Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't have started crying while watching an amazing Lure video, because Reid wouldn't be dead and there would be absolutely nothing sad about Lure. So I really, really, really wished I owned it!

AN: Weekly update is here! Ok it took 8 days not 7 and Le choix du Coeur won't be updated for…I don't know how long, I'm working on it. Sorry for the delay, school is one thing and celebrating Thanksgiving like 3 times is another. Didn't have time to write. But at least there's this! Oh and HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone! I'm really happy I at least finished this chapter so I can post on Thanksgivingsbecause after all, I owe thanks to all my readers and reviewers! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 10

Luke took a deep breath and sighed loudly. It was so good to feel Reid's arms around him again. It felt so safe. It was not something he was used to with Noah. Had he had a fight with Noah, he wouldn't have been able to relax in Noah's arms until they had cleared things up. He would have…well…he would have been on the defensive, fearing Noah's reaction. But with Reid, he didn't feel those defensive instincts acting up. He just felt completely safe and had a sense of belonging he had always craved but never really found. Luke hugged Reid harder. He had missed the older man so much.

"Feeling better now?" Reid asked softly. He didn't quite know what to make of this, but somehow, having Luke in his arms had made some of his fears disappear. Perhaps Katie was right; maybe things would be alright. Or at least, he hoped so. Spending over three days away from Luke….it sucked. And good Lord, who the hell was he? It was so out of character for Reid to miss someone so much and yet he didn't really mind it where Luke was concerned.

"A little yes" Luke said softly. He released his hold on the older man and looked at him in the eyes. "We need to talk Reid" Reid nodded. "The thing is though" Luke said looking away, "I…I don't really know where to start….I don't really know how to say things right now." Reid thought about that for a few moments.

"Well…perhaps we should start with the things I brought up last time. For example, maybe you'd like to tell me why you told me and Noah you still loved Noah?"

Luke looked up at Reid and gulped. His heart twisted on itself; his gut was churning. He needed to put some distance between Reid and him. He needed to think clearly and being this close to Reid would just make everything even more emotional and Luke wasn't sure if he could handle that or not. He needed to distance himself. Plus…well apparently being this close to Reid turned Luke's brain into a jelly. All he wanted to do was snuggle in those arms and stay there forever, which was really not productive to any resolving of any issues. So Luke got off the bed and brought a chair beside Reid's bed. Reid's heart stopped for a second. Why was Luke putting distance between them? Suddenly, Reid feared Luke's answer.

Luke, sensing Reid tense, took his hand. "The answer to that question has two parts. One of which is more personal to that particular situation and one of which is just general about Noah and I. About our couple." Luke took a deep breath. "What you need to understand Reid is that Noah and I….we weren't like you and I are. Our relationship was quite different."

"Obviously" Reid snorted.

"See, right there." Luke pointed out. "If I had had this fight with Noah, he wouldn't have found that funny. He wouldn't have hugged me as I was crying when I came in. He wouldn't have actually wanted to talk to me if I was crying. Noah thought….Noah thought that I cried to try to make him sorry for me, to make him forgive me my faults." Luke paused. His hands started shaking. His head and emotions were one huge mess. Everything was out there right now and it was almost too much for Luke to take. But he needed to do this. He needed to get those things out there and he knew that right now, as he was, he would never be able to say those things to Noah. He wouldn't be strong enough to talk about the problems he had with Noah to Noah; he'd be too scared. But with Reid, Luke felt completely safe. With Reid, Luke felt like he was strong, like he was worth a lot. It's one of the many, many things that made him love the older man as much as he did.

As for Reid, he had suddenly the impression that this conversation would only make his opinion of Noah turn for the worst. Already he could feel his muscles contracting with anger at the idea of Luke being not only left alone to deal with his tears of sadness but also accused of trying to manipulate the other person. Reid knew perfectly well that Luke was able to manipulate people or circumstances to get what he wanted; however, he also knew that Luke would never use that ability against people he loved. Actually, Reid was pretty sure Luke used these abilities only to help the people he loved, which just put another negative point on the list of negative points Noah had accumulated in Reid's mind.

