Author's Note: I am glad that you all liked the kiss at the end of that last chapter. It was really special for me to write, so you could say that I was very proud of it. I am ready to continue on with the story and give James and Lily many more moments together. Hahaha =)

Anyways, on with the chapter…

Charmed Love Chapter 22

December 13

Bedroom

I have not told my friends about the kiss yet.

I have not even mentioned it to anyone.

James and I have not even talked about the kiss since it happened.

And I have every intention of keeping it that way.

But all of those things are not meant to indicate that I am ashamed of what happened between us. I am just so afraid that I just imagined it. I keep feeling as though I am just going to wake up and find out that it did not even really happen.

Because you know that sinking feeling that you get when you walk up a flight of stairs in the night-time, and you can't see your hand if you were to put it up right in front of your face. Then when you get to the top of the staircase, and you think that there is one more stair than there actually is… The feeling of your foot just falling through air…. The sick, swooping feeling that you get in the bottom of your stomach.

Yeah, that is how I feel when I think that what happened on December 8, when I think that it never even happened.

And it is not even just me being a very insecure person. Because if I am being honest, I know that I have those moments. Those times when I think that no matter what I do or did, the results are doomed from the very beginning, simply because I have just having one of those moments.

I think that sometimes the kiss never happened because James has not even tried to kiss me again.

And considering the fact that he has trying to date me for the past, only God knows how many years, one would think that after he managed to kiss me that he would want to do it again.

I have sat up the past hour trying to figure this out. And it is now 2:37 in the morning, and I am still not anywhere closer to an answer that I was four hours ago when I started thinking about this. So far I have managed to come up with this…

He could have thought that he was just taking advantage of me considering the fact that I had just broken up with Eli. According to Alice, we looked as if we were really attached to one another. He could have just thought that he was using my confused emotions against me. He could not have possibly known that I had considered kissing him for the 2 weeks prior to the entire entanglement. And that it was only a matter of time until I kissed him.

It could possibly be that I am a horrible kisser. That is something that I never even considered. But what if it is true? What if the kiss was not nearly as magical of an experience for him as it was for me? I do not think that James would do something so mean for such shallow reasons, but then again he is a guy…so I guess that anything could really go in this situation.

What if, while he was kissing me, he kept thinking, "and this is what I was trying to get for how long?" And then he just started to wonder if I was really worth all of that effort, and the uncountable bruises to his male ego. (Which I must have inflicted by turning him down all of those times.)

Maybe, I should not have let him kiss me. Maybe it was just the thrill of the chase was what made me so appealing… Because some men probably think that after the initial excitement, that everything else just crumbles away.

Or maybe he just decided that he does not like me that much to begin with. The same sort of thing happened to me, only in the complete and utter opposite direction.

I only fell more infatuated with him after our kiss. And I bet that you did not think that that was even possible.

But once again… I, Lily Evans, being of sound mind and body, have done what no other mortal has ever deemed possible. I have become infatuated with a guy that is not even my boyfriend. Or exclusive significant other.

I find myself replaying our every conversation over and over again in my head. Trying furtively to find some hidden message encrypted in his casual inquiries of my health, happiness, and the occasional opinion of the weather or homework assignment. I keep hoping to see if he has been trying to tell me something, and I keep trying to tell myself that I just missed it. That would, in fact be true, had I not been dissecting every single syllable that he has uttered in my presence for the past 5 days.

I think that I have even been moved to write poetry. And it is not even good poetry.

It is just some place that I can write out all of my conflicting emotions, without having to worry about making sense, because it is not like I have to worry about people actually reading this. And in the worse case scenario, some English teacher will find this journal 14 years after I am dead, read it and probably find more meaning into average words than I even had planned for when I wrote this poem.

So here goes nothing.

One day it feels real,

Now I am not so sure.

It was the purest kind of pleasure.

But now I do not know what to feel.

I want to believe in it

So bad, but I do not want

To waste my time waiting,

For what might not even be happening.

I think of you all the time,

But I wonder: "Do you even think of me"

It is the most acute kind of torture,

Not having you here with me.

Seeing your smile is all that I ask for,

The brightening of your eyes

That can make me want to reach for the skies

Or whatever comes before.

I dissect your every sentence,

Memorize your every expression.

But is it one-sided?

Are your feelings divided?

Was that moment, only a moment?

Just a slice of pure heaven.

Enough to whet your appetite, and leave you wanting for more.

But not enough to leave you feeling any sort of satisfaction?

And as I ponder

Staring out of my window pane

"Is is possible to proclaim

That you know the mind of the male population?"

You may think what you like,

But I think that you are just on some kind of medication.

Don't worry. I am not planning on publishing that in any form of print other than what it took for me to write this down. And some of the lines rhyme, while others don't. I really don't care. That was just me trying to get my feelings out of my brain and onto the paper.

Oh, gosh I really do not have time for this anymore right now. I have breakfast tomorrow at 7:45 and it is already 3:21, I need to get to sleep.

Maybe, something will come to me. Or maybe I will find out that these past 5 days have just been a dream, and I am still kissing James in the Room of Requirement.

A girl can only dream…

Author's Note: Maybe, I am just a cruel, evil person, but I did not want to make it seem as if once Lily kissed James that all of her problems in that sector would just fly away in the wind. Personally, I think that it is more in character for my Lily to have some sort of second-guessing that plagues her thought even after everything should have worked itself out.

Sorry about the fact that this chapter is really on the shorter side compared to the other chapters that I have been writing lately. I wanted to try writing something that was a little more filler-ish, than anything with any real action.

I still hope that you like it.

Love Allison

P.S. The reason for the poem is that that is what we are doing in Honors English. I actually did write that poem. Tell me what you think. I know that that it is not really that polished, but that was really the point of it.