A/N: Finally filling in that cliffhanger! I know you're all waiting for bated breath...or at least I hope you are. My winter break for college is coming up and that either means there will be quick updates or none at all. We'll see how busy I am with work and all that business. Rockin' it. R&R my loyal readers!

Chapter 16: Just a Shot Away

Oh, a storm is threatening

My very life today

If don't get some shelter,

Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away

War, children, it's just a shot away

"Gimme Shelter", the Rolling Stones

"…the day I had…" my voice trailed off as both of the men shot dirty looks at me, "Um…may I just ask what the flying fuck is going on here?"

"Babe, you'd better just get out of here now before I blow this guy's motherfucking brains out." The Joker said through gritted teeth.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's hold up a second," I said, putting down my purse and my shopping bags, "Put the gun down and let's talk about it."

"Don't go all psychotherapy on me, Harley," the Joker snapped, "You told me what this guy did to you, and I'm going to kill him."

Bane, meanwhile, was just sitting there as calm as a cucumber, which I couldn't seem to figure out for the life of me, "Hey man, I deserve it. If you want to kill me, kill me."

The Joker was not pleased with this; he liked the victim to at least put up a fight; the gun shook violently in his hand from fury, "You son of a bitch, you strangled my girlfriend!"

"We haven't exactly established the nature of our relationship." I pointed out.

He whipped his head toward me, snarling, "That's neither here nor there, dear." His lip curled over the last word.

"And he didn't technically strangle me. I would be dead if he did. He just attempted to choke me and it kind of hurt, but…" I stopped when I saw the look of death the Joker was giving me, and I walked over to him, putting my hand on his wrist, "Can we let the person with a doctorate degree in psychology handle this one?"

"You're going to use that against me for the rest of my life, aren't you?" the Joker asked, face dead-pan.

"You bet your ass I am." I replied, "Can you put the gun down now?"

I turned to Bane, "Unless you have a weapon on you."

Bane turned out his pockets, "I'm clean."

"Ok, then put down your gun." I instructed, and the Joker reluctantly did as I said. I gestured for Bane to sit down on the couch and he obliged. I perched myself on the coffee table across from him, and the Joker stood behind me, his hands protectively on my shoulders.

I then asked Bane calmly, "Ok, so what are you doing here? Or more importantly, how did you find out where we lived?"

"I will explain the first part, but the second part is easier to answer; the answer is that I have my ways of finding out these things."

"Um, I don't accept that response. Who specifically told you where we live?"

"I am not at liberty to say." He said cryptically.

"Hilarious, but seriously, you need to tell me. You are in a position where you have to comply." I gestured at the man standing behind me with the gun in his back pocket, "This guy here is not very patient."

"I noticed," Bane said, peering anxiously at the Joker, "Look, I just came here to apologize for what I did. I only kidnapped you to get Bruce's attention; I was not aware that you and the clown were together or whatever you guys are to each other. Either way, I did not anticipate him getting involved. I know that it probably was not the best way to handle the situation, and that I could have approached Bruce myself, but I figured he wouldn't take the time to listen to me. He'd probably think I was some psycho or something."

"I guess that makes sense." I affirmed, "Go on."

Ok, so let me just point out that normal people wouldn't react this way; I was a psychologist and was used to hearing these sorts of mental delusionary experiences. Generally, men like the Joker and Bane do not see the world rationally and think that socially deviant acts are more appropriate. They just have a completely different sense of reality than we do. The Joker once told me that he believed he saw the world as it could be, and that he saw it the way he wanted to and he intended to make the world the way he saw it. Yeah, it's a little…oh, I don't know…insane and deranged, but you have to admit, at least he's a functional homicidal maniac.

"Alright, well, I also wanted to apologize for choking you. Unfortunately, I have serious anger management issues that, as you know, are a result of some chemical imbalances in my brain from exposure to an untested drug. Honestly, things that make me angry get intensified to the point of me not actually knowing that I am lashing out. It's something that I really just can't control, and again I'm sorry for doing that. I don't hurt women. I respect women. I especially respect you, Miss Quinzel. You took your kidnapping like a pro." Bane remarked.