"This conversation that you and I are going to have….there are some things in it, that should be said to Noah. Things I will need to talk to him about. To have some sort of closure. Because, well, there are things I should have gotten off my chest while Noah and I were dating that I never did and I think I might need to talk to him about these things. But Reid…right now…I'm not strong enough for that. Before we really get into it, I need you to understand, that what I will say, that the way I act has nothing to do with my feelings for Noah. All these actions that made you insecure….Reid, they weren't out of love. Not really. Because I have been in love with you for quite a while Dr. Oliver." Luke said, his eyes looking at Reid with so much love and adoration that Reid felt his heart fill with warmth.

"Then what is it Luke? If it's not your feelings for Noah, then what is it?" Reid asked, patiently. He wanted to get answers now, to get moving but he knew he shouldn't rush Luke. He knew he had to be patient and keep his defences down because not only would it stop anything from getting done, but it would also make Katie go all Ancient Greek Fury on his ass and he really, really didn't want that to happen. That woman was truly a force to be reckoned with when angry.

Luke closed his eyes and squeezed Reid's hands. His thoughts were all jumbled up and he needed to put them together and try to make sentences that actually made sense!

"Alright." Luke said, determinedly. He could do this. "First of all, the reason I said I was still in love with Noah that day, is because I freaked out. Like majorly so. I was terrified Reid"

"Of what? Of me?" Reid asked, shocked and a little insulted.

"Reid please if we're gonna do this, I need you not to interrupt. Or at least don't interrupt me with some kind of accusatory tone when I haven't had the chance to explain yet!" Luke said, getting angry. But it faded almost immediately because he recognized why he was getting angry at Reid and it didn't truly have anything to do with Reid. Reid however did not know that and was berating himself for getting Luke angry or worst hurting his feelings.

"I'm sorry Reid, I shouldn't have talked like that"

"No you were right"

"No I wasn't!" Luke exclaimed. "Reid, I didn't get angry…Look you have to understand that…." Luke put his head in his hands. How was he going to say this? What was he even trying to say? God, this was so confusing. Reid looked at the distraught younger man. His heart ached at the sight. He loved Luke. Perhaps he didn't really need an explanation.

"Luke, if you can't do this then it's okay. We don't have to. You…you love me and I love you and that's enough. We'll just forget about the past and move on okay?" Luke looked at his boyfriend's face with a heartbroken look and shook his head.

"No Reid, it's not okay. I was Luke to Noah's Noah, I refuse to let you be Luke to my Noah." Reid eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What was Luke saying? Luke had a small bitter laugh. "It's something Allison said. She told me that if we didn't ash things out between us, then you will be Luke and I will be Noah. You'll push things aside, bury them deep down, because you want to please me and with time those things you pushed aside, they'll eat you out from the inside out and will kill all the love you had for me. The same way never confronting Noah about things kill all the love I had for him. And yet I couldn't leave him Reid. If I had never met you….right now I'd be in Noah's arms. I would have taken him back after the surgery and I would have smiled and convinced myself I still loved him and that I was happy all the while fearing the next 'shit hits the fan' blow to our couple and yet another one of Noah's rejection of me. Alli…Alli thinks that as long as we don't ash this out, I won't be able to give you my all and I want to give you my all Reid. So badly you can't even imagine. But right now, I…it's difficult. The thing is…Katie said that everyone enters a relationship with baggage. Baggage from their childhood, from their past relationships etc. What you need to understand is that I come with a lot of baggage. And I mean a lot. You call Oakdale Oakhell…well you have a point. The thing is…all my baggage from Noah, it's really recent. I mean I haven't got much time to move on from it. So it's possible…you'll have to be really patient with me Reid. I know you're not Noah. You're not anything like Noah and I'm glad you're not like him, I am, I would never have loved you as much if you were different from what you are. You're perfect just the way you are. Well not perfect, but perfect for me? yeah you are. But I might still react to certain situations with you like I did with Noah. I need to learn how to act with you. Like just now, I…well Noah as you well no can be quite accusatory so I might react strongly to that kind of tone. It'll get better though. I promise. I just need to change gears, learn to be with you" Luke said with a smile. Reid squeezed Luke's hand.

