Last chapter, guys! I'm really sad this story is over, but everything must end. I really enjoyed all of your reviews, they were all so helpful and wonderful. The song used in this chapter is Guns and Horses by - who else? - the magnificent Ellie Goulding. Just so you all know, the ending almost very different. I hope you like it.
Reviews are very much appreciated.
...
You're so quiet,
But it doesn't phase me.
You're on time,
You move so fast, makes me feel lazy.
...
She's only nineteen and she's weak. It's the truth and she hates it. Yes, she's always been a little broken over him (and Victoire). But this is different. She had him, but he slipped away taking her smile with him and now's she's shattered. Being heartbroken is numbing and she's utterly unprepared for such excruciating emptiness.
So she just shows up at the doorstep of Lorcan's flat an hour later, soggy and dripping from the poring rain with teary red-rimmed eyes. Because when her world's crashing down around her Lorcan will be there to fix it. It's on of those universal truths - Lorcan can fix just about anything. Too bad he probably can't fix his best friend's broken heart. Only Teddy can ever fix her now, she thinks.
He opens the door and she practically falls into him. Because he's Lorcan, he's her constant, and really the only person who hasn't deserted her yet.
She's just happy he hasn't said, "I told you so."
...
And let's join forces,
We've got our guns and horses.
I know you've been burned.
...
Harsh, bright sunlight wakes her up next morning cocooned in all the afghans of Lorcan's couch. Her nose is stuffy, her throat is scratchy, her eyes feel glued together, and she still isn't done crying. All she wants the world to stop spinning so she can regroup and process what the hell just happened. Because she still isn't sure.
She stumbles in to Lorcan's tiny kitchen and finds him laying out breakfast. Suddenly, she's pretty sure she has no idea just how lucky she is to have him.
"Thank you, Lorc. You're the best." Sometimes she feels like she doesn't say it enough. He'll never know how much she owes him, for always being there.
"Yeah, I know." Lorcan says a weird tone in his voice. It reminds her of the time they seventeen and he finally blew up on her. Merlin knows she deserved it, but it's that voice that makes her worry. Worry he's going to finally get tired of being such a fucked up person's only real friend and leave just like everyone else does.
She's reaches for her bag that she left in on the kitchen table and pulls out a packet of cigarettes. Methodically, she lights up and inhales, eyes shut. She hasn't needed to with Teddy around. It just didn't seem as appealing. He was her nicotine, addictive and deadly.
(Stop it, just stop it now.)
"I thought you quit." Lorcan comments, slightly disapproving. He's never liked her smoking, he just passively suggests she quit without much force every now and then.
"So did I." She shrugs, her eyes blank.
...
But every fire is a lesson learned
...
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, cautiously. She knows he hates people crying, especially hysterically sobbing girls, so means a lot that he asked, since he knows she's a weepy train-wreck.
"N-n-not really." She lies through the tears blurring her vision. Then she just loses it and buries her head in the chest, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Shh-shit, Dom, please... Don't cry, shh." Lorcan just wraps his arms around her, "It's going to be okay."
He's lying to her, and she's kind of okay with it. It feels so nice to have some tell her everything's going to be okay, even if she knows it probably won't be.
Lorcan's been her best friend for a long time, it's been the two of them, Lorcan&Dominique against the world for a long time, but at this moment she feels acutely aware how much of their friendship she takes for granted. How she can just show up at his flat without warning and know that she can stay there as long as she needs. Emotionally, Lorcan will always be her rock. Somehow, she knows Lorcan will never need her, never depend on her, quite as much as she needs him.
It gives her an ugly feeling, knowing she doesn't put as much into their friendship as he does. She's always the one taking stupid impulsive risks. He's always the one building her back up.
And she knows it'll always be like that. She loves Lorc and listens to his problems, dispensing sharply witty, generally unhelpful, borderline-motherly advice. But his problems never are as big, they never hurt him as much.
Hiccuping, she wipes her eyes on her shirtsleeves, trying not to notice how she's smearing eye make-up all over them.
"Thanks," Her voice is a whisper, silently thanking Merlin Lorcan puts up with her.
He doesn't even cringe that much when she wipes her nose of his sweatshirt.
