A/N: Standard disclaimer applies. And I have not intended this fic to be geographically or historically accurate, so please. On a side note, yes, it is possible to tie an obi by yourself. A simpler otaiko musubi can be tied by one person alone- I've seen it done by a friend- by herself- in one of her cultural functions. Relax! I want this to be as cheesy and lighthearted as possible. Thanks.

Just a heads up, this is the last of my saved files. I won't be updating my other fics (HS Life and There's something, and this one too) until January. We all deserve a holiday break... I guess...

Two Less Fish In the Sea

When Sesshomaru stepped on the elevated cedar floors, he did not expect to feel a soft tug on the back of his kimono.

The daiyoukai halted.

Shifting his gaze behind him, he was genuinely surprised to see a subdued, heavily blushing Miko with her stare cast down. Jaken, who was following the mismatched pair, crashed against Kagome's legs ungracefully, cursing as he rubbed his snout. The imp opened his mouth to release a barrage of curses when his master suddenly spoke.

"Is your stomach upset again, onna?" Sesshomaru said almost too callously, but Jaken took a step back, and the imp's eyes grew wide as he saw a subtle glint pass by his master's golden eyes. "Do you need to relieve yourself first before we meet with-"

"No, my stomach's not upset." Kagome answered, "my stomach was never upset." Her eyes connected with his and instantly, Jaken saw the curious glint disappear, his master had masked it so quickly with an "annoyed glare."

His jaw dropped on the floor from a sudden revelation.

"'I don't care if you flog me later for this... but Sesshomaru-sama..." She shyly averted her eyes, "can you..." Kagome fidgeted like a schoolgirl before her beloved senpai, "can you please..."

Jaken watched in horror as a brief tinge of red flashed in Sesshomaru's eyes when she bit the corner of her lip, batting her long eyelashes. "Can you-"

the imp was already on tiptoe, his eyes bulging out as the wench continued her torture.

"Uhm... can you take off-" she trailed again...

"Wench! Can he WHAT already?!" The imp flailed his arms madly, unable to take the scene that was unfolding before his eyes.

"Can you please take your boots off!" Kagome finally blurted out. Jaken's jaw fell to the floor, dumbstruck as the girl continued, "I hate to see such ancient floors being stepped around with grass and dirt!" she was out of breath, finally able to let it out. "I was raised in a shrine, and we tried to preserve it as much as we can." she explained shyly. "this mansion... it seems older than our shrine, and I can see the detail put into the construction of this. So can you please at least take your boots off?"

Jaken's stiffened gaze shifted to his master, and to his relief, Sesshomaru's expression remained as stoic as ever. He heaved a sigh of consolation. It probably was a trick of the light, the imp reassured himself.

"No." Sesshomaru answered.

"No?" Kagome was taken aback.

"No," Sesshomaru repeated. "I had this constructed for me when I was recognized as Daiyoukai, therefore I consider this as my home. And in my home I do what pleases me." He proceeded to turn and walk away when the tug on his back came back full force.

"Not if I can help it," Kagome said squarely. Sesshomaru turned to her, this time glaring. "Take it off," she demanded. Jaken gasped from behind.

"No."

"Take it off... or I'll do it myself." The small woman threatened the towering Demon Lord, the height contrast between them almost looking comical. She clenched her jaw in restraint. "Please."

Jaken watched helplessly at the two before him, falling to his knees in despair. The power struggle between the two as they glared murder at each other... just like a couple! Oh, his poor heart! He couldn't take this any longer!

"You seem to be too concerned with this house than the castle, onna." Sesshomaru commented offhandedly.

"Yeah, 'cause I'd rather live here than in a freaking castle." Geez, she was not The Queen of England to stay in such luxury. She would have rolled her eyes at him but decided it was overkill.

They glared at each other for long moments, both not wanting to back down. Suddenly, in the middle of the intimidation battle, the Western Lord sat on the wooden floor.

The little imp gasped. His master submitted!

To the human girl! Jaken's eyes rolled up to the back of his head, and he fainted on the floor.

The two were too occupied at each other to notice. Sesshomaru held out his right foot, smirking.

Kagome's brows shot up. "What are you doing?!"

"You said you'd take it off yourself." He shifted his foot impatiently. "Go ahead."

Kagome stared dumbly at the immature 300-year old before her. Seriously?

"What's wrong, onna?" he challenged. "All bark and no bite?"

Swallowing her rage Kagome hiked her skirt and sleeves up, all in the knowledge that pulling off boots, especially tailor-fitted ones, was not an easy task. She strode forward and bent down, but even before she could reach out for his foot, Sesshomaru decided to withdraw, causing her to tumble forward, landing on the floor on her knees.

With a deadpan look on her done face, she lifted her head up to see Sesshomaru taking the boots off himself. "Great. Just great." she sourly said as she sat on her bottom. Her pride was sore. Her knees were sore. And her freaking ass was still sore from when Haruka threw her outside the room this morning.

