John was genuinely upset he didn't get to mourn the loss of Sherlock over with Aris, who already knew the back story, but he did find a strange comfort in Hayden's demeanor towards him in the pub two weeks ago. It was that same demeanor that compelled him to return to his usual seat in the pub. Work hadn't particularly upset him for the previous weeks, but John realized that he really had the desire to make a new friend in Hayden. For the past year, his only friend was Aris as he never talked to his coworkers beyond what was necessary. Even contact time with Aris was somewhat limited because he only occasionally made his way to the pub while 221b Baker Street was his main refuge. John soon found that the loss of Aris' presence took a small toll on him. He hadn't known how comforting talking to Aris about Sherlock had been for the previous twelve months. He had long since given up on appointments with his therapist since the last time didn't significantly release any of his heartache.
Seeking solace alone in his flat didn't help matters at all. He found that he desperately needed comfort outside of his own mind. Someone to talk to instead of the emptiness Baker Street held. Occasionally he would find himself muttering to Sherlock about his day only to turn around to find Sherlock wasn't on the sofa, steepled fingers aiding his thought processes. He'd also hear faint scrapings of the violin in the middle of the night which theoretically should have comforted him. It kept him up late at night, still wishing for the miracle that Sherlock Holmes would make his return home. There was a tangible ache in his heart, yearning to see Sherlock again. He ached for the corporeal. Concrete. Solid. John wanted more than the glimpses in the corner of his eye and the faint stirrings of a violin in the back of his mind. While traversing towards the pub, John resolved to trust Hayden at least a little bit just to take some of the previous unrecognized strain off his mind.
Taking a deep breath, John entered the pub doors and immediately looked to his right to the bar to find Hayden serving another customer. Hayden looked up to see John close to the barstool he last occupied. A grin took up the space on Hayden's lower half of his face. "I knew you'd be back eventually." Hayden slid a pint across to John. John made a hum in agreement, as he took a comforting sip.
"I didn't know how much I took refuge in this pub until before now."
"I take it you haven't found anyone other than Aris to confide in?"
"No, no one. Aris was the first and only person I really talked to for the past year."
"Why, may I ask, don't you trust often?"
"Primarily, I was a doctor serving on enemy lines. Being in the war," John hesitated, "I put my defenses up. I didn't know who I could trust."
"Primarily?"
"Yeah. Then living with my flatmate-I kind of started to learn a few things"
"How so?"
"Well-he was great at observing people and their antics, and since I was around him so much, I began to pick up his ways of observing. Knowing if I could trust someone or not."
"You speak in the past tense." John stuttered. "He-we-well-we-"
"Sorry, Did I just—"
"No, I—"
"Hayden, we need you in the back."
"Sorry, John. I'll be right back" John didn't bother waiting, figuring he couldn't explain well just yet and left.
His troubles still unaided by going to the pub, John didn't head straight to Baker Street. As a year of being alone and avoiding all of his old friends had not helped, John felt a visit to an old acquaintance was in order. Molly was just a slight detour away at St. Bart's. He was not completely aware of the route he took to get to Molly's office but knocked on the slightly a jar door right away. Sensing John's sorrow, Molly quickly enveloped John in her arms. Her hug was the first comforting touch he had in a long while so John allowed himself deep breaths while in her arms and hugged her in return.
John broke their silence. "I apologize for avoiding you Molly."
Molly deflected. "It was the only way that you knew how to mourn him so I understand. We all have our ways of mourning. Though I don't completely understand why you're here today."
"I've been avoiding everyone since—since we lost him and I've realized that being alone didn't help at all. I wanted to go to someone who's known how it felt to lose him. I thought maybe just being in the same company who also knew him might help. You don't seem too distraught though Molly."
"Don't feel bad that you aren't completely together yet. I didn't know him as well as you John. Sure I pined for him but I knew I couldn't any feelings from him like he gave you. He trusted me. Only because he knew I'd reel out some cadavers or let him use the lab, but his demeanor completely changed around you. He may not have seemed it, but he was more patient with you John. It was a completely different kind of trust than he gave me."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I was stupid in believing he'd feel anything for me like I did him. I did my mourning awhile back." Molly lightly squeezed John's shoulder. "There isn't a set time for anyone to get over a friend's death. It's only appropriate that it will take you the longest since you were the closest to him."
John was relieved by her words. "Thank you Molly. I appreciate it."
"You know where to find me anytime you need me."
When John left the most recent text on Molly's phone was a plain and simple "Thank you."