"Really?" With anyone else he'd be hexing them into oblivion, being the slightly germaphobic neat-freak he is. But he just lets it go because the they do stuff like that for each other. They make exceptions. Like how she never lets anyone see her cry except him.
(Teddy's never truly seen her cry.)
"Really." She smiles.
Lorcan has a far-away look in his eyes, "It's really going to be okay. You'll get better. I promise, Dom."
He never been one to offer to beat some up for her - she could always handle that herself, even sometimes offering to rough up people of him. Lorcan just lets you talk, let it all out.
"I... I was just really, really happy, Lorc."
He sighs, "I know, Dominique, I know."
...
I left my house,
I left my clothes.
Door wide open,
heaven knows,
You're so worthy, you are.
...
It would be so much easier for her to be in love with Lorcan and not Teddy. Because he would never ever break her heart, because he's Lorcan Scamander and he doesn't do things like that.
But she doesn't get to choose who she falls for.
"I'm sorry." It's an apology rattling around her brain, begging to be let free. She blurts it out, because she's lost all self-control since Teddy's gone. Gone. She hates that - she hates how much she truly needed him, still needs him. It scares her.
"For what?"
"Being a burden." She says, her words coiled into tight springs.
"You're not a burden, Dominique." He says kind of stern lilt in his voice that's says that this ends here. "So, I've been thinking... I was thinking you need a change."
"Change?" She asks tonelessly.
Lorcan says carefully, "Yeah, like to get away. From here."
"You want me to leave because of him, don't you?" She whispers, her eyes blurring because she'd not sure if she wants to see.
"Yes," He admits. "But it would be good for you. To go somewhere abroad, to live without Teddy, learn how to be Dominique again... Learn how to love again. Stop letting your feelings for him dictate the things you do, Dom. Do this for you."
"I know how to love, Lorcan. I love you, you know that." She picks at the skin by her thumbnail. A quiver a smile is on her lips, "You're my best friend."
He smiles in spite of himself, "That's not what I meant and you know it."
"Okay," She decides, speak clearly for the first time. Now or never, "I'll go."
...
But I wish I could feel all it for you,
I wish I could be it all for you,
If I could erase the pain
And maybe you'd feel the same.
...
She remembers when they were young and summer stretched forever and she could rely on things. Whenever they returned to school, there was always anticipation mixed with naivety. They were both naive enough to believe the beginning of the school year was a fresh start. That they could be new people.
It was a great illusion till mid-October when they realized that this year will be about the same as last year.
Even though she knows deep down she is just fooling herself, she lets Lorcan cut off all of her hair and tries to feel new again.
"I should be a bloody hair-dresser." Lorcan announces as her inspects his handy-work on her head. "You look fabulous, all thanks to me."
Really, she has to admit, it looks pretty good. A lot better then she had expected. It's really short, thought. But she looks sophisticated and chic, things she knows she isn't, but she'd like to play pretend for a while.
Instead of staying that, she wrinkles her nose, "Let's have some thing stay the same, okay?"
...
I'd do it all for you,
I would.
...
"You can't avoid them forever, Dom. " Lorcan calls, walking into the living room.
She really hates how he's always right about this kind of stuff.
"I can sure as hell try."
He sighs, like she's far too much to handle. Maybe she is. "They're your family."
"So?" Her throat's dry and scratchy.
"I know he hurt you. He hurt you badly. And he'll be there, it'll fucking suck. But, you're stronger." His soothing voice make her feel so safe. She's a needy friend, always needing him to prop her up. Instead of saying anything, she nods.
"Okay."
...
Let's tie words,
'Cause they amount to nothing.
Play it down.
...
Leaning against one of the trees in the orchard, Teddy finally finds her. She feels different, yet all the same.
"Your hair..." He trails off like he's got so much to say, but just can't.
It's gone. She cut it all off. Wavy strawberry blond strands stop right at her chin.
"Yeah, my hair." Her voice's carefully measured.
"I-I think it looks beautiful, Dom." Teddy offers her a tiny smile. Charming as ever.
That stupid boy with his stupid gorgeous eyes and his stupid sweet words and his stupid perfect self.
"Don't, Teddy." She hisses, sharply.
