Author's Note: Do you realize that this story has been on this site for a YEAR! I was so surprised when I realized that because the time has just flown by. And I guess that the saying is true…Time does fly when you are having fun. So hopefully you like this "anniversary" chapter. =)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters created by J.K. Rowling. Never said I own them, never will say it.
December 22
Heads Common Room
Things did not change for a while. We still continued to stay in our own paths. Not avoiding one another, but not seeking one another out. It was almost as if it never happened. Not that that is exactly a bad thing…it is just that something like that. Well, I was not planning on ever forgetting those moments.
It became almost like a code that we were living by. Don't ask, Don't tell. Except for the whole gay-coming-out-of-the-closet part because obviously, we are both not homosexual.
But he was not saying anything about it. And I was not saying anything about it.
Most of the time that works, but there are still those moments when you just want to say Screw it, walk up to him and just grab his tie, yank him down, and kiss him with as much passion as you can possibly muster.
It was not until about three days ago that anything really started to change for the, well I think that it is the better. But maybe it is actually the worse…. In any case, James and I have been talking. We have just been hanging out and acting all cool and everything. And it is great, at least that is what I have been telling myself.
But then something happens that really changes how things will happen later. One of those moments when, at the time you might not realize that anything is going to really come of it, but later you find out that that is what put you in the situation that you are in.
Funny how that works, isn't it?
Anyways, back to the story. So we were hanging out in our common room in the evening playing wizard's chess. Which he unfortunately always beats me at, but never fear, I will eventually emerge victorious!
But we were playing and everything, and he had just beaten me in one of our closest games yet. And I was kind of ticked off at him, I cannot really deny that. I think my exact phrase was that I was going to hex him so badly that he would be forever incapable of having children…Something that really upset him for some reason. I think that guys get needlessly sensitive where their manly parts are concerned.
So after issuing that rather extreme threat, he got somewhat defensive. "Now that is getting needlessly harsh, no need to hit a guy below the belt." He exclaimed as he stood up and very carefully side stepped away.
"I think that it is very fair. You just beat the pants off of me in this game. I think that it would be the perfect form of retribution. Either that, or you perform the memory charm to take that game out of my memory." I said crossing over to him holding out my arms, daring him to call my bluff. Because in all truth, I would loathe nothing more than losing any memory of the time that I have spent with James. "Anyways, I still think that I should be able to leave you incapable to have children if I so choose."
"I guess that it is a good thing that none of my past girlfriends have had that same mindset as you, Lily. Otherwise, I would never hear the end of it from Sirius." He said in a joking matter.
However, his comment about his past girlfriends had the opposite effect on me. Instead of feeling complimented, I rather felt as though I had just been slapped in the face. It was true. I was not his past girlfriend. I had not been on civil speaking terms with him ever until this year. "Well that is because your past girlfriends are not quite like me. Because if you ask me, hexing your manly parts is starting to look more and more amusing as the seconds tick by." I said laughing weakly, hoping that he would not notice that this response took a few more seconds to get out than my past retorts.
"Well I can assure you, Miss Lily Evans, that that opinion is entirely one sided." He said rather pointedly as he took a couple of steps backward.
I saw that his hands were clasped in front of his pants, almost as if he could protect his manly parts by doing so. The very thought was laughable. As if his hands could really stop my curse if I had a very strong urge to hex his reproductive organs out of commission. I actually did burst out laughing.
That is one of the things that I love most about when I am with James. I feel as though there is a small part of me that just feels happier and freer when I am talking with him. Not to say that I do not have the same joy when I am hanging out with my girl friends, but it does not have the same electricity as it has with James Potter.
It is a truly singular experience, one that I would very much like to continue to experience for many months to come.
"Give and take, which is what friendship is all about. You win the game, and I get to hex your various appendages. I think that that is a very sound agreement." I said with a smile. And while maybe it is not the sort of relationship that I want most right now, but it is still something that not many other girls can claim. And that is something, right?
"You have it right Lily that is what friendship is all about. And I have another thing that I am willing to propose. I will do something of your choice for you, and in return, you will decide that you will see fit not to do any permanent damage to my person." He said as his eyes twinkled bringing out the beautiful collage of colors.
"Quite frankly I do not think that that is a very fair exchange, but I really did not want to hex you anyways, so I am going to let you off easy this time. Aren't you glad that you have a friend like me, James?" I asked looking straight into his eyes.
"Yes, I am very glad that we are friends. More so that you will probably ever appreciate." He said quietly as he gently brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. And that is when he did it.
