The Root

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters.

It's funny how emotions can change things; the way they can sit in the dark and somehow still find a way to grow and become something bigger, something completely unexpected. Emotions are like a weed; once they take root somewhere it'll start growing so small and will blossom disguising itself as something beautiful and innocent. But as the rest of the garden is left unattended is when the weed will take root and begin to spread, overlapping everything else around it. No matter how much hacking, cutting and treating you do, it's never enough unless you can find some way to get at the root. And until you find the root, you'll find yourself losing a battle against nature and yourself.

Leah sits next to Ted, a silence hangs over them and yet it is still comfortable; each to his or her own thoughts trying to find a solution to their problem and considering the words spoken to them. Ted knows that he lost his train of thought when confronted with dealing with Leah 'abandoning' her pack to start over somewhere; he regrets it, at least to a point. He just got so angry and looking into her eyes, eyes that reminded him so much of his mother that he just let it out; he's just grateful he didn't phase. Leah sits with a small frown trying to figure out why she's projected on. Why do people always feel the need to compare her to someone else? Why is she never her own person?

Taking a deep breath she sighs as she watches a bird dart across the sky. "Ted, you know I didn't abandon them, you know that, right?" Leah asks finally breaking the silence between them. Truth is neither did they abandon her…at least that's not how she feels about it. Ted looks up at her, a small frown still on his face but his eyes have changed; they are no longer hard, distant and intimidating but soft and sad.

"As a pack everything should work together," Ted begins as he looks up at the sky. "Everyone works together and when the job is done, all will stop as one." Leah finds herself surprised by Ted's words as they seem to hold some kind of special 'truth' to them; his voice even sounding more at peace than normal. "When we phased it wasn't all at once but it spread out with John phasing first and once he gained control and understood what was happening to him than Paul was next. It became a trickle effect of change, understanding, balance and control which added more and more support to those of us who came afterwards."

Leah sits listening as Ted's voice becomes softer and softer, there is warmth to it that has her feeling at ease and as if he speaks volumes to their world. However, the way the Iskut seem to operate as spirit warriors is completely different from the Quileutes.

"The main thing has always been 'balance' for us. I never had much of it after my dad got sick. My dad sometimes had good days, sometimes bad…other times he was great and the rest was horrible. We had to take everything one step at a time, deal with the symptoms and moods as they came. I couldn't handle the horrible days where my dad would sit in bed, moaning and groaning in pain, unable to find any sort of relief. I would run away those days and leave my mother behind to deal with everything. I didn't learn until much later on that because I ran away that I threw the balance off within our home. I left my mom to shoulder the burden of our family's pain, sorrow and misery. It wasn't enough that I was there for the good days." Ted explains.

"And you think because you weren't there for her in the bad times, that you weren't strong enough – that's why she left?" Leah asks. Ted solemnly nods his head. Leah scoots closer to Ted, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and hugging him to her. Their heads touch lightly as Leah strokes Ted's arm comfortingly.

Leah can't help but wonder if this is how the others feel? Are they blaming themselves for her leaving? Years ago when she first phased she wanted them to feel guilty and responsible for running her off from her home, her own land. But now…she left because it was time for her to go, there was nothing left in La Push for her. Isn't moving on a part of life? Or maybe it's something more because of what they all are?

"Ted," Leah begins before she frowns and thinks over what she wants to say. Comforting has never been one of Leah's strong suits and over the years there's been no need for it. No one needed anything but the wolf in her and she dealt with that on her own when the others were busy. "I don't know what to say about your mother, maybe part of it is that you weren't there to help her but you were also a kid at the time. It was an awful lot to deal with at such a young age." Leah begins.

"As far as 'balance' goes," She chuckles to her, "that's something my pack never had." Ted looks down at Leah in confusion. "There was always someone at odds with another whether it was Sam and Jacob, Jacob and Paul, me and Sam, me and Emily, Embry and Paul. The 'understanding, balance and control' that you mentioned earlier?" Ted nods his head. "My brother and I phased at the same time, along with Quil, and we phased at a time when the rest of the pack was busy chasing after this red-haired leech that was after Bella Swan. So, believe me, there was no time for understanding, wrapping our heads around or dealing with anything else. You had to sit down then listen, nod your head, accept it and get right to work."