"Ok. Patient I can do. Or at least I can try. And hey, if ever I'm impatient about those issues of yours, just tell me, and I'll try to make things better and if that's not enough, tell Katie and Allison; they'll gladly rip me a new one for your sake" Reid joked. Luke laughed at that. Those two together would be really scary. And it's not only Reid that had cause to be afraid of them. Reid was Katie's best friend and Allison somehow started to really care about the older doctor too; Luke would have to be careful about how he acts too.

"Alright, so no accusing or jumping to conclusions….I guess I can do that. Then let me make this right. Luke, what you were afraid of that day?" Reid asked softly. Luke gave him a grateful smile. Reid doing a do-over, trying to make things right, which is like admitting he had done something wrong in the first place….Reid had no idea how much it meant to Luke. It meant the world. It meant that his relationship with Reid would truly be different from his previous one.

"I was scared of a lot of things. Mostly though I was afraid of being hurt. Noah…Noah he is all I know. I expect being hurt with him. I've…I've pushed myself to hope things would be different every single time we got back together, but you know what? Deep down, I think I knew things would never change. Kinda like my parents break up/hooking up again never really changed either. I thought what I had with Noah was how a relationship was supposed to be. And then I met this sarcastic, infuriating doctor who made me feel so many different things and who kissed me and made me feel…made me feel like I was really, truly wanted for who I was. You love me without me having to fight and push for you to love me. You love me even though you know how big of a brat I can be. That's new to me. And that was terrifying because I expected a lot more from you than Noah. And I panicked. Because if all the shit with Noah had hurt me as much as it had, then how much would shit with you hurt me when I loved you more than twice as much as I ever loved Noah in the best of days?" Luke asked, his eyes filling with tears.

"Oh Luke…you stupid idiot" Reid said laughing. "Why haven't you ever told me that? You think I wasn't scared of entering a relationship with you? You think I wasn't scared of being hurt? Luke….I don't do relationships. There's a reason for that. Well many reasons for that actually, one of them being the fear of being hurt. But for you….I was ready to move beyond that fear. For you, I was willing to take that risk."

"I wasn't" Luke said simply. Reid swallowed hard. It bothered him that Luke hadn't been willing to take risk with him "I wasn't because I'm damaged Reid. Not broken, but really damaged. I…I have a lot of issues that have followed me from my relationship with Noah. But you know that already. You've seen first hand how I keep clinging to him, how I can't let go."

"Yes I'm well aware of that" Reid said somewhat bitterly.

"I know you are. But it's not because I love him Reid. I don't love him anymore and I've never loved him correctly at all. What happened with Noah…he had so much power over me...I made him my whole world. I don't know when it happened but it did. Suddenly I was nothing else other than Noah's boyfriend and I lived entirely and solely for him. Which could have been fine I supposed… but it wasn't because it wasn't mutual. Noah never…It still hurts me to say it or think it" Luke said in a small, hurt voice. This was the sort of post-relationship revelation that really sucked. "Noah he never gave me as much as I gave him. Not even close. I was always at arms length and although he didn't give me his all, I was expected to give him my all. I mean you saw how he reacted to you and me! I get that he was pissed about me lying to him, but it was more than that. He was…it's like I had done something wrong by being with you, even though Noah and I had been broken up for months. And yet, he still found a way to make it look like I had done something wrong again and like I would need to make it up to it. God I'm so tired of that. I'm so tired of being the one who's always in the wrong."Luke babbled rapidly, under all the different emotions battling inside him.

