Notes:
Disclaimer see chapter 1
Again a huge thank you to all of you for sticking around - enjoy the next chapter...

Three days later Steve still clearly remembered the expressions on Chin's and Kono's faces when he told them what happened. At first there was only shock and surprise in their eyes, but it was soon mixed with a hint of disgust, quickly hidden behind a mask of sympathy and compassion. He'd tried to explain everything and they had said they understand, but how could they? He himself couldn't understand his own motives any longer, he was no longer sure if he had done the right thing. There had to have been another choice, something else he could have done other than shooting his partner.

McGarrett shifted uneasily in his chair, cursing under his breath when his elbow painfully made contact with the armrest. He stared down at his right arm, the white bandage providing a sharp contrast to his tanned skin. For the first time in his life he just accepted, without opposition, being on medical leave, gladly taking the chance to be at Danny's side each and every moment. Part of him felt bad about not being at work, helping Chin and Kono finish the case, but he quickly shoved the feeling aside, adding it to the pile of guilt he already hid deep inside.

His gaze traveled to the still figure of his partner, assessing every single injury for at least the thousandth time, recalling what the doctors had told him about Danny's condition. The gunshot wound itself hadn't been critical, the surgeons were able to remove the bullet and fix the femur without any major problems. Danny would have to be careful not to put too much weight on the leg for a few weeks but given time it would heal completely. The bruises on Danny's face as well as the cuts on his neck had already started to heal and even his left cheekbone, which fortunately was only partially fractured, didn't require further surgery.

No, the main concern was not the visible injuries and yet it had been Steve's bullet that had caused the most trouble.

The doctors had been cautiously optimistic the first day after surgery, expecting Danny to wake up at any moment, but when nothing happened, Steve had seen the concern on their faces growing with every passing hour.

It had been almost a full day later when Danny's condition finally changed… but unfortunately not for the better.

Instead of waking up, Danny's breathing became more and more labored and it was then that Steve first heard the diagnosis 'fat embolism syndrome'. He hadn't paid a lot of attention to the doctor explaining the symptoms, something about dyspnea, impaired consciousness and petechiae, because the only thing that had stuck to his mind had been the fact that the mortality rate of fat embolism syndrome was approximately 10 to 20 percent.

Steve took a deep breath and then exhaled in a long sigh, his left hand tiredly rubbing his eyes. He hated so much not being in control of a situation, but there was absolutely nothing he could do right now. There was nothing more the doctors could do apart from providing oxygen, fluids and some drugs to ensure kidney function. It was all up to Danny now…

Steve got up from his chair next to Danny's bed. He just stood there motionless for a few minutes, looking down at his partner. Although an oxygen mask covered most of Danny's face, the bruises on his left cheek and around his swollen eye were clearly visible. His breathing was fast but steady at the moment; Steve had overheard the doctors talking earlier, if there was even the slightest sign of respiratory failure they would have no choice but to put Danny on a ventilator.

McGarrett sighed as he stiffly walked to the window, staring outside at the falling dusk without really seeing anything. Apart from the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, the room was deathly silent. Steve had somehow grown accustomed to the noise over the last few days, most of the time he managed to tone out the unnerving beeping. But now, as the last of the day's sunlight faded, he became more aware of the sound, unconsciously counting the beeps.

About 100 beeps per minute, that meant 6.000 beeps per hour, 144.000 hours per day.

Steve had been here for the last three days, leaving only during the darkest hours of the night when visiting hours were over and he had been forced to go home. Restless hours spent at home, taking a quick shower, changing clothes, trying unavailingly to find some sleep. Not even Cath had been able to help him in finding his inner peace, then he'd be back at the hospital as early as possible the next morning, sitting at Danny's bedside, watching for any change in his partner's condition.

He thanked God for the fact that Grace was still down with the flu, he couldn't have stood seeing the sadness and hope in her big brown eyes. Several hours a day, either Chin or Kono were at his side, providing support and comfort before they returned to work. On the one hand Steve was glad for their presence, for the short conversations that distracted him momentarily from his dark musing, but if he was honest he preferred being alone with Danny. He didn't want to talk anymore about what had happened or about anything else, he was so tired of explaining, he just wanted Danny to wake up, assuring him everything would be alright.