Ted listens as Leah explains her first phasing experience with all of the yelling that took place before the change. How sick she was feeling, aggravated, annoyed and frustrated. Her cousin, Emily, forever coming over and trying to talk to her while her mother, Sue, was always barking at her to get her to listen to her cousin. Spouting words of 'love, family, respect' – words that, obviously, held no meaning to Emily was Leah's argument back. Her father then showing up and wanting everyone to calm down but somehow his words only made Leah angrier and Seth's quiet presence only adding to the frustration. He sees how her spirit was fighting to get out, clawing and taking everything negative around her to increase the power of her change. Until finally it was unleashed in the form of a light gray wolf exploding just as her brother was reaching out to stop her from leaving.

Both siblings were angry and phased at the same time, dealing vicious cuts on one another but that didn't matter as they were healed in a matter of minutes. When faced with another wolf, immediately before them and without having dealt with the anger yet the two attacked one another, clawing, biting, scratching, growling and snarling. This pent up energy was increased as the rest of the wolves were already riled up and excited, itching for a fight, as they were chasing the red-haired vampire themselves.

Chaos is the word to describe a La Push wolf's first transformation.

From there the two siblings along with the other wolf were gathered together and given the 'rules'. Sam was their alpha and they had to obey his every command, if they didn't obey he would make them do what they were told using the 'alpha command'. Daily gatherings at his house were required and you were expected to get along with everyone. Imprinting was explained, the legends were reviewed and patrol schedules were dealt out. You patrol, go to school, eat and slept. Not necessarily in that exact order but that is what their life consisted of.

She was angry at life, she was angry at Sam, angry at Emily, herself, her pack. She hated herself and what she had become but it was an awesome gift to the others except for Jacob and Embry. Jacob and Embry seemed most likely to understand but chose to ignore it or downplay it when she mentioned it to them. Jacob only cared about his Bella Swan and Embry would only tell her 'it's our duty'. Their attitudes grated her, the inattention and the indifference. So she lashed out; if no one was willing to listen to her or even understand then so be it. She didn't need them and she sure as hell didn't want them in her life.

Despite Sam's encouragement of togetherness she wasn't accepted right off the back. Jokes were made behind Sam's back about Leah's 'usefulness' within the pack. According to Paul, she was meant to be 'the pack's bitch' which was proven when she realized that she couldn't have a period anymore; no period means no kids – 'no kids means no need to worry about condoms'. Quil was forever searching her brain to find out as much about the other girls as possible. Seth just wanted her to do whatever their mom asked them to do. Her mom decided to cling to the first man that walked her way as she couldn't stand on her and to be added with the rez's view that mother and daughter, both, were just a pair of broken sluts catering to any man that was around.

Rumors didn't matter to the wolves as long as it wasn't about Emily since Sam made sure that he intimidated those people away. Sure the rumors still persisted and she, eventually, lost interest and/or contact with those doing the gossiping.

For a while Leah was isolated from anyone that wasn't pack related. The pack's emotions are controlled by the alpha and tune into with the 'true' alpha. It's an observation that she noticed when after her less than stellar greeting to Bella Swan, she was chewed out for being rude to Bella. The others were quick to go along with Jacob and encourage him to continue to pursue Bella. None of them could 'see' that she wasn't interested in him like that and that he was fighting a losing battle. She tried to tell him but he didn't want to believe her and told her that she was 'being jealous', 'proof that you're not over Sam' and 'you just want everyone else to be as miserable as you are'.

'Balance' didn't exist. Leah Clearwater does not bring balance.

"What about the split?" Ted asks once Leah stops and busies herself with plucking grass.

"I guess there was balance but it's not as if I had anything to do with it." Leah answers shrugging her shoulders and furrowing her brow. "I only got 'beta' because I was older than Seth. Sure Jacob said it was because I would always be truthful and brutally honest with him but really it was just a position given to me out of pity and to probably shut me up." She chuckles humorless. "By the time he made his decision he was about to imprint anyway. Did you know a wolf can feel when he's about to imprint?" Ted shakes his head. "They feel this pull and will mellow out a bit, do things that they normally would never do. For instance, Sam had picked flowers the day he imprinted, they were meant for me or so he had convinced himself, but instead was meant for Emily. Jared never paid attention in school but that day he was attentive to not only his teachers but the students around him. Quil, the day he phased, didn't flirt with any of the girls at school – that was especially unusual behavior. So Jacob suddenly picking a beta for a pack that he didn't want…only seems to fit into the pattern. Besides, his imprint provided him with the balance needed. After he imprinted did he want to become the alpha because then we could be used to protect her."

"What about the two of you?" Ted asks as he frowns. He hears what Leah is saying but it doesn't seem to fit in with what he's heard coming from the La Push alpha in just that conversation with John and also in what he's gleamed from Leah's thoughts and memories. The two of them were something more, more than what the imprint, she speaks of, should've allowed.

"Two of who?"

