Belonging and Yearning Pt. 2
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the Twilight characters. The only form of payment received is in the form of reviews/alerts/PM from Blackwater fans. Here that SM? There's an untapped market here. I didn't buy your Bree book but there's still hope to snag another 15 bucks from me. Yea...think about it.
Darkness engulfs him but the lack of light does not deter him. Even though normal wolves have very poor low-light visibility, it's an added boost to aid him in carrying out his responsibility to the best of his capabilities. Despite his massive size, John is able to maneuver through the forest with such grace and agility that a hooting owl is left undisturbed by the predator's presence.
Stopping for a drink of water at the huge lake, he immediately freezes as his sensitive ears pick up the padding of paws. Curiosity overcomes him as he heads off in the direction of the wolf; he doesn't hear anyone's thoughts. His own mind has remained blank allowing him to remain focus on the world around him. Paul should be sleeping, Ted was working up at the resort, Leo and Gio were both working graveyard security at a factory. The fur on his hackles rise thinking of the remaining member of his pack – Leah.
It doesn't take long for him to find her, she's not running. The small silvery colored wolf stops as her ears shift around trying to pinpoint the location of the alpha. Walking forward he gently brushes against her but jumps back startled when a vicious snarl escapes her throat. The act catching both man and wolf off guard as it is an action so uncommon and unexpected from her.
She continues on walking, heading south; to the States.
Any worries are calmed for the moment as the alpha decides to follow the female to try and understand what is going on. Leah is always thinking of something, leaving her mind and thoughts out and in the open. The silence confuses John but annoys his wolf; either the female is blocking her thoughts or her allegiance has already shifted elsewhere.
The two wolves continue their silent journey through the woods, the main road avoided or quickly crossed and barking dogs are silenced with a growl. The male wolf grows anxious the further south the pair goes; both having long since left his territory behind.
The female is leaving.
The thought hits John hard and he pushes the wolf aside calling out Leah's name. She doesn't respond but continues on her journey. Pushing forward, ears laid back, he runs to block her path.
The female wolf pushes on, ignoring the dark gray wolf behind her; he's calling out to her and as much as she'd like to ignore him, she knows she can't. It's a yearning that she had thought faded a long time ago; maybe it was the woman's own desire to protect them both that has dulled the attraction? Things are not in balance, there maybe a moment of perfect peace back in La Push but it's only for a moment – it always is. She stops short, caught completely off guard by the alpha's sudden stance.
Legs stiff, chest puffed out and eyes focused solely on her, or rather the woman. The female knows that the man has taken over the wolf's body before her. He doesn't say anything but his movements aren't completely feral and instinctual. He releases a loud and heavy huff, his breathe visible in the cold Canadian air; it's an act of boundary declaration. She's crossed the boundaries and must return but it's not a command or an order. The man is trying to plead with the woman.
As much as the female would love to heed his half-assed warning, she can't. Returning his huff with one of her own, she moves to go around him but finds herself blocked. Again, she moves the other way and finds herself blocked yet again.
There is a duel going on between man and wolf, man and she wolf.
John ignores the wolf inside of him telling him to 'let her go'. He doesn't understand what is going on and why. But most of all, he doesn't care. Leah has joined his pack, she's a member of his family and closest circle of friends; he refuses to lose her. The soft, quiet idea that she may comes back falls on deaf ears; may isn't a guarantee.
John watches as the Leah's spirit tries one more time to get around him, adding a snarl in for good measure. With a rough push of his head, he easily topples the female wolf and stands over her. They all know that she didn't expect his passive-aggressive actions; she's grossly underestimated the human male. For a moment, the wolf inside of John comes to the front, excited and aroused by the prostrate female before him. The innate and inherit part of him, of them both, that suddenly has a strong desire to possess her, have her, mate with her.
