Waking up in the morning, Shirou realizes that he forgot to take off his sparkly sequined glove. "Oh right, I moonwalked home last night after being slapped by Berserker…" He jumps to his feet and realizes that he is somehow naked.

"SAKURAAAAAAAA!"

"Morning Senpai." Sakura slides the door open and pokes her head in the room, a small amount of drool drips down her chin upon seeing Shirou's throbbing man meat.

"What the shit have you done with my clothes?" Shirou whips around, almost smacking Sakura in the face with his morning erection.

Sakura giggles mischievously. "What makes you think I had anything to do with it?"

"ISN'T IT ALWAYS YOU!"

"How do you know it wasn't the dog?"

Shirou sighs. "Because Lancer doesn't usually come to this side of town." He then leans close to Sakura's face and glares at her. His rage making his pupils turn into a raging inferno. "Where. Are. My. Clothes."

Sakura merely grins and licks the tip of Shirou's nose.

"I AM SO GOING TO BRAIN YOU!" Shirou roars.

Sakura points downward at Shirou's still raging love rocket with a longing look on her face. "I won't mind if you do it with that." She says seductively.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW!" Shirou leaps at her with his arms outstretched, growling like Berserker after Ilya makes him shut off the TV.

Sakura dances gracefully out of the way, causing Shirou to land flat on his face in the hallway. Shirou gets up and Sakura begins to trot gingerly down the long hallway.

"HERE COMES THE PAIN!" Shirou roars and he begins to pursue Sakura down the hallway.

"Eeek. Please be gentle Senpai." Sakura squeals and poorly fakes a girl in distress and continues to run from Shirou.

"GET YOUR FAT ASS BACK HERE!"

In the living room, Saber and Rider had just seen a naked Shirou chase Sakura through the room and into the opposite hallway.

"It seems Shirou is awake." Saber said casually as she elegantly sipped her morning tea.

"Indeed." Rider replied.

About an hour and at least fifteen more penis jokes later…

"Hey, Senpai. I had a good idea for lunch!" Sakura says cheerfully as she approaches a now fully clothed Shirou lazing around on the couch.

"What?" Shirou sits up and finds Sakura holding something secretively behind her back.

Sakura produces something large and shiny from behind her back. It was a large trout, probably about 3 feet long. Her lips curl into a jagged smile and her mouth opened wide like a shark's. Her eyes rolled slowly back into her head as her jaw unhinged like a snake's.

"FIIIIIISH!" Sakura moaned horrifically like some undead monster and sunk her teeth into the fish which began to flap about wildly, its lidless eyes stared at Shirou as if screaming for help.

"NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO! NOT THE FISH! THAT POOR DEFENSELESS TROUT! HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!"

Shirou sat bolt upright and began to scream like a madman. After he realized it had all been a dream he wiped the sweat off his head and plopped his head back down on the couch. "Dude, I gotta stop drinking Nyquil…"

"Senpai? Are you okay?" Sakura came running into the room and knelt in front of the couch by him. "Do you need a massage?" She grinned hopefully and started to unzip his pants.

Shirou pushed Sakura off and jumped up all in a single motion. "I'm still pissed at you, fuck off." He growled at her.

"That's the idea!" Sakura said cheerfully.

"I'm going outside to get some fresh air." Shirou began to walk to the front door.

"Oh yeah, I was going to make sushi for lunch. So look forward to it!" She said as she watched Shirou open the door and then stop dead in his tracks.

Shirou felt the blood vessels in his eyes pop one by one. The vein on his forehead began to throb uncomfortably like that time he saw Saber in a maid outfit, though that wasn't exactly his forehead throbbing. "What. The fuck. Did you just say?" The bones in Shirou's neck creaked loudly as he turned his head backwards.

Sakura tilted her head. "Sushi. I'm making it for lunch."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shirou's head began to spin around in an inhuman-like fashion as he recalled that fucked up dream he'd had earlier. From his throat came the screams of a thousand damned souls as he ran out of the house and slammed his front door behind him.

"Son of a bitch… I'm going out for lunch." He sighed.