Life After Death
Chapter 20
"Harry Dresden is dead." She said in her silky tones. "So of course you should have expected my arrival child."
"Leanansidhe." I finished my sentence.
"There is no reason for such formality between us child we have fought both together and against each other. That should make us family as well then." She said smiling and stepping toward me with a sense of cold motherly compassion oozing from her being. "You may call me Lea as Harry did before you. It would be a fine tribute to both of us I think if you were to do so." She said stopping just outside of arm's reach.
"So it was YOU who set this whole thing up?" I challenged her as she raised an eyebrow. "Why? Why bring harm to all these others if your real goal was just to get to me?" I waved my arm to indicate all my fallen companions so there was no confusion as to what I was speaking of.
"It was not I who chose this course child but you. Can it be truly that you still do not understand all you have accomplished?" She asked in actual shock. "Do you not realize that…"
"NOW IVY!" I screamed drawing up my magic to flash brightly in the Winter Court's handmaiden's eyes as a distraction.
Ivy who had lain quietly at my feet while all the others had battled and fallen was up in an instant releasing more raw magical power at Lea than I had felt since the spell that destroyed the Red Court in Mexico. I knew there was no way that the dragon would keep her promise to swap Little Harry nor did I have I in me to see someone who trusted me be destroyed for that.
The Faerie threw a shield up in time to defend herself from Ivy's massive blast but it was a close thing as Ivy's magic swirled around the globe she created seeking to penetrate and exert its power on the flesh protected within.
"Maintaining both a powerful reserve and biding your time to strike when your opponent seems weak is a wise tactic observed by the most successful practitioners." Lea's voice no longer muffled by the cloak spoke approvingly through the roar of raw magic. "It seems that my godson was not a complete failure as a teacher if you learned this much at least."
The power of Ivy's blast, if anything, increased at the mention of Harry's name and I added my own magic to the fray as well. But even with all we had at our disposal we could not penetrate the wards and shields that the Handmaiden of the Winter Faerie had at her disposal.
"I understand your reasons for wishing to continue to play out this fantasy for a while longer but unfortunately time is running short for us all and decisions must be made." Lea said without strain or concern as the magic pummeled her defenses. She clapped her hands three times and to her side a bound and bundled figure appeared on the ground beside her.
The shock of this appearance and what it might foretell surprised me and my magic fell away as I thought momentarily that perhaps this was Little Harry placed as a safeguard and I feared accidentally hurting him. But a moment later I realized the size of the individual was more than double and his mass a factor even greater than that.
I tried not to look, I don't know why just some instinct inside of me, but I was too late. I saw his face as he lay there and the rest came back to me like a locked closet door suddenly opening in my mind.
Ivy cried out as her own magic stumbled and faltered as well as she ran to the figure on the ground.
Harry was broken up. Not in the emotional way meaning he was crying, though in truth he was doing that too. No he was physically crushed. His back had broken as he tried to rescue innocent neighbors from his apartment building and the fire meant to kill him. And if that were not bad enough, I realized that along with his back they had broken his spirit.
I sat beside him wanting to do something, anything for him but this was one of those times when I did not have the magic, any magic that would help him. I looked immediately to use my chi healing when he had been first brought unconscious but because the wound had severed his back, there was no direct line to connect his mind's order to heal with the body's natural chi power that resided in his lower back. It taunted me like a vast gorge with the charred remains of a bridge that once offered passage.
All I could do now was clean him up with some wet wipes I had thrown in my purse days ago I think. I washed away the soot and the tears, saying nothing about either and trying to offer him what strength I could. But even in that I failed. I did not have the strength he needed as I watched him convulse and continue to cry. I wanted to tell him it would all be okay, but I could not convince myself of that.
"I've got to help her." He whispered quietly to no one in particular and certainly not me. I doubt he even knew I was there.
"Harry don't…don't twist the knife in your own wound." I said because I was the only one there to offer any support. I wanted to flee and deny what I was seeing as well. Harry could not be finished. No way. He was a force of nature. He had to get better. I mean he had to because…because…I loved him. "Right now you need to stay calm and quiet, until Butters can look at you." And then we will find a way to deal with what happens when he tells you that you will never walk again. Oh Harry why did it have to be like this?