'Leah, wake up!' John calls out, shaking his head of the last few thoughts. That's not why he allowed her to join his pack. 'Wake up, Leah!' John orders, his gold eyes staring deep into hers. The silver wolf's eyes narrow for a moment before they are replaced with a familiar softness to them, a bit of recognition and self-awareness.
'John?' Leah calls as she quickly sits up. John breathes out a sigh of relief as Leah's thoughts fill his head. Her confusion and bewilderment, easing his own fears and concerns, letting him know that it wasn't Leah that was leaving.
'Let's go home.' John says pressing his body against Leah's. The moment their bodies touch, both hearts race with the contact. With a brief nod, the two agree to race home and no matter how hard John tries to keep up with Leah, he can't. Her long legs carrying her away from him so quickly proving to him, that if she wanted to run away, to leave, there'd be nothing he could do to catch up with her. And that realization hurts.
Leah awakens with a short jump; her heart is racing, she's covered in sweat and there are tears in her eyes. It's strange but she's awoken from a dream that was more of a deeply hidden memory. Years ago, before Seth and Embry had imprinted, before Renesmee was demanding more of Jacob's time and she –
Shaking her head, she recalls getting up in the middle of the night seeking out comfort. Even though she knew it was futile, she still went to her mother and brother seeking the peace and security that would promise her a peaceful slumber. She remembers Seth's scent and warmth as he held her in a brotherly embrace, trying to understand and soothe her fears. After two failed attempts, she had no other choice but to head to her Alpha's.
Closing her eyes, Leah can remember Jacob's scent, the warmth and support his arms gave her the moment they wrapped around her waist, the rumble of his voice when he confirmed the reason for her presence. Leah feels her heart race double time thinking back on their tender kisses and soft words. It's strange but she recalls the moment vividly; at the time she was half-asleep, more like a walking zombie. She was only vaguely aware of the possible intimacy that may have occurred.
After that night, Seth had talked to her about 'running to Jacob arms' whenever her terrors occurred. She hadn't tried to explain to Seth that their alpha was experiencing the same dreams; why they never told anyone has always been beyond her comprehension. Jacob had already seemed disappointed that her family knew of her dreams anyway, it wasn't as if he knew what they were about. Being so close to one another did ease the anxiety and calmed Leah down immensely. Despite all of that, Leah agreed to stop going to Jacob's in the middle of the night. She'd already been through the heartbreak over one imprinted alpha and didn't want to repeat it again with the other.
Leah didn't want to risk things going too far. But now she has confirmation; it seems as if someone is trying to use the memory against her. To what end, she doesn't know. Is it supposed to be a reminder of a lapse in judgment? A call to go back to that moment; to go back to Jake?
"Leah?" Leah's body tenses as she's suddenly made aware of the warm body pressed against hers. "Leah, it's just John."
"I know." She whispers softly. Memories from last night rush back to Leah's mind; of awakening in the woods with John standing over her, the race back home and her climbing into her bed. She'd ask John to stay with her, that she hated sleeping alone after a nightmare and he agreed. Leah's always hated that after a nightmare she could never go back to sleep alone; it's something that has stuck with her since she was a little girl.
It's pathetic, really.
"Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" John asks, his warm breath tickling her neck.
"I don't remember it." Leah admits ignoring the tingle that shoots up her spine. "I never do." John only lets a soft 'oh' out as a response. The two continue to lie silently in Leah's bed; both enjoying the warm comfort that the other's body brings. Resting his forehead against the back of Leah's neck, John takes in a deep breathe, inhaling her sweet scent. Her scent, always sweet, smells like morning dew, pine trees, wildflowers…and cookies?
She must've eaten cookies last night.
"Do you want to talk about him?" John asks choking back a growl.
