I wanted to tell you why and not let you think I did it out of spite but out of necessity, out of need.

I killed my Mum.

Present:

Humanity, the word we use to describe how we act towards each other. Although I must say many believe that what is now right in the world has become the evil we all see but never tell, no one is exempt from feeling alone in their life. They may be the world's most popular person but they may still feel alone. There will still be a person who talks and hurts that person whether through words, rumours or actions. So I pity them. I am shown only pity in my life apart from anger but the pity is miss directed. They should be turning the pity towards themselves, because all of them can never begin to understand how wrong the world is, they don't even know this world is messed up. Because no one ever sees what we're all doing and no one ever sees anything wrong with the world we live in, so for the most part humanity is idiotic.

Would it be humane to say what I truly felt towards you Emmett, after so many years apart I doubt this. I truly doubt this because underneath my scars and burns and mask, under my hate for you, well there's love and although I can fight it and although I will never be able to tell you again. It's still there and won't go away no matter how much I want it to. But was it humane Emmett to kill my mum, you don't know the circumstances no one does of yet, I barely do myself and I was there, although I felt in my life I was an onlooker to what was happening. That's my question though; I feel that the things that happened to me could even be deserved, although to tell you the truth no matter how many times I replay that day in my head. I always come to the same conclusion; she would have been dead with or without my help.

But I don't let you hear any of this; I lock it away for further wonder in my mind. I'm not sure whether I will ever tell someone any of this and to be honest I think maybe that's the one thing that scares me. I know I won't have to suffer the physical pain any longer, but in the end it didn't cause me much pain anymore since the black welcomed me quicker each time it started. Emotional pain I believe is the worst, it scars and hurts and takes longer to get over it because whatever you do, you won't be able to block it out and forget. Like I said earlier I am not able to forget.

I'm still on the ground staring at you, I stare at you whilst you tower over me yet I'm not scared because you just stand there and stare. Even with the mask that you hide behind I can still see in your eyes the words you want to say. So I wait. I didn't want to hear it before, I backed away and this is where I found myself, on the wet cold ground on the outskirts of the forest. I wait. I wait until you are able to tell me what you couldn't say before, even though I was expecting excuses and maybe even lies, you shocked me. That's hard to do now, I'm prepared for anything now but I wasn't prepared for this.

Your mouth opens slowly and you say the words, I focus on your lips and block out the sound until I realised what you said:

"I was scared"

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, you were scared. I found this difficult to understand even though I'm prepared for most things now and I say I'm only scared of my own thoughts. This wasn't always true and when I met you I was scared. I was scared so much but you never asked why, checking my shadow, jumping at someone's voice. All signs I was so scared and yet you thought if you ignored this then it wouldn't be true. So I replied with what I felt you might understand, maybe even make you leave well this was what I was hoping for.

"I didn't think you accepted scared, you ignore me being scared when I feared for my life. So do tell Emmet what were you so scared of?"

You looked at me with heartbroken eyes, but I couldn't look at them and try and understand what you felt. I needed to hear them come out your mouth; I needed to hear you say why. It's maybe closure for me, although closure for me would be to jump of the cliff and land in the icy waters below I highly doubt this is possible with you standing there watching me. So in every good movie and book the suspense built until you finally opened your mouth and revealed what you were scared of. But again, I wasn't prepared.

"I was scared of you"

Authors note: please hit that little review button at the bottom, it even helps by saying review this story. So click that and review even if you say two or three words it just says if it's going well or if there's something to improve on perhaps. Thanks everyone for reading this story though. If you have any ideas to add to the story don't be afraid to tell me. I would also like to say that for my first paragraph about humanity I got a few of the ideas about this paragraph from SylvenSilence.

Thanks, Becky xxx