"Oh, well, thank you, I guess." Wait, I was flattered by this? Fuck I am weird.

"Let me interject," I looked up at Mr. J as he started talking, "I guess I understand your point and I didn't know about the chemical stuff, but I still am having trouble getting over the fact that you threatened her with violence. And obviously she took her kidnapping well; she learned from the best. Harley's been in situations that no one could even imagine and she is probably the strongest woman I have ever met."

I put a hand over my heart, "What a softie."

"Don't repeat anything I say in this room or I will cut your spinal cord in half." He said shortly.

"Well, if only for a brief, shining moment." I shrugged.

"What a cute couple," Bane drawled, raising an eyebrow.

"We aren't a couple." I corrected.

"Will you stop saying that?" the Joker hissed, "Use it to your advantage."

"There is no way that having a relationship with you is advantageous for me." I said dismissively and turned back to Bane, "Please continue."

"Well, remember what I told you about Bruce and me?" Bane asked in a low voice, glancing up conspiratorially at the Joker, who looked completely confused. It was a great look on him, I assure you. He doesn't look confused often; so when he does, it's pretty hilarious.

I nodded in acknowledgment, "Right. What did you find out?"

"Well, I had it investigated, and it turns out that it isn't true." He said, sighing, "I really thought I had something there, but I guess I will just have to keep searching for my father. I really can't imagine why he'd abandon my mom, but somehow I rationalized it in my head that it could have been him, and when I found out Bruce and I could have been – you know – I was so excited because I actually could have people. You know…real people around me."

"Oh wow, that's a shame." I said, crestfallen, "In some weird way, I had sort of hoped it was true. Everyone needs people. I don't have them anymore and I miss them every day, so I feel for you."

"Thanks, Harley, I appreciate your sympathy. I know you understand."

The Joker watched this exchange, looking hard like he was trying to figure out what we could have been talking about, and I thought it would be funnier just to leave him in the dark for a while.

"Have you told Bruce about it?"

"Well, yeah, he was the one who ordered the test. He hasn't talked to me since we found out."

"I'm sure that hurts you." I commented.

"Well, yes, a bit." He admitted, "I guess deep down what I really wanted was someone to at least care about me. I haven't had any people in a really long time, not since I got out of prison. That Jesuit priest I told you about died a while ago. It was why I came to the United States; that and…well, that whole thing with Bruce too…and I guess I felt like I had some kind of purpose and I feel really lost now. It's a bit rough. I don't know what else to do."

"You have a reason to be here. I don't think you should be exerting violence on people just because you have no…" I hesitated and used the word we had been using instead, "…people right now. It doesn't mean you had to kidnap me, either."

"I told you, I honestly can't control it." He reached in his pocket, and the Joker immediately lifted his gun. Bane looked up at him, "Dude, it's not a gun."

Bane then pulled out a syringe and the Joker rushed to his side, holding the gun to his neck, "If you even put that near my Harley, I will blow your brains out."

"It's my medicine." Bane said calmly, "It keeps me under control. It's only when I forget that I go a little crazy. I guess it happens more than it should. I wish I could figure out what makes me get so angry, and when I am that angry I just go into this blind rage and I don't even know what I'm doing. The medicine usually regulates my anger but not all the time. The researchers at my company are trying to work on the best formula."

"That's rough." I said, "I hope they can. You make yourself sound like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or something."

He chuckled a little, "I guess I do, don't I? Anyway, I really wanted to tell you that I was sorry for what I did and wanted to make sure you were ok about you know…the whole killing that guy thing."

I glanced surreptitiously at the Joker, "Yeah, we've worked that out. I still feel really bad about it, though. No matter how many people you kill, it doesn't get easier."

"It does for me." The Joker said matter-of-factly.

