Dear FanFiction writers,

I don't like Cartman in the smallest amount (I may have has sexual tension for like two days when we were in elementary school, but I can assure you that I would never ever think of him as anything mroe than a fat fucking sexist asshole anymore). Or Bebe, at least not in that way. I do like Stan however. But you all seem to believe he's gay for Kyle. Which he isn't, because you should all know that he is dating me. Besides, you should know that I can get rid of any competition between be and Stan easily – remember the time where I sent that slutty substitute teacher to the centre of the sun when she was trying to fuck with my and Stan's relationship? IF I CAN GET RID OF HER EASILY I CAN GET RID OF KYLE JUST AS EASILY, BITCHES.

And although I admit I can be a little stubborn, this seems to be the only trait that any of you ever focus on in your stories with me in. There was one FanFic I read where I paid Craig to rape Kenny because Stan and him were now together and I was pissed off. How messed up is this? For one, if I did that I wouldn't hire Craig, I would hire some unknown person who is an expert at crime. I also wouldn't get the person trying to fuck with me to get fucked themselves, I would kill them. Rape is stupid and obviously without killing them they can just go and tell the police and get me arrested.

What's more, whoever wrote that clearly has depression issues or is a sadistic bastard.

Besides, shouldn't the fact that I am very politically correct, intelligent and perfectly reasonable when it comes to anything (other than I and Stan) mean that I'm not a heartless cunt?

Maybe you all hate me. Or maybe you don't hate me, maybe it's that you hate girls. I mean, Girls never seem to be main characters in your stories! It's always boys being gay for each other! I DECLARE SEXISM! Either that or heterophobia… if there is such thing.

I am going to sue.

From Wendy.

A/N I actually did read that fanfic, it was one of my first ever fanfics I read (it's one of favorited stories, cause it's just so sad and depressing and for some reason I like that, if you want to read it for some it'll be there) it was really depressing but I added it to my faves anyway haha.

Anyway, hugs and prezzies to Kuutamolla, xMistressChaosx, BillySage, Soapy Tucker, nativeof Oooandsouthpark, HappyNoodleGirl666, iluvkenny, lilykinz200, Not the Time To Brake Down, So Many Things and also SparklesMakeMeHappy for all the wonderful reviews hehehe you all get to be whichever pet you picked :3

And if you review now you can become friends with all the South Parkers on facebook as well as get all their phone numbers xD mwahaha