He kissed me again.
YES! That was the only thought that I had as his hand slipped to cradle the back of my head in his hand. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in as much of his vanilla/cinnamon smell as humanely possible. His lips were smooth and comfortable. But most importantly, they just felt right as they whispered over my mouth; something that sent shivers of excitement down my spine.
I wished that I could stay like this forever. I knew that I would never get tired of these sensations, but I knew that it was going to have to end. And I knew that it was going to be him that would have to end it because as sure as God made little green apples, I loved this too much to stop it.
I took a small step forward so that I would be right up against him, but unfortunately my two left feet had other ideas. I stumbled forward, breaking the kiss off.
And James immediately froze, and I believe that he muttered some profanity under his breath, but all I could catch was Merlin's detached left earlobe, and I cannot be positive that that is correct.
"We should not have done that." He said grimly as he took a very determined step back from me. "It will just complicate things so much more than necessary."
"Why will it complicate things James? It does not have to complicate things. Not if we keep it that way. We could still be friends because there is no rule that says that friends cannot kiss one another." I said probably still flushed from shock and the kiss.
"It just will, Lily. Trust me on this one; friends cannot be friends who occasionally kiss each other senseless, without one of them eventually wanting more out of the relationship than the other one if comfortable or prepared to give. And I do not want that to happen to us." He said setting his jaw into a hard line.
I swallowed hard. I knew that he was right, but I did not want to believe him. "James-" I began determined for him to see it my way.
But before I could even get the second word out, he interrupted saying, "I will not budge on this, so do not even waste your time trying, Lily."
Now that I was not going to stand for, "I think that I have just been insulted. I was not going to be wasting my time, whatever you might think, Mr. Potter."
"Lily, think of it this way, if I thought less of you I would lie and say anything that would help me get into a romantic situation with you. But I value your honor and I do not want to cause either one of us eventual heart break." He said as he turned around to look out the window.
"You are not thinking of me James. You are just thinking of you." I spitted out, watching him intently hoping for some reaction. But I was disappointed because he did not move a muscle. "I have nothing further to say right now as I have just completely embarrassed myself." I said before leaving the room.
I went upstairs and decided that I was just going to forget what happened. I took a long shower and jumped into bed. Unfortunately, even as I laid in bed trying to ignore the pang of rejection that was swimming in my stomach, all I could think about was the kiss.
If only I knew then, what I know now…
So anyways, we both treaded on egg shells around each other for the next couple of days. We made sure that all our conversations were not about anything too personal so that we could somehow recoup from what he deemed would ruin our friendship.
We were careful not to have any physical contact, afraid that something would happen that neither one of us would be prepared to deal with.
That lasted until this morning.
But actually if you told me that something was going to happen that day when I woke up in the morning, I probably would have laughed in your face. Because nothing exception happened that would usually indicate that I was going to have an eventful day.
Although, I am beginning to realize that mornings of the days that really change my life are really never super good or bad. Most of those mornings are just regular days that you would not even bat an eyelash at.
Maybe I should start expecting something to happen on those mornings, if I am going to keep following this pattern.
I headed down the stairs without a thought really running through my mind. All I was really thinking about was if James would surprise me again with his mood swings, and that is not really saying anything, because according to a muggle magazine, I think about James as often as an adolescent male thinks about sex…a minimum of all the time.
But I knew that we would once again run through a very well known script, Hello James, how are you doing? I am going very nicely, thanks. And how are you doing? I am just doing fantastic. Etc, etc, etc. Nothing really special or exceptionally note-worthy.
Moreover, I usually have a few moments to myself before James comes down for the morning that I use to prep myself for the day.
Except that today James was standing at the base of the staircase that leads to my room as if he had been waiting for me to come down. This was a very strange occurrence because James is one of those night owls that would happily sleep half the day away if he was given the chance. And being the exact opposite, I am cursed with the inability to sleep past 9:00. So the fact that he was already showered and ready to go was a real surprise.
But I was determined not to let him see any surprise show on my face because I knew that that would not be a good thing. Because that would imply that I remember his sleeping schedule, and he does not need to know how completely crazy I am for him.
Prepared to go about our normal morning routine, I smiled brightly at him and asked with as much sincerity that I could show openly, "Good morning James, and how are you this morning?"
"I am fine, but that is not really important at all. I have to tell you something, and it cannot wait until later." He said looking at me intently.