"I wish you hadn't gotten him involved." He said to me. Not disapproving but still not happy.
"I didn't even ask him." I replied defensively. Of course the panic in my voice might have had something to do with his decision, especially since I could barely string two words together to make a coherent statement. "I got halfway through the first sentence and he asked where you were. Then said he'd come see you."
I felt Harry turn hard inside, like he just made some irrevocable decision. The tears dried up at once but he did not turn to look at me. "No I mean…" He drew a deeper breath and solidified himself even more. Now he was no longer walling off his emotions, he was walling me out too! "Kid I've got to cross a line." He said.
I froze with my hand still extended toward him not so much at the statement which his emotions were preparing me for but at what he said. He called me kid again. When he was now here at his lowest point ever and I was the one sitting beside his bed because my love would not allow me to be anywhere else he still called me kid. It was the word he used to remind himself about how different our ages were and because of this how he could never allow himself to love me. Oh Harry do not do this to me please…
"I'm not getting up off this bed alone." He said thinking to justify his course to me but not realizing I was not caring about that. "It's my only option."
I put away my feelings because that is what I had to do and instead tried to focus upon what he was saying. There were things out there that wanted Harry to join them, and not one of them was particularly nice as a potential playmate or ally much less master. And he had just made up his mind that he would do this, join them, to save the daughter that he never knew. And in doing so give up on the rest of us…on me…
"Who?" I asked quietly because I was afraid to say more than a single word.
"One is a lot like another." He tried to be cavalier for his sake as much as my own.
Bastard! "But…" What about me? I wanted to ask him but could not force the words to come out. "…but if you go over to one of them…"
"They'll make me a monster sooner or later." He said confirming the fear I already came to.
I could not look at him or he would see the accusation in my eyes. You would destroy yourself for a child you never met and leave me all alone in this world? Do all of us mean so little to you? Do I?
"I can't let that happen." He said and for a moment I had a small glimmer of hope. "For all I know, I could turn into something that would hurt Maggie myself. But maybe I can use them to get her out of danger."
His words twisted the knife even more within me. He never loved you the darker parts of my being laughed at me. You tried to walk the path of light he set for you to show him you deserved his trust and his love but you were more akin to a temporarily interesting experiment than a real person in his eyes. I tried to deny my inner darkness…I really did. I inhaled sharply and looked at him hoping there was something else in his eyes that I was missing. Something I could anchor to.
There wasn't… and the darkness laughed all that much harder. "It's got to be Mab." He said not even noting my silence as pain or thinking I merely waited on him to continue. "She's wicked smart, but she isn't omniscient or infallible. I've swindled faeries before. I can do it again."
"You're going to be the Winter Knight?" Harry please do not do this! We will find another way! I screamed inside. "What if she doesn't?" He never cared for you Molly that is why you are so easy to give up. The darkness whispered right back. "I mean, what if she won't?"
He only laughed at the thought and dismissed it, and me, without a second of consideration. "Oh, she'll do it. If I go to her, she'll do it. She's been after me long enough."
Just like me you mean Harry? Of course I could not say the words. "I don't understand." I replied. "She'll…" She'll have everything I've ever wanted from you. "She'll twist you. Change you. It's what they do."
He took my hand. The bastard actually took my hand as he was telling me all this like he did not know what the words were doing to me. God men are just emotionally retarded. "Molls…" Oh God he called me Molls…a new pet name. "Whatever happens…I'm not going to make it out of this one."
There it was. I meant nothing to him. That he could lay there and say these things to me was all the proof I needed that I did not truly matter to him. And somewhere inside of me the darkness laughed even louder. I tried to deny the darkness. I shook my head trying to wish it away. But it merely laughed at my futile attempts at denial all the louder until I could feel the tears sliding down my cheeks.
"Molly." He said patting my hand like you would a good and faithful pet. Yeah that's what I was. I was Mouse in his eyes. "Kid…for everything there is a season."
You fucking bastard! I wanted to scream at him. "Don't." I said holding it in. "Don't you dare quote the Bible at me. Not to justify this." Not to justify what you are doing to me. God can't hate me this much can he? And the darkness only asked if that question was rhetoric or if I really wanted someone to answer that?
