Of course it had been a mistake, it had all been a terrible mistake. She should never have accepted the position of Chairman of the Board. Not when she had caught sight of how he looked at her. Not when she was more than aware, if she was honest, that she returned those glances, albeit- she hoped, anyway- more subtly. The almost tangible tension of the ceremony- the furtive, glowing looks, that handshake that nearly electrocuted her- could have been avoided altogether by exercising a little common sense. Only there was no reasonable mechanism for her to do so, as she herself had told her son not long ago. She didn't imagine it would make the best impression to these new relatives of hers: "I'm sorry, Cousin Robert, I simply cannot accept your more than generous offer. Yes, I agree, I am most suited to the post, and it will put your tyrant of a mother in her place, if only temporarily. But, you see, I can't accept your offer because I'm afraid of Dr Clarkson. No, I don't think he's a violent man, quite the contrary. You see, I'm not quite sure whether or not he's in love with me, or I with him, and I'm rather worried that I might say or do something foolish, like throw myself at him with passionate abandon over the boardroom table or...-"
Isobel, she told herself, Now you're being ridiculous, you have not even acknowledged the possibility of passionate abandon for many years.
Or am I? Is it I or this whole affair that is ridiculous? Or both?
Either way, I doubt the hospital has its own boardroom.
She sighed and took a drink of tea. Whatever the fact of the matter was, there was one part of it that was clear and incontrovertible. It was too late to do anything about it. It was official now: Chairman of the Board she was, and she was just going to have to live with it.
It was rather unsociable of her, that at a tea party effectively being thrown for her, she was sitting here engaging in vigorous conversation entirely inside her own head. She turned to the people beside her, and decided to take notice of who they were. Fortunately, it did not seem that people were finding her silence rude- across from her Lady Violet was maintaining equal silence- and Cora and the three girls were engaged in enthusiastic discussion- she hesitated to say conflict- over Sybil and whether or not she was to be allowed a new frock. Apparently, it was in fact Mary's turn next. But Edith had got a rough deal the last time; she'd only got a blouse rather than a whole outfit. As much as this company would keep her out of trouble, she did not really fancy being bored to death either. She rather envied the servants' being able to gallop straight off after the ceremony, but this gathering was supposed to be for her.
She got up, and nobody noticed. Escape!
She still had her coat on, though not her hat, and without any further ado was able to slip out of the open door at the back of the church hall, into the small garden. The air on her face was refreshingly cool, and she smiled unrestrainedly for the first time that day.
…...
He hoped she didn't catch him watching her. He rather suspected that she had done before, as recently as today,- not that she'd said anything to him about it-; but this time he particularly hoped she didn't because at the moment he was particularly taken aback. Heavens, she was beautiful. Standing there for a moment in the fresh air, how he envied her the chance to escape. Her hair kept pinned neatly back, looking around herself, watching the garden and squinting a little in the bright light. Perhaps he rather regretted his motivations for nominating her to be Chairman of the Board, but now that she was here, he thought his flawed scruples might just have been well worth it.
So very badly, he wanted to go and talk to her, make her smile. Take her hand. But he was kept inside by Lord Grantham, dully droning on about medical matters he only half understood, and if he took her by the hand some eagle-eyed lady was bound to notice. He wanted to make her laugh after this day of serious- not to mention dull- earnestness and ceremony. She had a wonderful laugh, he had discovered. He wanted to court her, though that idea was probably laughed off as old-fashioned by now. And, come to that, they themselves might well be called too old fashioned for courting. He would settle for being her lover, then, if that was all he was good for. If she would have him.
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