The Fool - Chapter 2

You met Akihiko Sanada in the spring.

The reason why you were transferred to Gekkoukan High was never clearly explained to you, but it had to do with your housing situation. Most schools didn't have dorms, and the orphanages in the area were overcrowded as it was. Apparently, the powers that be had decided that after you turned sixteen, you'd be better off relinquished to the school system's loving care. Your case worker announced one day that you were moving, and that was that. It wasn't particularly traumatic- you'd been moved plenty of times, and it wasn't like you had any friends. All of your belongings fit in one shabby and depressing suitcase.

The city was nice enough, but the dorm was off-putting, in a similar manner to all the other free housing you'd been shuffled into over the years. You didn't anticipate making any friends here, either. Weird people lived in high school dorms. Mostly outcasts, and other people with no parents.

"You'll fit in here," Yukari had said cheerfully. She'd been standing in the lounge when you arrived, so she was the one who gave you the tour. "The dorm is nicer than it sounds. Or looks." She made a face, and added: "Or smells." She didn't seem like a delinquent, so you deduced that she had no parents.

"So. No parents?" you asked.

"Um," had been Yukari's only answer. Yeah, no parents. She offered to take you shopping so you could personalize your room a little bit, but you never bothered. Then you went into a coma for a couple weeks, so it's not like there was any harm done. As the school year progressed, your room remained aggressively plain- nothing but the standard-issue furniture, and some toiletries and clothes.

"You're going to love Gekkoukan," Yukari told you, over and over. "You should join a club! I'm on the Archery team." Honestly, you were relieved to learn about Tartarus and the Dark Hour- "it's all a front for a dark and brooding double life" was the only acceptable excuse for Yukari's needlessly happy mannerisms and behavior.

Then you remembered that people had called you perky before, and you thought that maybe, you shouldn't be so quick to judge.

I don't care about Gekkoukan, you thought passively. It's just another step on the long road to adulthood. And I'm going to get there anyway, no matter how hard I try to stop it. Outwardly, you smiled and nodded in response to everything Yukari said.

The school was nice- very clean, and new. Apparently, it was only ten years old. You were in the same homeroom as Yukari. She had a special interest in you, but you though she was just being friendly.

You awakened to your power only two short nights later. Yukari woke you up in the middle of the night, wild-eyed and frightened, and handed you a weapon so old it had to be an antique. When the creature- the Shadow- knocked her aside, you knew you couldn't leave her there. You picked up her gun- Evoker- you pressed it to your temple-

"Hello," the Chairman was saying. Your first SEES meeting happened when you were released from the hospital. "I mentioned him before, but this is Akihiko Sanada." The boy might have been handsome, if it weren't for his black eye. One of his arms was in a sling. His clothes fit awkwardly, betraying bandaged ribs.

"Hey," this Akihiko said. You nodded back to him politely. The other two students you recognized- your new best friend Yukari, of course, and Mitsuru Kirijo, one year older than you, and rich as shit. You recognized her family name easily. Either she was horribly estranged from her parents- you got a bit of a gay vibe from her- or, her life was perfect, and she was living in the dorms to rub it in to all the parentless and/or delinquent children.

The four of them gave you a run-down on the Dark Hour, and handed you an Evoker of your very own.

It was fucked up.

That was who you were, though. You took things as they came. If someone said you were transferring schools next year, you went with it. If someone said the real reason you'd been transferred was to fight supernatural evil, you went with it. You were the last person anyone should trust with a secret power, and the responsibility of saving the world.

You couldn't say those words to Mitsuru, though. All you could do was nod, and smile, and hope that you would stay alive. No one said no to Mitsuru Kirijo- you could tell that just by speaking with her. To her, control was everything. If someone were to shake that illusion of control- well, who knows what would happen?

The next person to join your band of merry high school students was Junpei Iori, from your class. He flirted with you the first time you met, and truth be told, you kind of liked it. You'd been milking attention from boys for your self-esteem since you were thirteen years old. Orphans didn't get much love from anywhere else.

After Junpei, the group recruited Fuuka Yamagishi, who, thankfully, fell into a support role, given her sickly nature. She was the only one in the dorm with a complete family unit, but she never spoke of it. Probably because she was uncomfortable dealing with Team Broken-Home, as you privately referred to yourselves.

