A/N: It's getting a little obvious that this story is just reflecting my inner emotions. Woops. Enjoy.

Chapter 14: The Revolution in my Bedroom

Hey stranger, I want you to catch me like a cold

You got both of your guns; when you shoot you think I'd duck

I led the revolution in my bedroom and I set all the zippers free

We said, "No more war, no more clothes, give me peace, oh kiss me!"

"Hurricane," Panic at the Disco

Pam picked me up, me looking like a sad sack outside Wayne Manor; it was hard to discern the tears from the rain falling down my face. She pulled up next to me and opened the passenger door, "Get in loser, we're going shopping."

I smiled slightly. She was in a good enough mood to make a Mean Girls reference. I knew that meant she wasn't as angry with me as I had thought.

"Thank you," I said as I got in, and buckled my seatbelt, closing the door, "I am so sorry for doing that to you and Selina in the restaurant today. It was really stupid and I -"

"No apologizing right now." Pam cut me off, "You look like you've been to hell and back. What happened at Bruce's? Did you tell him what you wanted to tell him? Is this shit finally over? I just wanted to know if me wanting to throttle you was premature."

"Haha," I said mirthlessly, "I basically told him we were really over and that I was glad I picked the Joker over him."

"Ooh, shot him straight through the heart, didn't you, hon?" she grinned, "I like your gumption."

"I felt horrible doing it, but I was just so angry…" I said, closing my eyes, doing my absolute best not to relive what I had just done, "He really hurt me. Here I was, feeling like I had let the most perfect and honorable guy go, and in reality he was a dick, a huge dick. I'm pissed at myself, I guess, that I didn't see this coming at all. Knowing me, good men never seem to fall into my lap. It just never works out that way. I guess I'm just not meant to find that kind of someone."

"Wow, seriously, Harley? Wake the fuck up!" Pam snapped, and I jolted to attention for a minute, startled out of my pit of misery and woe, "Do you not see the man who is waiting for you at home, worried about you? Do you not even bother to think about him that way? Maybe if you just let him be a good guy, he would. You've gone through this whole thing thinking he was awful and he was never going to change, but you know what? I think he proved to you that he will stay with you through anything and you're just being a big bitch about it. I think you should, at the very least, give him a chance to show you that he isn't the man you presumed he was."

"How would you know?" I retorted, "You don't live with him! You don't know him the way I do, the most intimate details of his life. It's hard to be the one whose shoulder he cries on, and the one who takes the brunt of his rage on a daily basis. You're not his therapist and his friend and his lover all rolled into one. I don't think you'll ever understand how he is, so don't keep pretending that you know all about him and what kind of person he is. He's proven to me over and over again that he can't control his temper and he lashes out in the worst way possible. It's a little hard to forget that he killed my fiancé out of spite, ok? Oh yeah, and there's that whole issue of MY PARENTS DYING."

"Well, I guess I forgot about that part a little." Pam said, voice trailing off slightly, "But seriously, I got to see how distraught he was when you went missing. I was skeptical of him, believe me; I saw how he treated you and I wasn't his biggest fan up until now…but I saw how much he cared about you, how he only wanted to see you happy and alive. That's why he didn't call you at Bruce's. He wanted to let you make your own decision about the situation, and clearly you made the right one on your own."

"Oh, yeah, and what if I hadn't? What if I had continued to stay with Bruce and we escaped together like we planned on doing? What was he going to do then?" I shot at her, "Oh, don't look so surprised. Bruce and I had a back-up plan all along. Yeah, obviously now it seems a little stupid of us, but we really thought we could make it together. I guess I was wrong about him, and it really hurts to know that. I guess in a way it makes me feel better because the break-up was warranted and I really gave it to him for lying to me, but I still feel like shit. I still feel like I wasted so much time with him, thinking something was going to come of it and it never did. I don't know how I'm ever going to feel like I did with Bruce ever again."

"You will, babe." Pam grasped my hand, squeezing it, "You're going to get over this. Selina knows why you lashed out at her. She's not mad at you."

"Why the fuck should I care if Selina is mad at me?" I pulled my hand away, "Jesus, Pam, don't you care about how I feel at all? You're just happy because you're getting laid and that's all that matters to you!"

"That's not true and you know it." Pam said smoothly, not bothered by my outburst much to my frustration, "You know you're just upset and taking it out on everyone else so you don't have to blame yourself for your mistakes."

"Now you're just making shit up." I pouted, staring out the window at the rain and purposefully not looking at Pam as I said it, because I knew she'd see that I thought she was right.

"I keep saying to myself, isn't Harley a psychologist and shouldn't she know herself better than anyone else? And you continually prove me wrong." Pam chuckled, "You're so mad at yourself right now. You're pissed that you didn't see this coming because you wanted to be one step ahead of Bruce and he pulled a fast one on you, and I know you well enough to know that you hate when someone knows something you don't."

