusually smug look on his face as he remarked, "Aw hell, Cain. The excitement hasn't even started yet."
"No?" It made sense, he supposed. Tiger had already done six of these specials so there was probably little the veteran Hero hadn't seen before. To Cain, this was still all brand new. "What makes you say that?"
"Because half of your stars are stoned out of their minds on magic brownies," he said and calmly walked over to his assigned spot on set.
"Oh, that's nice," Cain said absently, reading through the script. He suddenly snapped his head up. "Wait . . . What?"
"Places everyone!" Adam shouted. "Quiet on the set. Cameras three and four, tighten up. Get ready to call it Cain. Hey Cain . . . ?"
Cain was gripping the armrests of his chair looking like he was about to launch out of his seat. Just where he was preparing to go was an unknown. At this point he was thinking Siberia, but figured Agnes would track him down wherever he went. Putting his face in his hands, he moaned, "Action." He really didn't want to watch what came next.
The "On Air" lights came up on the mixer dash and the cameras all tightened up on the HeroTV announcer, Mario, as he read the lead-in; "'Twas the night before Christmas and the Heroes are here; To spread to the city their wishes of cheer-"
"Laaame," someone called off-camera. It sounded like Rock Bison.
Mario swallowed and continued to read his script, "Ladies and gentleman, HeroTV and the OBC Network and all its subsidiaries are pleased to announced the fifteenth annual Christmas Eve special featuring: Barnaby Brooks Jr.!" Camera 2 flashed to the Hero who was fussing with his hair. Barnaby, realizing he was on air, broke out into a broad smile. His teeth had flecks of brown on them. "Blue Rose!" She was waving enthusiastically, looking like a complete air-head. "Sky High!" Keith was holding his dog and waving the animal's front paw. The dog looked like he was going to bite his owner's face off. "Wild Tiger!" Kotetsu snapped off his two-handed gun salute at the camera without missing a beat. "Dragon Kid!" She was blowing her nose into a tissue and attempted a sickly smile. "Origami Cyclone!" At this point, Ivan was wearing the face of some old bag lady and grinned through a mouthful of yellow teeth. "Rock Bison!" Tony was ignoring the camera entirely and taking a swig from a hip flask. "Unfortunately Fire Emblem can't be here with us this evening-"
"I'm right here, precious!" Bright pink lips suddenly pressed against camera 2's lens and the flamboyant Hero stepped back and fingered his dimples. "You can't have a Hero special without me!"
"Goddamn it," remarked a voice. Undoubtedly Bison again.
Starting to sweat, Mario finished off with, "And here to welcome you all is our Super Rookie and heartthrob sensation, Barnaby Brooks Jr.!"
The applause sign flashed near the crowd but they had already started cheering even without its prompting.
Showtime, Barnaby thought smugly. A spotlight came on from overhead, bathing him in heavenly light that framed the delicate angles of his face and illuminated the sparkles in his hair. He dramatically turned into the nearest camera, swinging his head back in that trademark sweep that made him so loved among the masses. He began opening his mouth to begin his carefully rehearsed and perfectly memorized speech and, all at once, his mind became sudden blank slate. "Uh . . . I-I, uhm . . ."
Kotetsu came up behind him and began playing the Final Jeopardy! theme "Think!" on his guitar. He showed absolutely no inclination to help out his struggling partner as his fingers tapping the fretboard with skilled ease. Barnaby continued to flounder like a fish out of water as the tune played on.
Mercifully, Sky High chose this moment to step in and wrapped an arm around Barnaby's shoulders. "It stands to reason that it should be the King of Heroes' honor to welcome all of the proud citizens of Sternbild to our wonderful New Year's-"
"Christmas Eve!" whispered the script supervisor.
"-Christmas Eve special," Keith finished in the same breath. He stepped to the side and unceremoniously buffeted Barnaby off-camera with a burst of wind. "Welcome everyone, and again, everyone welcome!" the Wind Wizard called out, extending his arms. "We have a very, very wonderful show for you tonight-"
"Wait a minute!" Barnaby stomped back into the scene, glowing blue. He roughly shouldered the King of Heroes aside. "This honor was bestowed on me to all welcome all of my-all of our adoring fans-"
"Alas, it should not be a newb to greet this proud city," Keith stated and knocked the blond's legs out from underneath of him with another controlled burst of wind. In the background, Kotetsu now began to play the theme from "Rocky" as Barnaby made a grab for the Hero's legs and missing as Keith rose above the ground a few feet and tapped his boot against the blond's forehead. "That honor should go to me as the rightful place as your one true King! Kneel infidel-"
With a snarl of anger, Barnaby grabbed his ankle and dragged his down to eye level. He was raising his arm to punch the crazed flyer when the Mayor of Sternbild stepped into the frame, looking as awkward as ever. "Uh, is this my cue?" he stage whispered.