Leah rolls over onto her back, John pulling away to give her room, and looks up at John in surprise. Leah is well aware of the John-Jacob confrontation from a few weeks ago. Ted was quick to explain the situation to her and everything that was said. For a while, Leah was aggravated that John had upset her Almighty Alpha but then considered her Almighty Alpha's personality and moods. Jacob never really took too kindly to outside males; it was chalked up as an 'alpha' and 'wolf' trait. Wolves are a very pack-oriented, not openly accepting random outsiders and very, very territorial.
Leah recalls how Jacob's aggressiveness seemed to hinged upon the size of the new male. The bigger the guy that Leah dated, the more aggressive Jacob was towards him. Jacob almost phased when she brought a guy home that was only an inch shorter than his self. Of course, she didn't just stand idly and quietly aside letting her Alpha just run off her potential boyfriends. The two argued viciously about the matter and as much as Leah hated to admit it, it was a complete turn on that Jacob refused to back down.
It frustrated Leah that women were welcomed openly but the moment a new guy was brought around, every wolf was on high alert. Imprinted or not, they all took it upon themselves to size up her date and then wait for Jacob to intimidate the guy. Very few actually held their ground, only one did but that didn't last because then the guy got a job transfer to New York.
John had apologized to her for not handling the situation better; he was surprised by his own aggression. The situation had only proven that two alphas cannot exist together without some sort of hostility. Her Mighty Mountain Alpha couldn't be blamed for trying to contact her mother and letting her be aware of her child's state. It was just poor timing, that's all.
Leah had talked to her mother since then and learned that now all of the wolves knew she was gone. What brought about the realization, Sue has refused to tell Leah. Leah knows that Rachel's pregnancy couldn't be the reason because none of the wolves would actually care. Jacob and Paul, although in-laws never talked, she was there go between.
"Leah?" John calls looking up at her. "Do you – do you love him?" John asks, his brows furrowing and his frown deepening. He winces for a moment feeling a migraine coming on.
After getting Leah home last night, he had climbed into bed with her – a foolish move. She had immediately fallen asleep and he wasn't too far behind her, but then she began quietly calling Jacob's name. His annoyance grew when Leah rolled over, snuggling into his chest and planting soft kisses on his chest whilst still calling for Jacob.
"I – I used," Leah begins but stops short. She's never lied to John or his pack so why should she start now? "I do love him but he's got his imprint." Leah admits looking at John before letting her eyes drift up to stare at the ceiling. It's the truth, the God's honest, horrific and sickeningly pitiful truth. "I think I'm subconsciously a glutton for things I can never have." Leah admits with a dry chuckle.
Leah had felt an attraction to Jacob during the whole Bella Swan bullshit. It was a feeling that she couldn't shake and despite her angry, aggression and frustration over everything that was going on in her life, the last thing she needed was to fall for some love-sick kid. But, you can't help who you love and so Leah tried to define her love. She stood by his side, always being his friend, giving him support when it was needed or an ass chewing the time came. Leah was satisfied with being Jacob's friend and beta; she didn't need him to be in a committed relationship with her – although it sure as hell would've been nice.
Leah Clearwater loved Jacob Black but as she had told John, it didn't matter what or how she felt for her best friend. He had an imprint, a soul mate and she'd never be able to fight against that. There was a reason behind it all; she didn't get it but accepted it. It's the whole reason why she even dated while back in La Push. She may never imprint but there's someone for everyone out there.
Rolling on to his back, John releases his hold on Leah and glares up at the ceiling. It frustrates him that Leah has openly admitted her love for him. It's not that he's in love with Leah but he's aware of the attraction to her. Four months isn't a long enough time to start declaring an undying love for someone.
"Why'd you ask?" Leah queries with a sad frown.
"You were calling his name last night." John answers, his voice sounding deep and hollow. Leah rolls back onto her side facing John noticing the angry glare.
"I'm sorry." Leah whispers resting her head on his chest. Since her full recovery a few weeks back, the two have grown closer, physical contact lacking any awkwardness but satisfying a simple and basic need for touch.