"Yes, well, I'm immature in that way." I sniffed haughtily.

She just shook her head, smiling to herself, and I heard her phone, which was in the drink pocket of her car, buzz a couple times.

"Text message," I remarked.

Pam picked it up, and read it quickly, and typed something back in response. She put it in her pocket. I peered over at her, "Selina?"

"What?" she asked, distracted.

"Was that Selina texting you?" I clarified.

"Oh yeah, yeah, she was just wondering when I was coming over. I just told her I would after I dropped you off."

"I don't think she's worth me and you getting in an accident because she wants to text you."

"Oh, stop," Pam said, "It was one little text. Get over it."

And with that, her phone buzzed again.

I gave her a look, and she sheepishly pulled out her phone, read the text, and then responded again.

"Now what?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

"Ew, you guys aren't like…sexting, are you?" I cringed, "That's so disturbing."

"We don't do that." Pam said defensively, "We're a little classier than you think. Just because we're lesbians doesn't mean we're down and dirty like that."

"I don't see how being lesbian equates to dirtiness, but thank you for clearing that up."

"Well, here's your apartment." Pam said, the car halting, "Are you going to be ok? Are you sure you don't want to spend the night at my place or something?"

"And listen to you and Selina make animal noises all night? No thanks." I laughed, "I'll be fine. It's just been a very long night. Have fun with your girlfriend. Tell her I'm really sorry about completely losing my mind. I don't think I'll ever be able to show my face in that 20-block radius again. They'll probably have some signs up for an escaped mental patient with my picture on them."

"Wouldn't be surprised if they did," Pam teased, and I shoved her in a fond manner.

"Whatever, Pammy; I'd better peace out. Call me tomorrow."

"I will."

And with that, I stepped out of the car and ran inside, climbing up the clanky, rusty stairs to our apartment. I had had up it to here with the elevator and its lack of being cooperative, so I resorted to the 6 flights of stairs to overcome. So far, it was faring better.

I made it to the door, and located my keys, opening the door to find the Joker sitting on the couch. He looked up when he heard the sound.

"Have you had quite enough of bothering poor Brucey?" he smirked as I walked in.

I merely glared at him and did not dignify him with a response.

"Oh, come on, you know I'm just fucking with you." He stood up, and embraced me tightly, "I'm not mad, in case you were wondering."

"You sounded like it on the phone." I said, finally breaking my silence.

"Well, Pam told me what you said in the car and –"

"Wow, you guys text each other now? Cute," I drawled, "I thought she was endangering my life by texting Selina, not you."

"Calm down, I just wanted to make sure you weren't slitting your wrists or something." He took off my jacket, "You're soaked. Why don't you go take a shower?"

"Sounds like the best idea ever right now." I sighed, and peered up at him skeptically, "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"I need a reason?"

"Yes."

"Because you told Bruce you were happy you chose me. That's the most loving thing I've ever known that's come out of your mouth. You don't say shit like that lightly."

What, suddenly everyone is my therapist?

"Well, I don't know if I really meant it." I said, flustered, "I told him that because I knew it would kill him. It was done quite maliciously."

"That's the way I prefer it." He grinned.

"Something I knew you wouldn't be bothered by that."

…

After I got out of the shower, I went into the living room, where I found him watching a slightly scrambled Lifetime channel. I could tell it was Lifetime because a Grey's Anatomy rerun was playing; he was secretly addicted.

"What season is it?" I asked, sitting down.

"Well, Meredith and Derek are getting married."

"Walk-down-the-aisle wedding, post-it note wedding, or in-court wedding?"

"The first one," he replied, looking a little disturbed by my Grey's knowledge.

"Ah yes, Season 6. Good year," I said, nodding sagely. As we watched, I absent-mindedly scrunched my wet hair so that it would curl properly.

"You can tell by looking at one scene? That's pretty impressive."

"I do my best." I shrugged.

He smiled at me, and nonchalantly put his arm around my shoulder; honestly, at that point I was too tired to complain and push him away.

"Do you feel any better?" he asked.

"Yeah, a little, I guess."

"That was about as vague and non-committal as I could have asked for." He remarked.

"What do you want me to say?" I said, irritated, "I don't regret what I did. I'm just angry that everybody seemed to know about this but me. I would have been better off if SOMEONE had told me about it earlier." I looked pointedly at him.

"Blame Pam." He said simply.

"I already did. She's not here, so I'm putting it on you."

"Well, that's a bit unfair. I don't deserve that. Out of everyone, I knew the least."

"Ugh," I groaned, "Whatever. I really don't want to argue anymore. It's just aggravating and only makes me more upset. I'd rather sit here in silence."

"I prefer that option, too." He nodded in agreement.

So, with that, 15 minutes passed by and suddenly he said, "Wanna make out?"

"No." I said immediately.

"Wow, that was quick. Am I really that repulsive?" he feigned offense.

"I said no."

"Are we ever going to have sex again?"