"So you see, when the time came to choose between you two, I remembered how he hurt me so much at times that…I couldn't take it Reid. Noah…with him I knew I'd get hurt but I was to a point where since I didn't love him, it couldn't break me. You however could have. You wouldn't have, I realise that now. You're an adult. You know exactly what you want and if something isn't working you're not shy about saying it. You would try to talk to me if we fought. You'd look at this logically, you'd admit it if you're wrong although begrudgingly, and you'd be able to apologize. But you need to understand that I'm not coming from a relationship that worked like that. Hell you know that. You pointed it out. You told me yourself that you didn't like how Noah was treating me. And my parents, they aren't much better at this whole relationship thing than Noah and I were."

"And yet you defend him continually" Reid said, his voice hard. He hadn't meant to sound harsh but it was something that had really hurt Reid. Reid normally hated talking about his emotions but both Katie and Allison had once told him that he should tell Luke how what he did affected him.

"Yes" Luke admitted reluctantly.

"That hurt." Reid said simply. If he was going to do this, then he'd do it his way: directly. "When you kept defending Noah or talked about him like he was so amazing, that hurt Luke. Hell that killed me. I love you so much and I knew…I knew you still loved him even though you were kind of with me. It's like I was a consolation prize. And I'm no one's consolation prize."

"No" Luke said strongly. "You're amazing Reid. You could never be anything else than the number one. You couldn't be anything else but my number one Reid. For at least over a month before Texas, it was you. It was always you. But I didn't know how to let go of Noah. I didn't know how to not give up everything for him because that's what I had been doing over and over again for years. Noah wanted to marry Ameera to keep her from deportation and continue seeing me on the side even though it made me feel like crap, like the evil home-wrecker mistress, then fine. That's what I did. But I wasn't happy deep down and my love for him just continued disappearing. But even knowing all those things I…I'm afraid that you might hear me defend him again in the future. I'll try not to because retrospectively some things we've been through were really shitty and it was in big part Noah's fault. I've thought a lot in the last few days, and I've finally admitted many things to myself, but old habits die hard. Especially the kind of bad habits I have from my relationship with Noah."

"Like what? What did he do to you Luke? Why do you feel so damage? It's breaking my heart. I never want to see you like this. You look so miserable and hurt right now. I just want to take you in my arms and say everything will be alright."

"I'd like that" Luke said softly, "but I'm afraid if you take me in your arms right now I won't want to leave them. I'll just want to cuddle silently with you and we need to finish this."

"Yes we need to. Luke you see yourself as damaged but when I look at you, I don't see that at all. I see the most wonderful person I have ever met. Someone with such a kind heart but who's not afraid to speak his mind and go against me when I'm acting like an insensitive jerk." Luke started crying. His body was shaking through the sobs. No one had ever talked about him like that. When Reid spoke about Luke like this, it made Luke feel like he was wonderful and worth the trouble.

"I don't think Noah ever saw me like that." Luke admitted "And he certainly never made me feel like that. You know what you call caring, he'd called smothering. He never liked me going against him like you do. He didn't accept it. He was always right and I was always wrong. I was the one causing all the problems. I was the one who was seeing things and acting like a jealous idiot. I was the one responsible for things going sour and I was never allowed to forget that. And yeah I was a lot of trouble I guess. You don't…" Luke looked down. "There are things in my past that I'm not proud of"

"Like 85% of the adult population Luke. The other 15% are just too big jerks to regret the bad things they've done"

"God I love that about you!" Luke said giving Reid a huge smile "You just…You don't make a huge deal of things. You know I'm human. You don't make me feel awful because I'm not exactly the way you want me to be. Noah… towards the end, I felt like he was the one doing me a favour by dating me, like I wasn't worth anything at all. I'm sure he never meant to make me feel that way, but it's nonetheless true. That's how I saw things. That's how I came to see myself. As Noah's boyfriend. As being the luckiest person in the world for having someone who cares for me because no one else would have ever put up with all my shit."

"My God, Luke." Reid said softly. His tone was sad. His heart ache for the younger man while another part of his brain was imaging all the horrible things he could do to Noah Mayer with a scalpel. "Why the hell didn't you leave him before recently? You don't start feeling like that overnight. He's had to be hurting you for months, maybe years to get you to this point of self-loathing."