"Don't what, Dominique? Don't act like we care about each other?" He snaps back at her.
She grits her teeth, "You do not have that right any more. Teddy, you can't just act like nothing happened, like you didn't hurt me!"
"I didn't have a choice!"
"A choice? You had plenty of choices, you just took the easiest one!" Her voice catches, "It's easier being Victoire, because everyone planned for it. People used to talk about how you two would get together, do you know that? Being with me was hard because it shocked people. Because it didn't make other people happy... But it made us happy."
Teddy smiles, almost painfully, and laughs a dry laugh, "You always know just what I'm thinking, don't you, love?"
Maybe because he's always on your mind.
...
Pretend you can't take what you've found,
But you found me,
On a screen you sit at permanently.
...
She disappears after family dinner, hiding in the orchard, watching the sunset. It makes her wonder if the sunset will be this heart-breakingly beautiful wherever she's going. The sunset's heart-breaking because, just like them, she always knows it can't last.
Hiding her face in her hands, she can't get images of Victoire and Teddy out from behind her eyes. Her older sister gripped Teddy's arm possessively the entire night, shooting her suspicious eyes. Everything about Victoire now has a desperate hint to it. She's so desperate to hold onto Teddy, she'd probably do anything.
Teddy finds her quicker this time, his hands jammed in his pockets.
"I'm sorry, Dom. I shouldn't have pushed things." Teddy apologizes. "I-I know I hurt you. And, trust me, that's the last thing I wanted. But, I did what I did because I couldn't disappoint everyone. I wish I hadn't. Because we're more important. Us being happy is more important. I love you, and I know I fucked up. I'll do anything to make it up to you."
She looks at him, "You will?"
"Anything."
She blurts out, "Are you happy now? With her?"
"Dom, please-" His eyes look pained.
"I want an answer. I think I deserve that at least."
He says, chuckling, "I just broke up with her. She's livid, actually."
Teddy Lupin loves Dominique Weasley more than Victoire. It's a bittersweet victory. Her heart soars and she wants to kiss him, but she just sits there. It's her pride, her stubbornness that keeps from forgiving him. Maybe she's being unreasonable, because he is redeeming himself, but her pride eclipses it.
"Why did you do that, Teddy?" She turns away, because he's making everything more complicated.
Teddy say in a strained voice, "Because I made a mistake throwing us away. I understand if you don't want me back. I don't even deserve you.'
It's funny, hearing someone say they don't deserve her.
"I'll think about it."
...
It's time to come clean,
And make sense of everything.
It's time that we found out who we are,
Cause when I'm standing here in the dark,
I see your face in every star.
...
She thinks about it until it's almost too late. For months she ignores him. It visibly hurts Teddy, almost as badly as their break-up hurt her, to the point were even Lorcan thinks maybe she should give him a chance. But she can't make herself do anything. Not yet.
She knocks on his flat's door. Honestly, she has no right to be here after the way she ignored him. But she doesn't want to disappear without him knowing. She just can't.
Teddy swings open the door, his eyes widening is surprise,"Dom?"
Before he can say another word, she blurts out, "I'm leaving tomorrow."
She's finally got all her affairs in order. Sold her flat, withdrew from Auror training, made up excuses for her family, packed what's left her stuff. All that's left is to leave.
"Where?" His brilliant eyes fill with hurt.
"Somewhere... not here. Starting in France, but from there I don't know." She knows she's being incredibly vague, but it's the truth. She has no idea where she's going except it's away from here. Far, far away from here.
"Why?"
She whispers, "I need something new."
"New." Teddy echoes.
"Teddy? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ignored you these past months. I just didn't know how to handle things. I run away from things when I can't deal with them."
Suddenly he leans down a kisses her, full on the lips. She gasps, taken by surprise, too shock to even push him away. It's just like before - intoxicating. They're the only ones for each other, they always will be.
"I've always wanted to go to Paris." He whispers.
She can't help but grin, "I guess you can come along then, huh?"
...
Heaven knows
You're so worthy, you are
...
They elope to Paris the very next day.
Happily-ever-after, like she never thought she would have. But she has it now. And more, importantly she has Teddy.
At last, they finally have each other.
...
I'd do it all for you, I would
...