Sky High blew Barnaby away (literally) and eagerly grabbed the dark man's shoulders. "Oh, look we have a special guest! It's our proud, brave Mayor of Sternbild who's dropped by for a surprise visit. Hello Mayor Obama!"
"Uhm, m-my name's not-"
"And look! John's saying 'Hi!', too! What a good boy, John!" The golden retriever was eagerly humping the poor Mayor's leg.
Barnaby came back and tackled Sky High, propelling them both off the set. The Mayor was trying to stumble through his opening speech while trying to extricate the excited dog at the same time.
All of the staff and crew behind the cameras were staring with slack-jawed shock at the disaster that was unfolding on live television before their very eyes. Sky High and Barnaby were brawling in the background, the Mayor was trying to shake off the dog, and the rest of the Heroes were plainly seen holding their stomachs, or each other, and braying laughter.
Annette heard the phone ringing in the pocket of Cain's jacket, pulled it out, and passed it quickly over to her boss. "It's Agnes," she whispered.
His head still in his hands, Cain blindly reached over for it, dropped it to the ground and stomped his foot down on it. "I didn't hear anything, did you?"
"Nope," she said, swallowing nervously.
Somehow, they made it to their first commercial break without any fatalities. Cain went stomping over to Kotetsu who watching Ivan, Tony, and Nathan get ready for their song 'We Three Kings'. Fire Emblem was replacing Sky High, who had decided his moment of stardom was now over. He was holding onto Barnaby and sobbing apologies. Barnaby, glasses askew on his face and hair mussed, looked like he wasn't quite sure what planet he was on.
"Magic brownies?" Cain hissed to Tiger. "Seriously? What the hell are you trying to pull? I thought we were friends."
The Asian looked wounded. "I didn't bake them, Cain! Honest! Sky High did. I didn't even know they were there until over half of them got eaten by the cast and crew. You'll be happy to know I disposed of the rest-" he pressed a fist to his mouth and burped.
". . . Great."
"Don't worry, I saved you a couple."
"Thanks. I'll eat them while I'm standing at the unemployment line," Cain grumbled.
Taking note of the man's solemn expression, Kotetsu broke out into a broad grin. "It'll be alright. I remember one year when Stealth Soldier got drunk on his ass and threw up all over Purple Lotus. Another time Stiletto got caught screwing the boom operator behind the Christmas Tree. This kind of shit happens every year. Relax!"
"Thirty seconds!" Donald cried, his voice breaking with stress.
Cain gave up and returned to his director's chair, muttering, "'Relax', he says. 'Relax'." He released a bewildered laugh, shaking his head.
The commercial was over and the camera panned over to Origami Cyclone, who had adopted the form of David Hasselhoff for some strange reason; Fire Emblem; and Rock Bison, who was trying to squirm beyond the pyrokinetic's grasp. Tony ended up grasping 'Ivan' and using him as a human shield. The music began playing and on cue they all burst into song with Nathan drowning them out with his powerful baritone: "We Three Queens-"
"-of Orient are- Hey!" Bison bawled. "Smarten up!"
Ivan burst out laughing, sneezed, and suddenly looked like Dolly Parton. The increase in bust size popped off the chest piece of his armor. One of the camera operators, who had greatly enjoyed Sky High's tasty brownies, immediately zoomed in on the Hero's chest. Ivan was wearing a tank top beneath his costume but it did little to hide the massive bosom, especially when the cold made the nipples stand out in stark relief. The show's "G" rating suddenly became "PG-13" in the span of seconds.
Cain rushed over and shouldered the cameraman aside and took over the duty, pulling the view lens back and focusing on Antonio instead. The huge Hispanic was staring unabashedly at his rival's breasts, practically drooling.
"Cue music again!" Annette hissed at the audio director, and this time the three Heroes burst into the correct song, although their conflicting voices absolutely mangled it. The chorus ended with Tony shouting, "For the last time! Get your hand off my ass. I swear to god I'm gonna sue you!"