Come to think of it, why the hell was it still throbbing?!

"You thought I would let you take off my boots for me?" He said as he proceeded to pull out his other one, he was still on the floor with her. "Stupid onna."

Kagome opened her mouth to counter with a scathing remark when Sesshomaru suddenly leaned forward and reached out to her, and she stiffened when he seized her calf and tugged at her ankle.

He was taking her geta off, and her face exploded into fireworks of red.

"I... I can do that myself!" Kagome withdrew her foot, but the Western Lord only reached out for her other leg and took off her remaining sandal.

His hands were surprisingly gentle.

He suddenly looked at her, and Kagome's eyes widened in horrified realization:

That her traitorous heart was going Doki-Doki.

"Stop blushing," Sesshomaru deadpanned. "I don't want to know what's going on in your thoughts right now."

Kagome stared at him blankly, the blush completely obliterated. "I don't want to know either."

She did not notice the Western Lord had already stood and held out a hand towards her. "Are you just going to sit there and fantasize about me the whole day?"

She looked up at him, entirely done. "Heh," she chuckled dryly. Fantasize about the many ways to torture you, she thought. "Let's get this over with," Ignoring his hand she stood up and turned to the lump behind her. "What happened to him?"

Jaken was lying unconscious by the entryway, and Kagome would have poked him but his slimy green skin made her think twice.

"Just leave him there." the daiyoukai said as he brushed past her. With one last look at the small eyesore, Kagome ran after her tall non-fiancé. They quietly walked the long corridors and finally, he halted in front of a large, closed room.

"Inoue-sama," he said, and from behind the screen doors, someone coughed.

"Sesshomaru, come in."

The Demon Lord pushed the door open, and Kagome's eyes widened in genuine surprise. Before them was an old turtle youkai sitting behind a chabudai, a stack of parchments and a pen before him.

"Good to have finally met you, Kagome-chan. Sesshomaru mentioned about you in his letter last night. So... let's start with business. Please take a seat."

Kagome marveled at the large room around her. The wooden floors opened up to a deck with a beautiful garden, the relaxing sound of the shishi-odoshi calming her frayed senses. The distant sound of wind chimes striking each other floated inside the room, and a smile broke on Kagome's face, truly pleased. "This is such a beautiful dwelling, Inoue-sama. I wouldn't mind staying here forever."

She took a peek at the quiet inuyoukai beside her: he was looking at her weirdly, as if he was thinking of something profound. She was going to raise a brow at him but decided to be mature. "Inoue-sama," she repeated, refusing to be distracted by that plotting, golden stare.

The wind-chimes played their distant song again.

Silence.

"Inoue-sama?" she shifted her gaze towards the wise youkai, and her brow twitched. The old youkai had his chin tucked on his neck; drool was running down from his mouth.

An obnoxious snore reverberated in the beautiful silence.

"Inoue-sama!" she yelled, startling the poor old turtle.

"E-eh? Now where were we?" the old youkai rummaged through the papers distractedly,

"The two of us were accidentally...engaged," Kagome explained, "we just thought we wanted to speed up the process of-"

The old turtle shoved a piece of parchment in front of her face. "Here, sign with your blood." his leathered face smiled, "that should take care of it."

Kagome stared at him in disbelief. "That quick?" She squinted as she tried to read the ancient writing. It was an old youkai language and she couldn't understand. "Before I sign, can someone just explain this to me-"

Someone snatched the paper before her and Kagome turned to see the Western Lord take a small blade and ran it impatiently on his palm, the drops of his blood dissolving in the parchment. "Now you sign," Sesshomaru demanded, eager to get everything done. Kagome backed away.

"You didn't even read it!" she gasped, and she looked at the old turtle for back-up.

But he was snoring again.

"Sesshomaru-sama, what if-"

"No what ifs. Do you want to hasten the process or not?" He said in heavy ennui.

"But I can't read it, what if it has conditions-" she trailed off. "And how can you do such a thing so brashly?! After your experience with contracts-"

She grabbed the paper and blade away from his hands, but as she did, the blade accidentally pressed the surface of her palm.

Rivulets of her blood soaked the paper and it burst into flames.

Kagome stared wide-eyed at the Inuyoukai before her: this scene, it looked soooo familiar. At that moment, to the poor girl, an omen of misfortune hung heavily in the air. She felt her mouth go dry and her stomach cringe.

Why did she have such a bad feeling about this?

The old turtle youkai suddenly woke up from the small explosion. "Oh, you're done?!" he exclaimed, "Too bad I wasn't awake to witness such a union. Congratulations!"

"What... are you... talking about...?" Kagome's voice was a mere whisper of pure dread.

"You wanted to 'hasten the process' right?" The youkai said with a fulfilled smile, and Kagome paled at his next words:

"I bound you two lovers together for as long as you both shall live. In the eyes of Kami, you are now officially married."