"Bible?" He joked. "I was quoting the Byrds." See you are not even worthy of God's notice in his eyes the darkness added.
I cried so much inside at that point that I had to laugh at what Harry had reduced me to at this moment. I could not even form words to answer him. I had nothing to respond and if I did I dared not trust myself to speak them. I couldn't while Harry was broken like this.
"Look, Molls." See how easily he twists the knife some more? "Nothing lasts forever." Certainly not you in my eyes. "Nothing." Or even the promises I made to train you. "And if I've got to choose between myself and my daughter? That's not even a choice. You know that."
Oh Harry you bastard it is not a question of choosing between you and your daughter. It is a question of choosing between your daughter and all of the rest of us who need you just as much as she does. But I could feel it in his walled up emotions that he just did not understand it, nor did he want to. I bowed my head accepting what the darkness said about me and cried that much harder. You see now that you mean nothing to him? It asked me. I could not respond but merely nodded my head. I would agree to anything if it would just shut up and end the pain. It could not get any worse for me.
I was wrong.
"I need your help." Harry said to me.
I looked up wanting him to see me and understand that he was asking more from me than he had any right to. But of course he could not see me. His wall to the world was up and it had no windows.
"I'm going to arrange things. But Mab's going to be wary of me. She knows my history, and if I know what's going on, she'll be able to tell I'm lying to her. I don't have enough of a poker face for that." Really Harry I'd be more than happy to lend you mine. I mean it's not like I'm hiding what you are doing to me at this moment yet still you don't seem to realize it.
"No." I wiped away my tears instead. "You don't. You still suck at lying boss." And now you need me to make it all better for you. And not just to help you deceive Mab which is a certain death warrant for me if she finds out but also to break the very laws you swore me to take when I became your apprentice; the laws that would mean my immediate execution by the White Council, though at the moment I probably would find that a relief.
To the people who know me, maybe." He smiled at me like this was supposed to be funny on some level. "Do you understand what I am asking you to do?"
"Do you?" The words escaped this time before I could bite them back. "Have you thought of what it's going to mean for me once…once you're…" Harry please do not do this. Don't ask this of me. Not me. Not the one person who loves you and is not afraid to admit it.
"Dead." He finished softly. "I think Ebenezar or Injun Joe will take over for me, continue your training. They both know how strong I felt about sheltering you from the Council's judgment."
The darkness howled in laughter. I had thrown the dice one last time gambling all that I was to make him understand. And I had failed. He thought all I cared about was training and the Council. Dumbass! I shook my head slightly. "That's not what I meant." I whispered now that the spilt milk had covered the chips where they lay or whatever the hell those were supposed to mean. I could care less at that moment.
"Oh." That was all he said in response to my feelings. Two letters. That was all I rated.
It took another moment of awkward silence before he could draw upon more to say and patted my hand again. I was the ever faithful dog he still needed for companionship I guess. "I'm sorry. That I wasn't here longer. That it couldn't be more than it was."
Oh God the pain. He had torn out my heart and now he was looking to me to absolve him of these sins and tell him it was going to be okay? He was going to arrange to die and needed me to lie to him to tell him everything was going to be alright. He wanted no guilt going into the hereafter. And of course I loved him so I honored that request.
"You never did anything wrong by me, Harry." I said steeling myself because I am a much better liar than he is as I looked him in the eyes. It's a great thing that you cannot soulgaze the same person twice or he would have seen the truth in an instant. "This isn't about me, though, is it?" It never was about you Molly the darkness laughed. "It's about Maggie." A child you never met that you cannot be certain is even yours because all you know about her comes from her mother who has lied to you in the past and left you when you told her you loved her; just like you are doing to me. And even all that is more important to you than I am. It was too much at that point so I joined the darkness in its laughter because I had nothing else to hold onto. "So of course I will help you."
He kissed my fingers. "You are one hell of a woman, Molly." He said with a smile. "Thank you."
I wanted to pull away but I could not. My love for him held me there in place. "How do you want to do it?"
He explained it just as I imagined what he was asking of me. He would arrange a call to have him killed and I was to take away his memory of it so that Mab would not learn of it when he made his deal with her. The only one who would know is me and whoever he arranged to kill him. Nice to know that this company is how I rated.