After another merciful commercial break came the chat around the fireplace. All of the Heroes were seated around the roaring flames while Kotetsu gently strummed Christmas tunes. Blue Rose, intently watching Tiger play his instrument, added snowflakes to the night air and the scene had the majestic quality that Donald, the set director, had been counting on. In the distance, audience participants were holding little lights to simulate candles, which added to the peaceful mood.
Cain was still visibly tense. "Man, if Barnaby starts up with his dead-parents-Batman crap, we'll be sunk for sure," he muttered.
"Oh, he wouldn't say anything depressing like that-" Annette began.
"You know, I remember my last night with my parents-" Barnaby spoke up, his face glum. He appeared on the verge of yet another one of his infamous breakdowns.
Cain slapped his hands to his face. "Shit!"
"Hey Bunny, wanna brownie?" Tiger interrupted his partner, holding up a treat.
Barnaby practically tackled him for the sweet and it served to mercifully shut him up. Kotetsu enlightened the rest of the Heroes with his unscripted, and previously unheard, Christmas memory: "A few years ago I decided to surprise my kid for Christmas. I drove all night to get home and it was still dark when I got there so I got it into my head to play Santa Claus. I started putting presents under the tree and I must have made one helluva racket, cause I woke her up. Now, my little girl obviously takes after me because she tore out of her bedroom, saw this stranger stumbling around in her dark living room, and do you know what she did? She ran across the room and kicked me right in the nuts!" He added a dramatic twang! on the guitar for emphasis but it was barely heard over the other Heroes' laughter. "I spent the rest of that morning curled around a bag of frozen peas."
"There you go. A public service message for all you daddys out there," Antonio said into the nearest camera, brandishing an erect finger for emphasis. "Let Santa do his job."
That tale inspired the others to share their most embarrassing Christmas moments, none of which followed the carefully written, obviously rehearsed scripts Cain and the others had been expecting. Ivan, now in the form of Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation, was retelling his first kiss that had happened under the mistletoe. It didn't help his image when he let it slip that it had been with a school chum named Edward. Blue Rose, who was Jewish, commented on a conversation she'd had with her Rabbi about whether or not Santa Claus was circumcised. Excited by the conversation, and still practically a child herself, Dragon Kid excitedly told the others of Dun Che Lao Ren, the Chinese version of Santa that translated into "Christmas Old Man"-
"Hah! Old man!" Barnaby suddenly piped up, pointing to Tiger. He giggled madly. "That must have been you moonlighting."
"Not surprising. I am a man of many talents," Kotetsu remarked, refusing to be baited.
"Really?" Blue Rose asked breathlessly. She almost swooned when Kotetsu pursed his lips, pantomiming a kiss in her direction.
Pao-Lin went on with her tale of Christmas which began with charming family-oriented celebrations and ended with a fireworks display she had accidently set off with her powers that almost resulted in burning down her village. "To this day I can't look at fried chicken without crying," she remarked sadly while the others roared laughter.
"I truly experienced a Christmas miracle," Sky High piped up. "Santa must have known I was lonely because I woke up on Christmas morning to the sound of barking. There, beneath my tree and wearing a bright red ribbon, was a little puppy." He suddenly pulled John in close for a tight hug. "It was love at first sight. Thank you Santa, and again, thank you!" he waved into the nearest camera while the dog fixed him with a look that clearly said, "Idiot."
Antonio related the tale of his first Christmas as a Hero and having to work that day. He had stumbled into an illegal prostitution ring where all of the hookers had been dressed as elves and Santas. He finished his raunchy tale with a cheesy grin and a wave into the camera. "Thank you Mrs. Santa, and again, thank you!"
"I remember my first Christmas Eve with my young lover, Philip-" Nathan started to say.
"Cut to commercial!" Cain called desperately and, just like that, the fire scene was over.
Donald called over to him, "Agnes is on my phone. She really wants to talk to you."
I'll bet she does, the harried director thought somberly. "Take a message. Alright, Blue Rose and Tiger. Go take positions for your duet."
"Yay!" Karina said, running over to her piano. She began pushing up her bustier and waving the make-up artist over to help freshen up her lipstick and eye shadow. Nearby, Kotetsu was combing his hair back and paused to squirt some breath freshener into his mouth.