"Don't be." John sighs, hugging Leah closer to his side. Neither is sure why Leah apologizes but it seems to satisfy them both for the moment. "What do you think about giving us a try?" John asks quietly as his fingers lightly graze up and down Leah's arm. "You can just say 'no', if you want." John offers when he feels Leah's head shift quickly; she's looking right at him. "It's nothing serious. It'll just be a date or two; probably awkward." John admits with a frown. "I haven't had an actual date in like…five years."
"I'm not a great dater either." Leah admits chuckling. "Lisa was it?" John slowly nods his head. He doesn't say her name much and avoids the name as much as possible. Surprisingly enough it's not painful hearing it come from Leah though. There's an unspoken respect for the deceased girl that John greatly appreciates.
In the last few weeks, John has spoken about Lisa more to Leah than he has to even Paul since the accident. It's probably because of Leah's quiet understanding of his pain; the pain of losing a loved one to something that could've been avoided or at least staved off. With Leah there's no pressure or questioning of why he hasn't dated since losing her. Leah has been hit on by every eligible bachelor on the Rez, he was the last one holding out. Since her accident, she's not been out on any dates and the thought of her dating other guys is…well, annoying.
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt." Leah gives in sitting up. "No expectations?"
"No expectations." John agrees sitting up and smiling at Leah. The two shakes hands sealing the deal; Leah can't help but mentally kick herself for agreeing to date a shape shifting wolf, the possibility of imprinting probable. John silently prays that a deepening of their relationship will be enough to keep Leah around and maybe take Jacob Black out of her dreams.
Elsewhere, a huge russet wolf sits snarling at the thought of a darkened wolf figure growing closer to his female. He groans hearing a light-hearted and familiar laughter ring around him. It's Leah's laughter that mocks him and lets him know that the strained hold he has on both their, human and spirit, souls is slowly loosening.
A/N: So here goes the latest update. This one hit me yesterday at work and I just started typing (while working; it's called multi-tasking - SUCCESSFULLY!) and kept on typing. The original chapter was much, MUCH longer than this but I couldn't piece together the revelance of the second half since it goes back to La Push.
This story idea, originally, started off as Leah's journey to find herself, her place and possibly love. Now don't think that Leah is just only out looking for Mr. Right or someone to cling to. Quite the contrary, she's...well she's just not. Trust me on this one. Leah and one other person will get to that pretty much fairly soon.
So everyone was wondering if Jake's dream sequence of Leah and some unrecognizable figure *cough, cough* John *cough, cough* was occurring at that moment. And your answer is yes and no. LOL. I know. Mean Kei. I hope that Leah's brief explanation of the dream was enough to answer your questions. If not either ask for one in your review or PM me. Unfortunately, if you don't have an account I cannot answer your questions so please keep that in mind. But just as a basic ex-pla-na; the first part was a memory being shared between Leah and Jake. Jake's dream/memory broke off and was directed solely to him. This is the one that Leah wakes up from next to John. So, the 'real' night terror Leah did have is what was pulling her and her wolf spirit back to La Push. The question is...why is Leah and Jake having these dreams? Why is Leah the only one feeling the pull? Is there some other force at work here? Mwhah ahahahah hahahahahahahahah.
And I'm spent. (XoX)
But, I really want to thank everyone for all of the reviews. I got 48 reviews for this chapter alone. YAY! I know there's still more of you out there. You know the more reviews a story gets, the more people will stop and check it out. Simple curiousity to see what the numbers are about. So pimp my stories by reviewing! There's still about 60 of y'all unaccounted for. *points at readers hiding in the back and narrows eyes* Yea...I see you. Don't think I don't know who you are. I've got names, peoples. NAMES! Oh well, I'm hoping that y'all will review at the completion of this story. ^_^ Looking forward to your thoughts.
Oh...upcoming updates: Decision and Leah's Propaganda. I've got the updates written and just need to decide on the ending and relevance like I did here.
LOVES YOU!