"You realize that I could change this Harry." I said making sure he understood it would be just as easy for me to prevent him from killing himself than to go through with what he wanted. That if I were as selfish I could stop him in his tracks. "I could find out who you were using to kill yourself. I could take it right out of your head and call them off. You would never know." See Harry, I am capable of becoming the very evil that you made me promise not to ever be, all because you are asking me to step over the line you made me draw for you. And you don't even know that to remove your memory I will see what you have planned all for myself anyway. That is the only way to ensure that I got it all and patched up the holes I left behind.
"You could do that." He agreed. "And I feel like an utter bastard for asking this of you grasshopper. But I do not have anyone else to ask." I had a dozen liquid fire responses to that, but he had cast his own die and now I just had to let him make his move.
"You should call Thomas." I whispered. "He deserves the truth."
"No." He replied. "Tell him later if you want. After. If you tell him before that, he won't stand for it. He'll try to stop it." Grasshopper, do you mind if I ask you to also make everyone else hate you too if it's not too much? It's not enough that I am forcing you to do help me commit suicide and defy your faith because you love me but I need to also put this event between you and everyone else who will grieve for me when I'm gone so you can truly be all alone. But you will do this for me right Molls? Why that nickname now?
"You never called me Molls before today." I said.
"Was saving it." He smiled at me. "For when you weren't my apprentice anymore. Wanted to try it out." Not because I see you as a woman, or a wizard, or anything remotely on the scale of equal Molly, but because I did not want to die without having this little joy as well. I could not respond except to smile another lie his way and shed a last tear before leaving.
And then after that I did what he asked of me. I removed the memory. I ignored the pictures that I felt in my mind of him and Queen Mab consummating their relationship as her new Winter Knight and turned to other things such as preparing for Mexico. And all the while the only two who knew what was to come were me and…
"KINCAID!" Ivy shook him again as I came out of my memories. I swayed on my feet and found myself under Lea's piercing gaze. No one else moved. They all seemed frozen in time.
"Very good!" She smiled approvingly as if she intended to dine upon my soul. "We make progress it seems…"
"Allowing me to remember that I…"
"Do not say it aloud!" She commanded. "There are those who seek that knowledge and ones like my queen who would pay well for it, and pay you well for your role."
"Let her." I said exhausted. "I am so broken and hurting that I doubt there is anything more that she could do to me."
"Then you are a foolish child, and much like Harry was when he made his pact." Lea replied without meaning that as a compliment. "She knows of means to make your current suffering seem nothing more than an emotional pinprick. And to keep others from daring to defy her like this in the future she would be obliged to wreak this havoc upon you for all to see."
"I do not care." I said. "I have nothing left to take but my life, and that would be a mercy."
Lea stopped and cocked her head at me. "Will you answer a question I still have?" The Winter Faerie asked in the most humble tone that I had ever heard from one of her kind.
"Why not?" I answered.
"Oh I can think of many reasons not the least of which is gifting a Faerie without agreeing upon equal payment beforehand is a reckless pursuit, but in this case I will offer you closure on a subject dear to you just as your answer provides me mine." She said satisfied. I had to admit it was true. Agreeing to a Faerie's request without defined payment was a great way to end up in even more serious trouble. But she had gone against her nature and literally lifted my foot out of that trap. That alone was worth agreeing to her request.
"What is your question?"
"In Mexico, after all he had done and made you do, you still gave Harry more every time he asked it of you." Lea said with a lack of understanding in her tone. "I watched you strip away parts of yourself…"
"You saw that?"
"Indeed." She answer, not annoyed at all that I had interrupted her. "Never have I ever seen the like of someone tear strips of themselves from whole cloth with such reckless abandon."
"Wow I guess I should feel special." I quipped.
"Perhaps." Lea said considering. "Why did you do it? Why destroy yourself for him after you already knew it could only end badly for him…and for you as well?"
I looked at the Handmaiden of the Winter Court and wondered if she could truly be as naïve about things as she thought I was? She was nigh on immortal and yet did not understand this? I actually laughed out loud before answering her.
"Love." I said simply.