"Well, you're fucking insane." I said smoothly, and turned back to Bane, "I think you and I might still have some morals, unlike this guy. I don't think I'll necessarily forgive you by any means for kidnapping me, but I know that you have your own problems to deal with. As long as you promise never to come here again, I think I can let it go for now."

"Really?" he looked so hopeful that I almost felt bad for him, but then I remembered how he smacked me around and I couldn't really feel too much pity.

"Yes, really," I smiled half-heartedly, "Can you please just go, though? You're kind of stressing me out by being here."

"Of course," Bane said, standing up. The Joker instinctively held up his gun, and Bane raised an eyebrow, "Seriously, man? I am just going to leave. The lady asked me to leave, and I am leaving. You don't have to point that at me."

"Yes, I do."

Bane glanced over at me, "I have to wonder why you are dating this guy, but I feel like that's for another day. Thanks again for listening to me, Harley, and pretty much saving me from getting my ass killed."

"No problem," I shrugged nonchalantly, "I do my best to be a peacekeeper."

"And you do a very good job of it." He smiled, "Alright, well, I'd best be going."

"Bye," I said as he walked out of the apartment and closed the door. I locked it behind him, and turned sharply to face the Joker, "Why do you have to be so impulsive? The guy was just coming here to apologize and then I have to clean up your mess! You were going to kill him for fuck's sake! Don't you realize how mentally unstable he is?"

"I didn't even know what the hell you two were talking about." He said, sulking, "I don't like you having secrets."

"You want to know what the big secret is? He thought Bruce was his half-brother but they took a paternity test and he isn't. The man is disappointed because he never knew his father and his mother died when he was young so he had no family at all! He was just hoping he had a brother so he could have someone around, but no, life had to smack him in the face once again. I hope you feel like a jerk because you know how it feels to have no family!" I fumed.

"Well, so do you."

"YEAH WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?"

He averted my eyes, "Ah yes…that whole business."

"Um, yeah, so I would shut the fuck up if I were you." I snapped.

"Come on, Harley, you're always too naïve. That guy could have broken your neck when you weren't looking. You like to believe everyone is all sunshine and daisies and never wants to hurt you because you're cute and blonde, but that's not how the world works. People want to hurt you. People want to hurt you because you're with me. You put yourself in danger by associating with me."

"Well, I didn't exactly try to do that!" I said, exasperated, "You are just way too damn charismatic."

He winked, "No truer words have been spoken."

I had to smile a little at that, "Jesus, we argue so much."

"It would be worth it if we had angry sex."

"I guess that could fix things for the time being." I admitted, "And you know we're the king and queen of conflict avoidance."

He embraced me tightly, "You want to know something?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"I already know that."

"Just want to tell you again." He said, kissing the top of my head.

"Well, ok, thanks." I said awkwardly.

One thing that I liked about him was that he never expected me to say it back.

…

About an hour later, we were lying in the bed, naked and relaxing. I intertwined my finger through his, "I forgot to tell you something earlier."

"Oh God, what could it be?" he groaned, slinking under the covers.

I pulled them off of him, "Pam and Selina are getting married."

"They can do that?"

"Apparently," I said, sighing.

"You don't sound happy about it at all."

"How could you possibly guess that?"

"Because I am bilingual in English and sarcasm," he retorted.

"I speak Spanish and Greek." I said.

"You do?" he sat up, amused, "You never told me that."

"Yeah, my grandparents were Greek so I spoke it to communicate with them. I'm a bit rusty but I still could carry on a conversation, and Spanish was my minor in college." I said, "It's no big deal."

"I wish I had known. I have cohorts that speak Spanish and I can't fucking talk to them. You are much more useful than I thought." He grinned.

"Oh, so I have a doctorate degree and good looks for nothing then." I pouted.

"I didn't mean it like that…"

"Whatever. Let's get back on Pam and Selina. I don't think they should get married."

"Well, obviously you think that. You hate the institution of marriage in general." He sighed, reaching over me and fumbling around in the bedside table for his cigarettes. He offered me one, and I waved at him dismissively, "I've told you a million times that I don't smoke."