Luke shrugged. "I couldn't. I just couldn't. You know my parents; they're not really good for each other I think. Everyone has always told me that they were meant to be and yet when I look at how Dad is with Molly and how Molly is with him…That's a healthy couple Reid. They work things out, they don't accuse each other, they trust each other and just….I don't know. I can't really explain it. When I saw my parents together I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. There always seemed to be this underlying tension even in the good times, like it was inevitable that things would turn sour. I don't feel like that about Dad and Molly. But I felt exactly like that with Noah. I always kept the 'when is the other shoe gonna drop' question in my head and I forced myself not make it drop. I tried so hard to be what Noah wanted and to give him what he needed, and yet it was never good enough. And in return, I wasn't getting what I needed you, I feel like it's more like Dad and Molly. At least if Dad doesn't pull a Luke and walks right back into a relationship with my mom that is doom to not work no matter how much they might want to. Sometimes, love is not enough and sometimes you don't even stay because of love; you just stay by habit"

"That's wrong. To stay just by habit. It's unhealthy" Reid said.

Luke chuckled. "Tell me about it! But it happens and it's hard to break the habit."

Luke paused. There was another question that he needed to answer. He guessed it was now or never. "You asked Allison to ask me a question" Luke started. Reid took in a deep breath. It was a question that he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to. "If Noah had been in the picture….you won't like the answer Reid, but no I wouldn't have been able to tell and do all these things. Not because I wouldn't have felt them or wanted to do them" Luke clarified. "I just wouldn't have been capable of doing them because of all the power Noah still had over me. I felt…you know I felt guilty Reid. I felt so much guilt it was eating me up inside destroying me and almost destroying what I have with you. Yet, it was stupid; do you think I had reasons to feel guilty?"

"Of course not!" Reid exclaimed. "You had nothing to feel guilty about. You were broken up Luke; you didn't owe him anything. And the accident with the fireworks was just that: an accident"

"Ah yes, but Noah has always told me the opposite. And he thinks I did have reasons to feel guilty. I told you; everything was always my fault. Everything bad that happened to Noah was somehow my fault. Like now, I can bet you anything that the way he sees it is that we're not together because I kissed you behind his back; not because I broke off with him after he chose nothing over all. And that's how he always thought and I followed his beliefs. It's hard to stop thinking that way. When you think you're not worth anything, when you think it's a miracle someone could ever want to be with you, when you think your only worth is to take care of that one person…" Luke said tears starting to fall gain. Reid was shocked to say the least. He really had never thought Luke could think so little of himself and although he had hated how Noah had treated Luke, he hadn't thought that it would have had such a terrible impact on Luke. Luke, his Luke, always looked so strong and was always out to get exactly what he wanted. Noah's Luke however….well it didn't matter anymore. Luke was Reid's not Noah and Reid would be damned if his Luke thought so low of himself.

"Luke, listen to me. I don't know what kind of guilt trip and emotional abuse Mayer has done to you in the past, but this kind of talk stops now. There is nothing wrong with you. I love you and I don't love easily Snyder. You're special, you're precious, you're amazing though so infuriating and stubborn at times " Luke chuckled."And most important of all, you're mine. Not Mayer's not anybody else's. Mine. And my boyfriend is amazing. I'm amazing I can't be with anyone less amazing than me and I'm not. Forget what Noah said. He was wrong. He was so wrong Luke"

Luke nodded. "Yeah…I've…I've begun to see that since I've met you."

