Dear FanFiction writers,
Would it be too much to ask for you to stop writing about me? Especially considering that most of what you say is incredibly incorrect. For one, my love is for the one and beautiful Estella. I shall do anything for her and you know it.
As for your odd thought process including pairing me with Damien of all people, you must be absolutely bonkers. I may be a very open minded person (and I try my best to be as nice to people as possible). But as the scenario you usually come up with is 'Pip is being bullied by Cartman and/or everyone else, so Damien gets mad, sets everyone's bottoms on fire and then takes me to his layer of hell to make sweet love down by the fire (which is probably everywhere, as we would be in hell, by the way)', let me tell you that I would not just willingly let him do that to me afterwards. I have enough dignity to not cheat on the love of my life (Estella) especially with a person who made me into a firework just to become friends with people who were mean to him in the first place. I'm not gay anyway (well I am actually, but not gay as in anus penetration).
Besides, I'm dead. All your stories set in high school with me as a main character are silly.
And also, it seems that a few of you who add me as just a side character actually really do think that I am French. I'M NOT FUCKING FRENCH YOU CUNTS, I'M BRITISH. I WAS IN GREAT EXPECTATIONS, SET IN ENGLAND, BY CHARLES DICKENS. I'M NOT EVEN FROM SOUTH PARK, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT ANYWAY? Get that into your small brains please.
From Pip.
A/N: Thanks to Not The Time To Brake Down, So Many Things, ladylove1335, SparklesMakeMeHappy, kylekennypiptweek, Soapy Tucker and XMistressChaosX for the fan-banana-tastic reviews!
Review now and you get sent to Principle Victoria's office with any of the characters you want cause you convinced them to kiss whatever character you wanted them to (not sure if that made sense haha) but you get away with it cause she gets shot... or something.