"Suit yourself." He shrugged, and lit one.

"And I don't hate the institution of marriage. Where the hell did you get that from?" I folded my arms across my chest and watched his immediately go downward, "I will put my bra on if this is too distracting."

"Oh, please don't. I will try to stop being distracted. You just have an amazing rack."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm so flattered. Anyway, I want to know what made you think that I hate marriage so much."

"You've said 'you know what, Mr. J, I hate marriage' about 100 times and 'people are stupid to get married' and 'being married only makes everyone miserable', among many other brilliant and sophisticated statements." He said, taking a long drag, "I, for one, believe you hate marriage because neither of your marriages has worked out."

I stared at him for a moment and went silent until he looked at me, and said, "Seriously, do you really want to go there?"

"…actually, no, I think I'll stop now."

"That's a very good idea. And yes, neither of my engagements has worked out, because oh wait, you blew one of my fiancés up and then walked in on the other one and made me leave." I said, voice rising with emotion.

"You went with me of your own free will." He replied.

"Excuse me; you forced me by threatening me and Bruce with a gun. Not exactly of my own free will, I have to say. Yes, I left Bruce on my own the third time, but that wasn't because of you. I just knew we would never be able to work it out if you were still in the picture."

"That sounds like it was because of me." He commented.

"No, not at all; I just figured that Bruce and I breaking up was going to be a lot easier than trying to get rid of you. I knew you were going to follow us to the ends of the earth trying to get me back so I'd probably just end up with you anyway. It was sort of inevitable." I shrugged.

"Are you trying to say that you broke up with Bruce…for me?" I had never seen him smile so big in my entire time knowing him. It almost warmed my heart.

"Not in so many words." I mumbled.

"Harley…" He put his cigarette down and put his arm around me, "That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. You picked me over a billionaire. It means a lot."

"Yeah, well, I guess I like you." I said, wrapping my arms around his chest, "Hon, you really need to start eating. I can feel your ribs."

"I eat."

"Yeah, one hamburger a day or one bowl of cereal. I will buy some god damn groceries for God's sake. There's a bodega like a block away. You just need to tell me what you want."

"Thanks for caring." He tried to be sarcastic but it came out sounding very grateful which I am sure he did not intend.

"I do my best." I smiled, "But, back to my point. I think Pam is being way too impulsive. How does she even know Selina cares about her? They've only been together for like 2 months. That's not nearly enough time to fall in love with someone."

"Well, you fell in love with Bruce in like 5 minutes."

"Lies, calumny and slander," I said, irritated, "Bruce and I dated for quite a while before he proposed to me. John and I maybe had a short engagement but I don't give a shit. It wasn't a month."

"I thought you said two months."

"It's like the same thing!" I threw my hands up in the air in frustration, "It's a really short period of time, thank you very much! This is ridiculous!"

"You are just mad about them getting married because your weddings sucked. Be a supportive friend and just shut up." He said shortly.

"That is the shortest analysis of any problem I have ever heard." I said thoughtfully, "You know what? I'm not even mad, I'm just impressed. So many years of college education have made me into too critical a thinker."

"See? Sometimes college is a detriment to your life."

"Well, considering I wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars on my education that I am not using, I suppose I have to find some way to make it a detriment." I sighed, "I don't know. I just don't want to see Pam make a mistake and then come crying to me about it, which I know she will."

"How do you know that it's a mistake? And even if it is, then you are her friend and you need to be there for her. You don't know how lucky you are to actually have a friend. I don't think I've ever even had a best friend in my entire life."

"That's really sad." I said, embracing him.

He shoved me away, "Hey, hey, no sympathy. I was a weird kid. I wasn't that surprised no one hung out with me."

"I can't picture you as a child." I said, amused, "May I ask, did you ever dress up as a clown for Halloween?"

He smacked me with a pillow so hard I fell off the bed.