"You and Jacob, there was something more there." Ted clarifies. The two sit looking at each other for a moment. Ted notices a dark cloud fall across Leah's features for a moment before disappearing. He can see that she's about to lie to him before she even opens her mouth.

"We were alpha and beta, business partners," He chuckles and shakes his head. "Over time we became friends." Leah finishes up as she narrows her eyes at Ted's chuckle.

"Just 'friends'?" Ted asks with a smirk on his face.

"Yes, just friends." Leah repeats nodding her head. She's had this conversation before with plenty of other people; people who were looking too deeply into a relationship trying to find something that could never possibly exist. Leah shifts uncomfortably as the wolf inside her is urging her to get up and leave, put distance in between her and Ted.

"Yea, right. You're in love with the guy and you damn well know it." Ted states matter-of-factly. Leah's head shoots up to stare at Ted, her eyes wide and surprise written all over her face. "Don't look at me like that. You think about him a lot when you're not already thinking about John, worrying about school or how to dodge your old pack. You thought about him right after we killed those vamps." Leah looks down at her feet and fights back an angry snarl.

"Regardless, we are just 'friends'. He has his soul mate and no matter what I may feel it doesn't change anything." Leah admits softly as her eyes begin to sting. Others have accused her of 'trying to seduce Jacob' but no one has ever called her out on her feelings. Even Sue had only asked 'what is going on between you and Jacob Black?' Leah's fists tighten and her face begins to burn at Ted's bold statement and his complete disregard for everything that she's told him.

"Maybe it's because you never bothered to tell him how you felt?" Ted says shrugging his shoulder. Ted feels a smile spreading across his face as he's never had such an open conversation with anyone before whether it's about him or the other person. John and Gio have spent years trying to get Ted to open up with very little success. It's hard to explain but with Leah, Ted feels comfortable talking to her and even being open and honest with her. Maybe it's because the two of them are very similar.

Ted can smell the aggression rolling off of Leah the moment he came close to crossing the invisible line. None of his brothers ever felt comfortable enough to cross it and have steered clear of it but Ted knows, in order to get Leah back where she belongs, he needs to push her. He knows that she's going to be pissed soon, that they'll wind up yelling, arguing and possibly cursing at one another but it needs to be done.

"Don't talk about shit you know nothing about." Leah growls out.

And the cursing begins.

"I do know that you love Jacob." Ted states nodding his head. "Everyone else knows it but chooses to ignore it. John hates Jacob because of this love you've got for the guy." Ted states as his brow furrows. If John ever found out that Ted was trying to convince Leah to go back home, to La Push, and confess her love for her alpha, he'd be livid. "You should pick one or the other. We both know you can't have both."

"Don't you think I already know that?" Leah snaps. She looks away, her shoulders heaving, muscles tense and her fists clenched as she's trying to stay in control. "Besides it's not like I have a choice because it's already been made for me."

"So you just pack up your shit, well not really since you came here with nothing but the fur on your back, and decide to fall in love with the first authority figure that you come across." Ted states giving Leah a long side glance.

"It's a little early to say that I'm in 'love' with John." Leah states as she flexes her fingers trying to release the tension. "I seriously doubt that John is in love with me."

"Oh, okay…so you're just looking for a quick fuck." Ted throws out and Leah's right eye twitches.

Another line crossed.

"If I was after a quick fuck I would've been fucked already." Leah throws out as she fixes a hard glare on Ted. She bites her tongue trying to quit from throwing out a mean and spiteful insult at Ted, 'for a real quick fuck I would've just seduced you. Virgins never last long.' She can taste blood in her mouth as her teeth break the skin on her tongue.

"Say it, Leah." Ted orders as he growls at her. "You've got something really smart to say, don't you?" He asks nodding his head. "There's a reason why they called you a 'bitch'. What's the matter? Afraid to show that dark side of you? Thinking that we won't love you anymore?" Ted asks as there's a mock pouting to his tone.

"Shut the fuck up, Ted, I know what you're trying to do." Leah states as she spits blood onto the grass. "You're right, their reasons for calling me a bitch weren't completely unfounded," Leah admits with a dark and smug look across her face. "But I've learned to just accept it – everything. Sam was never meant to be the love of my life. I was never meant to give birth to children of my own. My life entails having a tail, never feeling cold and living a life of a creature that's only good for one thing and that's killing vampires. I have no legacy or gene to pass on. Sure maybe I could go home and just continue living out the rest of my existence looking over the rest of the pack's kids until they grow up, grow old, fall in love, have kids and eventually die; only to have the cycle pick itself back up again. I guess maybe I should just 'accept' the fact that my purpose is to simply look after cubs that will never be mine, run patrol by myself and accept that the only time anyone will pay me any real attention is when they need me to do something."