Cain was watching the pair with a confused look on his face and shook his head to himself. "Naw . . . couldn't be what I'm thinking," he muttered, troubled. "Could it?" He cast a glance to Annette who shrugged.
When the show resumed airing, Blue Rose began playing with an unusual flourish to her arms while Wild Tiger leaned against the piano, his long legs crossed at the ankles and smiling at the younger Hero as she began to sing, "I really can't stay . . . "
"Baby, it's cold outside," Tiger joined her.
"I've got to go away . . ."
"Ooh baby, it's cold outside." That previous sickly rasp to his voice was now a smooth, sexy purr.
Her eyes were huge and sparkling. "So nice and warm . . ."
"Look out the window at that storm." He hoisted himself up on the piano's surface and began to move closer while they sang.
"My mother will start to worry . . ."
"Beautiful, what's your hurry?"
"I ought to say no, no, no, sir . . ."
"Mind if I move closer?" He was up near the sheet music now, supporting his head on one hand as he smiled down at her.
She batted her eyes at him. "My sister will be suspicious . . ."
"God, your lips look delicious." He licked his own suggestively.
Cain and Annette were looking at each other in dumbfounded shock. None of that lecherous behaviour had even been hinted at in any of the previous rehearsals. Off-camera the other six Heroes were staring at the pair in complete astonishment, not one word spoken among them. A true rarity.
"Brr, its cold . . . It's cold out there. . . " Blue Rose sang, feigning a shudder.
Tiger leaned nearer to her. "Can't you stay awhile longer, baby?"
"Well . . . I really shouldn't . . . alright . . . " she breathed. White vapour sailed out of her mouth and he inhaled it eagerly.
"Make it worth your while, baby." His lips skimmed her cheek.
"Ahh, do that again . . . " Her hands left the keyboard at the song's end and quickly cupped his face. The pair suddenly kissed, a slow thorough fusing of their lips, both moaning in pleasure. The audience almost swarmed the barricades in their crazed excitement. Everyone was so completely stunned by the two Heroes' antics that nobody even realized anything was wrong until Tiger began struggling.
Nathan reacted first, grabbing a bottle of water and heating it in his hand as he rushed forward. "His lips are frozen to hers! He can't breath!" He poured the hot water over their joined mouths, separating them. Tiger gripped his scalded face and fell off the piano, screaming in pain.
Blue Rose, the water instantly freezing on her super-cooled body, burst into tears. The moisture sealed her eyelids shut and her howls of pain began echoing her partner's.
"Serves you right, you dirty old man," Fire Emblem scolded lightly, half-carrying, half-dragging Kotetsu over to where a medic was waiting. Karina was walking around blindly, arms stretched out and knocking things over, before Pao-Lin stepped into the frame and steadied her.
"Cut to commercial," Cain called out. He felt like he was about to throw up.
What followed next was supposed to be the group skate where Blue Rose's ice dancing talents were going to be showcased to the tune of the 'Nutcracker Suite'. While she was being treated by the medic, Cain switched scenes to Barnaby's solo instead. Recognizing his chance at redemption, the blond was more than eager to show off his talents. "I want to sing my song twice."
"What? Why?" Annette asked suspiciously.
"I want to make it extra-special for my fans."
Cain agreed to the odd request knowing full well that all of these commercial breaks had screwed up with their program length. If Barnaby could buy them a few extra minutes, he was all for it. Besides, there wasn't much trouble he could get up to on his own. "Sure. You've got it. Ready in three, two, one- You're on!"
This time there was no forgetting his lines as Barnaby launched into a flawless rendition of 'Blue Christmas', straying closer to where the keening crowd were reaching for him. Most of the younger girls were crying in the extremity of their excitement. The music looped and played again, and this time Barnaby added something extra to the lyrics.
"I'll have a blue Christmas without you-" He began peeling off his gloves.
"Oh no, no, no, no," Cain, Donald, and Adam were chanting.
"I'll be so blue just thinking about you-" Now the wrist guards were coming off.
"Oh yes, yes, yes, yes," Annette and the rest of the ladies on the set were chanting (including Fire Emblem).
"Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree-" Barnaby pulled his chest piece over his head and then fixed his mussed hair with a playful toss. "Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me." He was kicking off his lower leg guards. The audience shrieked their approval.