"I don't know." I said shortly.

"How do you not know? I've made it very clear how I feel about you, Harley. All you need to do is tell me yes or no."

"Jesus Christ, why are you bringing this up after I've just had a horrible and emotionally trying couple of days? I'm perfectly content sitting here with you, and you have to ruin it! You always have to fuck everything up by TALKING!" I stormed out of the room and into the bedroom, slamming the door. Yes, I know that I'm so deliciously pubescent.

After a couple of minutes, there was a knock at the door. I did not respond. He opened it anyway and stood across from me, leaning against the dresser. He folded his arms across his chest, "I know how you can release all this negative energy that's directed at me."

I stared at him, dead-pan, "I know what you're going to suggest."

"Yeah, well, you know it's true." He sighed, "Baby, you seriously just need to get laid."

"You are a liar! That's not going to work. It's just a cheap ploy to have sex with me!"

"Rats, you found me out." He drawled.

"I hate you."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man on earth."

"Now who's lying?" he chuckled.

"I'm not." I said firmly.

He exhaled deeply, and moved from the dresser to the bed. He leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of my hips, face dangerously close to mine. I tensed, not daring to look away. My heart was racing in my chest; I could hear it in my ears.

"You're sexy when you're mad." He said softly.

"Don't start with me." I swallowed hard.

"Come on, you know you want to." He said in my ear.

"Nope," I was losing my resolve, and fast.

He only moved closer to me, causing me to lean back to try to get away from him. Needless to say, that didn't work at all. He pinned me underneath him, "Well, looks like you're in a very compromising position, Miss Quinn."

"Yes, I suppose so." I bit my lip.

He searched my eyes, "Are you scared of me?"

"No." I said, and I meant it, "I'm not, but I just…I'm scared of how I feel about you."

He looked taken aback for a moment, and then kissed me hard. I had nowhere to go, so I gave into it. It wasn't that bad, honestly; in fact, it was kind of a familiar gesture, like I was with a childhood sweetheart and had been separated for years. When I responded to the kiss, he took this as an excuse to move his hands from my shoulders to my stomach, slowly running his fingers down my chest to my stomach. His fingers went under my shirt and worked it upward toward my breasts, until finally I just didn't care anymore and sat upright, taking it off. He wrapped his arms around my bare torso, stroking my back as we kissed. I ran my hands up and down his stomach and chest, almost recoiling at how thin he was. I could feel his ribs, and reminded myself vaguely to tell him to eat more. He pulled back for a moment, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I said breathlessly, "Just fine."

"I knew you were beautiful, but I forgot how much I loved seeing you like this…so vulnerable and…"

"Naked." I said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, that would be it." He smiled, rubbing my neck, "You're so beautiful. I don't think I've ever seen anyone more beautiful in my entire life."

"I don't think that's true." I shyly buried my head into his chest. My old insecurities came out.

"Believe me." He said, grasping my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye, "I see you like no one else sees you, Harleen."

Ok, so sue me, but when guys say sweet things like this to you, it is very difficult not to give in.

And give in, I did. I suppose I released a lot of my pent-up emotions and feelings about the situation, about how long I wanted this but couldn't have it, but couldn't allow myself to have it. I didn't think I could ever be happy again, but there was a fleeting moment, looking into his blood-shot yet bright eyes, that maybe I could be. Maybe everything that happened with Bruce would go away eventually, that those feelings of complete hopelessness and loss would fade. I wanted so badly to just feel loved again that I had to give in, no matter if I was going to regret it or not. I didn't know if I loved him, but I knew that this had to happen to get past any issues we had. If that sounds crazy…I know. I've given up hope on any last bit of sanity that I may have possessed up to this point.

I lay there, staring up at the ceiling fan for the longest time, just watching it slow and quicken. I didn't want to say anything to ruin the moment. He was asleep next to me, as men seem to do. I stared at his bare back, muscles stretching as he breathed heavily in his sleep. I felt a surge of emotion that I couldn't seem to express before. I didn't want to leave this bed, didn't want the morning to come because then we would have to go on, dealing with the consequences of what we had done.

I knew right now that I couldn't allow myself to love him, because that would be too soon. I knew I was incredibly stupid for having sex with him so soon after leaving Bruce, but I remembered how big of a dick Bruce was and I felt my blood boil. God, that ass-hole pretending he was this perfect boyfriend. I shook my head, trying to shake it off. He wasn't worth thinking about anymore, but yet I couldn't help but feel so betrayed. I had spent so long fighting my real feelings to make my life better, to believe that I was worthy of someone like Bruce, someone like me. I wasn't a 16-year-old anymore, living in a fantasy that I would someday marry some obscenely wealthy doctor who would buy me ponies and treat me like a princess. Those days were long gone. I had been through hell and back and the Joker had been there through all of it, and that was something I couldn't ignore.

I decided to sleep on it. Maybe I would love him in the morning.