"Good" Reid said firmly. "Now all you need to do is let Noah go"

"I want to. I really do. I want to move on past all of this. To stop feeling like I have to change myself to be love. I…It might take time before I stop trying too hard with you but I…I think that's ok. I think you'll just bear with my issues and help me work through them. But I also think I need to talk to him to really let go and I can't now…please don't ask me to Reid. I…I'm not strong enough…he's not like you. I don't feel safe with him. When I got here, when you took me in your arms, it didn't matter that we had a fight, that you might still be angry with me. I felt safe and relaxed and I wasn't scared that you'd explode and say really mean things to me, pushing all of my insecurities, shoving my faults back in my face. Of course, you don't know many of those things. F*ck Reid, there are a lot of things you don't know about me. You love me but I come with a lot of shit. One in particular that could come back…Noah he knows all that stuff. He knows all the bad things and yet he always took me back so I guess…there was a certain security in that. But otherwise, right now, I don't trust him or me enough to think that I could talk to him without getting really hurt. If he lashes out right now…I need to reaffirm my own worth before going to him. You've helped me a lot with that since I've met you but the last confrontation with Noah has brought back all those self-worth and inadequacy issues and I need to work through them completely again before confronting Noah. Because I fear that a discussion with him will be just that: a confrontation." Reid nodded. He could understand that Luke wasn't ready to see Noah now that he knew it wasn't out of guilt or out of love; it was simply out of self-preservation against Noah.

"When you talked about things I don't know about, did you mean your kidney transplant?" Luke looked at him in shock "I saw you with just a towel on in Texas remember? What kind of surgeon would I be if I couldn't identify a surgery scar? Not to mention you don't drink"

Luke looked down in shame. His hands shook and tears silently fell from his already red eyes. He closed his eyes painfully and swallowed down hard. He…He didn't know if he could tell Reid about his…about it. One of the things he could give to Noah is that he stuck around with an alcoholic. Not everyone could do that. Not everyone could support an alcoholic through the difficulties of battling addiction. But then again…had Noah really supported him? Hadn't things with him actually made Luke want to drink that much more? He hadn't really had the urge to drink when he had fought with Reid; yet when Noah kept pushing him away and blaming him for his blindness, Luke felt the urge to just empty a bottle of whisky almost every day. With Noah, the saying that being an alcoholic was an every day battle tended to be much too true for Luke's liking. Maybe with Reid it would be different. For one, Luke's pretty sure Reid would royally kick his ass if he ever saw him drink alcohol when he only has one kidney. Maybe Reid didn't need to know about this part of Luke's past.

"Luke? What is it?"

"Nothing." Luke answered quickly.

"Luke" Reid said with a harder tone. "Don't lie to me. I can see there's something else that bothered you just now. You looked away. You almost looked ashamed of yourself." Luke looked away with shame again. "There you just did it again. What's wrong Luke?"

"Do we really have to talk about this now?"

"Seems like as good time as any. Allison said it was better to clear any issues we had at the beginning of the relationship"

"Well…I really don't want to tell you this but…I guess you need to know in case…in case I fall again" Reid looked confused. "Reid, having one kidney isn't why I'm not drinking alcohol. I mean I know I can't afford to drink with one kidney but…" Luke took a deep breath and silently prayed that what he would say next would not make him lose the man he loved. "but that hasn't stopped me from drinking before. I'm…" Luke looked up and looked Reid in the eyes "I'm an alcoholic Reid. If I drink, chances are I won't be able to stop until I've finished at least a couple of bottles. Chances are that somewhere during our relationship, I'll screw up and fall and start drinking and…I don't want that to happen. But statistically speaking, the chances are high that I will. And alcoholics, they're not easy people to live with. The things you do under the influence of alcohol…well if you want to know how that is, you should talk to my dad's cousin Jack Snyder. Carly, the woman he loves now and used to be married to, she's like me; she's an alcoholic. He could tell you stories, tell you how hard it is on the sober partner." Luke looked down at his hands. "Living with me…It could get really hard. There's no guarantees. I'd…I'd understand if you'd "