"And when the blue snowflakes start falling-" Off came the armor on his thighs. "That's when those blue memories start calling." He was just in his black, formfitting bodysuit now and ran his hands suggestively up his body, reaching for the fastener behind his neck.
"You'll be doing alright with your Christmas of white-" He undid the back of his suit and began peeling his top off, exposing his sculpted chest and toned arms. "But I'll have a blue Christmas-" His hands began reaching for the fastener at his waist. "You'll be doing alright with your Christmas of white-" The lower half of his suit began slowly easing down his hips. "But I'll have a blue, blue-"
The crowd finally had enough. They broke through the barricades and swarmed him in a single, frenzied unit. It wasn't long before thousands of crazed fans took over the set. By the time Rock Bison, Dragon Kid, Sky High, Fire Emblem, and Origami Cyclone managed to restore some semblance of order, their timeslot was long gone. That officially marked the end of the HeroTV Christmas Eve special. All things considered, Cain considered it a blessing in disguise and ordered the set to be packed up (and burned). The riot police were called in to help disperse the remaining stragglers until it was just the production staff and the Heroes left standing and looking around, like survivors of some disastrous battle.
"Man, I need a drink," Bison said at last. He was finally sober for the first time tonight and decided he didn't much like it. Standing beside him, his face red as a lobster and his lips blistered, Kotetsu silently nodded in agreement.
All of the excitement had helped burn the illness out of Pao-Lin. For the first time tonight she looked fresh-faced and eager. "That was fun!" Beside her, Ivan sneezed weakly and transformed into Whoopi Goldberg. "No, it wasn't," 'she' said.
"Oh, my poor, poor hair," Barnaby muttered, still in partial shock, a blanket wrapped abound his body. His fans had stripped him naked and damn near scalped him. He was looking into a mirror and trying to come to grips with the appearance of what was left of his once-proud blond mane. Until it all grew back, he was going to have to wear a wig.
"That's what you get for deciding to show off before my finale!" Blue Rose huffed, apparently back to bitch-mode now. At this point in time, she and Tiger were going out of their way to avoid any kind of direct eye contact.
"Well, I for one and so glad that I came tonight. I wouldn't have missed this for the world!" Nathan gushed, blowing a kiss at Tony whose eyes narrowed in anger.
Sky High was sitting on the ground patting his dog. "You were a very good boy tonight, John. Yes, you were!" The dog decided he'd finally had enough of this evening's insanity and pissed on him before slinking over to his owner's transport in preparation for the return trip home.
"What the hell happened here tonight?" growled a distinctly furious voice and Agnes Joubert stomped onto what remained of the set. Her jade eyes unerringly homed in on Cain.
"I'll put all the details in my letter of resignation in the morning," the director murmured, clearly exhausted.
The producer blinked in confusion. "Resignation?"
"Unless you're firing me right here and now, that is." He sounded almost hopeful.
"Nobody's getting fired," Agnes snapped. "I want to know why the show didn't run for the full hour! You cut production just when the crowd got started skinning Barnaby. What were you thinking?"
"I just figured, at that point, things were completely out of control," Cain said in lame defense.
"Are we talking about the same damn show? You lost control ten seconds into the start of the broadcast! The ratings for this special went through the roof-"
"Told you," Tiger whispered, nudging Cain from behind. The director had to submerge the desire to whirl around and slug him.
"Besides, I'm going to need you to direct the HeroTV New Year's Eve special," Agnes continued.
Everyone froze and gaped at her in horror. "Huh? Hey! We don't do New Year's Eve shows!" Rock Bison protested.
Agnes put her hands on her hips and leaned towards him. "Thanks to all of your theatrics tonight, from now on you will. That was comedy gold, people! I just expect you to draw it out for a full hour the next time. Got it?"
Cain nudged Kotetsu, staring at him with raised eyebrows, and the Hero wordlessly slipped something into his palm. The director walked over to his boss. "Actually, that sounds pretty interesting, Agnes. Why don't we talk about it some more in the morning?" In the background, all of the Heroes began to discreetly move off to their individual transports in unanimous retreat.
Agnes flashed a broad, cunning smile. "I'm so pleased you aren't going to argue. This will be a great production!"
"Oh, I'm sure it will. In the meantime, why don't you have this special treat we saved just for you?" Cain said with a broad smile.
Of course, he was holding out one of Sky High's special brownies.
~End