I wrote this chapter on camp, my entire Rangers group now know I write fan fiction. That's the usual cool impression I make on people.

Dear Glee Club,

When I first heard of the show choir, it sounded so perfect for me. It was a place where I could not only let my talent shine, but a place I could express myself and everything I stood for. It was a place I could finally do what I loved without being called a freak, and a place I thought I would be more appreciated for my passion, a place where my leadership skills would be of use. It was my chance to shine amongst stars, and perhaps, somewhere along the path, it was also a place to make friends, something that I have lacked all of my life.

I was so excited when I soared through my audition and was accepted as a member of the Glee Club, but I never really was accepted, was I? I was merely tolerated for my voice and my voice alone. And perhaps someone who was even more of a loser than the rest of you to make your own social statuses rise in the eyes of the school. Needed, I always have been. Wanted, I am not.

Day after day the Glee Club grew and we gathered more and more members, we became bigger and better, but more than anything, we became friends. Or at least, the rest of you did. I saw the way you shared laughter and jokes, as well as the hard times of being slushied and ridiculed by our peers. I noticed you making weekend plans, arrangements for keeping in touch with one another during school breaks, and I was never included in that.

It is not you I blame for this, for I know I am not the easiest person to be in the presence of. With my obsession with solos and my general determination to not only win, but be the very best at everything I do, I must be a nightmare to be around. Hell, I know I am; you guys have reminded me of that enough times.

But by the time I joined Glee Club, I was used to teasing and ridicule, and I guess you used that as an excuse to treat me in the way you did. I never did get used to it though, I brushed it off and ignored it, but it still got to me. All of your words, all of the insults, every whispered comment that was not meant to be heard buried themselves under my skin and resided there, waiting to twist my thoughts in my darkest moments.

The hatred of the rest of the school though, I could stand. It wouldn't have mattered if only I could have had friends by my side. Somehow, the insults from you guys were so much worse, even if, unlike the rest of our peers, you drew the line somewhere. I suppose it was because I expected it from them, they needed to be cruel to me to stay on top, but what reason was it that you had? Glee Club was supposed to be about acceptance, in spite of our faults. Every one of you accepted Santana into out midst, despite her having tormented each and every one of us at one point or another, so why could that kindness not extend to me?

Over time, I came up with my own ideas regarding the issue, but what it all ultimately boiled down to is that I am just not good enough. I am not good enough to be my mother's daughter, I am not good enough to be Finn's girl, and I am not good enough to be your friend. The list of all the things I am not enough for extend to almost every aspect of my life, but there is one thing that is not included there, and that is my voice.

Performing is the only thing I have ever felt adequate in, and that is the soul reason I am so driven to be the best. It is the reason behind my obsession with the spotlight, the reason I have to have every solo, the reason you all hate me so much. Isn't it ironic how none of you like me because you think I am too stuck up for my own good, when the reason I am that way is because I hate myself as much as you do? I don't know what I am without my voice, what I'm worth. I asked Finn once and even he did not have an answer for me.

I want you guys to understand that beyond anything. I want you to get that performing is the only thing I am good for, and I have to be the best, always, otherwise I will fade and burn out, there will be nothing left for me, nothing left of me. When people criticise that, it is worse than anything else they can throw at me because without it, I truly am nothing. It is my one ticket out of here to prove to the world, and to myself, that I am something. If you all understand that, if you really get what it really means to me, perhaps you won't be so critical in the future, but then again, perhaps you will up the taunts.

It is not my intention to place blame, but I often wonder if you had offered your hands of friendship, if you had accepted me and been friends I could turn to, then maybe I would have never reached this point. It is no one person's fault that I am here, except perhaps, my own, but there are those who could have prevented it, and it is you guys who fall to the top of that list. It is you who taught me that those who mind do matter.

However, having addressed that matter, there is one amongst you who did do just that. Noah was the only one (aside from Finn of course) who seemed to truly like me for who I was. He was the only one who ever defended me and out of you all, he was the one person to contradict Santana when she said you all just pretend to like me. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? Not just to hear the comment but to listen to the almost silence that followed it.

Finally, I come to your role in this, exactly what it was that you did to nudge me towards this particular chapter in my life. Right from the beginning of Glee, we all made a promise to be there for one another. When Quinn's pregnancy became common knowledge, no one hesitated in letting her and Finn know you were there for them. You sang to them, offered Quinn a home and Mercedes was even there at the birth.

I saw how you all did what you could to help her, and hoped, when my time came, you would do the same for me. I could feel myself cracking under the weight of my day to day life, I could feel the words, the rejection, the loneliness, beginning to infect my soul. When you're always alone, you begin to listen to the voice that tells you you're stupid, ugly and worthless because there's no one else to talk to and no one to contradict it.

For as long as I can remember, I have kept up this farcade of self confidence; I have made myself out to be someone indestructible that no one can knock down. I've carefully constructed my show face and placed it over my empty features every morning, I've practised my smile and moulded it into perfection to fool the world. I bet none of you ever guessed how much I hate myself. I bet you never looked hard enough to see.

The mask may be strong, but there are cracks. Hints that I have dropped over the months in a desperate attempt to communicate to you what I was feeling inside. "I've never felt like a pretty girl", I remember saying that, I said it in front of all of you. I wanted you to know I did not just brush your words off my shoulders but I took them to heart and believed them.

I needed you. All of you jumped to be there for Quinn, what was so wrong with me that I did not deserve the same favour? But then, a voice does not need to be happy to be good, and in the end that is all I am. It is all I will ever be. It was you who taught me that. You made me believe I had nothing else to offer, and you didn't care when it all became too much.

Mr Schue, you're a part of this letter for a different reason. You were obviously never an active part of the teasing and freezing out, but neither did you help. You are the first to stand against any form of bullying, you preach a zero tolerance of anything offensive in Glee Club and acceptance; so why was it you were so willing to let them torment me? I think I must have deserved it. Maybe you wanted them to reign me in so I wasn't so annoying. Look on the bright side. It worked.

Perhaps I am just being over dramatic. That figures doesn't it? Drama queen Rachel Berry, nothing for anyone to worry about. She'll be okay because she doesn't have feelings, not real ones. That's what you thought about Jesse, that I was being over dramatic. But the truth is that was the final straw, it was the event that finally broke me and after that, my life descended down hill with extreme pace.

Every small thing felt one thousand times worse because this had me in its destructive hold and it was destroying me. I tried to tell you. That day in your office, I broke down and sobbed because I was so relieved that someone was asking me, someone was actually taking an interest in how I was feeling and that was all I had really wanted all along. I wanted to tell you everything, but you weren't listening, were you? I was being a drama queen again and I just didn't matter.

I apologise if this letter came across in the wrong way, I am not angry and anyone and neither do I blame you. I just wish someone had genuinely cared, that someone had noticed something. It is not as if you had to read my mind, listening to my words would have been enough. I know it's what you all would have done if it had been anyone other than me.

Regards, Rachel

Typing this up was the second thing I did upon getting back from camp (the first was watching Torchwood). Appreciate it. (I joke, you don't have to. You might hate this and hate me and wish I'd been eaten by cannibals on camp).

Reviews are much loved :)