She looked at me strangely as if expecting more but really that is all there was. And after a few moments she realized it as well and set to considering it. If you have ever seen that last part of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, the cartoon not the movie, when the Grinch is talking to the dog and wondering why all the villagers are not crying because their presents are gone then you have a pretty good idea of the internal monologue I felt going on within the Leanansidhe at that moment.
I had to stop myself from saying out loud "It came without ribbon, it came without tags, it came without packages, boxes, or bags…"
And like the Grinch after a long pause of silence her eyes actually widened as if she somehow glimpsed the true heart of what I was speaking of. I expected a second follow up question, because if you are only starting to understand love I was pretty sure one question was not going to do it. But she surprised me and either figured it out on her own, or more likely put it to the side afraid to fully consider the ramifications of the particular can of worms she had opened.
"Very well then now I will pay you back in like kind." She said and before I could move she slammed me with a blast of magical electricity, cold of course, that kept me unable to move and do anything more than chatter my teeth. I tried to find will to resist but there was nothing there. I had spent it all to reach this time and place.
"You were correct child that you did indeed tear away parts of yourself as required in Mexico, but you were wrong about what that did to you." She said walking around my still form and looking upon me with a calculating eye. You have made rags of yourself child, but lucky for you I happen to be an exceptional seamstress.
"From my memory of events I believe the first thing you surrendered in Mexico was your childhood memories and dreams." She said reaching a finder forward and poking my side, or at least she would have except instead her finger sank right inside of me like passing through a ghost. Which one of us was the ghost though I dared not consider.
"Thankfully for you I was near and as you tossed away each rag I found a way to keep them close all the same." She said.
She turned her head away from me and over to the wall where with a flicker of her fingers she lifted the unconscious form of Sweet up and carried her over toward the two of us. "Your self deception was very strong to allow you not to realize that those who came to your aid were merely parts of yourself that you had cast off. Did it not seem odd to you that with all of Harry's acquaintances that only the females were the ones to offer help?"
Huh? I wanted to say this but my teeth were still chattering as he containment spell kept me locked in place. She must have sensed my confusion for she answered me all the same.
"Let me reintroduce you to your childhood innocence." Lea said grasping the leprechaun around the neck and driving her body into my own.
I wanted to scream, to dodge, to do anything but I could not. And more surprisingly still was that I felt nothing as Sweet's body was forced into mine…literally into mine. Once the body had disappeared within my own and Lea withdrew her hand I felt a sudden even stronger jolt that made me convulse and would have caused me to collapsed had her magic not kept me standing where I was.
For her part, Lea merely licked her fingertips as if relishing the taste lingering upon them. "You were truly a remarkable child Molly. I regret that we did not begin our introductions years ago."
After a few moments my body returned to its mere painful existence though the spell that held me did not relax. Lea looked upon her handiwork with a smile. "Not a bad patch job if I say so myself. How does it feel to you?" She asked.
"Nnnnaaa…nnaaa…" Was all I could get out through my chattering teeth in way of a response.
"Ah how sloppy of me." She said with a frown and placed her hands atop my head and literally pushed the magical field down past my face and neck, leaving it entrapping my body from the shoulders downward. "As I was saying how does that…"
"AAAAAARRRGGGGG!" My scream of pain burst forth unbidden and only died out when I ran out of breath.
"Hmmm, I think you are being over critical." Lea said disapprovingly. "Besides it was not I who tore you apart. You cannot expect to be made whole and seamless from a pile of rags without a little bit of added pain now do you?"
Before I could respond she pointed toward Tera's battered body as well and summoned it to her as she had Sweet. "I believe you called this your survival instinct?" She said holding her around the neck and assessing it like an art critic before beginning to push it toward me.
"No wait!" I screamed.
"I fear we do not have the time." Leanansidhe replied and drove the hybrid's body into my own as she had the leprechaun. This time I was able to scream as my body was rocked with convulsions once more.
And while I tried to resist the process continued again and again. The honor I had given up was Murphy. The deeper intellect was Ivy. My strength was Gard. And my love, the last thing I tried to give up, was Charity. Each one was not so much a person but rather a part of me, torn way and discarded, but given a living identity by the Faerie. And now she had gathered them all together and restored them to me. I was a ragged tapestry of what I had once been, but I was whole once more.