"Stop right there Luke Snyder!" Reid interrupted him. His voice was loud and almost sounded angry. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare think for even one second that this will change anything between us. Yes, I might avoid drinking in front of you, but that would be to make you more comfortable Luke. Not because I don't trust you to resist temptation. Because I do. And if you don't, if you start drinking again, then yes I admit as a doctor and worried boyfriend, I'll want to rip you a new one because of the kidney and want force you to attend medical conferences with me where they'll show you exactly what you're kidney will look like if you drink. But I won't do it because I know me getting angry at you would be the last thing you need. I'll sit down with you and ask you when the need to drink reappeared, what prompted it and we'll find ways together to get rid of what triggered your drinking and then we'll work in getting you sober again. You'll attend AA meetings and I'll go attend those meetings for people who live with alcoholics so that I can know how to help and support you. Hell, I'll look it up once I'm back on my feet again and free from this hellroom. This way, I'll be prepared if ever the need to drink becomes strong for you. And I expect you to tell me Luke. You feel like drinking, you call me immediately and if I can't talk to you, call Allison or Katie and tell them why you feel the need to drink, and ask them to stay with you until I arrive okay. We'll work it out Luke. First, it's very important that I get to know your triggers so we can avoid them. That should make things a little easier for you."

"I…I" Luke didn't know what to say. He just didn't. It was too much. He never thought…the way Reid looked at him…there was no disappointment, no anger, no disgust…Reid was looking at him with as much love as ever. He didn't look at Luke like there was something wrong with him. He didn't run away. It was too much; Luke couldn't stop himself. He grabbed Reid and kissed the hell out of him. Reid didn't need any encouragement to kiss back just as hard. They kissed like this for a couple of minutes before breaking off. Luke settled himself on Reid's lap, cuddling with him.

"You are an amazing man " Luke said grinning.

"No, Luke, I'm not. I just love you, that's all. Every part of you. You really thought I would leave you over this?"

"Well, like I said, living with an alcoholic isn't easy"

"Then I'll go talk to this cousin of yours, Jack and go to reunions. I don't back down out of anything because of obstacles Luke. What made you think I'd give up on you. Hell, even Noah didn't give up on you and don't get me started on how badly I think of him as a boyfriend."

"True. But Noah never went to reunions or talked to Jack as far as I know. With him, I felt…like I disappointed him. He made me feel guilty and that would just…"

"Make you want to drink even more" Reid completed.

"Yes"

"Well, now I know to be careful in how I react if you ever drink. I know to try not to make you feel guilty about it. But right now, I admit I don't really see you as likely to start drinking. Have you felt a strong urge to drink recently?"

"No. Actually, not long ago I was thinking about how strange that is. I was very emotional after our fight but…no, I didn't really feel the urge to drink. I guess that's good news. When Noah started blaming me for the accident, I could have killed for a drink. Bu I haven't felt like that for months now."

"Good. You tell me if that changes. And you can go talk to this Carly woman too. Unlike me and Katie and Allison, she knows exactly from experience what you can be going through. It'd be a good idea to talk to her about this."

"Yes it would be"

"Have any other secrets from your past I need to know about?"

Luke groaned. "Oh Lord, if you want the story of my life, we'll never get out of here. Just the things with my family are so complicated…"

"Yeah…it's a miracle you came out as normal as you are. Your family looks complicated. Hell everyone in this town has unbelievable lives. It's like they live in a freaking soap opera"

Luke laughed. "It's not so bad Reid. People here are just…" Luke tried to find a way to say this. "changing partners and getting kidnapped often?" he tried. Reid rolled his eyes. In his exception, half of this town was bonkers. Hopefully, his boyfriend's family would be in the other half.

"So" Luke said. "I'm mostly the one who did the talking. Anything I should know about your past?"

"I'm not used to relationship. I tend to be a workaholic. I can be a huge jerk and will possibly hurt your feelings more than once. I'm anti-social. I'll probably make tones of mistakes when you present me to your family and make them hate me and beg you to take Noah back…"

"That'd never happen" Luke said with conviction. "I think I've spent enough time being a masochist. I want a relationship that actually works now. And my family will love you" Reid gave him a doubtful look. "Well, I'm pretty sure my grandmas will love you. Just eat a lot and compliment her food and you'll have Emma Snyder loving you as family."

"Really?" Reid asked incredulously. "That simple? Wow. I can totally do that. Actually I want to do that. Grandma Emma is officially the first person of your family I want to meet. I love food."

