*disclaims*

….

Tony was reading the first entry in Ziva's diary. This reminds me of when Pacci was murdered, and Kate asked me if I felt like I was invading his privacy… Well, sorry, Ziva, but I kind of need to check if you had any idea who was after you…

I never quite understood the concept of writing down one's thoughts, but I figured I might as well try. So here goes something. -

Since my return from Somalia, I have felt strange, almost I have been waking up from a dream. Maybe I had to tell myself that it was all just a dream, that it wasn't real, or I would have gone crazy?... -

You know what? I might have done so anyway. I'm not entirely certain that I'm awake even now. Maybe I should get Gibbs to hit me and see if that works… -

Tony laughed to himself. Ziva, you could have gotten me to hit you, if that's what you wanted.

Then again, I highly doubt I could have dreamed up Tony, McGee, and Gibbs rescuing me. That was just crazy… I have to go- Gibbs is saying something about a dead prankster. It must be Halloween week again. At least it's not another serial killer. I hope. -

Smiling nostalgically, Tony flicked to the next entry.

I think I'm going to get a cat. I would be able to leave it alone all day, and still get greeted when I get home. I need someone to take care of, anyway. -

The third entry had been penciled in on the next line.

Get this. I thought I would get a cat, and I ended up getting two kittens (brother and sister). I know, I know, crazy, right? But they are really cute. He's jet black, yellow eyes, and she looks just like him, except she has this white spot on her chest. I almost want to- m-* -**_+*_*_+*_-=-=*+-=-=

Ziva's writing and the next couple of pages had apparently become kitten toys, as they had been clawed, bitten, and wrinkled beyond Tony's ability to read them. Then:

The kittens got hold of my diary, and I completely lost my train of thought. Long story short, his name is Aries, and her name is Scorpio. So that's settled. Bye for now; it's time for work.

The next several entries were mostly Ziva commenting on the cases they had worked recently, or what her kittens were doing, and at one point some of Ziva's musing on the similarities between her and Kai.

We both had less-than-stellar childhoods, both became deadly assassins, and ended up getting sick of the whole thing. Except she ended up dead, and I ended up working for NCIS. That's quite a difference. Maybe she's more like Ari- hating the person (or people, in Kai's case) who turned her into a killer…

Crap. Now I'm starting to cry again. What's with me lately? I keep getting upset over- well, I guess I'm probably allowed to be upset about Ari. But honestly, I can't figure out why I'm having all these mood slides That's not the right word, is it? Ah, whatever. -

Tony kept paging through the diary. Mostly, more random musing on more cases, with an occasional cameo by Aries or Scorpio.

Until.

"Hey- I think I got something-" McGee broke off as he realized that no one else was in the office. Sigh. Abby, Gibbs, and Ducky are at the hospital, Tony's in Abby's lab, and Ziva… "Okay, Ziva, I'll talk to you, I guess. This ATMcam has a picture of a woman near your apartment right before you got- shot…"

He glanced over at her empty desk, feeling dejected. "Please be okay, Ziva."

McGee started to run a facial recognition Mcprogram.

Ziva lay on a bed, white as the sheet draped over her, her head swathed in bandages. Her long brown hair had been shaved off when she was brought in, leaving her almost unrecognizable.

Ducky was talking quietly with a handful of doctors in the corner; Gibbs and Abby hovered around her bed anxiously.

Finally, after what seemed like eons, Ducky finished his discussion. Abby and Gibbs knew right away from the look on his face that it wasn't good news.

"Just tell it like it is, Duck."

"They're still running a few more tests, but it doesn't look like there's much hope. They're still running some tests, but, Jethro- the bullet went straight through her head. Even with all of our advances in medicine, there's only so much we can do. We'll probably know for certain tomorrow."

Abby raised her hand tentatively. "What about the baby?"

Ducky hesitated a moment before answering. "Ah. Well, that depends on a number of factors. How far along Ziva is, for example, and whether there's any damage… There's a chance, but they haven't tried to check the baby yet; they're about to do that now."

Abby, tears threatening to fall, turned back to Ziva. "You have to be okay, you know that? I don't think I can take this again. And there's your baby, you know. I can't believe you didn't tell me you're pregnant. Mini-Ziva has to be okay. If he or she isn't…"

Abby wiped her eyes before placing her hand on Ziva's slightly swollen stomach. "Be okay, Ziva and Zivette. Be okay."

The cuts on her hands had been cleaned and bandaged, though they still stung horribly. But they were the least of her concerns. The hospital is too secure for me to break in and finish that bitch off.

She would have to think very carefully on how to avenge him.

Tony stared at the next entry in the diary.

What is wrong with me? I'm like five months' pregnant, and didn't even notice? Granted, I'm not showing very much, and I've somehow (thankfully) escaped morning sickness, but this doesn't even make any sense. I only noticed when I felt this weird kicking… Really freaked me out. Well, I guess that explains the mood swings- hormones, yes? The doctor didn't believe me at first when I told him I didn't know. I can't believe I've been getting shot at and pack

Stuff, Ziva, stuff. Tony rolled his eyes.

when I've got a baby to protect… How the heck am I supposed to work? I hate desk work, and if I go on leave now, that wouldn't be good for the team- they just got used to me being around again… I am NOT quitting NCIS after I just got back to it, and anyway I couldn't be unemployed and support a kid, and I don't think I can find another job… Well, things will just have to work themselves out eventually, right? But I have no idea what the team's going to think… -

The next page was the one with the ultrasound photo taped to it.

I got an ultrasound today, and now I REALLY can't believe that I didn't notice that I'm pregnant. It's twins! Or, should I say, they're twins. Well, anyway, there are two babies hidden in me, and neither of them is trying to get attention from me or anyone else… *()_+ Oops; I had the diary resting on my stomach, and one of the babies kicked, and now there's smears everywhere… Ah, whatever, moving on. I need a new doctor. This one is broken. Just kidding; I know I'm not allowed to kill people. But seriously. I just got done with the ultrasound, and he asked me if I wanted an abortion. I guess clueless male didn't pick up on the fact that I'm really happy? I almost beat him to death with the ultrasound monitor. Finally, I understand what Ducky meant about mother bears… -

Chuckling at the idea of Ziva beating someone to death with an ultrasound machine, Tony turned the page and realized that there was only one more entry in the diary, dated the night Ziva had been shot.

I think I will tell my team tomorrow. I mean, they're practically my family. They deserve to know. They'll find out anyway, and it would be better if they found out from me, yes? I know I should have told them earlier, but I didn't. I'm not sure why. Maybe because they would have made a different choice? I may never kn- -

It stopped there.

Author's note: I know you have a bunch of questions, such as if Ziva will survive, and what about the babies (now you know that there are two of them), and I will do my best to answer them in the next chapters. But I can't promise that anybody will be alive at the end of the fic.