Throwing a glance at his watch, Steve sighed frustrated. Visiting hours would be over in about twenty minutes and he was sure that soon one of the nurses would show up to kick him out.

The darker it got outside, the louder the sound of the heart monitor seemed to grow in his ears. Three days of sitting, waiting and watching, that meant more than 400.000 beeps, constantly reminding him of what he had done. So much time for remorse and contemplation, for fear and guilt. Over and over Steve thought about his decision to pull the trigger, asking himself if there might have been any other option. He remembered the expression on Hank Philips' face, the mad gleam in his eyes; McGarrett had been so sure back then, that the choice he'd made was the only possible one to get Danny out alive.

It had felt so right and his only fear had been if Danny wouldn't understand his decision. Steve knew that Danny didn't like getting shot, which was totally comprehensible because, honestly, nobody liked to get hurt. He had been prepared for some major Danny rant about how crazy Steve was and what he had been thinking or if he had been thinking at all.

Raising his left arm, Steve leaned against the window, his forehead resting at his forearm. He was so tired of everything, of all those terrible things he had experienced. He closed his eyes as he heaved in another deep breath.

McGarrett had seen too many people die, too many people he had loved, cared for or worked with; family, friends, buddies. But never – never – had someone he loved died at his hands. Sure, he had killed many times, perhaps too many, but it had always been part of the job, orders that had to be followed, missions that had to be completed. He had killed, had seen people die right next to him, more than once not every member of his team had made it out alive. But back in the SEALs it had always been the mission first and foremost, they had all been trained to put the success of the mission before their own life. They all knew that every mission bore a certain level of 'acceptable losses for the greater good'. But he was no longer part of a SEAL team, he was a cop now and in civilian life not everything was about the mission, but rather about the people.

Wearing a uniform, be it military or police, always poses the risk of getting hurt or dying on the job, they all knew that. But this time had been different. Danny hadn't been injured by one of the bad guys but by his own partner, who should have been there to provide support and back-up, not to deliberately shoot him. Steve didn't care any longer if Danny understood his motives, he would gladly accept any rant and yelling his partner might give him, if Danny would just wake up.

It was almost completely dark by now, the room only dimly lit by the display of the heart monitor, but Steve didn't bother to switch on the light. It didn't matter anyway, only a few more minutes until he would be forced to leave, spending another sleepless night away from his partner. He breathed in deeply as he straightened his body, rolling his shoulders in a vain attempt to ease the tenseness inside him.

Freezing abruptly in the middle of the movement, McGarrett's eyes snapped open… something was different. Slowly turning around, Steve squinted against the darkness of the room. His gaze darted around as he tried to decipher what it was, as far he could see, Danny was still lying motionless in the bed.

Steve tilted his head, listening closely to the ever-present sound of the heart monitor, noticing that the beeping was no longer as fast as before. With four large steps he crossed the room, forcefully hitting the light switch by the door. He blinked a few times until his eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness as he rushed back to Danny's bedside.

A quick glance at the monitor confirmed what he'd heard, Danny's heart rate had slowed down to a steady 72. Letting his gaze travel over his partner, Steve felt his own heart start racing as he saw a slight twitch of Danny's fingers and the tiny movement behind his eyelids. Like his heart rate, Danny's respiratory rate had decreased in frequency as well, his breaths now deep and slow. His chest rose with one particular deep breath as his eyelids began to flutter.

"Danny?" Steve asked, his voice hoarse and raspy of disuse and emotion. Clearing his throat, he bent forward, gently squeezing Danny's arm. "Danny? Can you hear me?"

A small grin spread across Steve's face as Danny blinked sluggishly; after three days of waiting there was finally a change in Danny's condition.

"Danny?" Steve repeated slowly, the smile freezing on his lips. He hesitantly removed his hand from Danny's arm as he saw the unfocused and bleary gaze in his partner's blue eyes. The little bubble of hope that had built inside Steve burst all of a sudden when Danny showed no sign that he recognized or even heard McGarrett's voice.

Steve pushed the call button with trembling fingers as he watched Danny's eyes slip closed once again.

(tbc)