"What is it that is so important for you to have me know about?" I asked half hoping that he would just not say anything because it is just hard to think straight when he catches me off guard like that.
"I don't want to fight it anymore." He said as he grabbed my chin and held it firmly so that I had no choice but to remain looking at him.
"What could we possibly be fighting? I know that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is really terrorizing the wizarding world, it is not like he is out to try to kill you." I said trying to joke around with him to get the somewhat wild look out of his eyes.
"No, this is not about Voldemort. This is about us; about this electricity that keeps humming between us." He replied as leaned a millimeter in closer to me.
"You thought that it would just be better if we were just friends, and we kept that possible aspect of our relationship shut up by lock and key." I reminded him feeling a blush stain my cheeks.
He exhaled really loudly, "Well, I am an idiot. You know that. I do not know what is right for this relationship. I thought that I could just ignore it, but that has proved impossible to do. I need this, Lily." He said as he pulled me forward causing me to (literally) fall into his arms.
And before I could say anything else, his mouth swooped down on top of my own, effectively capturing my upturned lips with his own. This kiss was not like the two I had received previously. It was not as gentle or careful. It was passionate and almost like a drug. I could feel myself becoming addicted to this feeling of complete and utter sensation.
But then I found that he was not kissing my lips anymore, and he was trailing kisses over to my ear. It was such a new thing. I had never experienced this before. When I was with Eli, it was just about him and his excitement. But this… this was something that I could love. I felt the sensation shoot straight down my spine as his lips reached my ear.
"I cannot ignore this, Lily. And I think that we both owe it to ourselves to see where this can take us." He whispered into my ear as he occasionally brushed kisses along my hairline.
I was trying to understand what he was saying. But I really could not string along a train of thought that was not getting dazed by his attentions. "I really do not understand what you are trying to say here James."
"What I am saying is that we should try to give this part of our relationship a try. It may not work out, but I would rather we know that it was not right, than wonder what might have been. I think that that would both nag at us for the rest of our friendship." He said pulling back slightly, giving me a moment to form a reply.
"I know," I said as I looked down to where my hands had clasped themselves together in front of me. "So are you trying to suggest that we should be what the muggles call friends-with-benefits?"
"No, I am not saying that, because I know what that term means, and I have more respect for you than that. All I am saying is that we can act like a couple, just without all of the pressure and commitment of a relationship… Does that make any sense, Lily?" He asked looking imploringly into my eyes.
And even though the rational side of me was screaming in protest, I replied "I suppose that we could give it a try." Looking up at him with a stronger resolve than I thought I could posses.
"Okay," He said. "Well. I suppose that we should go down to the Great Hall for breakfast, love" He continued giving me a quick kiss on the nose.
"Love?" I questioned as I walked out of the portrait hole in front of him. "I did not think that we would be using silly little endearments." I replied hoping that I kept my voice calm, even though my heart did a delighted little flip at the word.
"Well, we will be acting like a couple, so I might as well keep up appearances in public. Because we would not want your reputation to suffer because people thought that you would walk in the hallways hand in hand with me if we were not dating, love." He explained smiling brightly.
"Who says that we are going to walk holding hands in the hallways, James? I do not think that that is really part of this agreement." I said as I rolled my eyes at his behavior.
"Oh, really?" He asked as he quickly caught my hand in his just as we turned to walk into the Great Hall.
I looked up at him just momentarily glowing as I thought about how happy I was that I was with James. He is just so child-like and fun-loving. And for someone like me, who sometimes takes life a little too seriously, I think that that is a very important thing.
So keeping up with appearances, (if that is what he decided to call it) I leaned up and kissed him on the lips. I think that this kind of shocked him because this was the first time that I had ever initiated the kiss, but it was still a delightful experience. Still feels like heaven on earth.
"Merlin's Broken Monocle Chain!"
Oh, God. I forgot to consider how in God's green earth I was going to tell this to my friends. This should be every interesting…
Author's Note: So there it is…My Anniversary Chapter. I am really proud of it. Actually, I am just very proud of this story as a whole. I was really nervous when I first put this story up on Fan Fiction because it was my baby, but I have to say that I could not be happier with the way that you, my readers, have received it. You are all the best.
And I would like to hereby dedicate all of the various Merlin's (insert rest of phrase here) to my friend Kate (aka BookishBeauty94). I know that you thought that they were very funny to read when Ron said them in Harry Potter 7, so I am hoping that they brought a smile to you here.
As always, Reviews are most appreciated. =)
All My Love, Allison