Aigis and Koromaru joined at around the same time, over the summer. An android and a dog. Their literal inhuman strength made them an asset to you as a leader, but they altered the group dynamic in a way that was uncomfortable to you. Aigis, in particular, declared that you were her priority, and wouldn't let anyone else near you.

Ken Amada, an elementary school kid, joined SEES just in time to try to kill Shinjiro Aragaki, one of the original members. Shinji made it through, but he ended up in a coma.

So much had happened in nine short months, and it was all winding down to a close.

Right now, they were all sitting in front of you. Except for Shinji, and Aigis- Aigis, who was lying in a broken heap somewhere you'd never seen, and Shinji, lying in a broken heap in a hospital, wrapped in tubes and sheets.

You looked down at your teammates. They were sitting in a circle in the lounge, while you stood at the end of the couch. None of them were meeting your eyes. Not even Aki. Your boyfriend.

Ryoji was already gone. True to his word, after he'd warned you about the end of the world, he vanished, the moment he crossed the dorm's threshold. You were left with the scraps of information you'd been given, left to sort it all out yourself. And most confusingly, when he was gone, you felt empty, and lost.

If he was inside me, that makes sense, you thought dismally. A part of your very soul had stood up and walked away. Of course, there was the problem. You were sure that your teammates had seen the longing on your face when he left you.

Now, they couldn't look at you at all.

"What are we going to do?" Yukari finally said, slowly. No one answered. You knew that it wasn't your place to contribute to this discussion, so you stayed silent.

"It's not fair," Ken whispered. "We fought so hard to save the world, and now-" He choked back tears, trying to act like a grown-up. Fuuka rested a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. Koromaru nuzzled his leg. Ken sniffled, and turned to Akihiko.

"Have you made your decision, Sanada-san?" he asked, hopefully. Aki's eyes flitted up towards you for the briefest moment, before fixing back on the floor.

"No."

The ability to choose how you would die. That was the option that Ryoji had given you. Would you go out in a blaze of glory, or quietly, living in peace?

"I've never really contemplated my own death before," Mitsuru said slowly. You suspected that that was true for everyone in the group, which was funny, in a sick sort of way, since you had a habit of throwing your lives on the line every night.

"I don't want to hurt Ryoji-kun," Fuuka suddenly blurted out. Everyone looked at her, and she hesitated. "Can we agree," she said quietly, "that we don't want to hurt Ryoji-kun?"

"This isn't natural," Yukari muttered. She looked over at Junpei. "You're surprisingly quiet."

"I don't know what to do." Junpei was hunched over at the edge of the couch. His eyes were squeezed shut and his hands were curled into tight fists. Suddenly, he stood up, knocking the coffee table aside in the process.

"You people need to wake up!" he shouted. "This is Death we're talking about, here!"

"So, what do you want to do? Do you want to kill him?" Mitsuru asked coldly.

"I can't do anything! She's the only one who-" He froze. He turned to look at you, the first in the group to do so. You stared back at him. "Did you ever notice?" he whispered. "You had that- thing- inside you for ten years and don't you dare tell me you didn't know!"

You stared back at him with no emotion.

"You raised it!" he screamed, tears welling in his eyes. "You're the one who brought about the Fall! Can't- you- do- anything?" Part of you wanted to apologize. Instead, you stood strong. Your eyes were level with his.

"Stop it, Junpei!" Yukari hissed. "It's not her fault. None of us could have known." Your eyes lingered on Akihiko. He wasn't sticking up for you- Yukari was. No one else backed Yukari up, either. You were surprised. Of everyone in the group, you wouldn't expect Yukari to have your back, but somewhere inside, you were grateful.

"Her carrying Death is the only reason we even have this choice," she said softly.

"I know that," Junpei snapped. "But- but, I-" His rage was rapidly deflating. He collapsed back onto the couch, tore his hat off, and clutched his face in his hands. "I'm so scared."

"I know how you feel, Junpei," Fuuka whispered. "I'm scared, too."

"We're all scared," Akihiko mumbled, barely audible. He was staring directly at the coffee table. You looked at him, then around at the rest of your friends.

The price for living in peace, of course, was your memories. If you took the offer you'd been given and decided to kill Ryoji, all of your memories of the Dark Hour and Shadows would disappear, along with your knowledge of the world's impending end. The price was steep, almost unbearably so. Mitsuru would forget who had killed her father. Ken wouldn't know how his mother had died, and none of you would know why Shinjiro was in the hospital, even though you all saw him go down. Yukari wouldn't know why her family had been destroyed. No one would know what was going on with Aigis. For the two Senpai, years and years of their lives would be erased. Who's to say they'd even be the same people?