"Yeah I know" Luke said laughing.

"Actually you don't. But you will don't worry. You'll get used to it; Katie did. Boy I can't wait to get out of here and make myself a huge sandwich." Luke laughed. Reid always had this fond expression on his face when he talked about sandwiches; you'd think they're his friends or something.

"But apart for the things I've mentioned before, no there isn't much in my past that you need to know. I pretty much had no life since medical school, so there's nothing to tell. You already know all the important stuff about me Luke. And you love me anyway."

"No I love you because of all those things Dr. Oliver, not in spite of. I told you; you're perfect for me." Reid smiled and kissed Luke on the forehead.

"I like to think you're perfect for me too, . Oh we'll have fights for sure…"

"I'll push you to do stuff that you just don't do" Luke continued.

"And I'll be stubborn and frustrate you, maybe disappoint you"

"But we'll talk things through and ash things out" Luke said.

"Or Allison and Katie will harass us until we talk things through" Reid amended.

"Oh yeah. They'll totally be on our asses"

"Dear Lord, Katie is going to be even more insufferable than she was before."

"Oh please, you love how insufferable she is"

"You'll never get to me to admit that Snyder." Reid teased. Luke simply raised an eyebrow and kissed him again.

"So…are we okay now?" Luke asked insecurely.

Reid looked at Luke. "This is the sort of things I can expect due to Mayer's treatment of you, huh?" Luke looked down and whispered a soft 'sorry'. Reid shook his head. "There is nothing to be sorry about Luke. It's alright. I was stating a fact; I wasn't making a reproach. You think I mind you being insecure? Hell Luke I'll probably lash out at you and pick up a fight because of some sort of insecurity that I'll have. Everyone has insecurities. I was mostly just reminding myself that I will need to give you verbal reassurance, like tell you I love you and how amazing you are and things like that. It's not…they're not exactly things that I'm totally comfortable saying often but I love you and I'm ready to leave my comfort zone for your happiness because I know you'd do the same for me and that you won't ask me for more than you know I can give you. But you need to stop with all the blaming of yourself. I won't blame you for anything Luke. I'll get angry sure, but will I blame you for things not working out? No! Because whatever is not working out has both you and I as the cause. It takes two to tango as they say. So don't ever think any thing I say is a blame ok?" Reid asked kissing Luke's forehead.

"Ok. We'll…we'll work things out. You and I will be okay" Luke said snuggling more into Reid. "Yeah, we'll be just fine" he whispered to himself. Luke kiss Reid's lips softly. "I love you Reid" Reid captured Luke's lips and kissed him strongly, his tongue battling with Luke's for a dominance that Luke gladly allowed Reid to win.

"I love you too, Mr. Snyder. Now how about you take a nap huh? Knowing you, you probably barely slept in the last few days and I could use some rest myself."

"I think that's a wonderful idea Dr. Oliver….at least if I'm allowed to nap right here, 'cause if you want me to leave this bed or leave you, you've got another thing coming mister" Reid laughed

"I wouldn't want it any other way, Snyder. Now come on" Both men settled down on the bed comfortably and as close to the other as possible. The last few days had been taxing on the both of them and they were exhausted from all the emotional turmoil it involved. For once, Luke fell asleep completely at peace. Talking to Reid had been hard but it had been worth it. Now that what he had been feeling was out in the open, he could finally feel able to move on from it and make himself a new life with the man he loved and who loved him back. Things were finally, truly right.

/

AN: Finally! Sorry, but that was long to write. Anyway, I really, really hope you liked it. I don't know why but I'm feeling really insecure about this chapter. I hope it didn't disappoint your expectations. I didn't think the conversation would be this long; I thought I'd need another part dealing with something else to have a good number of words…but no. My muse only wanted to deal with this conversation and as you know I have an extremely difficult muse. So Thanks for reading and please comment, it's always helpful. Next update will be…well I'll try to post within 7-8 days. Hopefully, I'll manage.