She released the spell that held me and I fell to the ground too weak and pained to even scream. "You created all of these events just to restore me?" I asked confused by what I had experienced. The Mercedes, Kincaid, and even the prison all began to fade from existence.
"I did not create this child. You did." She replied. "I merely played the role that you created for me and worked in the background as you collected the parts of yourself once more."
"But..." I tried to speak as we both faded more.
"No time for that child." She said. "A decision must be made." And then there was nothing but light and shadow.
I awoke in the hospital bed, my leg still in a cast and IV tubes running into my arm. I turned my head and found Lea sitting in a chair by my side calmly knitting a winter sweater with a snowflake on the center.
"Welcome back child." She said putting the knitting down on her lap and giving me her undivided attention.
"Why did you do this?" I asked as all of what I had experienced came rushing back to me.
"I was sworn to out of a sense of duty and a sense of justice." She said. "You were the apprentice of my godson, therefore when he died it fell to me to take up that mantle."
"To train me?" I asked.
"Perhaps." She replied. "Or to kill you and save you further agony. Either one are the acceptable roles for a master to take."
"Then why go to all the trouble of restoring me if you only are going to kill me?" I asked.
"Because to be fair to my duty to Harry I must render that judgment of life or death upon all of you and not merely the shade you made of yourself through your noble, but foolish, sacrifice."
"How is that justice?" I asked.
"No the justice I spoke of relates to something else entirely." She said looking seriously at me. "Do you still remember the events as Harry lay paralyzed and what he asked of you?" She said.
"How could I forget."
"You have found a way once." She smiled knowingly. "Where mortals are concerned it is always best to assume they have found a means to delude themselves whenever possible. By following such advice you are less likely to be disappointed."
"Get on with it."
She did not seem at all upset by my brisk response and instead merely laughed. "Well as you talked to Harry did you sense anyone else?" She asked me in all seriousness. "Did you sense something dark?"
I thought about the darkness that had laughed at me. Could she mean this? "I only felt the dark fears within me that Harry did not love me or that I was not worthy of being loved."
"Then it is as we suspected." She nodded in approval of my answer. "Know now that those thoughts were not within you, but rather they were fostered from without and whispered in your ear, just as we believe that this same being whispered darkness in Harry's ear as well making him select this destructive course of action."
"There was no one else there." I shook my head in denial.
"Are you sure child?" She asked. "Did you search the room at any point or merely assuming such because you remember no one else much like you might remove another's memory of your presence?"
"I…" Could she be right? "I do not know." I admitted and she shook her head in agreement.
"Others are looking into that possibility so you need not concern yourself." She said with a smile. "Instead we must turn our attention now to the question left before us."
"Which is?"
"If you are to live or die child, of course."
"You are assuming I care."
"Ah, Harry surrendered his responsibility so now you feel free to do the same is that it?" She asked making me angry. "It is sad the lessons he chose to instill upon you."
"Shut up!" I lashed out. "He taught me…"
"Very little child." She interrupted. "He taught you little enough to survive beyond a few tricks of magic. Instead like other before you he bound you into chains. Chains of responsibility to him and others. Chains to control the powers you have inside of you. Chains to keep you weak. And do you know why he did that?"
"He didn't…"
"He did that so that your mind and body would have the time to grow and control the power within you rather than it controlling you." She answered her own question. "It was as wise a course as it was foolhardy for he did give you the skills to learn to control your power, but he took from you your free will to decide upon how to use it. He left you dependent upon his guidance and approval. And now he is…"
"Dead." I said accepting and finishing her sentence for her.
"Indeed."
We sat silently for a moment as she let me contemplate what she was saying. I wanted to deny it, but it was true. Harry had placed restrictions on me, chains if you will, just as my mother had when she learned of my powers. The only difference was that Harry's chains came along with a standing death sentence wrapped in silk made from my love so I never felt as restricted by them and fought back as I did with my mother's.
"So what do you want to know?" I finally broke the silence.
"Merely if you are ready to step up and accept who and what you are?" She replied. "If so I am willing to continue your training and in the process perhaps help save this city that is under siege but does not yet know it. If not, if you decide to continue to wear your chains, then I will offer you the mercy of a quick death."
