Me: YES! I GOT AN IPOD TOUCH AND MY OWN LAPTOP! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [runs around the room, screaming with joy]
Private: [confused] What's an... iPod?
Kowalski: An iPod Touch is a device that makes use of digital, touch, and radio technology to-
Skipper: [slaps Kowalski] Quit with the science-y gobble-de-gook!
Kowalski: [rubs face (where Skipper slapped him) resentfully and grumbles] Fine! So unappreciative of science... [clears throat] To the scientifically uneducated, it is a device that the humans play with. You know, games and stuff. there's an amazing amount of practical applications too, I suppose.
Skipper: Can it slap hippies?
Random advertising commercial guy's voice coming from nowhere: Of course! There's an app for that! With the iPod, you'll never be lonely or bored again! Race cars, shoot guns, slap hippies, play with explosives, style hair or fur, bake, dance all night, play Nyan Cat; you name it, we've got it in the iPod Touch App store! Buy your iPod today!
Everyone: [looking around] ...
Everyone except Me and Kowalski: [shouts something about wanting an iPod Touch and bangs on the locked doors]
Rico: IWANNAWANNAWANNAWANNAWANNA! [regurgitates a grappling hook and shoots up through the hole in the ceiling, along with Skipper] !
Kowalski: NO! [sinks to his knees] Why? Curse you, powers of human commercial persuasion! CURSE YOU! EVERYBODY STOP! [no one pays attention to him and he gets trampled a few times]
Me: [facepalm] Why didn't I fix that hole in the roof yet? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! [bangs head on the wall every time the word 'stupid' is said]
[Everyone screamms with delight as the doors somehow give way and they all run away to steal/buy iPods]
ONE HOUR LATER...
[Everyone is sitting around with their iPods]
Me: Hey! Listen up! We haven't even started the truth or dare yet! This is a problem! Especially considering how we are LIVE ON TV!
Kowalski: [sighs] I'll go get the dares. [goes into a separate room and comes back a few seconds later] Ok, it's from Toon92...
Skipper: Truth. how do you feel about Marlene?
Private: Watch all 29 episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and then tell me if it's better than Lunacorns (which it is)
Rico: Blow up the idiot who decided it would be fun for teens to write essays!
Kowalski: Eat as much candy as you want! and share with Rico and Private
Maurice: You get to be the king for as many chapters as you want and Julien has to be your slave.
Julien: Do you know that the best kings are kind and generous and considerate to other people's feelings?
Mort: Are Julien's feet smelly?
Marlene: Have another fun filled day with the badger sisters!
Joey the Kangaroo: Why are you so mean and grumpy?
Officer X: LEAVE THE PENGUINS ALONE!
Alice the Zookepper: Be nice to the animals!
Everyone: have a HUGE fun party and everyone needs to have fun! (Even you Skipper)
Me: Okaaaaaaaaay. Skipper? [looks over only to find that Skipper and Marlene are hugging. Alot. Really alot] UUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM... I guess our first question is answered, then. Heh heh. Heh. Yeeaahh okay then. Private. Start watching the telly!
Private: [eagerly] Gladly! But the Lunicorns shall always prevail! [strikes an epic pose]
Me: Yeah, wonderful. [malicious grin] Rico, you know what to do! Go blow up that essay guy!
Rico: [crazed, even more than usual] JHDVB KIHQPOWEFUZJHBXJVDK JVND IKJHDB IDUH BIJ HBI CJN VDJOV NBDVJO HBD VOJDFVHDFOVJD CVDSFJV HDOIVJ NDV D IJH VIFUVHJIFVFD DFVDFIUVHJFIDUVDEFV FVOJIFVNRFE VFRIDUVFR VFRVINEFVIEUFRVDF VNF VIEJFV EFVDV DFVK EFKJVEFD VKFDV FJ GJ BGJ JGB JGBNHDVORFGJBNOFJI GFRB OIRGJNB FGJN BGJOFRNB KJFGBJGFJG KLJG FKJNGBVJFVKN GFBJ! [exits through hole in ceiling]
Me: [facepalm] Fixitfixitfixit!
ONE HOUR LATER...
Kowalski! Looks like this your lucky day! You eat as much candy as you want! Give Private and Rico some, too. [points to giant pile of candy in the corner] Unfortunately, your dare may have to wait, because the other two aren't done th-
Kowalski: CANDY! [runs over and dives into the pile of candy, devouring every piece within reach] CANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY !
Me: Hey, wait-
Private: I LOVE MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC MORE THAN LUNICORNS BUT NOT AS MUCH AS CANDY! [throws himself into pile of candy]
Rico: [drops down through the hole in the ceiling] CANDY! [jumps into candy pile]
Me: Um, never mind. I guess they ARE done their dares. While they're over there doing... that, I'll let Maurice decide how long he wants to be king.
Maurice: [slowly smiles] Hmmm... This could be fun. But I guess I'll only try it for two rounds. I wouldn't want to, er, upset King Julien. He can be quite... vengeful. Once this truth or dare game stuff was over, there's no telling what he'd do. Not that he COULD do much. [shrugs shoulders] But STILL. Two rounds are good enough for me, I suppose. By the way, why did they call it a... chapter?
Me: [a little too quickly] No reason. Slip of the tongue. Er, pen, I mean.
Maurice: Okay, if you say so. [turns to Julien] Your Majesty- I mean, servant Julien, I order you to fetch me a smoothie! No, two smoothies!
Me: Julien: Do you know that the best kings are kind and generous and considerate of other people's feelings?
Julien: I AM! Remember when I gave dat present to Amelia? And all da other times when I did the nicety nice thing! I AM NICE!
Me: WHAT other times? [Julien starts to speak, but gets cut off] You know what? Just forget it! Shut up and get Maurice his smoothies.
Julien: [huffs and goes into an adjoining room to make smoothies]
Me: WELL! Mort? Are Julien's feet smelly?
Mort: It doesn't matter because they the feet of the king who has beautiful, wonderful, sacred feet that the king has!
Me: Knowing Mort, we'll never get a straight answer, so I'm just going to move on to the next dare. Marlene! [Marlene is hyperventilating in the corner, with Skipper trying to comfort her]
ONE DAY LATER...
Marlene: I really don't remember any of what happened yesterday!
Me: Yeah, because you were outside the zoo and got all feral, like always!
Marlene: This is one time when I'm actually thankful for that problem I have!
Me: I agree. Joey!
Joey: Oi! Whadya want with Joey?
Me: Um, why are you so mean and grumpy?
Joey: Joey don't like you, mate. Bye! [gets in a fighting stance]
Me: Lemme out! Lemme out! [runs to the door, but can't open it]
Skipper: No escape! How do you like that now? [grins smugly]
Me: [punches Rico in the gut and gets a flamethrower] Ha! [raises eyebrows and appears pleased] This will work nicely!
Kowalski: Wait! That's not a flamethrower!
Me: [doesn't listen and shoots it at Joey] HA! [Joey freezes]
Kowalski: That freezes people in time! Allthough it'll wear off in about a day.
Me: Okaaaay. Moving on. Later I'll blackmail Officer X and Alice, telling her to be nice to you guys. Okay? Okay. PARTY TIME!
THREE DAYS LATER...
[Everyone is passed out on the floor after having a big party. There is a sign that says, "Tune in next time for another round of truth or dare!"]