"Jacob loves you." Ted states. Leah's head whips around to face him so fast that it causes him to wince for a second. It'd surprise him if she didn't just now give herself whiplash.

"He loves me as a friend. Seth loves me as a sister. It's no different than any of the others."

"He's in love," Ted says but never finishes the sentence before suddenly there's a big sting on his cheek. His eyes are frozen in shock, unfocused, as he processes the realization that Leah slapped him.

"You really should think about what you're saying before you say it." Leah growls deeply.

Ted sits looking at her, still in shock, the hand that slapped him has now dropped to her side, her other hand is clenched tightly into a fist. Her chest is heaving, her body is shaking and the small hairs along her arm are standing up. There's a look in her eyes that causes any anger or aggression he'd have for her to dissipate – its sadness. Letting out a heavy sigh, Ted looks down at the ground beneath him. Sometimes the truth can hurt but he doesn't regret what he said because if Jacob is in love with her and she loves him then the least they can do is tell one another. The realization of what he's doing causes Ted to chuckle humorlessly. His spirit was definitely crazy to be trying to play matchmaker for two wolves.

"You're right, I should." Ted says slowly standing up and dusting off his pants. "I also think that you should think about what you're doing before you do it." Ted adds as Leah's brow furrows and her lips sticks out in a small pout. He smirks as she lets a soft, low 'sorry' escape her lips. "Here, I think you need to find the 'balance' within yourself and then you'll see exactly what I'm talking about." Leah's eyes widen at Ted's words before confusion washes over her features.

"A spirit quest, it doesn't sound as if your tribe bothered to do one." Ted throws out reading Leah's confusion and she slowly shakes her head.

"I remember hearing about them from my Dad when I was little. The boys always took one on their 12th birthday to help them learn about who and what they were to do with their lives." Leah offers up as she shrugs her shoulders.

"In our tribe, it worked out the same way. It used to be a 'rite of passage' but it's now something that's required of us 'skinwalkers'." Ted says as the two head back towards the store. "As a warrior and the only female, I think you especially need to do this. You may just find the peace you've been looking for."

"And then you can pack up my shit and send me back to La Push?" Leah asks with a small smile. "No, don't worry about it." Leah says dismissively as Ted frowns at her. "I get it. Women always find some way to stir up trouble, right?"

"Leah," Ted sighs as his shoulders slump. "I'm sorry about what I said but…you are stepping on my toes. How am I ever supposed to get promoted if you can come in, kiss John and I'm back at the bottom again?" Leah laughs at the comment while shaking her head. Ted fights back his own smile because despite it all, Leah was definitely 'one of the guys' and although she was prone to her emotional outbursts, bratty tantrums and used her natural God-given talents to get ahead – she wasn't that bad of a person once you got passed all of that. She just made him feel comfortable – and maybe that's why sometimes he just didn't trust her.

"Yea, believe me that's not something new to me. Paul, the La Push Paul, pretty much felt the same way when he found out that I was Jacob's beta. And just for the record, this is the first time that kissing every actually gave me a leg up over the competition." They both chuckle over the small 'canine' pun.

"I'm still not changing your number." Ted offers up as Leah grabs her bag and picks up her cellphone, pausing to look at it for a moment.

"Damn, I was kinda hoping that you'd've changed your mind." Leah says as she tosses her phone into her bag.

"Nothing doing but do think about the spirit walk." Ted says as he walks Leah to the front of the store. "You'll definitely find it an eye opening experience – it might even help you focus better in school." Leah nods her head as Ted gives her a brief wave before walking away.

A/N: So here goes the long awaited update. Sorry for the delay but had a serious case of writer's block. These last few months have been quite trying whether dealing with work, family, bills, student loans and school. So sorry to everyone for being away for so long – really, I've not read any of my PMs and it looks like I have a lot of catching up to do.

Hope everyone has enjoyed their holiday vacation and are ready for 2011. I got a Nook Color for Christmas and have been a reading fool. Actually I read two books on it: The Weight of Heaven and Pride and Prejudice. All the other books have been actually ink on paper.

I do have a partial update ready – well it's partial based upon the usual length of the other chapters in the past but I may just go with it in a few days. I'm just going to sleep on it and make sure that this is what I want to put out. So you all know what to do. ^-^ And I do have another story in the works but I'm done posting incomplete stories with a finished story idea. I'll only post stories that are completed! It's part of my New Year's resolution of becoming a better author and to stop feeling like a procrastinator.