"Not much of a choice is it?"
"No. But more than many are allowed."
"And the secrets I hold?" I asked.
"Are yours to keep." She replied. "They serve me better if no one else learns of them."
"And my friends?"
"Likewise are yours to keep." She answered. "Perhaps you might even keep one or two of them alive."
"Is it really that bad out there?"
"It is the gather storm child." She replied. "I know storms and this one will be bad."
I lay there unable to move, thinking how alike I was to Harry as he was looking for my help. He had made a decision to do what he thought was right for others. Could I do any less?
"You restored me." I started.
"I patched together rags in the shape of a young lady." She interrupted. "But it is you who must decide what the picture of that lady means to others around her."
"A Rag Lady?"
"Indeed."
I thought for a few moments more. "Then I guess I am your new apprentice…"
And so it ends…
A little over a year ago The Carpenter Blueprints started out as a challenge, and of course it's now a trilogy. Nearly 36,000 hits, probably not as good as Harry Potter takes a Dump or Twilight 27…the Vampire and the Girl spend another six hours staring at each other stories in FanFiction but hey I'm fairly proud of this as an accomplishment.
So to answer questions… Will there be another Carpenter Blueprint? Maybe. I promised myself I was going to finish this one this year and then turn my efforts toward inventing my own world and characters so I need to do that. On the other hand since I caught up to Jim Butcher I sort of need to also let him put out another book to decide if there is something for Molly that needs to be told in between anyway.
Why did this one take so long to finish? - Well I started it with the thought to bring it along and catch up to Ghost Story. We all were left in Changes with Harry being dead and a tease of a story how Murphy and Will had to fight interlopers coming into the city…but little was said about Molly. So that question needed to be answered and obviously she was not going to go gentle into that good night… So I started down a path trying of her stepping up yet still leaving things as vague as possible to align to Ghost Story… (And then Jim delayed putting it out!)
And then Ghost Story came out and really screwed with the world. And this made me stop and reconsider where I was going. I knew I wanted Molly caught up, but the Rag Lady thing for me was not what I expected so I had to adjust.
On the other hand I found it incredibly interesting how much of my other stories fit so well into Ghost Story. For example having Daniel suddenly become a significant character seemed way too cool since I had just expanded his role in Book 2. (If Jim reads these stories and decided to incorporate that I offer my complete thanks for the honor… if it's a coincidence…well it's still pretty cool.)
Okay, so having to readjust the plot a bit, more like tweak, took some time and then I also started my MBA and those classes do take away quite a bit of my free time as well.
In the end is this the book I envisioned? No..and yes. It went its own way as I wrote it, which for me is normal. When I start to write I have vague ideas of the major highlights and the stories pretty much come out as I try to get from one to another. I do not know if this is normal for writers or signs of mental illness, but hey it makes writing them as fun an exploration as reading them. But it was the story of how Molly handled Harry's death which is what I intended to tell from the beginning.
BTW…Anyone who tells you they knew the dragon was Lea from the very start is full of…yeah something… since I the author did not know that until later.
For the Conspiracy Theorists among my readers, if there are any, YES there was a hidden message in this story. If you piece all the dream sequences together you walk through the Eagle's song Hotel California. Why? I don't know. It was something I put in at the start since I had this whole classic rock theme going and in part to see if I could do it. None of the reviews ever seemed to catch that but kudos to you if you did.
Any Last Thoughts – Hmmmm… Really just three.
First there is my eternal thanks to my muse without who (and the cattle prod) these stories would never have made it to paper (electrons).
And then next to those of you who took the time to read them. In the grand scheme of things I count myself fortunate if at the end of the journey you do not consider reading them time wasted. You paid no money so had no obligations to finish them. But still many of you did… (Did I mention 36,000 hits?). Of that I am exceedingly grateful. Thank you for coming along on this journey with me…
Last…no I never got that multi-million dollar publishing deal…hence the MBA… However, if the fates align and someday I am published and signing books those of you who catch on its me and mention 'The Carpenter Blueprints' when looking for a signature will have to get something… I spend time thinking that one over.
Best to you all. – Especially to you Mr. Butcher for this wonderful world of yours.
Keep writing everyone!
Thomas A