Your eyes lingered on Akihiko again. He didn't look up at you.

The other option was entering the ring for a fight you couldn't win. Did you have the courage to stare absolute Death in the face, and never back down? The question was hovering in your friends' minds, as well.

"Clearly, we're too mixed up about this to make a decision now," Mitsuru decided, after a long silence. "We'll meet again on New Year's Eve to discuss our decisions." The Kirijo word was final, and no one said anything to contradict her. You were already walking out of the lounge before she was done with her sentence. Without looking back, you headed straight for the stairs, to go up to your room.

You tried to keep your head clear, but Junpei's harsh words ate at you. He was right, of course. Pharos appeared in front of you dozens of times during the Dark Hour to warn you of "ordeals," and you never once stopped to consider that his intentions may be malicious. You never noticed the link between Pharos and Ryoji, even though they were both the same person, and he'd been living inside of you for ten years. You didn't pay attention to Aigis's repeated warnings to stay away from him.

Now Aigis was bashed to pieces, and it was all your fault.

"Wait," someone shouted. You turned around. Aki was chasing you up the stairs. All you said was:

"Hey."

"I'm so sorry," Aki gasped. He looked incredibly guilty, in an adorable sort of way. You kept this thought to yourself. "I didn't want Junpei to say those things to you, but I didn't know what to say. I'm just so confused." He took your hand and pulled you into a tight hug. Your nose crushed against his shoulder, and you stayed still for a long moment, before returning the gesture, somewhat delicately.

"I'm confused too," you said. The words sounded mechanical, even to your ears. You didn't say anything as he led you to his room. He opened the door for you, and you slipped inside, and sat down on the edge of his bed. His room was messier than usual. The bed was unmade, and there were clothes strewn across the floor.

Akihiko sat down next to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. You leaned against him gratefully. Your body suddenly felt weak, and useless.

Was it because you lost Ryoji?

"I'm so tired," you whispered.

"I'm sorry," he said. You felt his lips brush against your forehead. "I had no idea what was going on. We've all been leaning on you and your power, and no one ever stopped to think where it came from."

"It's ok. Nobody asked for this." Aki cradled you in his arms, gently stroking your hair. Around you, you could hear the rest of your dorm mates returning to their rooms. You were glad to be here, where you didn't have to face them. Aki spoke again.

"What's it really like?" he asked softly. "Being able to summon multiple Personas." Your eyes squeezed shut. All of your friends had asked you the same question before. The others would jabber on and on about their Personas and their special abilities. You, of course, were excluded from these conversations. Your ability was like the number zero.

Empty, but with infinite possibilities.

"What's it like only having one?" you shot back.

"Sorry," he muttered. He apologized too much. You didn't pull away from him, though. After a long moment, he decided to fix the silence by answering your question, or trying to. "Caesar's like... um..." He paused. "I mean, he's kind of…" He trailed off.

"A part of you that surfaces to protect you when you're in danger," you mumbled, paraphrasing Igor. "The part of you that emerges from your will to face Death itself."

"Yeah, I guess." He sounded surprised by your blunt words.

"Which part of you is he?" Akihiko took a long moment to think about the question. He obviously hadn't been expecting you to turn his quiet inquiry on its head like this. When he finally spoke, it was hesitant.

"I think he's my will to fight," he said. "I mean, that sounds stupid. But, my whole life, I've been obsessed with becoming stronger. Caesar can punch harder than I ever could, and he never slows down." You sensed he wasn't finished, so you waited. "He's sort of- God, this sounds ridiculous- he's kind of, the me I always wanted me to be. Back then." You could feel Akihiko's sincerity as he spoke. He was doing his best, even if he wasn't very articulate about it.

Well, if he could talk to you about his Persona, it seemed unfair not to tell him at least a little bit about your wacky menagerie.

You'd never told anyone in your group about any of your special abilities. You'd never told them about Pharos, or the Velvet Room. They wouldn't believe you, anyway, right? What was the point? But now, Aki was asking you, and you felt you could tell him.

"I don't know which Persona corresponds to which part of me," you said slowly. Honesty felt both unfamiliar and frightening, and you found yourself longing for the comfort of deception-by-omission; however, you forged ahead. "I don't know if they're all me, or just some of them are, or none of them are at all. All I know, is that every time I call out a new Persona, it feels like it takes that part of me with it." You closed your eyes. "Maybe eventually, there'll be nothing left." Akihiko said nothing, but he squeezed you tighter.

"I mean, who am I?" you continued, your voice rising. "I had Death living inside of me for ten years. Who knows what that did to me? Maybe the real me died ten years ago. Maybe no one's ever known her at all, and that's why I can summon all those Personas. There's nothing inside, so my power can take any form it wants. Maybe I'm just another Shadow stuck in a human's body, just like Ryoji."

"You're not a Shadow," Akihiko said firmly.

"I made Ryoji part human," you spat. "Who's to say he didn't make me part Shadow?"

"You're not a Shadow," Akihiko repeated. You laughed bitterly. Yeah, if you were a Shadow, Aigis would have noticed by now. You were just so tired, and so frustrated. There were so many things about your power that you didn't- couldn't- understand. Was that by design? How often did people stumble into this power? And, what was it meant to be used for?

"No one knows this," you whispered, "but the only way I can power them- all the different Personas- is by drawing strength from the people around me." Akihiko's eyes hadn't left her face since she'd started talking, and here, they furrowed slightly, as if he were confused. "Everyone I talk to. I'm not strong enough to do it on my own." Your voice lowered to a whisper. "I'm a poison."

"That's not true," he said. He was still holding her in a gentle embrace, and he began to rub her back, to help her relax. "Do you- do you draw strength from me?" You closed your eyes again, and thought of the different Arcana- of the path inside your own soul that Akihiko had helped you to clear, without even realizing what he was doing.

"Yes."

"Take it," he murmured. "I've got so much strength, I'm giving it away." You laughed. Your response was irrational. You wouldn't understand what you felt at that moment until much later, but what you said was:

"Don't make promises you'll regret."

"I could never regret a promise to take care of you," he said.

"Oh, stop it," you giggled. "You're giving me a toothache." Aki had, apparently, never heard the phrase. He looked confused, and you caught him sneaking a glance at your mouth, to see if you were actually in pain.

"Huh?" he asked. You rolled your eyes.

"Means you're being too sweet."

"Oh." He smiled. "Is that a good thing?" You nodded. Aki stroked your hair again, and leaned down to give you a gentle kiss on the lips. You returned it in kind, but when he pushed for more, you stopped him.

"I'm so tired," you whispered. "Can we just sleep?" If Aki was disappointed, he didn't show it. Instead, he lowered you onto his bed, and cuddled up next to you, his arms around your waist, both of you fully clothed. You were too exhausted even to change into pajamas, and you were grateful that Aki didn't question you. Just as you were falling asleep, he whispered into your ear.

"Sweet dreams."

You'd been given a boatload of responsibility that you didn't want.

What were you going to do now?

I was going to apologize for my uncreative story title, but then I realized- how messed up is it that there wasn't already a Persona story called 'The Fool'? I mean, come on! Based on Kathi's recommendation, though, I might have to change this story's title to 'Incest Necrophilia.'

Anyway, here's some emo bullshit, and Akihiko trying really hard to be The Perfect Boyf. The next chapter goes back to the start of the year, and focuses on fighting. I don't know how many chapters there will be total yet. I basically just opened up a word document and started typing whatever I felt like, and now I'm arranging it into a story. I've also discovered recently that like, everyone hates Yukari? I mean, I guess I should've expected it- every fandom always hates on the girl characters. But I mean, really? Yukari's totally boss... and I didn't even mind Fuuka, even though she's kind of useless. I guess I played enough Ocarina of Time and Megaman X as a kid that useless asshole helper characters don't even bother me anymore.

Oh, and I'm sorry that I paraphrased the group's argument over what to do about Nyx. I mean, we've all heard the full version before. I didn't really care enough to transcribe it, honestly. I say this because apparently, Persona fans are serious business. Like, everyone who reviewed the porn chapter posted an articulate opinion on what they felt FeMC and Akihiko's relationship is like. The KH fans are always just like "LOLOLOLOL SORA DID STUFF LOLOLOL WHAT. I LIKE AXEL. WHATS A HEARTLESS."

...Don't tell them I said that. ;)

Toodleoo~